Didi invited to Poland and Russia (satire)

There was once a time when Didi had never ventured out of her familiar surroundings but, then, she visited Singapore followed by London and even Italy and Germany – in her search for the elusive industries. Now she has been invited by Poland and Russia.

‘You will need new dresses for your visit,’ Omit Misra said. He was happy that the future could see real investment from these countries. Installing a duplicate of the Big Ben was fine but unless real industries arrived, it was difficult to convince the people.
‘Shall I ask some dress designers to drop in?’ Moo Cool asked. ‘They can show you samples and you can have your choice.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ Didi chided him. ‘I am not attending any fashion show. It is going to be a business trip. They came to our program, now I will go to their program. I want to build bridges.’
‘That is a good idea,’ Patro Chatto joined in. ‘There are hundreds of bridges that have outlived their lifespan and must be replaced. We must replace them.’
‘I know just the right person,’ Show Van spoke. ‘I handle all those contractors and know them like the back of my hand.’
Didi listened and it was clear that there was something on her mind. Normally, she would be pacing up and down the chamber. Probably, she is allergic to remain standing at one place. Or it could be linked to her health – she has to keep pacing up and down to maintain the circulation of blood in her limbs. Or - a stationary Didi might not be an effective orator or a leader who can command respect.
Suddenly the door opened and Dee Wreck entered. He looked after the publicity aspects.
‘Is your homework over?’ Didi asked.
‘Yes,’ Dee Wreck said and took his seat opposite her. ‘You can carry samples of chanachur – it is a product that they would love. I’ll ensure that they are packed in attractive packaging and, to promote it, there’ll be a music video. I’ve talked it with singers on that TV reality show and they’ll do it for a pittance’
‘Good,’ Didi said. ‘It will be a change from the pickles, amsatta and nalen gur that I keep carrying. Upload the video on the net and let people know that I mean business.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi caught in the whirlpool of industries (satire)

Anyone who has seen our beloved Didi in action knows that she has tremendous stamina and can speak for hours on end on any topic under the Sun. She loves to dream and that gets reflected in her speeches – like the ones on industrialization. Among her main hobbies are painting and writing poems because she is an artist at heart.

‘What are you painting now?’ Moo Cool asked as he saw her standing in front of the easel. He had come to brief her on his latest jaunts to the northern states.
Didi did not reply but returned to her chair, she was deep in thought.
‘The delegates were happy at our arrangements,’ Omit Misra said. He had cone to apprise her on the feedback of the business summit. ‘They admitted in one voice that the pure Bengali dishes were unparalleled and that this year was the best till now.’
‘Tell me – who is investing how much and in which venture?’ Didi cut him short.
Omit Misra wiped his glasses and blinked.
‘We have inked several MoUs,’ he explained. ‘Many of those will translate into superb business opportunities. But, we must have patience because this is a new country for them and they have to master the intricacies.’
Didi sighed. She had been inviting heads of industries for business meets. They never refused the invitation because that would be unethical. They came, enjoyed a few days of the best of hospitality and got floored by the cuisine that the city offers. They went back with promises and more promises. Some of them went to the extent of signing MOUs to join the club known as Members of Ulloodom.
But – the magic key to unlock the doors of industry keeps eluding her.
She invariably vents her frustration on those in red (not in the red!!) and she loves to dwell on the 34-years misrule that has left the coffers empty. But, she sidesteps the question of how she is able to gift money to so many people and organizations under so many heads apart from gifting cycles, books, and shoes to thousands of children.
It could very well be a mystery that only a detective like Byomkesh Bakshi can solve. (to be continued…)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Mayor of London worried about ISIS attacks on the city

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Six people shot dead by gunmen in a mosque in Quebec City during evening prayers

Didi upbeat about Christmas tourism (satire)

It was time for another festival and, our Didi knew that she must do something special for those sing Christmas Carols and wait for Santa Claus to come around on his sleigh drawn by Rudolf, the red nosed reindeer.
Dee Wreck was by her side as she watched out of her window overlooking the majestic Howrah Bridge – it was symbolic with the City of Joy with its hand pulled rickshaws.
‘This year let us have the festival on a grand scale,’ Didi said.

‘Yes, I agree with you,’ Dee Wreck agreed. ‘The areas like the Park Street, the New Market and surrounding places are well known. Let us venture beyond these territories.’
‘You mean to cater to the foreign tourists?’ Didi asked.
‘Yes. We already have the Chappal Chopper Service at our disposal,’ Dee Wreck explained. ‘It will take the tourists to watch the sights from up in the air. The tickets will be in dollars.’
‘That is a good idea,’ Didi nodded. Then she turned towards Omit Misra, her financial wizard. He had mastered the art of making money from nowhere and had never failed when there was a need for finance – be it for purchasing bicycles for the schoolgirls or shoes or clothes for the boys.
Or even paying out donation to the sports clubs. Sports are a must for healthy youth and donations to these clubs were a means to the end. Hence, investment in the youth was a stepping stone to becoming a successful leader.
You could always rely on their loyalty.
‘But how will the esteemed foreign tourists enter New Market? How will they enjoy the fragrance of freshly baked cakes?’
Dee Wreck grinned.
‘You can leave it to me,’ he assured. ‘Cakes will be available for sale in the choppers.’
‘Then why don’t you add our unique winter favorites like nalen gurer sandesh, joynagarer moah and kadaishutir kachuri?'
‘Don’t worry – that will also be there. I will make it a package deal. Cost of snacks will be inbuilt into the basic fare.’
‘Let us do it,’ Didi said. ‘Santa Claus will provide an opportunity to the poor bakers and sweetmeat makers to make some more money.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org
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Didi’s plans go awry – black money rears its head (satire)

Didi woke up to a new day after the wonderful evening spent in the company of celebrities of the silver screen. She personally handed over to them her paintings that are high value items – she had sold them to arrange finances for the historic campaign that brought to power.
But – there was gloom around her because there was a sea of housewives outside her house. They were badly affected by the sudden decision of scrapping old bank notes.
It was a real shock to these housewives because they had accumulated quite a lot of money in their secret piggy banks by diversion of funds allotted to them by their hubbies to take care of family expenses.

The amounts in these piggy banks came in handy for extra expenses and, keeping it secret was a sort of game that they played with their hubbies. It was an expression of saying in their way that ‘I too care’.
They were now at a loss of how to keep their treasure trove a secret.
Didi gave them a patient hearing and assured them that she would take up the matter with Delhi.
By the time they dispersed, there was another delegation that had arrived at her doorstep.
They were small time traders who dealt in the goodies of winter – goodies like nalen gur and joynagarer moah. All of a sudden they were stranded because there were no buyers. They wanted Didi to buy off their items and help them out. They suggested that she could store the products and sell them off through her well-oiled machinery as she did for potatoes.
Once again Didi assured them to look into the matter and explore possibilities of helping them out of this predicament.
By the time they left, there was a third group of people. They were the organizers of the exhibitions that are held during winter.
And – behind them were members of various syndicates. They did not know how to take care of the accumulated black money. They wanted her advice.
Didi immediately called an emergency meeting of her confidantes and, within no time, they arrived. There was Moo Cool, Patro Chatto, Show Van, Omit Misra, Dee Wreck, Golla Sen and, Chandi Ma. All of them appeared to be off mood. They had missed their Sunday special lunch of mutton dishes. None of the shops accepted Rs 2000 notes as payment towards of 1-Kg of mutton worth Rs 500 – they just did not have the change to give back! (to be continued …)


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Didi hates to have blood on her hands (satire)

Didi was in a brainstorming session with her core group consisting of her Man Friday in the form of Moo Cool and Abhi Shake, Dee Wreck, Omit Misra, Patro Chatto and Show Van.
‘Why don’t we put a stop to these road accidents on the flyovers? I don’t want blood on my hands. It is sad when young lives are lost due to these accidents,’ she said.
‘It is the fault of age,’ Abhi Shake remarked. ‘The two wheelers are powerful and these youngsters want to show off to their friends.’
‘And heap miseries on their families?’ Didi asked. ‘Is it fair?’

Just then the police Chief Soor O’Jeet entered with a group of his officers, all of them were serious. Didi looked up and waved them to the chairs.
‘I have called you to discuss how to prevent road accidents involving two wheelers,’ she said. ‘Rash driving is a dangerous trend and it must be stopped. What do you suggest?’
‘Actually, these boys love to race on empty roads,’ Soor O’Jeet said. ‘They want to follow their counterparts of Delhi and Mumbai.’
‘I don’t want their blood on my hands,’ Didi repeated. She was firm.
‘Most of them are from influential families. They love to mix their drinks with sped and zoom about at night. Especially when the roads are empty. They love to have fun.’
‘And get killed,’ Didi said. ‘No – I will not tolerate this. You must end this madness. Make flyovers out of bounds after 10pm.’
Soor O’Jeet was at a loss for words. He must say something that would please Didi.
‘Actually, to monitor that aspect, I could have checks at the entry points,’ he said. ‘For that I will need more men.’
‘There is no shortage of manpower,’ Didi said. ‘Give the responsibility to the local clubs. Thy will gladly accept it. After all, I am giving them donations. That problem is solved. Any more problem?’
‘I want speed guns,’ Soor O’Jeet said. ‘Those guns will help identify overspeeders.’
‘Give your request to Omit-ji,’ Didi said. ‘He will arrange necessary finance. Anything else?’
‘Breath analyzers,’ Soor O’Jeet said. ‘Most of the youngsters drink too much. Breath analyzer would catch them immediately.’
Didi looked at Omit Misra.
‘Omit-ji,’ she said. ‘Please sanction necessary funds to Soor O’Jeet. Remember, I do not want blood on my hands.’
Omit Misra nodded, removed his glasses, wiped them and put them back. Didi feels he is a magician and can do miracles, he can create something from nothing. And, he cannot disappoint her. (to be continued …)


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Didi wants to promote small scale industries (satire)

Back in power for a second term, Didi has realized that industries are a must for development and, she called the leaders close to her for a brainstorming session – the objective was to identify those industries that can co-exist with rice fields and coconut trees.
‘I want industries,’ she announced. ‘Tell me Moo Cool – how do we start?’
Moo Col gulped and cleared his throat. He knew Didi’s interpretation of industries and, he must think up something that would suit the Boss.
‘We could go in for ceiling fans,’ he said. ‘There used to be such factories once upon a time, we can revive them.’
Didi looked at him hard.
‘How can you think of ceiling fans when air-conditioners are the norms of today?’
‘If you ask me, I’ll say we could consider hand held fans,’ Abhi Shake spoke.

‘You mean like hand held computers?’ Dee Wreck asked.
‘Those operate on batteries,’ Abhi Shake explained. ‘What I mean are the fans made from the leaves of the palm tree. The talpatar pakha, an example of Make in India. It would appeal to the leaders in Delhi.’
‘Not a bad idea,’ Didi said. ‘Moreover, it will help tone up and maintain the muscles of the arm – an extended form of yoga. It will be a boon for the musclemen. We could even export the hand fans to Bangladesh and other such nearby areas. And – who knows, they could even enter the European market. I’ll talk about it when I go to the Vatican.’
‘I have another idea,’ Patro Chatto said. ‘Let us bring back the horse carriages. Someone has made an air-conditioned horse drawn carriage and is renting it out for weddings. We can make them in thousands and, not only run them in the city but even export them. There will be a ready market because it is environment friendly.’
‘I think this is a good idea,’ Omit Misra said. ‘This also falls in the Make in India bracket and will find favor with Delhi. I can discuss it with Jet Lee and try to get some separate grant for this industry.’
‘Fine,’ Didi said. ‘You do that. Remember – we must have industries. Even the small ones help. Little drops of water go to make the mighty ocean.’ (to be continued …)


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Didi stuck with a heap of unfinished tasks (satire)

Didi had returned to power and, while it certainly was a morale booster for her and her men, it meant that she would have to continue with the unfinished tasks ahead of her. Therefore, she called for a top secret meeting of her trusted followers.
‘Moo Cool,’ she looked at her man of all seasons. ‘What have you decided?’
‘This time we could tap the Vatican,’ he said. ‘You have made plans to go there and can carry some of our products to impress the people there.’
‘What would you suggest?’
‘Pickles to start with. Then there are our sweets like Joynagarer moah, rasogollas, sitabhog and mihidana. These are our unique creations and could open up doors of opportunity.’
‘This time we must do better than last time,’ Didi mused. ‘Our London trip was a beginning.’
‘Yes. It gave us the idea of having the Big Ben right here in Kolkata.’
‘This time we could go in for the Eiffel Tower.’

Or even Venice,’ Dee Wreck said. He had been listening to Didi and decided to intervene. ‘Venice is the land of waterways and gondolas. Bollywood movies have already filmed some scenes in those surroundings.’
‘Yes,’ Omit Misra joined the conversation. ‘We could have gondolas in the Keshtopur Canal. It will add to beautification’
‘But what about industries?’ Didi asked. ‘I am not getting airlines to begin flights. Just now I got the message that one of them has packed up. They didn’t even bother to tell me!!’
Patro Chatto had been quiet till now. He had put on a lot of weight and had difficulty in speaking but he appeared to be not too concerned. After all, obesity is a sign of a successful politician.
‘In my opinion, we could go in for harnessing solar power. The solar power boats in Varanasi is an example. It does not require much land and both agriculture and industry can coexist. I think we could explore this market.’
Didi now looked towards Abhi Shake.
‘We already have a well-oiled machinery to manufacture bombs,’ he said. ‘I think we could approach the Ministry of Defense to give us legitimacy. I am certain that such an industry will make more profits and create more employment than any small car manufacturing unit.’ (to be continued …)


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Didi plans new conquests via Rabindrasangeet (satire)

It was a new day and, while the world was abuzz with speculations, our Didi was calm as always. She knew the answers because she had drawn up strategies that can never fail. She did all the planning and left to her subordinates to give proper shape to the plans.
Moo Cool was with her as were members of the top notch team of Abhi Shake, Dee Wreck, Patro Chatto, Omit Misra, Fear Had, and Bruto Bose. Their eyes were glued on the huge TV set and, as the day progressed, there were sighs of relief - the results had been on expected lines.
‘Get ready for the second innings,’ Didi said as she reached for her phone. It was a congratulatory message from Delhi. ‘Where are the sweets?’ Abhi Shake asked no one in particular.

‘They will come on time,’ Moo Cool said and smiled.
‘Hope they will be suitable for me,’ Omit Misra mumbled. He was suffering from diabetes.
‘Don’t worry,’ Moo Cool assured him. ‘My boys know that. They’ll be here any minute. They are delayed because I have placed the orders only a few hours ago.’
‘But – the orders should have been sent last night,’ Abhi Shake said. ‘That is our tradition.’
‘This time the situation was different,’ Moo Cool said.
‘You mean you had doubts about our performance? You thought we’ll bite dust?’
Moo Cool did not bother to reply. The door opened and Arrah Bull entered with Money Rule - they had with them boxes of sweets. It was a day meant for celebrations and sweets were an integral part of that event. Of course, the sweets were specially prepare with the diabetics in mind.
Suddenly Didi spoke.
‘Dee Wreck, what message have you put up on our site?’
‘I have prepared a draft,’ he said. ‘Once you approve it, I’ll post it.’
‘Remember – our sights must now be on going national,’ Didi said. ‘Let us take our very own Bengali culture to very home in the country.'
‘You mean our variety of unique foods?’
‘Foods and songs.’
‘Songs?’
‘Yes – Rabindrasangeet. Since Hindi is the language of the masses, I want to spread Rabindrasangeet to the villages of Bihar, UP, MP. We want penetration and songs will be the medium. Once they get addicted to those songs, we’ll have them eating from our hands. I want to rope in singers who will deliver the goods.’
‘But we do not have such singers,’ Patro Chatto said.
‘Search and you will find them,’ Didi said. ‘TV reality shows throw up fantastic talents. That could be the starting point. I want Rabindrasangeet to be played at every street crossing. It was a hit in Kolkata, I want it to be a hit in Patna, Lucknow and other cities as well.’
‘I’ll put Arrah Bull and Money Rule on the job,’ Moo Cool said. ‘They have mastered the art of convincing people.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi wants to move around fast and wants a solution (satire)

Didi has, of late, been losing her sleep. She is a sincere politician who believes in maintaining a clean slate and sleep, to her is just a few hours of zooming in and out of a world devoid of the dirt and grime of politics.
Moo Cool did not miss the signs. He was an old hand at the game and knew just how to soothe the nerves of others.
‘Would you like to use the helicopter again?’ he asked Didi.
‘Yes, I want one,’ she replied. ‘Actually, I wish I had wings built into my body. Then I could take off like the birds and land wherever I want.’

‘That would be a wonderful idea,’ Moo Cool nodded.
‘If you want, I can float the proposal on our website,’ Dee Wreck said. ‘We have bright young men and women who can develop such a machine. And - we can even market it.’
‘I think that would be a proposal worth looking into,’ Omit Misra said. ‘It would fall in the category of industries and would generate employment also.’
‘What about land?’ Didi asked.
‘We will ask the designers to design it in such a way that requirement of land is kept to the minimum.’
‘We could name it Icarus Industries – or Double I,’ Dee Wreck said. ‘We could invite participation of the Greeks because Icarus was a Greek.’
‘It is all Latin and Greek to me,’ Didi sighed. ‘I want a comfortable mode of transport. The road journeys take up too much time and I get tired sitting cooped up for hours on end. I want a solution.’
‘I have a suggestion,’ Abhi Shake spoke.
‘What is it?’ Didi looked at him.
‘We could go in for drones,’ Abhi said. ‘That is the latest in flying. Online shopping portals are planning to use drones for delivery of their products. We could have drones to transport one person to a predetermined location. And – there would be no need for pilots. It would be programed in advance.’
Didi looked at Dee Wreck.
‘I think you can give this some thought,’ she said. ‘This could be another proposal for an industry.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Doctor’s advice to Didi – walking is good for health (satire)

Didi has, of late, taken to walking. Her physician has said walking is a wonderful way to build stamina and, when a leader has to keep talking to convince the electorate, a simple exercise like walking can play a very important role.
‘How many roads have I traveled so far?’ Didi asked Moo Cool.
‘You have walked at least five kilometers every day for the last ten days.’
‘And how much have I covered?’
‘Quite a lot of territory,’ Moo Cool said. ‘You have really proved the point that walking is good for health. It gives additional stamina and power to shout down the opposition.’

‘Opposition? Where is the opposition?’ Patro asked. He was another of her close aides. ‘They can try to dislodge you but cannot succeed. That is why they have begun the mudslinging mission and their sting activities.’
‘We ignore such things. Anyway - what is the route you have selected today?’ she asked Patro.
‘We’ll begin from here and walk down to the Dorina Crossing.’
‘Good – but, you must select a time that will not disturb the traffic.’
‘Don’t worry, the police will take care of that aspect. They know exactly how to go about it. They have done it earlier also and it is not new to them.’
‘I don’t want school children to get caught in my walks.’
‘There are no schools in your route, you can rest assured.’
‘Fine. Now – who will be in the front line with me?’
‘I’ll be there,’ Moo Cool said. ‘And I know Patro Chatto will also be there and Omit Misra, Fear Had, Dee Wreck, Show Van, and Abhi Shake.’
‘And – what about the crowd?’
‘That is no problem. Whoever joins will get free lunch of fish curry and rice – machh bhaat.’
‘Add a cold drink also,’ Didi said. ‘There is a party who wants to market his lebur jal – he will gladly sponsor it. It will be a refreshing innovation. I bet no one else would have thought about it. Lebur jal in this summer heat will be an added attraction. By the way - what about Arra Bull and Money Rule? I hope they will be in the walk.’
‘I have given them the task of bringing in the crowds,’ Patro explained. ‘They have tremendous convincing powers and can bring truckloads within no time.’
‘I know,’ Didi said. ‘They are also useful members. OK then, let us get ready for our walk.’ (to be continued …)


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A single video derails Didi’s poll campaign (satire)

Today’s world is too fast paced for comfort and, with video enabled Smartphones in practically every pocket, the world is flooded with videos of a wide variety from monkeys jumping the hoop to politicians getting caught in dangerous loops.
That is how a single video has derailed what should have been a smooth poll campaign.
And, Didi was not at all happy. She is known for her high level of honesty and, therefore, when she first saw it, she just could not believe her eyes. How can her trusted companions pull the rug from under her feet?
She immediately rang up Patro Chatto.
‘What is the latest?’ she asked.
‘There is utter confusion,’ Patro said.
‘The opposition must be happy at this video,’ she commented.
‘Don’t you worry,’ Patro assured. ‘It is acting as a diversion. Every party is trying to take credit in trying to discredit us but, they can never succeed. We have our Money Rule, Arra Bull and Anu Mandel.’

Didi sighed. She had faith in Patro Chatto and Omit Misra but she could sense some uneasiness in Patro’s assurances. So, she rang up to Omit Misra.
‘Omit-babu, how is your balance sheet shaping up?’ she asked.
‘The task of balancing is a tough one,’ he admitted. ‘Even more difficult than that of an acrobat on the rope.’
Didi was getting in a panic. In desperation, she now rang up Moody in Delhi.
But – he was busy with his Tussauds waxworks. He was excited like a child with a new toy. There were photographers all over his office with his PRO man in tow along with his fashion designer. They were arguing as to what dress would be most appropriate for the wax display. They had to keep in mind the latest modification from above – no half pant. Half pant does not look good in the international arena. Will khadi send out the right signal or should it be the gold embroidered one?
Failing to contact Moody, our Didi, therefore, tried to get in touch with Jet Lee.
She knew that Jet Lee will come up with a solution – but, he was in a holiday mood. There was a long weekend ahead with Holi and Easter and he had planned for a short trip away from the madding crowd. It seems he had not confided to even his close circle of friends about where he was going.
Didi sighed and looked out of the window. She was in the north for her campaign and looked out of her window at the mountains - they were laughing. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi draws up her latest strategy (satire)

Didi was closeted with her confidantes Moo Cool, Dee Wreck, Abhi Shake and Omit Misra – she had a map spread out on her table and was deep in thought. Her men seated in front of her munched the piping hot singaras as they sipped on the tea. It is the custom of Bengalis to entertain anyone who drops in with some eatables – that not only changes the atmosphere but also helps to improve communication and conversation.
‘What does the scenario look like?’ Didi asked nobody in particular.
‘The opposition is in total disarray,’ Moo Cool spoke.
‘There are talks about alliances,’ Didi mused. ‘How is that shaping up?’
‘It’s all a pipe dream,’ Dee Wreck said. ‘I have already mentioned that the proposed alliance is like the water melon – green skin with red stuff inside.’

‘You forgot about the black seeds,’ Abhi Shake added.
‘Omit-ji,’ Didi now looked at the wizened old man, ‘how do you assess the situation?’
‘Well – if you mean finance, another batch of your paintings would be a great idea,’ the Finance wizard said. He was a wizard probably better than the wizard of Hogwarts because he had been able to generate enough finance to meet all the sudden requirements of the supremo. How he did it is his secret.
‘I know,’ Didi agreed. ‘But, of late, I am not able to concentrate on my canvases. There has been too much disturbance.’
‘May I suggest exploiting the potentials of your pen?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Auction your books as sets. Auction invariably brings in more than the cover price because it is a game of one-upmanship. Everyone wants to outbid the other and pushes up the net worth.’
‘That’s a god idea,’ Didi was pleased.
‘You have made a name for yourself in the world of fine arts with not only your canvases but also your books,’ Omit went on. ‘They have sold off like hot samosas in the Book Fairs and are bound to make booklovers pine for more and more. The proceeds from the sales would certainly augment our resources.’
‘I think Dee Wreck can set the ball rolling,’ Moo Cool suggested. ‘He can drop a hint on the popular social networking sites and announce the idea. Get the global community interested and then launch the online auction. The dollars would pour in and it would be a first in the history of politics.’
‘I think we can go in for another round of singara and chai,’ Abhi Shake said. ‘Such brain storming sessions need regular doses of energy.’ (to be continued …)


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Didi & Co wants 294 out of 294 (satire)

It was a really hectic day for Didi & Co because the all-important bugle had been sounded and she was ready to release her list. It was a well thought out list and, since her people loved cricket, she was determined to fulfill their wishes and include the glamorous boys and girls of cricket into her scheme of things.
‘How is the list?’ she asked Moo Cool who was with her. He was really indispensable to her and never let her down. The way he performed the drama had earned her respect. No one ever guessed that it was all a part of a well-rehearsed script penned by her backend boys.
‘It is a perfect foil,’ Moo Cool said and looked at the others seated around Didi. ‘Don’t you think that the list of a masterpiece?’
‘Of course,’ Dee Wreck agreed as did Omit Misra, Show Van, Patro Chatto, Abhi Shake and the gasng of Arra Bull and Money Rule.
They were all there because they had to emerge winners once again.

‘As you must have seen, there are a few new faces,’ Didi said. ‘I have faith in their abilities and know that they will draw the crowds not only in the meetings but also at the hustings.’
‘But – they are new to the game,’ Omit Misra obviously had reservations.
Didi smiled.
‘Everyone has to make a start at some time,’ she said. ‘And – they have the star value. We have so many of them with us – they have their usefulness.’
‘Yes, you are right,’ Moo Cool spoke. ‘They have a fan following and hence can sway public opinion which is our objective.’
‘What about Mudden Misra?’ Omit Misra asked. ‘He is still not well and in jail. How can he attend meetings and hold rallies?’
‘Don’t worry,’ Didi assured, ‘the best doctors are attending to him and I am certain that he will be fully fit soon.’
‘By the way,’ Didi now turned to Dee Wreck, ‘how is the seat sharing business progressing in the other camp?’
‘They are keeping everything secret,’ Dee Wreck replied. ‘I am watching developments but the new character that has suddenly entered the scene could be a problem.’
‘Use your social networking skills and nip it in the bud,’ Didi said.
‘That is what many others are trying to do,’ Dee Wreck said.
‘I want you to beat them to the punch,’ Didi was serious. ‘You know our target?’
‘Yes – 294,’ Dee Wreck and the others spoke in unison.
‘Remember - it must be a clean sweep,’ Didi said. ‘How you do it is your problem but that is my plan and I don’t like failures.’ (to be continued …)


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North Korea plans to carry out terror attacks on South Korea

Didi knows that ghosts have their uses (satire)

‘Have they arrived?’ Didi was blunt and to the point.
‘Yes,’ Moo Cool replied in a whisper.
‘You realize that time is short,’ Didi said, also in a whisper.
‘Yes,’ Moo Cool said. ‘I’ll take care of the whole thing.’
‘Good, they are our trump cards,’ Didi said. ‘They may be invisible to others but we know they exist and will come to our rescue.’
‘I know,’ Moo Cool nodded his head. He had grown old all of a sudden. The one year that he had been out in the cold had its effect on his physique. But he knew that he was back in the seat and had to deliver.
Abhi Shake sat beside him. Poor Abhi was not happy. He has thought of usurping the place occupied by Moo Cool but that is now a pipe dream. Moo Cool is back in the saddle and Didi has rewarded him.

‘Remember,’ Didi warned Moo Cool. ‘The whole world is looking at us and we must emerge with flying colors.’
Patro Chatto cleared his throat and shifted his bulk in the chair.
‘Yes?’ Didi looked at him.
‘We must not take undue risks,’ he was apprehensive.
‘Have faith in me,’ Moo Cool assured him with his trademark smile. ‘Ghosts have a power of their own. They can make or break empires.’
‘Yes, when they join together, they can be a formidable force to reckon with,’ Omit Misra added.
‘We have seen their strength in that beauty of a movie ‘Bhooter Bhabishyat’,’ Moo Cool said.
‘Well – who all have you invited for the meeting?’ Didi asked.
‘Names do not matter,’ Moo Cool said. ‘What matters is their participation as a whole. They belong to all parties because, once you go up there, you have no separate identity. Therefore, all of them belong to us.’
‘But, our opposition parties will also rope in their own people,’ Didi cautioned.
‘That would be a tiny percentage. I am quite confident that they would not make any dent in the final outcome. You can leave it all to me.’
Even as Didi and Moo Cool were conversing, the door opened a fraction of an inch and in trooped the crowd. Some of them wore pyjamas, others lungi, and a few wore trousers or bermudas. But their faces were hidden behind mufflers – if by chance the muffler went out of place, the sight that would be revealed would make any normal man run for cover. All of them were ghosts. They had ceased to exist physically but remained on paper in the voters’ list. (to be continued …)


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Industries – the Achilles Heel of Didi (satire)

The full team had assembled in Didi’s house and everyone was serous. There was Moo Cool, Patro Chatto, Abhi Shake, Omit Misra and Dee Wreck. They were Didi’s most trusted assistants and they knew that wooing industrialists to invest in the state had become a pipe dream.
Like the airport waiting for international flights to start operations.
Or – launching domestic flight routes that did not attract passengers.
‘How do we come out of the rut?’ Moo Cool asked.
‘We have to wait and watch,’ Abhi Shake said. ‘Our leader knows what is best and she will succeed where others have failed. Have faith in her. She is in the saddle and we have to support her initiatives.’
‘Yes,’ Omit Misra peered through his glasses at his compatriots and agreed. ‘We have held meetings with so many big shots. They have come here and we have made them feel at home.’

‘But – the end result is getting delayed,’ Moo Cool mumbled.
‘We just cannot put up our hands and surrender,’ Dee Wreck appeared excited. ‘I have coined a song.’
‘Let us hear it.’ Abhi Shake prodded him.
‘We have seen industries in London, we have seen industries in Singapore but industries in our state are the best by far,’ Dee Wreck sang in tune with ‘ … the ladies of Calcutta are the best by far.’
‘The trouble is the perennial tussle of which came first – the egg or the hen,’ Patro Chatto shifted his bulk in the chair to reposition himself.
‘What do you mean?’ Moo Cool demanded to know.
‘It is the fight over the land,’ Patro explained. ‘We want big industries but that requires land. If we part with the land, our farmers will desert us. And, if we do not give them land, the industries will not come. It is a Catch-22 situation.’
Suddenly Didi made her appearance.
‘How many did you catch?’ Didi looked at Patro. He blinked. He imagined that Didi wanted to know how many he caught cheating in the exams.
‘Actually, the exams went off peacefully,’ he assured her. ‘No cheating.’
‘Good – that means there would be an addition of another five lakhs educated next year?’
‘Yes.’
‘And – we have to arrange jobs for them?’
‘Yes.’
‘Then let us plan from today itself,’ Didi said. ‘Once we know the figures, we can make realistic estimates of how many cycles we will need next year. And, how many sarees. It will also help me to work out how many more paintings I will have to create and how many more books I must write next year’
‘And – it will help Omit-ji draw up his financial strategies,’ Moo Cool added. ‘He is an expert in balancing the budget.’ (To be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi plans to punish her naughty boys (satire)

Didi was furious. She exhibited her fury and rage in open meetings – that was to impress her followers and for the benefit of the electronic media. She, like any other leader, knew that these media persons have to earn their living and they need to be pampered once in a while.
Like the time when she shared a packet of jhaal moori with a member of a different party. Jhaal-moori is a favorite fast food of Bengalis and the media went to town on it - she and her jhaal-moori companion enjoyed the episode. The media blew it out of proportion and it kept the rumor mongers busy dreaming up future scenarios.

But – this time Didi was really furious because of continuous infighting among her followers.
‘Why don’t you control your men?’ she asked Patro Chatto, her right hand man. ‘We had thrown out that Arrah Bull character and have brought him back. Then that Money Rule and Anu Mandel – they keep talking their mouths off. Why can’t you keep them in check?’
‘They are worried about their future,’ Moo Cool said in a soft voice. Actually, he had lost his voice totally but had managed to get it back – thanks to Didi’s kindness. He had realized which side of his bread was buttered by whom.
‘They know that their syndicate raaj is sitting on a bed of quicksand that can swallow them any moment,’ Omit Misra explained. ‘All of them want to eat the pie.’
‘That is fine,’Didi sad. ‘I understand – they also have to survive. But – they need not make a hue and cry over it. They can resolve their differences quietly. Anyway, I will punish those naughty boys.’
Moo Cool and Patro Chatto exchanged glances with Omit Misra. Didi had branded those ‘boys’ as naughty boys long ago but she cannot do without them. What punishment can she mete out?
‘I want it to be a public punishment,’ she said.
‘Public?’ Moo Cool was shocked.
‘Yes,’ Didi was calm. ‘Arrange for a public meeting. Let them be there on the stage.’
Once again Moo Cool, Patro Chatto and Omit Misra exchanged glances. They knew that Didi would do justice. But – she was unpredictable. What sort of punishment did she have in mind?
‘Yes,’ she was firm. ‘I will punish them in public. I will not talk to them. I will ignore them. They will realize that I am not happy. And – let the media take note of that. Dee Wreck must do that. By the way - where is he?’
‘He is preparing the write up for loading on the social media site,’ Moo Cool replied. (to be continued …)

Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

Some more interesting links -

Moody wants bows and arrows to eliminate Big Daddy (satire)

Didi and her books in Book Fair (satire)

Lord Shiva waits for his patisapta (satire)


Brazil declares war on mosquitoes that carry the Zika virus

The FMCG world belongs to Baba Ramdev - worship noodles instead of yoga

Beggar of Mehsana with a heart of gold – gifts gold earrings to 10 poor girls


“The Lion Guard: Return of the Roar” - Disney’s upcoming television movie

'Avatar 2', sequel to 'Avatar' of 2009 expected to release in December 2017

Aamir Khan no longer the face of Incredible India


Bomb attack kills 9 persons in Cairo near road leading to Egyptian pyramids

Woman with fake passport in a British Airways flight from Ibiza leads to panic

Tourists to Morocco told by Foreign Office to be vigilant about possible terror attacks

Didi’s underwater restaurant to woo tourists (satire)

Bruto Bose was excited – the brand ambassador of the state had, at last, found some time to come down and shoot a few videos to highlight the tourism potentials of the state. Bruto knew that Didi would be happy at his results.
But, things did not work out as he had expected when he met her face to face. She was there in her office with Moo Cool, Abhi Shake, Patro Chatto and Omit Misra – they were her most trusted four pillars of support. Her team of Fantastic Four.
‘Where you have shot the videos?’ Didi asked Bruto.
‘The hills of Darjeeling, the beaches of Digha and the forests of the Sunderbans,’ Bruto explained.
‘That is why I keep getting annoyed at you,’ Didi was blunt. ‘You are a well-known actor yourself, why could you not influence another actor to do something different?’ she gave a sarcastic grin. It was her specialty.
‘I forgot, we shot a video in the millennium park on the banks of the Ganges,’ Bruto said.

‘You must have also enjoyed a 5-star lunch on the floating restaurant?’ again she passed another sarcastic comment. Bruto Bose shifted uneasily in his chair. He knew that it was a difficult task to ask tourists to come to the state. In fact, the locals were trying to move out because of lack of opportunities. This in spite of Bengalis loving their wide variety of foods, their abundance of festivals, and multitude of fairs be they of books or handicrafts.
‘Have you given some thought to my idea?’ Didi asked.
Bruto Bose blinked. Didi was always having ideas. Which idea was she talking about now?
‘Didi wants to know about the underwater restaurant,’ Moo Cool whispered. ‘Like the one that has come up recently in Ahmedabad.’
‘I have thought about it,’ Bruto cleared his throat and said. ‘I have discussed with the engineers. They will draw up plans of the restaurant. It has to withstand the pressure of water. And, we have to decide on the location.’
‘I have already said it must be in Outram Ghat,’ Didi said.
‘There should be more than one,’ Bruto said. ‘Outram Ghat is one location. I think we should decide on other locations. More such restaurants mean more tourists.’
The worst part is that Didi was aware of the pitfalls of attracting tourists but, she always put up a brave face and never surrenders. In order to improve air connectivity, she had inaugurated several air routes – but, passengers are not coming.
Her motto is ‘ekla chalo’ or ‘go it alone’.
She had successfully won over the people with her philosophy and hold the reins of the state. Is she gradually realizing that she had bitten off more than she could chew?
‘What are you waiting for?’ Didi asked. ‘Put your heads together and work out the modalities.’
‘Yes,’ Moo Cool agreed. ‘Let us do that. Let us woo tourists with our underwater restaurants.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Bomb attack kills 9 persons in Cairo near road leading to Egyptian pyramids

Woman with fake passport in a British Airways flight from Ibiza leads to panic

Tourists to Morocco told by Foreign Office to be vigilant about possible terror attacks

Didi and her books in Book Fair (satire)

#kolkatabookfair #boimela It was time for the annual Kolkata Book Fair, fondly known as Boi Mela. It is a reason for celebration and millions of people from all walks of life come to the venue to not just look at the books on display but, also to partake of the hundred and one outlets that invite them to taste the wide variety of food stuff.
‘I see tough times ahead,’ Abhi Shake said. He was closeted with Moo Cool, Patro Chatto, Dee Wreck, Fear Had and Omit Misra.
‘Our opponents are ganging up to dislodge us,’ Patro murmured. Of late, he was finding to speak clearly – he had put on weight and it affected his speech pattern. He was always out of breath.
‘We must put our heads together to arrange finances,’ Omit Misra wiped his glasses for the umpteenth time. He was finding it hard to balance his books. He was a man of finance and, even though it had been drilled into his mind that he must cut his coat according to his cloth, he had to cut corners to make both ends meet.
But Didi never understood him. She kept asking for more and more and he had to keep borrowing to satisfy the demands. ‘I think we can leave finance to Didi,’ Moo Cool said. ‘She knows best.’

‘Last time she sold her paintings for crores of rupees,’ Dee Wreck reminded.
‘But of late she hasn’t picked up the brush for a long time,’ Abhi Shake said. ‘When will she crate her masterpieces?’ ‘Don’t worry,’ Moo Cool smiled. ‘She has a powerful pen. It is more powerful than her voice and she knows just how to beat the odds.’
‘You mean her books will rake in the crores?’ there was disbelief in Omit Misra’s voice. ‘Those who love paintings may not love books.’
‘Just wait and watch,’ Moo Cool said. ‘Let the Book Fair open and you can see how her books fly off the shelves. They’ll sell like hot cakes. She loves to write as she loves to draw. Deep within her lies a dormant artist who rears its head when required especially to generate funds.’
‘She has the stamina,’ Dee Wreck added. ‘Drawing requires a studio but writing does not. She has been traveling a lot and, while on the move, she has been penning her thoughts. And – she will be releasing ten of her books in the fair.’ (to be continued …)

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Didi wants to give Ilish at Rs 10 per Kg (satire)

Moo Cool looked at Abhi Shake, Patro Chatto and Omit Sen and shook his head. The demands of Didi was becoming more and more demanding with every passing day. All of them could sense that she was becoming desperate and wanted to be seen everywhere with her people – doling out the freebies.
‘What do we project now?’ Moo Cool asked others.
‘We have given way bicycles, school uniforms, school books, shoes and even rice at Rs 2 per Kg – what do we give away now?’ Dee Wreck spoke out his thoughts.
‘Mobile phones could be an idea,’Abhi Shake suggested. ‘That way Didi could have direct contact with one and all.’
Suddenly the lady herself entered – she came in like a gust of wind and looked hard at the assembled gathering and found some faces missing.
‘Where is Show Van? And – Fear Had?’ she asked.

‘Both are indisposed,’ Moo Cool said. ‘They had a heavy dinner – at a marriage party. You know how such parties are – it takes great resolve to miss out on those delicious fish fries and ice creams.’
‘I have repeatedly told all of you to stay away from such parties,’ Didi was not happy. ‘There is no knowing who will snap whose photo and flash it on TV. And - I’ll have to do the explaining. This will go down in my black book.’
A boy entered with a tray of tea cups and a kettle of tea – any meeting minus tea is meaningless.
Didi took a sip and put on her glasses.
‘Well – what have you decided? What should we project now?’
‘We could distribute free Padma Ilish,’ Patro Chatto suggested. ‘There is an improvement in relationship with our neighbor. Moody has laid the foundation and we can build on it.’
‘But – what is ilish without mustard oil?’ Dee Wreck asked.
‘Then we will make a package deal,’ Didi appeared to like the idea. ‘Make the announcement – we will distribute one ilish along with mustard oil on subsidized rates in my next meeting. If we keep them happy, they will not disappoint us.’
‘What will we charge?’
‘We are giving rice for Rs 2 per Kg – we will price Ilish at Rs 10 per Kg. Let our friends enjoy life. Omit-ji, please arrange necessary funds as you have been doing till now.’
‘But – the stock of your drawings is exhausted,’ Omit Misra said. ‘You’ll have to create some more.’ (to be continued …)

Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

Some more interesting links -

Lord Shiva and TV Reality shows (satire)

Moody hates to be cowed down by cows (satire)

Bengal’s solution to tackle air pollution (satire)


Goa Carnival Package by Indian Railways - train to leave Mumbai on Feb 5

Walmart surrenders to Amazon, decides to close down 269 stores in the US and Latin America

Mass burning of all cigarettes in Turkmenistan to stamp out smoking


David Bowie succumbs to his 18-month battle against cancer

Kangana Ranaut learns horse riding for her role in ‘Rangoon’

Bollywood superstar Shah Rukh Khan to promote tourism in Bengal


At least seven killed in Jakarta suicide attacks near Starbucks cafe

More than 23 killed in Splendid Hotel, Burkina Faso, by al-Qaeda

Mastermind of Paris terror attacks entered Britain through Dover easily