Didi invited to Poland and Russia (satire)

There was once a time when Didi had never ventured out of her familiar surroundings but, then, she visited Singapore followed by London and even Italy and Germany – in her search for the elusive industries. Now she has been invited by Poland and Russia.

‘You will need new dresses for your visit,’ Omit Misra said. He was happy that the future could see real investment from these countries. Installing a duplicate of the Big Ben was fine but unless real industries arrived, it was difficult to convince the people.
‘Shall I ask some dress designers to drop in?’ Moo Cool asked. ‘They can show you samples and you can have your choice.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ Didi chided him. ‘I am not attending any fashion show. It is going to be a business trip. They came to our program, now I will go to their program. I want to build bridges.’
‘That is a good idea,’ Patro Chatto joined in. ‘There are hundreds of bridges that have outlived their lifespan and must be replaced. We must replace them.’
‘I know just the right person,’ Show Van spoke. ‘I handle all those contractors and know them like the back of my hand.’
Didi listened and it was clear that there was something on her mind. Normally, she would be pacing up and down the chamber. Probably, she is allergic to remain standing at one place. Or it could be linked to her health – she has to keep pacing up and down to maintain the circulation of blood in her limbs. Or - a stationary Didi might not be an effective orator or a leader who can command respect.
Suddenly the door opened and Dee Wreck entered. He looked after the publicity aspects.
‘Is your homework over?’ Didi asked.
‘Yes,’ Dee Wreck said and took his seat opposite her. ‘You can carry samples of chanachur – it is a product that they would love. I’ll ensure that they are packed in attractive packaging and, to promote it, there’ll be a music video. I’ve talked it with singers on that TV reality show and they’ll do it for a pittance’
‘Good,’ Didi said. ‘It will be a change from the pickles, amsatta and nalen gur that I keep carrying. Upload the video on the net and let people know that I mean business.’ (to be continued …)


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Didi’s plans go awry – black money rears its head (satire)

Didi woke up to a new day after the wonderful evening spent in the company of celebrities of the silver screen. She personally handed over to them her paintings that are high value items – she had sold them to arrange finances for the historic campaign that brought to power.
But – there was gloom around her because there was a sea of housewives outside her house. They were badly affected by the sudden decision of scrapping old bank notes.
It was a real shock to these housewives because they had accumulated quite a lot of money in their secret piggy banks by diversion of funds allotted to them by their hubbies to take care of family expenses.

The amounts in these piggy banks came in handy for extra expenses and, keeping it secret was a sort of game that they played with their hubbies. It was an expression of saying in their way that ‘I too care’.
They were now at a loss of how to keep their treasure trove a secret.
Didi gave them a patient hearing and assured them that she would take up the matter with Delhi.
By the time they dispersed, there was another delegation that had arrived at her doorstep.
They were small time traders who dealt in the goodies of winter – goodies like nalen gur and joynagarer moah. All of a sudden they were stranded because there were no buyers. They wanted Didi to buy off their items and help them out. They suggested that she could store the products and sell them off through her well-oiled machinery as she did for potatoes.
Once again Didi assured them to look into the matter and explore possibilities of helping them out of this predicament.
By the time they left, there was a third group of people. They were the organizers of the exhibitions that are held during winter.
And – behind them were members of various syndicates. They did not know how to take care of the accumulated black money. They wanted her advice.
Didi immediately called an emergency meeting of her confidantes and, within no time, they arrived. There was Moo Cool, Patro Chatto, Show Van, Omit Misra, Dee Wreck, Golla Sen and, Chandi Ma. All of them appeared to be off mood. They had missed their Sunday special lunch of mutton dishes. None of the shops accepted Rs 2000 notes as payment towards of 1-Kg of mutton worth Rs 500 – they just did not have the change to give back! (to be continued …)


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Didi’s idea - deflate tyres to punish unruly drivers (satire)

Didi hates rash driving and unruly drivers and, in spite of her instructions, there are rash drivers who get involved in hit-and-run affairs and land up with blood on their hands. Some of them do not survive the accidents and, in spite of roadside hoardings advising them of safe driving, they just do not bother and end up either in the hospital or in the morgue.
There was pin drop silence in the room as Didi entered.
Seated with grim faces were her trusted lieutenants Patro Chatto, Omit Misra, Dee Wreck, Moo Cool, Fear Had and Show Van. Only Abhi Shake was missing – he was in the Bell View hospital, recuperating from the effects of rash driving.
No, he was not behind the steering wheel. He was an occupant of the car and was lucky.

‘Have you released the circular?’ she asked her administrative officer.
‘I have drafted it,’ he cleared his throat and replied.
‘Is it applicable for both two and four wheelers?’ Didi wanted to know.
‘Yes. And also for three wheelers.’
‘Three wheelers?’
‘Yes, the auto rickshaws. They must also be reined in. Today one of then behaved badly with my daughter on her way back from school.’
‘Have you made helmets compulsory for two wheelers?’ she asked.
‘Yes. We will revive the no-helmet, no-petrol rule. Plus - seat belts and air bags for four wheelers.’
‘Good,’ Didi seemed satisfied. ‘And, to enforce discipline, I want to punish those who do not toe the line. My punishment will give instant results.’
‘You mean the police will book them on the spot?’
‘No. That takes a lot of time.’
‘Then what is your punishment?’
‘Hawa nikal doh. Take the air out of their tyres,’ Didi said.
‘But who will do that?’ Patro Chatto gulped and asked. ‘They are all rowdies.’
‘What Patro,’ Didi chided him. ‘Instruct the local clubs to position their members at every petrol pump and deflate tyres. They’ll not refuse and do it gladly because I give them annual grants for their chai and singaras.’ ‘Sorry,’ Partro said. ‘I did not think on those lines.’
‘Didi is great,’ Dee Wreck quipped. ‘She thinks of everything.’ (to be continued …)


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Fuchka Festival in Kolkata and selfies (satire)

Didi was in top gear. She had won a battle and had returned land to the farmers. She had ousted an automobile manufacturing company from her land, had uprooted the buildings and had returned the land back to the farmers. It was a promise she had made and, she had fulfilled it.
‘I think this calls for a celebration,’ Patro Chatto said in a low voice. He had, of late, come closer to Didi and he loved to bask in her glory.
‘Let us arrange a festival,’ Didi said. ‘We have ilish festival and sandesh festival, let us organize another interesting festival that has universal appeal.’
‘We can go in for jhal muri festival,’ Dee Wreck suggested. ‘It is a unique product of Bengal and has taken London by storm. I have seen rave reviews in the social media. We can use the opportunity to woo the British to come to our city.’
‘That is a good idea,’ Fear Had said. ‘I know you also love jhal muri. The other day you were having jhal muri in front of Victoria Memorial with one of your guests and it became hot news. Just like the hot jhal muri.’ Didi gave Fear Had a hard look.
‘I have a better idea,’ Omit Misra cleared his throat. ‘It has a mass appeal because it is loved equally all over the country.’
‘What is it?’ Didi asked.

‘Fuchka,’ Omit Misra replied and wiped his glasses. ‘It is also known as the golguppa or pani puri. Whenever I get a chance, I have several mouthfuls.’
‘Not a bad idea,’ Didi was serious. ‘I’ll invite my friends from Delhi and Mumbai to set up stalls for variety.’ ‘What about the venue?’ Show Van asked.
‘The Milon Mela,’ Didi said. ‘That is where we hold all festivals.’
‘But – it is a huge area. Can it be filled?’
Didi grinned.
‘Don’t be silly,’ she chided him. ‘There will be stalls for selling fuchka and golguppas and pani puris. Then there will be a section on cookery where experts will come and talk about how to make fuchkas. And – there will be books on fuchkas. I will write one book of poems about fuchka. The possibilities are unlimited.’
‘When do we have this festival?’ Dee Wreck asked.
‘Get hold of the oldest fuchka man and his date of birth. That will be the date,’ Didi said. ‘He will probably be from Bihar. I will honor him on the occasion and my fans will increase. I will also declare a holiday on that date so that everyone can make a beeline for Milon Mela to enjoy fuchkas.’
‘There is one problem,’ Patro Chatto mumbled.
‘What?’ Didi asked.
‘Can you take selfie while gulping fuchkas?’ (to be continued …)


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Didi to search for the stolen gold medallion (satire)

Didi suddenly decided to turn detective and search for the stolen gold medallion which is a part of history – it had been stolen nearly 12-years back and, in spite of efforts by various agencies, it continues to remain missing.
So she called for a top secret meeting of her trusted men headed by Moo Cool, Dee Wreck, Abhi Shake, Patro Chatto and a few others.
‘I want the gold medallion,’ she announced.

Abhi Shake looked at Moo Cool and shrugged his shoulders. Didi never competed in any sort of race – why then should she want the gold medallion? Of course, she would have got a gold for her stamina and ability to walk for miles wearing a pair of flipflops.
‘Which gold medallion?’ Moo Cool asked.
‘The one that was stolen,’ Didi said.
‘There are many stolen items still not recovered,’ Patro Chatto said. ‘The police and CID are following up clues. I think they can locate such items.’
‘They have not done anything for 12 years,’ Didi fumed. ‘I now want to take over the task. I know I can bring it back and restore it to its rightful owner.’
‘It has been missing for 12 years?’ Dee Wreck was surprised. ‘And you want to become a detective like Miss Marple and search for it? Have you got inspiration from the small screen heroine of the popular TV serial that portrays a lady detective?’
‘My inspiration is to get at the truth,’ Didi said. ‘I believe in the saying – set a thief to catch a thief. I am confident that the missing gold medallion can be found. I want a plan. Who can you put on the job?’
‘Well – we can look at options like Arra Bull and Money Rule,’ Moo Cool suggested. ‘They have good contacts.’
‘Arra Bull came to see me the other day,’ Didi said. ‘I did not meet him. He is creating trouble. I am getting a bad name due to him.’
‘But –he is useful,’ Patro said. ‘And – he has contacts in the neighboring country. Thieves can easily cross the border and go into hiding and he can play an important role.’
‘Who you put on the job is your business,’ Didi said. ‘I want the gold medallion back. Let us get cracking – check out all the thieves who were active 12 years back.’
‘And – alive today,’ Dee Wreck added. ‘I’ll tap the social media to get clues. Someone somewhere may be of help.’ (to be continued …)


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Didi hates to have blood on her hands (satire)

Didi was in a brainstorming session with her core group consisting of her Man Friday in the form of Moo Cool and Abhi Shake, Dee Wreck, Omit Misra, Patro Chatto and Show Van.
‘Why don’t we put a stop to these road accidents on the flyovers? I don’t want blood on my hands. It is sad when young lives are lost due to these accidents,’ she said.
‘It is the fault of age,’ Abhi Shake remarked. ‘The two wheelers are powerful and these youngsters want to show off to their friends.’
‘And heap miseries on their families?’ Didi asked. ‘Is it fair?’

Just then the police Chief Soor O’Jeet entered with a group of his officers, all of them were serious. Didi looked up and waved them to the chairs.
‘I have called you to discuss how to prevent road accidents involving two wheelers,’ she said. ‘Rash driving is a dangerous trend and it must be stopped. What do you suggest?’
‘Actually, these boys love to race on empty roads,’ Soor O’Jeet said. ‘They want to follow their counterparts of Delhi and Mumbai.’
‘I don’t want their blood on my hands,’ Didi repeated. She was firm.
‘Most of them are from influential families. They love to mix their drinks with sped and zoom about at night. Especially when the roads are empty. They love to have fun.’
‘And get killed,’ Didi said. ‘No – I will not tolerate this. You must end this madness. Make flyovers out of bounds after 10pm.’
Soor O’Jeet was at a loss for words. He must say something that would please Didi.
‘Actually, to monitor that aspect, I could have checks at the entry points,’ he said. ‘For that I will need more men.’
‘There is no shortage of manpower,’ Didi said. ‘Give the responsibility to the local clubs. Thy will gladly accept it. After all, I am giving them donations. That problem is solved. Any more problem?’
‘I want speed guns,’ Soor O’Jeet said. ‘Those guns will help identify overspeeders.’
‘Give your request to Omit-ji,’ Didi said. ‘He will arrange necessary finance. Anything else?’
‘Breath analyzers,’ Soor O’Jeet said. ‘Most of the youngsters drink too much. Breath analyzer would catch them immediately.’
Didi looked at Omit Misra.
‘Omit-ji,’ she said. ‘Please sanction necessary funds to Soor O’Jeet. Remember, I do not want blood on my hands.’
Omit Misra nodded, removed his glasses, wiped them and put them back. Didi feels he is a magician and can do miracles, he can create something from nothing. And, he cannot disappoint her. (to be continued …)


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Didi wants to promote small scale industries (satire)

Back in power for a second term, Didi has realized that industries are a must for development and, she called the leaders close to her for a brainstorming session – the objective was to identify those industries that can co-exist with rice fields and coconut trees.
‘I want industries,’ she announced. ‘Tell me Moo Cool – how do we start?’
Moo Col gulped and cleared his throat. He knew Didi’s interpretation of industries and, he must think up something that would suit the Boss.
‘We could go in for ceiling fans,’ he said. ‘There used to be such factories once upon a time, we can revive them.’
Didi looked at him hard.
‘How can you think of ceiling fans when air-conditioners are the norms of today?’
‘If you ask me, I’ll say we could consider hand held fans,’ Abhi Shake spoke.

‘You mean like hand held computers?’ Dee Wreck asked.
‘Those operate on batteries,’ Abhi Shake explained. ‘What I mean are the fans made from the leaves of the palm tree. The talpatar pakha, an example of Make in India. It would appeal to the leaders in Delhi.’
‘Not a bad idea,’ Didi said. ‘Moreover, it will help tone up and maintain the muscles of the arm – an extended form of yoga. It will be a boon for the musclemen. We could even export the hand fans to Bangladesh and other such nearby areas. And – who knows, they could even enter the European market. I’ll talk about it when I go to the Vatican.’
‘I have another idea,’ Patro Chatto said. ‘Let us bring back the horse carriages. Someone has made an air-conditioned horse drawn carriage and is renting it out for weddings. We can make them in thousands and, not only run them in the city but even export them. There will be a ready market because it is environment friendly.’
‘I think this is a good idea,’ Omit Misra said. ‘This also falls in the Make in India bracket and will find favor with Delhi. I can discuss it with Jet Lee and try to get some separate grant for this industry.’
‘Fine,’ Didi said. ‘You do that. Remember – we must have industries. Even the small ones help. Little drops of water go to make the mighty ocean.’ (to be continued …)


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Didi stuck with a heap of unfinished tasks (satire)

Didi had returned to power and, while it certainly was a morale booster for her and her men, it meant that she would have to continue with the unfinished tasks ahead of her. Therefore, she called for a top secret meeting of her trusted followers.
‘Moo Cool,’ she looked at her man of all seasons. ‘What have you decided?’
‘This time we could tap the Vatican,’ he said. ‘You have made plans to go there and can carry some of our products to impress the people there.’
‘What would you suggest?’
‘Pickles to start with. Then there are our sweets like Joynagarer moah, rasogollas, sitabhog and mihidana. These are our unique creations and could open up doors of opportunity.’
‘This time we must do better than last time,’ Didi mused. ‘Our London trip was a beginning.’
‘Yes. It gave us the idea of having the Big Ben right here in Kolkata.’
‘This time we could go in for the Eiffel Tower.’

Or even Venice,’ Dee Wreck said. He had been listening to Didi and decided to intervene. ‘Venice is the land of waterways and gondolas. Bollywood movies have already filmed some scenes in those surroundings.’
‘Yes,’ Omit Misra joined the conversation. ‘We could have gondolas in the Keshtopur Canal. It will add to beautification’
‘But what about industries?’ Didi asked. ‘I am not getting airlines to begin flights. Just now I got the message that one of them has packed up. They didn’t even bother to tell me!!’
Patro Chatto had been quiet till now. He had put on a lot of weight and had difficulty in speaking but he appeared to be not too concerned. After all, obesity is a sign of a successful politician.
‘In my opinion, we could go in for harnessing solar power. The solar power boats in Varanasi is an example. It does not require much land and both agriculture and industry can coexist. I think we could explore this market.’
Didi now looked towards Abhi Shake.
‘We already have a well-oiled machinery to manufacture bombs,’ he said. ‘I think we could approach the Ministry of Defense to give us legitimacy. I am certain that such an industry will make more profits and create more employment than any small car manufacturing unit.’ (to be continued …)


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Didi’s ideas to prevent suicides in Metro Rail (satire)

The monsoons had arrived and Didi was holding a meeting in her residence to define future strategies and line of action. Returning to power was something that all her people relished and Didi cautioned them about the black spots of the earlier term.
‘Remember flyovers,’ she said. ‘They can be a sore spot and must be given due respect.’
At this point, Abhi Shake burst into the room. He was shivering and looked to be terribly afraid.
‘Why are you late?’ Didi asked. ‘I will not tolerate indiscipline.’
‘I witnessed a suicide,’ Abhi Shake muttered.
‘Where?’ Moo Cool asked.
‘In the Metro. The boy was walking on the platform and, as the train entered, he jumped on the tracks. The train got stuck for nearly half an hour and I got delayed.’

‘I think we must stop such suicides,’ Didi said. ‘It leads to unwanted deaths and avoidable loss of time.’
‘I have already talked with the Metro rail people on the subject,’ Moo Cool said. ‘This problem has been haunting me for a long time. Actually, I have read that in foreign countries, they have provisions of preventing such suicides.’
‘And – what did the rail say?’ Didi wanted to know.
‘They will introduce some measures in the next phase of East-West Metro.’
‘But that is a long term plan. What do we do now, today?’
‘We could send a team to study how they do it in other countries,’ Moo Cool suggested.
‘Don’t be silly,’ Didi was not happy with that. ‘Why don’t we put Arrah Bull and Money Rule on the job?’
‘What will they do?’
‘Let them recruit local boys to patrol the platforms. Give them large fishing nets. When they see the train approaching, they must be ready to throw the net on anyone who wants to jump on the tracks.’
‘Wonderful idea,’ Moo Cool agreed. ‘That way we can reduce unemployment to some extent.’
‘Fine,’ Didi said, ‘Dee Wreck can post a write-up on this on our website. And – Patro Chatto can include a chapter in our school books on how to travel safely in Metro rail.’ (to be continued …)


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Didi plans new conquests via Rabindrasangeet (satire)

It was a new day and, while the world was abuzz with speculations, our Didi was calm as always. She knew the answers because she had drawn up strategies that can never fail. She did all the planning and left to her subordinates to give proper shape to the plans.
Moo Cool was with her as were members of the top notch team of Abhi Shake, Dee Wreck, Patro Chatto, Omit Misra, Fear Had, and Bruto Bose. Their eyes were glued on the huge TV set and, as the day progressed, there were sighs of relief - the results had been on expected lines.
‘Get ready for the second innings,’ Didi said as she reached for her phone. It was a congratulatory message from Delhi. ‘Where are the sweets?’ Abhi Shake asked no one in particular.

‘They will come on time,’ Moo Cool said and smiled.
‘Hope they will be suitable for me,’ Omit Misra mumbled. He was suffering from diabetes.
‘Don’t worry,’ Moo Cool assured him. ‘My boys know that. They’ll be here any minute. They are delayed because I have placed the orders only a few hours ago.’
‘But – the orders should have been sent last night,’ Abhi Shake said. ‘That is our tradition.’
‘This time the situation was different,’ Moo Cool said.
‘You mean you had doubts about our performance? You thought we’ll bite dust?’
Moo Cool did not bother to reply. The door opened and Arrah Bull entered with Money Rule - they had with them boxes of sweets. It was a day meant for celebrations and sweets were an integral part of that event. Of course, the sweets were specially prepare with the diabetics in mind.
Suddenly Didi spoke.
‘Dee Wreck, what message have you put up on our site?’
‘I have prepared a draft,’ he said. ‘Once you approve it, I’ll post it.’
‘Remember – our sights must now be on going national,’ Didi said. ‘Let us take our very own Bengali culture to very home in the country.'
‘You mean our variety of unique foods?’
‘Foods and songs.’
‘Songs?’
‘Yes – Rabindrasangeet. Since Hindi is the language of the masses, I want to spread Rabindrasangeet to the villages of Bihar, UP, MP. We want penetration and songs will be the medium. Once they get addicted to those songs, we’ll have them eating from our hands. I want to rope in singers who will deliver the goods.’
‘But we do not have such singers,’ Patro Chatto said.
‘Search and you will find them,’ Didi said. ‘TV reality shows throw up fantastic talents. That could be the starting point. I want Rabindrasangeet to be played at every street crossing. It was a hit in Kolkata, I want it to be a hit in Patna, Lucknow and other cities as well.’
‘I’ll put Arrah Bull and Money Rule on the job,’ Moo Cool said. ‘They have mastered the art of convincing people.’ (to be continued …)


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Monsoons and Didi’s flipflops aka Hawaii chappals (satire)

Chopper scam and Moody’s questions (satire)

Baba Someday, his yoga and Pat & Jolie face cream (satire)


High alert in Cannes for the film festival where 45000 people would attend

Kavita Kaushik to play the role of an Army doctor in TV show “Dr. Bhanumati on Duty”

Lady Gaga to portray legendary singer Dionne Warwick in 'Dionne'


Bombs rock Baghdad - ISIS car bombs kill at least 89

No buyers for Zimmerman's gun that killed Trayvon Martin in 2012

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Monsoons and Didi’s flipflops aka Hawaii chappals (satire)

It was raining cats and dogs and Didi had to be escorted from her car to her house by Abhi Shake who protected her with the umbrella. Of course, only her head was protected because when the rains are accompanied by gusts of wind, the clothes will get wet – as well as her trademark Hawaii chappals. Abhi had a standby pair of chappals and, once she entered her house, he dutifully placed the dry chappals at her feet.
Didi was pleased and rewarded him with a smile and it did not escape Moo Cool’s eyes. Neither dirt it escape the gazes of Dee Wreck, Omit Misra, Show Van and Patro Chatto.

They had been waiting to meet her and seeing Abhi Shake with herm they knew that Abhi had stolen a march over them. ‘I don’t see some of our people,’ Didi murmured as she occupied her throne.
‘These sudden rains must have delayed them,’ Moo Cool said.
‘It is monsoon time and it will rain. Does it mean we will not do our regular work? Do we not have our lunch and dinner?’
Moo Cool did not have a ready answer. He wanted to say that rains meant khichdi – piping hot khichdi with a dollop of ghee and begun bhaja plus omelet but he checked himself. Unless he knew her mood, he just could not open his mouth.
Suddenly the kettle of tea arrived with a basket of onion fries or piyaji – there were two boys who worked in the nearby restaurant. It supplied the tea and snacks.
Didi took a sip of tea and glanced at the bunch of papers on her desk. There were the daily newspapers and some mail of importance that she needed to go through.
It was Omit Misra who finally dared to speak.
‘How do we celebrate this time?’ he asked. His question was not addressed to anyone – he just wanted to start a discussion.
‘As usual,’ Moo Cool volunteered a reply.
‘There are reports that others may take over some areas,’ Dee Wreck said. ‘I have been studying the social networking sites and get a feeling that things are not as rosy as we would like them to be.’
‘Rubbish,’ Patro Chatto shifted his bulk in the chair. He had put on a lot of weight and, this time, he must get a home gym to ensure that his weight was in check.
The ringing of the mobile phone drew all eyes on Show Van. He listened and his face lit up with a huge smile.
‘It is the man from the Embassy,’ he said.
‘Which Embassy?’ Didi asked.
‘The Chinese Embassy,’ Show Van said. ‘They want to know about the Durga Puja and their travel plans during the festival.’
‘Tell them that Nabanna will keep them informed,’ Abhi Shake said.
‘And – one of them has developed Hawaii chappals for the monsoons. It is covered and the feet won’t get wet. They want Didi to try it out.’ ((to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi finds jhal-muri too hot to handle (satire)

The henchmen of Didi were finding it extremely difficult to keep pace with her activities and whirlwind tours. It was election time and she kept her people on their toes – her regular walks set the mood for the fight and she was loving every moment. Her secret has always been the element of surprise.
‘Shall I ask them to send in another round of jhal-muri?’ Abhi Shake asked her.
Didi gave him a hard stare.
‘I think we can go in for tele bhaja for a change,’ she said. ‘Beguni or aloor chop would be fine.’
Abhi Shake relayed the message to the restaurant in the corner.
‘Tell them to use fresh mustard oil,’ Didi reminded him. ‘I don’t want to get ulcers.’

Moo Cool coughed discreetly to get her attention.
‘Yes,’ Didi looked at him.
‘I have arranged a chopper for your next trip,’ he said. ‘It will be faster and the villagers will be impressed. They will turn up in large numbers to see a chopper from close quarters. We can be assured of a full house.’
‘Good,’ she was satisfied. ‘We must blow away all opposition. Leave no stone unturned. All of you know our strategies. Let us coin slogans that will send out proper messages.’
‘That is what we are doing,’ Patro Chatto said. ‘There are innumerable freelancers in the field – they are educated and waiting for proper jobs. They are doing a beautiful job and work for a pittance. Many of them are from the IT industry and are waiting to go abroad. This slogan making is a stop-gap arrangement for many of them.’
‘What about our engineers?’ Didi wanted to know.
‘They are studying the intricacies of flyovers,’ Patro explained. ‘Especially the art of making flyovers that can come down so that it can be rebuilt. We have to keep our workforce bagged and create prospects for the lower level to prosper.’
‘Yes – we are a party of the masses that works for the masses,’ Didi said.
By then, another round of refreshments had come. The attendant placed a plate in front of Didi and she loved the aroma of freshly fried beguni in mustard oil – she bit into one and closed her eyes. It was much better than jhal-muri. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Doctor’s advice to Didi – walking is good for health (satire)

Didi has, of late, taken to walking. Her physician has said walking is a wonderful way to build stamina and, when a leader has to keep talking to convince the electorate, a simple exercise like walking can play a very important role.
‘How many roads have I traveled so far?’ Didi asked Moo Cool.
‘You have walked at least five kilometers every day for the last ten days.’
‘And how much have I covered?’
‘Quite a lot of territory,’ Moo Cool said. ‘You have really proved the point that walking is good for health. It gives additional stamina and power to shout down the opposition.’

‘Opposition? Where is the opposition?’ Patro asked. He was another of her close aides. ‘They can try to dislodge you but cannot succeed. That is why they have begun the mudslinging mission and their sting activities.’
‘We ignore such things. Anyway - what is the route you have selected today?’ she asked Patro.
‘We’ll begin from here and walk down to the Dorina Crossing.’
‘Good – but, you must select a time that will not disturb the traffic.’
‘Don’t worry, the police will take care of that aspect. They know exactly how to go about it. They have done it earlier also and it is not new to them.’
‘I don’t want school children to get caught in my walks.’
‘There are no schools in your route, you can rest assured.’
‘Fine. Now – who will be in the front line with me?’
‘I’ll be there,’ Moo Cool said. ‘And I know Patro Chatto will also be there and Omit Misra, Fear Had, Dee Wreck, Show Van, and Abhi Shake.’
‘And – what about the crowd?’
‘That is no problem. Whoever joins will get free lunch of fish curry and rice – machh bhaat.’
‘Add a cold drink also,’ Didi said. ‘There is a party who wants to market his lebur jal – he will gladly sponsor it. It will be a refreshing innovation. I bet no one else would have thought about it. Lebur jal in this summer heat will be an added attraction. By the way - what about Arra Bull and Money Rule? I hope they will be in the walk.’
‘I have given them the task of bringing in the crowds,’ Patro explained. ‘They have tremendous convincing powers and can bring truckloads within no time.’
‘I know,’ Didi said. ‘They are also useful members. OK then, let us get ready for our walk.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi rolls out the red carpet (satire)

Didi has come up from the ranks and knows just how to win friends and influence people. Believe it or not, she could have been a strong challenger to Dale Carnegie because she has her methods that she has perfected over a period of time.
Her main weapon is surprise – no one can foretell what is going in her mind.
That is why Moo Cool was always wary of her.
‘What are you doing with those forces that have landed up?’ she asked him.
‘They are new here,’ Moo Cool said. ‘They are looking around.’
‘For what?’
‘Needles in the haystacks,’ Moo Col replied with a straight face.
‘Have you seen to their comfort?’
‘Yes,’ Arra Bull said. ‘We have provided them with mosquito repellant creams.’
‘What about their accommodation?’
‘We have requisitioned some schools,’ Patro Chatto said.
‘And food?’

‘Well – their diets are different to ours,’ Money Rule said. ‘Many of them do not eat fish or rosogollas. But – our cooks are ensuring that they get what they want.’
‘Keep them well fed. I don’t want them to complain about these minor irritants like food, accommodation etcetera.’
‘Don’t worry, my boys are taking full care of them,’ Moo Cool said.
‘What about their patrolling duties?’
‘They have made a routine to go around in the mornings and evenings. No trouble so far.’
‘Good – maintain a good rapport with them. But – what about the officers from various parts of the country who have been sent here?’
‘They are also fully comfortable,’ it was now the turn of Dee Wreck.
‘Remember - they need to be kept in good humor.’
‘We had arranged special passes to watch the T20 match,’ Moo Cool explained. ‘And – there were special screenings of the latest movies released.’
‘Have you not suggested that they go marketing?’
‘Yes. My boys have arranged for that,’ Dee Wreck said. ‘After all, we have plenty to offer in the form of handicrafts plus wide range of sarees. They have heard about these and, now, they have seen them and are impressed.’
‘It is up to you to keep them happy. They should not interfere too much in our workings. They have a duty to perform, let them do it. They want to transfer my police officers – fine. They have to show their work to their higher ups. But – let them know the boundaries and not overstep.’
‘Don’t worry,’ Moo Cool assured. ‘They will not create trouble. When D-day comes, they may not be in the station. They could go to visit relatives or fall sick. Anything can happen – so keep your fingers crossed.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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A single video derails Didi’s poll campaign (satire)

Today’s world is too fast paced for comfort and, with video enabled Smartphones in practically every pocket, the world is flooded with videos of a wide variety from monkeys jumping the hoop to politicians getting caught in dangerous loops.
That is how a single video has derailed what should have been a smooth poll campaign.
And, Didi was not at all happy. She is known for her high level of honesty and, therefore, when she first saw it, she just could not believe her eyes. How can her trusted companions pull the rug from under her feet?
She immediately rang up Patro Chatto.
‘What is the latest?’ she asked.
‘There is utter confusion,’ Patro said.
‘The opposition must be happy at this video,’ she commented.
‘Don’t you worry,’ Patro assured. ‘It is acting as a diversion. Every party is trying to take credit in trying to discredit us but, they can never succeed. We have our Money Rule, Arra Bull and Anu Mandel.’

Didi sighed. She had faith in Patro Chatto and Omit Misra but she could sense some uneasiness in Patro’s assurances. So, she rang up to Omit Misra.
‘Omit-babu, how is your balance sheet shaping up?’ she asked.
‘The task of balancing is a tough one,’ he admitted. ‘Even more difficult than that of an acrobat on the rope.’
Didi was getting in a panic. In desperation, she now rang up Moody in Delhi.
But – he was busy with his Tussauds waxworks. He was excited like a child with a new toy. There were photographers all over his office with his PRO man in tow along with his fashion designer. They were arguing as to what dress would be most appropriate for the wax display. They had to keep in mind the latest modification from above – no half pant. Half pant does not look good in the international arena. Will khadi send out the right signal or should it be the gold embroidered one?
Failing to contact Moody, our Didi, therefore, tried to get in touch with Jet Lee.
She knew that Jet Lee will come up with a solution – but, he was in a holiday mood. There was a long weekend ahead with Holi and Easter and he had planned for a short trip away from the madding crowd. It seems he had not confided to even his close circle of friends about where he was going.
Didi sighed and looked out of the window. She was in the north for her campaign and looked out of her window at the mountains - they were laughing. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

Some more interesting links -

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Didi & Co wants 294 out of 294 (satire)

It was a really hectic day for Didi & Co because the all-important bugle had been sounded and she was ready to release her list. It was a well thought out list and, since her people loved cricket, she was determined to fulfill their wishes and include the glamorous boys and girls of cricket into her scheme of things.
‘How is the list?’ she asked Moo Cool who was with her. He was really indispensable to her and never let her down. The way he performed the drama had earned her respect. No one ever guessed that it was all a part of a well-rehearsed script penned by her backend boys.
‘It is a perfect foil,’ Moo Cool said and looked at the others seated around Didi. ‘Don’t you think that the list of a masterpiece?’
‘Of course,’ Dee Wreck agreed as did Omit Misra, Show Van, Patro Chatto, Abhi Shake and the gasng of Arra Bull and Money Rule.
They were all there because they had to emerge winners once again.

‘As you must have seen, there are a few new faces,’ Didi said. ‘I have faith in their abilities and know that they will draw the crowds not only in the meetings but also at the hustings.’
‘But – they are new to the game,’ Omit Misra obviously had reservations.
Didi smiled.
‘Everyone has to make a start at some time,’ she said. ‘And – they have the star value. We have so many of them with us – they have their usefulness.’
‘Yes, you are right,’ Moo Cool spoke. ‘They have a fan following and hence can sway public opinion which is our objective.’
‘What about Mudden Misra?’ Omit Misra asked. ‘He is still not well and in jail. How can he attend meetings and hold rallies?’
‘Don’t worry,’ Didi assured, ‘the best doctors are attending to him and I am certain that he will be fully fit soon.’
‘By the way,’ Didi now turned to Dee Wreck, ‘how is the seat sharing business progressing in the other camp?’
‘They are keeping everything secret,’ Dee Wreck replied. ‘I am watching developments but the new character that has suddenly entered the scene could be a problem.’
‘Use your social networking skills and nip it in the bud,’ Didi said.
‘That is what many others are trying to do,’ Dee Wreck said.
‘I want you to beat them to the punch,’ Didi was serious. ‘You know our target?’
‘Yes – 294,’ Dee Wreck and the others spoke in unison.
‘Remember - it must be a clean sweep,’ Didi said. ‘How you do it is your problem but that is my plan and I don’t like failures.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi knows that ghosts have their uses (satire)

‘Have they arrived?’ Didi was blunt and to the point.
‘Yes,’ Moo Cool replied in a whisper.
‘You realize that time is short,’ Didi said, also in a whisper.
‘Yes,’ Moo Cool said. ‘I’ll take care of the whole thing.’
‘Good, they are our trump cards,’ Didi said. ‘They may be invisible to others but we know they exist and will come to our rescue.’
‘I know,’ Moo Cool nodded his head. He had grown old all of a sudden. The one year that he had been out in the cold had its effect on his physique. But he knew that he was back in the seat and had to deliver.
Abhi Shake sat beside him. Poor Abhi was not happy. He has thought of usurping the place occupied by Moo Cool but that is now a pipe dream. Moo Cool is back in the saddle and Didi has rewarded him.

‘Remember,’ Didi warned Moo Cool. ‘The whole world is looking at us and we must emerge with flying colors.’
Patro Chatto cleared his throat and shifted his bulk in the chair.
‘Yes?’ Didi looked at him.
‘We must not take undue risks,’ he was apprehensive.
‘Have faith in me,’ Moo Cool assured him with his trademark smile. ‘Ghosts have a power of their own. They can make or break empires.’
‘Yes, when they join together, they can be a formidable force to reckon with,’ Omit Misra added.
‘We have seen their strength in that beauty of a movie ‘Bhooter Bhabishyat’,’ Moo Cool said.
‘Well – who all have you invited for the meeting?’ Didi asked.
‘Names do not matter,’ Moo Cool said. ‘What matters is their participation as a whole. They belong to all parties because, once you go up there, you have no separate identity. Therefore, all of them belong to us.’
‘But, our opposition parties will also rope in their own people,’ Didi cautioned.
‘That would be a tiny percentage. I am quite confident that they would not make any dent in the final outcome. You can leave it all to me.’
Even as Didi and Moo Cool were conversing, the door opened a fraction of an inch and in trooped the crowd. Some of them wore pyjamas, others lungi, and a few wore trousers or bermudas. But their faces were hidden behind mufflers – if by chance the muffler went out of place, the sight that would be revealed would make any normal man run for cover. All of them were ghosts. They had ceased to exist physically but remained on paper in the voters’ list. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Sure shot way to woo tourists – bait them with the Big Ben and Eiffel Tower (satire)

‘The die has been cast and very soon no one need to go to London to see the Big Ben or to Paris to see the Eiffel Tower,’ Didi announced. ‘They’ll get it all here in our city.’
‘Yes,’ Moo Cool added. ‘Many such masterpieces would soon decorate the City of Joy. They will add to its charms and bring in the tourists.’
‘All thanks must go to Didi,’ Patro Chatto said. ‘We can proudly say ‘I have seen the Big Ben from up close’ or ‘I have clicked a selfie in front of the Eiffel Tower.’
‘This is a major step in our efforts to woo tourists,’ Didi gave a wry smile. ‘We must arrange some more promotional videos with our brand ambassador.’

‘Don’t worry, ‘Dee Wreck assured. ‘We have covered the tram. Our next target is the hand pulled rickshaw. Our model actually wanted to draw the rickshaw and not just sit in it as a passenger with the strains of the super hit song ‘mein rickshaw wallah…’ in the background.’
‘I know him,’ Didi smiled. ‘He loves to live his role. Ensure that he gets a suitable actress as company. He flowers in the company of women.’
‘What is the next landmark in your sight?’ Moo Col wanted to know.
‘I am debating on getting either the White House or the Berlin Wall,’ Didi said. ‘Both are equally good.’
‘What about the location?’ Dee Wreck was curious.
‘We have installed the Big Ben in Lake Town, right?’
‘Yes.’
‘And plan to have the Eiffel Tower in the Eco Park, right?’
‘Yes.’
‘Then the White House can come up in the Millennium Park on the banks of the Hoogly.’
‘But – we had planned to have the giant Ferris Wheel there? Like ‘The Eye’ in London?’ Dee Wreck reminded.
‘Plans can and do change,’ Didi said. ‘Moreover London is already symbolized by the Big Ben.’
‘Then what about the Berlin Wall?’ Moo Cool asked.
‘I have not yet decided,’ Didi admitted. ‘It will be a toss-up between the Berlin Wall and the Great Wall of China.’
‘And, you want it on the borders?’
‘No – installing it on the border will send out the wrong message. It might affect the supply of ilish and I will lose the support of the ilish lovers. I don’t want that.’
‘Then where will you position it?’
‘All around Nabanna,’ Didi said. ‘It will save my policemen the trouble of wearing helmets all the time. Helmets can become a nuisance because you keep sweating - have you not seen cricketers on the field remove the helmet to get rid of the accumulated water?’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

Some more interesting links -

Moody wants bows and arrows to eliminate Big Daddy (satire)

Didi and her books in Book Fair (satire)

Lord Shiva waits for his patisapta (satire)


Brazil declares war on mosquitoes that carry the Zika virus

The FMCG world belongs to Baba Ramdev - worship noodles instead of yoga

Beggar of Mehsana with a heart of gold – gifts gold earrings to 10 poor girls


“The Lion Guard: Return of the Roar” - Disney’s upcoming television movie

'Avatar 2', sequel to 'Avatar' of 2009 expected to release in December 2017

Aamir Khan no longer the face of Incredible India


Bomb attack kills 9 persons in Cairo near road leading to Egyptian pyramids

Woman with fake passport in a British Airways flight from Ibiza leads to panic

Tourists to Morocco told by Foreign Office to be vigilant about possible terror attacks

Industries – the Achilles Heel of Didi (satire)

The full team had assembled in Didi’s house and everyone was serous. There was Moo Cool, Patro Chatto, Abhi Shake, Omit Misra and Dee Wreck. They were Didi’s most trusted assistants and they knew that wooing industrialists to invest in the state had become a pipe dream.
Like the airport waiting for international flights to start operations.
Or – launching domestic flight routes that did not attract passengers.
‘How do we come out of the rut?’ Moo Cool asked.
‘We have to wait and watch,’ Abhi Shake said. ‘Our leader knows what is best and she will succeed where others have failed. Have faith in her. She is in the saddle and we have to support her initiatives.’
‘Yes,’ Omit Misra peered through his glasses at his compatriots and agreed. ‘We have held meetings with so many big shots. They have come here and we have made them feel at home.’

‘But – the end result is getting delayed,’ Moo Cool mumbled.
‘We just cannot put up our hands and surrender,’ Dee Wreck appeared excited. ‘I have coined a song.’
‘Let us hear it.’ Abhi Shake prodded him.
‘We have seen industries in London, we have seen industries in Singapore but industries in our state are the best by far,’ Dee Wreck sang in tune with ‘ … the ladies of Calcutta are the best by far.’
‘The trouble is the perennial tussle of which came first – the egg or the hen,’ Patro Chatto shifted his bulk in the chair to reposition himself.
‘What do you mean?’ Moo Cool demanded to know.
‘It is the fight over the land,’ Patro explained. ‘We want big industries but that requires land. If we part with the land, our farmers will desert us. And, if we do not give them land, the industries will not come. It is a Catch-22 situation.’
Suddenly Didi made her appearance.
‘How many did you catch?’ Didi looked at Patro. He blinked. He imagined that Didi wanted to know how many he caught cheating in the exams.
‘Actually, the exams went off peacefully,’ he assured her. ‘No cheating.’
‘Good – that means there would be an addition of another five lakhs educated next year?’
‘Yes.’
‘And – we have to arrange jobs for them?’
‘Yes.’
‘Then let us plan from today itself,’ Didi said. ‘Once we know the figures, we can make realistic estimates of how many cycles we will need next year. And, how many sarees. It will also help me to work out how many more paintings I will have to create and how many more books I must write next year’
‘And – it will help Omit-ji draw up his financial strategies,’ Moo Cool added. ‘He is an expert in balancing the budget.’ (To be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

Some more interesting links -

Moody wants bows and arrows to eliminate Big Daddy (satire)

Didi and her books in Book Fair (satire)

Lord Shiva waits for his patisapta (satire)


Brazil declares war on mosquitoes that carry the Zika virus

The FMCG world belongs to Baba Ramdev - worship noodles instead of yoga

Beggar of Mehsana with a heart of gold – gifts gold earrings to 10 poor girls


“The Lion Guard: Return of the Roar” - Disney’s upcoming television movie

'Avatar 2', sequel to 'Avatar' of 2009 expected to release in December 2017

Aamir Khan no longer the face of Incredible India


Bomb attack kills 9 persons in Cairo near road leading to Egyptian pyramids

Woman with fake passport in a British Airways flight from Ibiza leads to panic

Tourists to Morocco told by Foreign Office to be vigilant about possible terror attacks