It is difficult to mop up black money

The source of one’s earnings are usually authentic like employment or business. One portion of these go to the government. These are the norms all over the world and followed dutifully. However, in some countries, people do not like to part with their money. They falsify documents and conceal the money in hard to locate places – they choose banks where one can park his cash safely. These are unaccounted money and is known as black money. Switzerland is famous for its watches, the Alps and banks where it is not too difficult to open an account and store money and other valuables because those will be difficult to locate. It seems it is a global phenomenon and it is customary to refer to such holdings as ‘black money.’ Black is usually associated with evil – like black magic. Witches wear black clothes, and no one likes the black sheep in a family. However, the Men in Black was an exception – it was a Hollywood movie and dealt with Extra-terrestrials ETs. There was also a Bollywood movie of 2005 titled Black where Rani Mukherjee portrayed the role of a blind girl. To her the world was black. Amitabh Bachhan was also there.

To return to the subject of black money. It is a topic that can embarrass people in high places. Those in power in the government know about the existence of such unaccounted assets but are unable to lay hands on them. It would amount to stirring up the hornets’ nest. Therefore, they follow the policy of let sleeping dogs lie. In India, there was jubilation when BJP came to power. The new Prime Minister made an announcement on the subject but there has been no visible progress on the issue. Indian kitty in Swiss banks jumped 50% to over ₹30,000 crore in 2021

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Moody in the world of pickpockets and beggars (satire)

Moody had a mission in life – to cleanse society of all evils. He wanted a clean society – clean in all sense right from their toiletry habits to dirtying the pure waters of the Ganga to everything that is black.
The color black signifies all that is bad right from black magic to black money and black market.
The buzzing of the phone brought him back to reality.
It was Ronald Grump on the line.
‘Hi reformist,’ Grump said, ‘how was your New Year Eve?’
‘I beg your pardon,’ Moody cleared his throat, ‘New Year Eve is a western concept, to me it is just one evening like any other evening. Why should there be anything special for that?’

Ronald Grump gave a hearty laugh.
‘I know,’ he said. ‘I heard you have tied yourself into knots over your sudden decision to ban notes. Your people are not happy.’
‘They do not realize the amount of thought that had gone into arriving at that decision,’ Moody explained. ‘It was not only to stop corruption in all walks of life but also to plug the loopholes of those who create and store black money.’
‘I believe that you have put a whole lot of people out of business.’
‘Certainly not,’ Moody did not agree. ‘Shopkeepers are shifting over to cashless schemes and embracing e-wallets and debit cards.’
Ronald gave another hearty laugh.
‘My dear reformist – have you not put pickpockets out of business? And the beggars? If there is no loose cash, how will they survive?’
It was now Moody’s turn to laugh.
‘You must understand – the pickpockets and beggars are out of business, I agree. But that is a passing phase. Once they get trained in some trade, they will get regular employment.’
‘What trades?’
‘My cabinet is working out the details,’ Moody was not one to be hurried. ‘I am creating a new Ministry – the Ministry of Pickpockets & Beggars. It will carry out a census and keep a count of all PP & Bs and, each of them will get a one-time grant of Rs 1000 as a goodwill gesture.’
Ronald Grump laughed.
‘You mean the pickpockets and beggars will have a change of heart and mend their ways with that?’
‘Yes, I am certain they will.’
‘And – what is your timeframe?’ Ronald Grump was curious.
‘Once I make a start, everything will fall in place, as it has for notebandi,’ Moody replied. ‘Rome was not built in a day.’ (to be continued …)


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Moody in silent mode over black money (satire)

The ringing of the phone startled Moody. It was Tressa May on the line – she loves the saree - an Indian attire. So, she loves Indians.
‘My dear fellow, I hear that you have lost your sound box. Is it true?’ she asked.
‘Not really,’ Moody spoke softly. ‘It was a passing phase.’
‘Did it have any link to black money? Don’t get me wrong – but, have you bitten off more than you can chew?’
‘No, nothing of the sort. Black money is not a problem. I have stopped all avenues of generating the evil. I have plugged all loopholes.’

‘I see,’ Tressa May lowered her voice. ‘I read in the media that your people are not happy. Business is in the doldrums. How will your vison take shape?’
‘I think you are misinformed,’ Moody was calm as cucumber. ‘I don’t get rattled easily.’
‘I knew as much,’ Tressa said. ‘I have heard you speak. You are a fine orator. Your decibel levels are fantastic.’
‘I have come up from the ranks,’ Moody said. ‘You know I used to sell tea. And, unless you raise your voice, you just cannot survive as a tea seller.’
‘Yes. I have heard about your humble beginnings. It’s all about selling tea clad in half pants.’
‘And with the fifty six inch chest. That is my trademark.’
‘Then why did you maintain such a silence? I know silence is golden but, it depends on the situation. When the opposition bays for your blood, you must growl if not bark.’
‘My dear lady,’ Moody said. ‘The silence was forced upon me.’
‘Any blackmail in the background?’
‘No, no – nothing black can tarnish my image. I have a clean slate.’
‘Then why did you go on the silent mode?’
‘It was black of another kind – related to coal. It is difficult to explain.’
‘Have a try,’ Tressa coaxed him.
‘It was all because of Baba Someday and his Pat & Jolie outfit.’
‘You mean the Yoga guru? He tripped you?’
‘Yes. I had a toothache and he wanted me to try out his latest toothpaste. I paid the price. It was a coal based affair and left a black mark on my teeth. So, I had to keep my mouth closed.’ (to be contd …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi on black money and ‘Notebandi – the Note Bandits’ (satire)

Didi always plays her cards right. She knows just when to strike the red hot iron so that it takes the proper shape. The scrapping of old notes was what she needed – it was a chink in the armor of her opponents – black money continued to remain hidden.
She wanted to drive the wedge in.
‘What do I do now?’ she asked Moo Cool, her closest confidante.
‘Bulldoze,’ he replied.
‘Bulldoze? But bull is related to cattle,’ she said. ‘I don’t want to be associated with any form of cattle. It could send out wrong signals to my dedicated vote bank.’
Moo Cool sighed.

‘I can assure you that your vote bank will remain intact,’ he said. ‘What you must do now is to keep hitting the opposition. They are now at a disadvantage because the common man is still crying. They have money but cannot use it. They are wasting hours in front of ATMs or in bank queues and are even dying. These are your weapons.’
At this point, Dee Wreck joined the discussion.
‘I have studied the present situation,’ he said. ‘I think the time is ripe to launch an attack that will cripple the opposition.’
‘And what is that?’ Didi asked.
‘Bowl them over with your googlies.’
‘How?’
‘There are so many movie stars young and old in our ranks, right?’ Dee Wreck asked.
‘Yes.’
‘And - there is one from Bollywood who also owns a cricket club in our city. They can all be roped in for a special movie titled ‘Notebandi – the Note bandits’. It will be a runway hit.’
‘Not a bad idea,’ Moo Cool added. ‘There could be a detective angle with a character like our so popular Boom Cash – the ultimate detective. He could go about hunting for the bandits.’
‘And – it will be in black and white,’ Dee Wreck added. ‘No color.’
‘Why?’ Didi asked.
‘Because its theme will be black. It will have blacks – right from black money, black market, blackout, black cat, black deed, black magic, black flags, blackbird etcetera.’ (to be continued…)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Moody gets a call from Ronald Grump (satire)

Moody, like any blacksmith, loves to strike when the iron is hot - striking has always been his strength. After the well planned and executed surgical strike, he went ahead with his black money strike. Black money is a subject that everyone loves to talk about. And black money when added to Swiss banks make for a heady cocktail.
Of course, Moody himself shies away from cocktails and no one knows for certain whether he has ever tasted the harmless mocktails.
The ringing of the hotline brought Moody back to reality. It was the new Uncle Sam better known as Ronald Grump – a man who is unpredictable.

‘Namaste Ronald-ji,’ Moody greeted him.
‘What’s that you said just now?’ Ronald asked.
‘It is our way of salutation,’ Moody explained. ‘A welcome message Ronald-ji.’
‘My name is Ronald, Ronny for short,’ Ronald grunted. ‘I hear you have taken a very bold step in a hurry and have fallen in a pit. It does not help your image. Your people are still one century behind us and you want to overtake us.’
‘I beg to differ,’ Moody replied. ‘Our civilization is way ahead of yours.’
‘That is why you have to hammer home the message about cleanliness, build toilets, clean your rivers, is it? Look buddy, your priorities are confused.’
‘Our civilization is way ahead of yours. We invented the flying machine much before you did. It was the flying chariot - Ravana used it to kidnap Sita.’
Ronald gave a hearty laugh.
‘I know all that. You invented the zero, you invented yoga, you invented the snake charmers and you have hundreds of Godmen who perform miracles. Wake up man, there is more to living than is revealed in your philosophies.’
‘OK,’ Moody replied. ‘What is it you want?’
‘I want you to know that I talked with your pal the other day. It was a pleasant surprise. He is such a nice man. I wonder why you can’t get along with him.’
‘I don’t understand who you are talking about,’ Moody murmured.
‘Your neighbor,’ Ronald laughed. ‘Both of you were buddies, you exchanged gifts and you even dropped in on him one day, unannounced. And – all of a sudden you don’t want to talk with him! What’s the problem?’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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Didi’s plans go awry – black money rears its head (satire)

Didi woke up to a new day after the wonderful evening spent in the company of celebrities of the silver screen. She personally handed over to them her paintings that are high value items – she had sold them to arrange finances for the historic campaign that brought to power.
But – there was gloom around her because there was a sea of housewives outside her house. They were badly affected by the sudden decision of scrapping old bank notes.
It was a real shock to these housewives because they had accumulated quite a lot of money in their secret piggy banks by diversion of funds allotted to them by their hubbies to take care of family expenses.

The amounts in these piggy banks came in handy for extra expenses and, keeping it secret was a sort of game that they played with their hubbies. It was an expression of saying in their way that ‘I too care’.
They were now at a loss of how to keep their treasure trove a secret.
Didi gave them a patient hearing and assured them that she would take up the matter with Delhi.
By the time they dispersed, there was another delegation that had arrived at her doorstep.
They were small time traders who dealt in the goodies of winter – goodies like nalen gur and joynagarer moah. All of a sudden they were stranded because there were no buyers. They wanted Didi to buy off their items and help them out. They suggested that she could store the products and sell them off through her well-oiled machinery as she did for potatoes.
Once again Didi assured them to look into the matter and explore possibilities of helping them out of this predicament.
By the time they left, there was a third group of people. They were the organizers of the exhibitions that are held during winter.
And – behind them were members of various syndicates. They did not know how to take care of the accumulated black money. They wanted her advice.
Didi immediately called an emergency meeting of her confidantes and, within no time, they arrived. There was Moo Cool, Patro Chatto, Show Van, Omit Misra, Dee Wreck, Golla Sen and, Chandi Ma. All of them appeared to be off mood. They had missed their Sunday special lunch of mutton dishes. None of the shops accepted Rs 2000 notes as payment towards of 1-Kg of mutton worth Rs 500 – they just did not have the change to give back! (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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Moody hates black money and strikes at midnight (satire)

Moody hates black, especially if it is related to money. This black money is more slippery than an eel dipped in oil. When he first said that he would unearth all the back money stashed away in foreign locations, people laughed.
One of his ardent followers Baba Someday kept reminding him about the black money and, Moody finally decided to act. He confided in his colleague Jet Lee and, together, they drew up the strike plan – it was the midnight strike.

‘I hate anything that is black including blackberries,’ Moody was frank. ‘My beard is white, my jacket is white, and my trousers are white.’
Baba Someday shifted uneasily in his chair. His beard was jet black!
Jet Lee noticed Baba’s discomfort and came to his rescue.
‘Moody-ji – all blacks are not bad. Especially the hair dyes that make one look younger. The jhakas look as is shown in one of the ads.’
Just then Sue Sharma entered.
‘How did Tressa May enjoy the trip?’ Moody asked.
‘She is fascinated by our sarees,’ Sue replied.
‘Did you broach the subject of making them in India under our Make In India scheme?’
‘I talked to her team,’ Sue said. ‘They have made a note of it and will come back to us.’
‘What about the new Uncle Sam? I have already wished him on his victory. He loves us. That’s why he adapted our famous slogan for his successful campaign.’
‘Yes. It is a catchy slogan and strikes the right chord.’
Moody now looked at Jet Lee.
‘Talking about strikes - what about our black money campaign?’
‘I have studied the subject and feel the time is ripe to carry out our plan. We must take everyone by surprise. It will become the new talking point and will drive irritating subjects like surgical strikes out of focus.’
Sue Sharma cleared her throat and coughed.
‘Are you not well?’ Moody enquired.
‘It is the effect of air pollution and smog,’ she replied.
At this moment Nitty Gadcurry came in.
‘I will out an end to smog,’ he said. ‘I want to stop plying of all vehicles on the roads during the day. People will have to go in for alternate modes of transport.’
‘You mean cycling or walking?’ Baba wanted to know.
‘No. They’ll commute by either air or by water. I have talked to a few parties who are keen to start chopper shuttle service. And also run steamers on the Yamuna.’
‘But – if you stop smog what will happen to the new unit of Pat and Jolie that has started to manufacture gas masks and air purifiers?’
‘We will export them,’ Jet Lee said. ‘Nothing will go waste.’
‘Good,’ Moody was relaxed. ‘Our aim is to tackle black money. Let us launch our strike.’ (to be continued ..)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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Moody with his 56 inch chest has the world at his feet (satire)

Moody was on cloud nine – he was the miracle man. He had the world at his feet and people eating from his hands. He knew how to woo his audience with his delivery of dialogue and earning applause that kept resounding in the background. It was sweet music to his ears.
These thought came to him as he was reclining in his seat, his eyes glued on the vast expanse of sky all around him. His mission was a huge success. He had poked the Pandora’s Box of Black Money, he had sent feelers for foreign business to set up shop in India, he had denounced terrorism – he had succeeded. Everyone had assured him of cooperation.
Suddenly his phone rang. It was one of his ministers complaining about another minister.
‘You must interfere,’ the lady at the other end was furious. ‘I can’t let these animals be killed.’
‘Who is killing animals? What animals?’

‘The nilgais – can you imagine 250 of them shot dead in six days.’
‘This should not happen,’ Moody said. ‘Are these vicious animals?’
‘I don’t know about that but they are animals and I must see that they are protected.’
‘Don’t worry,’ Moody assured. ‘I’ll see what can be done.’
By the time he rang off, there was another call. This time it was from a film producer.
‘I want you to take a decision,’ the producer was in tears. ‘My film is ready but I am not getting clearance from the censor board.’
‘But why are you telling me?’
‘Because everyone listens to you,’ the producer said. ‘Your word is final.’
‘What is the problem?’
‘The censor board wants innumerable cuts. And – with all those cuts, the charm of the film will be lost.’
‘Is the subject of your film related to indecent dressing?’
‘No. It is a simple story of drugs. The cast includes well-known actors. And – there is no vulgarity.’
‘But then why should there be any controversy?’
‘I have come to know from reliable sources that one of your ministers is the stumbling block. He wants to see it first day first show and, my date of release does not match his requirement. So – he wants to delay the release.’
Moody assured him that he would look into his grievance and, immediately he switched off, it rang again. It was his office.
He sighed. A 56 inch chest has its associated problems. He’ll have to check if it is still 56 inches. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Moody’s whirlwind trip - five countries in six days (satire)

From the general perception of people, a few traits have emerged that would tend to describe our friend Moody as a man who loves to travel. He does have ministers who are assigned to look after external affairs but Moody is very particular about his foreign contacts. He, therefore, relies on no one else but himself to draw up his strategies.
He had called for a meeting with his trusted ministers and accordingly they had arrived. There was Jet Lee, Sue Sharma, Banka Nadoo, Emma Melanie, Nitty Gad Curry, Ranee-ji, Uma-ji and, of course, Baba Someday.
‘We wish you a happy journey,’ Sue Sharma said at the end of the meeting.
‘Thank you,’ Moody relied.
‘I hope you will take good care of your health,’ Emma Melanie said. ‘You have a very hectic schedule ahead of you with the Yoga Day appearing. I will be presenting a new form of dance with my group on the occasion.’

‘You mean the Yogi dance?’ Ranee-ji asked in a whisper.
‘Yes,’ Emma also lowed her voice.
‘And then there are the two most important points,’ Baba Someday reminded.
‘You mean Black money?’
‘Yes,’ Baba wiped his moustaches. ‘You had committed to get them back and I was confident that you would. But – time is passing and there is not much progress.’
‘We are already in dialogue with the foreign authorities,’ Jet Lee intervened.
‘You are talking like your predecessors,’ Baba was not convinced.
At last Moody spoke.
‘I have my priorities,’ he said. ‘Right now I am on a mission to invite business. I want foreigners to come here and make their products. I also want our products to flood the world markets. Baba here has already made a wonderful start and, during my visit, I’ll pursue this point also.’
‘I’ll get some samples of honey loaded in your plane,’ Baba said.
‘You don’t have to worry about that,’ Moody said. ‘My men have already got them loaded in the plane. Remember, I am running the country and I know what is best.’
‘Have you loaded some bottles of Gangajal?’ Uma-ji wanted to know.
‘Yes. I’ll distribute the samples to Indians in those countries. I want to spread the message of goodwill and peace.’ ‘Would you drop in unannounced on any one this time?’ Sue Sharma was curious to know.
‘I might, ‘Moody said. ‘Our neighbor is in hospital with some heart related problem.’
‘He should get a change of heart,’ Sue said. ‘Then there would be real peace in our surroundings.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Moody’s mind flits from Black Money to White House (satire)

Moody had a tight schedule ahead of him. He wanted to rejig his ministers because many of them we not pulling their weight. Rather they were putting on weight and that soils the image of an efficiently run organization – the organization in this case was India.
He had a sheet of paper on his table with a list of ministers – both senior and junior. His laptop was also open and he was going through details of each and every one to weed out the unwanted.
Suddenly his intercom rang. It was Sue Sharma – she had been released from hospital and was gradually getting back into the groove.
‘I wanted to meet you urgently,’ Sue said.
‘What is it about?’
‘Your visit to America.’

‘There is time,’ Moody said.
‘We have to work out some strategy,’ Sue said. ‘The situation there is changing.’
‘I know. Our friend Bee Rack O’Vama will be leaving and a new man will take over.’
‘Could be a woman also,’ Sue reminded. ‘No one really knows but we have to be prepared for any eventuality.’
‘I don’t understand,’ Moody said.
‘Last time you had taken a gift that impressed our friend.’
‘Yes. It was a copy of the Bhagavat Gita.’
‘What’ll you take this time?’
‘His successors may not appreciate such gifts,’ Sue Sharma cautioned.
‘But – why should I worry about them now?’ Moody asked. ‘My friend still holds office and I’ll interact with him. He and I are good friends. When the guard changes, I’ll also change my strategy. Don’t worry about these issues – take rest.’
Moody went back to his research but there was another disturbance. It was Baba Someday and, from the way he entered, it was clear that he had something on his mind.
‘Yes Baba-ji – have you come to know the latest on Black Money?’
Baba gave a wry smile.
‘No, I have sent it to the back seat,’ he said as he occupied the chair. ‘It is about your visit to the White House.’
‘Please continue. I’m all attention.’
‘I want you to be my brand ambassador.’
‘For what?’
‘Yoga and Ayurveda,’ Baba said. ‘Both are great for maintaining health and America is a huge potential market. I want to enter that market in a big way and bring in the dollars. I want you to put in a few words in places that matter that will help the cause.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Moody shelves black money, goes for gold (satire)

#blackmoney #siliconvalley When he took over office, he had made promises and he is now realizing that it is not easy to undo black affairs and capture the yellow ones to fulfil his promises.
‘Why are our dreams of unearthing black money stashed in foreign banks not materializing?’ he asked Jet Lee.
Jet Lee cleared his throat.
‘We keep facing stumbling blocks,’ he admitted. ‘That which had appeared to be within easy grasp is gradually slipping away. In spite of your visits, the locks to the vaults are not opening. ’
‘You mean we had got carried away by assurances from people in whom we had implicit faith?’ Moody asked.
‘Well – sort of. We are still trying but, the end result is not what we wanted,’ Jet Lee mumbled.

‘Black money seems to have vanished by virtue of black magic,’ Baba Someday said. He was also present in the meeting.
‘And – who is doing this black magic?’ Moody looked at the Baba.
‘There are interested persons from all walks of life involved in this game,’ Baba Someday replied philosophically. ‘That is why you will have to take hard decisions.’
‘What sort of?’ Moody wanted to know.
‘Let us shelve black and go for yellow,’ Baba grinned.
‘Yellow?’
‘Yes – gold, the yellow metal.’
‘You mean gold medals in Olympics?’ Moody sat up in his chair. ‘Yes – that would be an idea worth pursuing. I will talk to my friends in Silicon Valley and ask them for ideas. They have plenty of them and they’ll jump at the chance of sharing them.’
Baba sighed and looked at Moody.
‘I don’t mean Olympic gold,’ he said. ‘I mean gold that is lying as dead inventory with people,’ Baba said.
‘I have already launched a gold scheme,’ Moody said.
‘I know. But – it has not caught the fancy of people.’
‘That is why we should go in for Olympic Gold,’ Moody said. Then he picked up the telephone and summoned his PA who entered running.
‘I want to make a trip to Silicon Valley,’ Moody told him. ‘The purpose of my visit would be gold in the Olympics. Get it organized. It’ll be a good start for the New Year.’ (to be continued ..)

Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org)

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