Didi’s idea - deflate tyres to punish unruly drivers (satire)

Didi hates rash driving and unruly drivers and, in spite of her instructions, there are rash drivers who get involved in hit-and-run affairs and land up with blood on their hands. Some of them do not survive the accidents and, in spite of roadside hoardings advising them of safe driving, they just do not bother and end up either in the hospital or in the morgue.
There was pin drop silence in the room as Didi entered.
Seated with grim faces were her trusted lieutenants Patro Chatto, Omit Misra, Dee Wreck, Moo Cool, Fear Had and Show Van. Only Abhi Shake was missing – he was in the Bell View hospital, recuperating from the effects of rash driving.
No, he was not behind the steering wheel. He was an occupant of the car and was lucky.

‘Have you released the circular?’ she asked her administrative officer.
‘I have drafted it,’ he cleared his throat and replied.
‘Is it applicable for both two and four wheelers?’ Didi wanted to know.
‘Yes. And also for three wheelers.’
‘Three wheelers?’
‘Yes, the auto rickshaws. They must also be reined in. Today one of then behaved badly with my daughter on her way back from school.’
‘Have you made helmets compulsory for two wheelers?’ she asked.
‘Yes. We will revive the no-helmet, no-petrol rule. Plus - seat belts and air bags for four wheelers.’
‘Good,’ Didi seemed satisfied. ‘And, to enforce discipline, I want to punish those who do not toe the line. My punishment will give instant results.’
‘You mean the police will book them on the spot?’
‘No. That takes a lot of time.’
‘Then what is your punishment?’
‘Hawa nikal doh. Take the air out of their tyres,’ Didi said.
‘But who will do that?’ Patro Chatto gulped and asked. ‘They are all rowdies.’
‘What Patro,’ Didi chided him. ‘Instruct the local clubs to position their members at every petrol pump and deflate tyres. They’ll not refuse and do it gladly because I give them annual grants for their chai and singaras.’ ‘Sorry,’ Partro said. ‘I did not think on those lines.’
‘Didi is great,’ Dee Wreck quipped. ‘She thinks of everything.’ (to be continued …)


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Didi to search for the stolen gold medallion (satire)

Didi suddenly decided to turn detective and search for the stolen gold medallion which is a part of history – it had been stolen nearly 12-years back and, in spite of efforts by various agencies, it continues to remain missing.
So she called for a top secret meeting of her trusted men headed by Moo Cool, Dee Wreck, Abhi Shake, Patro Chatto and a few others.
‘I want the gold medallion,’ she announced.

Abhi Shake looked at Moo Cool and shrugged his shoulders. Didi never competed in any sort of race – why then should she want the gold medallion? Of course, she would have got a gold for her stamina and ability to walk for miles wearing a pair of flipflops.
‘Which gold medallion?’ Moo Cool asked.
‘The one that was stolen,’ Didi said.
‘There are many stolen items still not recovered,’ Patro Chatto said. ‘The police and CID are following up clues. I think they can locate such items.’
‘They have not done anything for 12 years,’ Didi fumed. ‘I now want to take over the task. I know I can bring it back and restore it to its rightful owner.’
‘It has been missing for 12 years?’ Dee Wreck was surprised. ‘And you want to become a detective like Miss Marple and search for it? Have you got inspiration from the small screen heroine of the popular TV serial that portrays a lady detective?’
‘My inspiration is to get at the truth,’ Didi said. ‘I believe in the saying – set a thief to catch a thief. I am confident that the missing gold medallion can be found. I want a plan. Who can you put on the job?’
‘Well – we can look at options like Arra Bull and Money Rule,’ Moo Cool suggested. ‘They have good contacts.’
‘Arra Bull came to see me the other day,’ Didi said. ‘I did not meet him. He is creating trouble. I am getting a bad name due to him.’
‘But –he is useful,’ Patro said. ‘And – he has contacts in the neighboring country. Thieves can easily cross the border and go into hiding and he can play an important role.’
‘Who you put on the job is your business,’ Didi said. ‘I want the gold medallion back. Let us get cracking – check out all the thieves who were active 12 years back.’
‘And – alive today,’ Dee Wreck added. ‘I’ll tap the social media to get clues. Someone somewhere may be of help.’ (to be continued …)


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Didi hates to have blood on her hands (satire)

Didi was in a brainstorming session with her core group consisting of her Man Friday in the form of Moo Cool and Abhi Shake, Dee Wreck, Omit Misra, Patro Chatto and Show Van.
‘Why don’t we put a stop to these road accidents on the flyovers? I don’t want blood on my hands. It is sad when young lives are lost due to these accidents,’ she said.
‘It is the fault of age,’ Abhi Shake remarked. ‘The two wheelers are powerful and these youngsters want to show off to their friends.’
‘And heap miseries on their families?’ Didi asked. ‘Is it fair?’

Just then the police Chief Soor O’Jeet entered with a group of his officers, all of them were serious. Didi looked up and waved them to the chairs.
‘I have called you to discuss how to prevent road accidents involving two wheelers,’ she said. ‘Rash driving is a dangerous trend and it must be stopped. What do you suggest?’
‘Actually, these boys love to race on empty roads,’ Soor O’Jeet said. ‘They want to follow their counterparts of Delhi and Mumbai.’
‘I don’t want their blood on my hands,’ Didi repeated. She was firm.
‘Most of them are from influential families. They love to mix their drinks with sped and zoom about at night. Especially when the roads are empty. They love to have fun.’
‘And get killed,’ Didi said. ‘No – I will not tolerate this. You must end this madness. Make flyovers out of bounds after 10pm.’
Soor O’Jeet was at a loss for words. He must say something that would please Didi.
‘Actually, to monitor that aspect, I could have checks at the entry points,’ he said. ‘For that I will need more men.’
‘There is no shortage of manpower,’ Didi said. ‘Give the responsibility to the local clubs. Thy will gladly accept it. After all, I am giving them donations. That problem is solved. Any more problem?’
‘I want speed guns,’ Soor O’Jeet said. ‘Those guns will help identify overspeeders.’
‘Give your request to Omit-ji,’ Didi said. ‘He will arrange necessary finance. Anything else?’
‘Breath analyzers,’ Soor O’Jeet said. ‘Most of the youngsters drink too much. Breath analyzer would catch them immediately.’
Didi looked at Omit Misra.
‘Omit-ji,’ she said. ‘Please sanction necessary funds to Soor O’Jeet. Remember, I do not want blood on my hands.’
Omit Misra nodded, removed his glasses, wiped them and put them back. Didi feels he is a magician and can do miracles, he can create something from nothing. And, he cannot disappoint her. (to be continued …)


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Didi not happy seeing urchins in Howrah Station (satire)

Didi loves meetings and tours because both of these bring her closer to her people. But some of her own were putting obstacles in her path and she was getting irritated.
‘Moo Cool,’ she looked at her Man Friday. ‘I am fed up of these syndicate boys. Why don’t you find a solution?’ ‘At times I feel like taking the law into my own hands and hammering the daylight out of these characters,’ Moo Cool ground his teeth in anger. ‘They are spoiling our image.’
‘I know,’ Didi agreed. ‘But – I check the urge. I have warned them in my meetings but they are not bothered.’
‘We have to live with them,’ Abhi Shake said. ‘They are Frankensteins and we have created them to further our own agenda. We must learn to control them.’
'I think I'll hold some classes,' Didi murmured.
Suddenly Dee Wreck rang up.
‘The train is on time,’ he said. ‘The delegates want you to be there to meet them.’

‘Yes, I know,’ she sighed. ‘They are from the jungle and must be kept happy.’
‘I have arranged a dress for you,’ Dee Wreck said. ‘If you wear it, it will create a better impression. Everyone does it – no one minds. In fact they love such variety.’
‘OK,’ Didi said.
And so it came to pass that Didi dressed up as a tribal woman and went to Howrah Station. She loved trains. She had, once, been the railway minister and, agitations around trains was not new to her. Local trains carry people from far off places to the city proper and it can be a huge lever to make those in authority wake up and listen.
Moo Cool and Abhi Shake accompanied Didi while Dee Wreck remained with her vehicle.
Suddenly Didi stopped.
‘Why is the platform so dirty?’ she asked Moo Cool. ‘We must maintain cleanliness and follow the principle of Swatchh Bharat. Let us make the surroundings hawker free.’
Just then a bunch of kids ran past her. They were urchins.
‘These kids should be in school,’ she said. ‘I have given them books, shoes, bicycles, and dresses. I want them to study and become engineers and doctors. Then why are they running about on the platform?’
No one had any ready reply. (to be continued ...)


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Didi wants to promote small scale industries (satire)

Back in power for a second term, Didi has realized that industries are a must for development and, she called the leaders close to her for a brainstorming session – the objective was to identify those industries that can co-exist with rice fields and coconut trees.
‘I want industries,’ she announced. ‘Tell me Moo Cool – how do we start?’
Moo Col gulped and cleared his throat. He knew Didi’s interpretation of industries and, he must think up something that would suit the Boss.
‘We could go in for ceiling fans,’ he said. ‘There used to be such factories once upon a time, we can revive them.’
Didi looked at him hard.
‘How can you think of ceiling fans when air-conditioners are the norms of today?’
‘If you ask me, I’ll say we could consider hand held fans,’ Abhi Shake spoke.

‘You mean like hand held computers?’ Dee Wreck asked.
‘Those operate on batteries,’ Abhi Shake explained. ‘What I mean are the fans made from the leaves of the palm tree. The talpatar pakha, an example of Make in India. It would appeal to the leaders in Delhi.’
‘Not a bad idea,’ Didi said. ‘Moreover, it will help tone up and maintain the muscles of the arm – an extended form of yoga. It will be a boon for the musclemen. We could even export the hand fans to Bangladesh and other such nearby areas. And – who knows, they could even enter the European market. I’ll talk about it when I go to the Vatican.’
‘I have another idea,’ Patro Chatto said. ‘Let us bring back the horse carriages. Someone has made an air-conditioned horse drawn carriage and is renting it out for weddings. We can make them in thousands and, not only run them in the city but even export them. There will be a ready market because it is environment friendly.’
‘I think this is a good idea,’ Omit Misra said. ‘This also falls in the Make in India bracket and will find favor with Delhi. I can discuss it with Jet Lee and try to get some separate grant for this industry.’
‘Fine,’ Didi said. ‘You do that. Remember – we must have industries. Even the small ones help. Little drops of water go to make the mighty ocean.’ (to be continued …)


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Didi reveals the other side of the bribe controversy (satire)

Didi loves to turn the tables on her opponents. She knows that there are two sides to any coin and revels in using the logic to her advantage. The latest is the pre-poll sting operation that had sent jitters up her spine. She had put up a brave front but, in her heart of hearts she was not sure about the integrity of some of her partymen.
But – once she came through victorious, she knew that she could give her own interpretation of what people had seen in the sting videos. It was the logic of ‘is the glass half empty or half full’.
‘What do you think we should do Moo Cool?’ Didi asked.
‘We should pay them back in their own coin,’ Moo Cool replied.

‘Do you believe that our members can really take money like that?’ Didi now turned towards Abhi Shake.
‘No,’ Abhi said. ‘Our members are well off. Most of us are crorepatis. We don’t need such money.’
‘What about Show Van? Do you mean to say that those videos are not true?’
‘Yes,’ Show Van replied, panting. ‘Those are a part of a big conspiracy to discredit us and show us in poor light.’
‘But – truth has prevailed,’ Patro Chatto added. ‘We must get to the bottom of this affair. Let us put the CID on the job. They can unearth the truth.’
‘Let us put the facts straight,’ Dee Wreck opened his mouth. ‘I have studied the reactions in the social media. People have questioned the timing of the sting operation.’
‘Anyway,’ Moo Cool now added. ‘The videos show money changing hands. There are some dialogues. In my opinion, it is all photo shopping. There are experts who can put another’s face on another’s body. And – insert dialogues. The dialogues sound lifelike. Like the ads on TV. The voice of the celebrities who endorse the hair oil or face cream sounds just like him in any language. It is the beauty of modern day technology.’
‘Then let us call our police chief and tell him to go ahead,’ Didi gave her verdict.
‘He is already here’ Moo Cool said. ‘He is waiting in the outer office enjoying hot pakoras with his favorite tea. He is once again his bright old self waiting for your orders.’ (to be continued …)


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Didi stuck with a heap of unfinished tasks (satire)

Didi had returned to power and, while it certainly was a morale booster for her and her men, it meant that she would have to continue with the unfinished tasks ahead of her. Therefore, she called for a top secret meeting of her trusted followers.
‘Moo Cool,’ she looked at her man of all seasons. ‘What have you decided?’
‘This time we could tap the Vatican,’ he said. ‘You have made plans to go there and can carry some of our products to impress the people there.’
‘What would you suggest?’
‘Pickles to start with. Then there are our sweets like Joynagarer moah, rasogollas, sitabhog and mihidana. These are our unique creations and could open up doors of opportunity.’
‘This time we must do better than last time,’ Didi mused. ‘Our London trip was a beginning.’
‘Yes. It gave us the idea of having the Big Ben right here in Kolkata.’
‘This time we could go in for the Eiffel Tower.’

Or even Venice,’ Dee Wreck said. He had been listening to Didi and decided to intervene. ‘Venice is the land of waterways and gondolas. Bollywood movies have already filmed some scenes in those surroundings.’
‘Yes,’ Omit Misra joined the conversation. ‘We could have gondolas in the Keshtopur Canal. It will add to beautification’
‘But what about industries?’ Didi asked. ‘I am not getting airlines to begin flights. Just now I got the message that one of them has packed up. They didn’t even bother to tell me!!’
Patro Chatto had been quiet till now. He had put on a lot of weight and had difficulty in speaking but he appeared to be not too concerned. After all, obesity is a sign of a successful politician.
‘In my opinion, we could go in for harnessing solar power. The solar power boats in Varanasi is an example. It does not require much land and both agriculture and industry can coexist. I think we could explore this market.’
Didi now looked towards Abhi Shake.
‘We already have a well-oiled machinery to manufacture bombs,’ he said. ‘I think we could approach the Ministry of Defense to give us legitimacy. I am certain that such an industry will make more profits and create more employment than any small car manufacturing unit.’ (to be continued …)


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Didi’s ideas to prevent suicides in Metro Rail (satire)

The monsoons had arrived and Didi was holding a meeting in her residence to define future strategies and line of action. Returning to power was something that all her people relished and Didi cautioned them about the black spots of the earlier term.
‘Remember flyovers,’ she said. ‘They can be a sore spot and must be given due respect.’
At this point, Abhi Shake burst into the room. He was shivering and looked to be terribly afraid.
‘Why are you late?’ Didi asked. ‘I will not tolerate indiscipline.’
‘I witnessed a suicide,’ Abhi Shake muttered.
‘Where?’ Moo Cool asked.
‘In the Metro. The boy was walking on the platform and, as the train entered, he jumped on the tracks. The train got stuck for nearly half an hour and I got delayed.’

‘I think we must stop such suicides,’ Didi said. ‘It leads to unwanted deaths and avoidable loss of time.’
‘I have already talked with the Metro rail people on the subject,’ Moo Cool said. ‘This problem has been haunting me for a long time. Actually, I have read that in foreign countries, they have provisions of preventing such suicides.’
‘And – what did the rail say?’ Didi wanted to know.
‘They will introduce some measures in the next phase of East-West Metro.’
‘But that is a long term plan. What do we do now, today?’
‘We could send a team to study how they do it in other countries,’ Moo Cool suggested.
‘Don’t be silly,’ Didi was not happy with that. ‘Why don’t we put Arrah Bull and Money Rule on the job?’
‘What will they do?’
‘Let them recruit local boys to patrol the platforms. Give them large fishing nets. When they see the train approaching, they must be ready to throw the net on anyone who wants to jump on the tracks.’
‘Wonderful idea,’ Moo Cool agreed. ‘That way we can reduce unemployment to some extent.’
‘Fine,’ Didi said, ‘Dee Wreck can post a write-up on this on our website. And – Patro Chatto can include a chapter in our school books on how to travel safely in Metro rail.’ (to be continued …)


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Didi’s Delhi dreams – from telebhaja to aloo chat (satire)

Didi woke up fresh. She had a really good and sound sleep. That was because she had played the cards correctly and had come up with all the aces. She had grown up from the ranks and knew just how to present her case so that her audience will be spellbound and believe whatever she says – no matter how outlandish they may sound.
Suddenly her phone rang – it was her faithful Man Friday who was better known as Moo Cool. She smiled when she remembered the beautiful drama that the two of them had played. It was for a good cause and was a diversionary tactics. It was one of her strategies.

‘Did you have a good sleep?’ Moo Cool asked.
‘Of course,’ Didi replied. ‘I think we now need to plan for the future.’
‘You mean capture Delhi?’
‘Yes,’ Didi said. ‘I am fed up with this place. I want a change of scenario.’
‘I know how you feel. Our leaders in Delhi talk big but their works are all small time.’
‘I want to change all that.’
‘Here you had to tackle 34 years of misrule,’ Moo Cool sighed. ‘In the center it is more than 60 years misrule.’
‘If I can dislodge the men in Delhi, I can show them how to run the country,’ Didi said. ‘You make a start from our oath taking ceremonies. As a first step, invite some leaders who will support my cause.’
‘No problem,’ Moo Cool said. ‘I’ll include Kaloo Prasad, Akki Lays, Cage Reeball, Ab Dulha – all of them fit the bill.’ ‘Yes. All of them love our sweets. And - they do have a soft corner for me,’ Didi said. ‘Ensure that rasogolla and sandesh are sent along with the invitation. They will have a positive effect.’
Moo Cool rang off and Didi sat with the bunch of newspapers. She loved to read what the media had to say about her victory. At one time she had doubts whether she would be able to retain power. There were fingers of accusations against a section of her people. But – Moo Cool, with his contacts in Delhi, ensured that she remain unscathed.
And, she had her team of Arrah Bull, Money Rule, Abhi Shake and Dee Wreck at the ground level to see her through.
Didi yawned. Life was becoming boring. She was tired of local issues and wanted to divert her attention to international issues. She wanted to taste the charm of the unexpected in Delhi. If she dealt the cards rightly now, she could win the gamble. Then she could hand over charge to someone like Moo Cool and shift base to Delhi.
No doubt she will miss her telebhaja and jhal moori but will get used to chana batura and aloo tikia. (to be continued…)


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Didi plans new conquests via Rabindrasangeet (satire)

It was a new day and, while the world was abuzz with speculations, our Didi was calm as always. She knew the answers because she had drawn up strategies that can never fail. She did all the planning and left to her subordinates to give proper shape to the plans.
Moo Cool was with her as were members of the top notch team of Abhi Shake, Dee Wreck, Patro Chatto, Omit Misra, Fear Had, and Bruto Bose. Their eyes were glued on the huge TV set and, as the day progressed, there were sighs of relief - the results had been on expected lines.
‘Get ready for the second innings,’ Didi said as she reached for her phone. It was a congratulatory message from Delhi. ‘Where are the sweets?’ Abhi Shake asked no one in particular.

‘They will come on time,’ Moo Cool said and smiled.
‘Hope they will be suitable for me,’ Omit Misra mumbled. He was suffering from diabetes.
‘Don’t worry,’ Moo Cool assured him. ‘My boys know that. They’ll be here any minute. They are delayed because I have placed the orders only a few hours ago.’
‘But – the orders should have been sent last night,’ Abhi Shake said. ‘That is our tradition.’
‘This time the situation was different,’ Moo Cool said.
‘You mean you had doubts about our performance? You thought we’ll bite dust?’
Moo Cool did not bother to reply. The door opened and Arrah Bull entered with Money Rule - they had with them boxes of sweets. It was a day meant for celebrations and sweets were an integral part of that event. Of course, the sweets were specially prepare with the diabetics in mind.
Suddenly Didi spoke.
‘Dee Wreck, what message have you put up on our site?’
‘I have prepared a draft,’ he said. ‘Once you approve it, I’ll post it.’
‘Remember – our sights must now be on going national,’ Didi said. ‘Let us take our very own Bengali culture to very home in the country.'
‘You mean our variety of unique foods?’
‘Foods and songs.’
‘Songs?’
‘Yes – Rabindrasangeet. Since Hindi is the language of the masses, I want to spread Rabindrasangeet to the villages of Bihar, UP, MP. We want penetration and songs will be the medium. Once they get addicted to those songs, we’ll have them eating from our hands. I want to rope in singers who will deliver the goods.’
‘But we do not have such singers,’ Patro Chatto said.
‘Search and you will find them,’ Didi said. ‘TV reality shows throw up fantastic talents. That could be the starting point. I want Rabindrasangeet to be played at every street crossing. It was a hit in Kolkata, I want it to be a hit in Patna, Lucknow and other cities as well.’
‘I’ll put Arrah Bull and Money Rule on the job,’ Moo Cool said. ‘They have mastered the art of convincing people.’ (to be continued …)


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Bust the obesity timebomb with grapes and oranges


Monsoons and Didi’s flipflops aka Hawaii chappals (satire)

Chopper scam and Moody’s questions (satire)

Baba Someday, his yoga and Pat & Jolie face cream (satire)


High alert in Cannes for the film festival where 45000 people would attend

Kavita Kaushik to play the role of an Army doctor in TV show “Dr. Bhanumati on Duty”

Lady Gaga to portray legendary singer Dionne Warwick in 'Dionne'


Bombs rock Baghdad - ISIS car bombs kill at least 89

No buyers for Zimmerman's gun that killed Trayvon Martin in 2012

Australian police arrest five men who planned to go to Syria by boat to join ISIS

Monsoons and Didi’s flipflops aka Hawaii chappals (satire)

It was raining cats and dogs and Didi had to be escorted from her car to her house by Abhi Shake who protected her with the umbrella. Of course, only her head was protected because when the rains are accompanied by gusts of wind, the clothes will get wet – as well as her trademark Hawaii chappals. Abhi had a standby pair of chappals and, once she entered her house, he dutifully placed the dry chappals at her feet.
Didi was pleased and rewarded him with a smile and it did not escape Moo Cool’s eyes. Neither dirt it escape the gazes of Dee Wreck, Omit Misra, Show Van and Patro Chatto.

They had been waiting to meet her and seeing Abhi Shake with herm they knew that Abhi had stolen a march over them. ‘I don’t see some of our people,’ Didi murmured as she occupied her throne.
‘These sudden rains must have delayed them,’ Moo Cool said.
‘It is monsoon time and it will rain. Does it mean we will not do our regular work? Do we not have our lunch and dinner?’
Moo Cool did not have a ready answer. He wanted to say that rains meant khichdi – piping hot khichdi with a dollop of ghee and begun bhaja plus omelet but he checked himself. Unless he knew her mood, he just could not open his mouth.
Suddenly the kettle of tea arrived with a basket of onion fries or piyaji – there were two boys who worked in the nearby restaurant. It supplied the tea and snacks.
Didi took a sip of tea and glanced at the bunch of papers on her desk. There were the daily newspapers and some mail of importance that she needed to go through.
It was Omit Misra who finally dared to speak.
‘How do we celebrate this time?’ he asked. His question was not addressed to anyone – he just wanted to start a discussion.
‘As usual,’ Moo Cool volunteered a reply.
‘There are reports that others may take over some areas,’ Dee Wreck said. ‘I have been studying the social networking sites and get a feeling that things are not as rosy as we would like them to be.’
‘Rubbish,’ Patro Chatto shifted his bulk in the chair. He had put on a lot of weight and, this time, he must get a home gym to ensure that his weight was in check.
The ringing of the mobile phone drew all eyes on Show Van. He listened and his face lit up with a huge smile.
‘It is the man from the Embassy,’ he said.
‘Which Embassy?’ Didi asked.
‘The Chinese Embassy,’ Show Van said. ‘They want to know about the Durga Puja and their travel plans during the festival.’
‘Tell them that Nabanna will keep them informed,’ Abhi Shake said.
‘And – one of them has developed Hawaii chappals for the monsoons. It is covered and the feet won’t get wet. They want Didi to try it out.’ ((to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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28 thrillseekers stuck in Alton Towers Galactica rollercoaster ride for 40 minutes

Walking is the best exercise in polluted cities


Moody wonders why American space research firms are jittery (satire)

Lord Shiva and Durga on home delivery and drones (satire)

Sujjo Kanto and Ritu Bruto on free LPG connections (satire)


ISIS still holding 30 workers out of 300 kidnapped from cement factory in Dumeir

Another Bangladeshi blogger killed in Dhaka because of his views on religion

Florida hunters bag a 15-foot 800-pound massive alligator


Michael Fassbender to portray the role of a serial killer in 'Entering Hades'

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Didi in a relaxed mood, plans for Book Fair (satire)

Didi had all of a sudden gone into hiding which was a bit strange because she likes to, always, be in the limelight. But, she had a hectic time for the last couple of weeks and was famished. Her doctors had ensured that the energy she had lost was recouped but, her voice had cheated her and she was forced to remain in the sidelines till her fiery voice regained its original level.
Abhi Shake had come to meet her and found Dee Wreck already at her side with his laptop. He was explaining to Didi his latest strategy. And, Didi was listening to his soft voice.
‘Yes Abhi,’ she looked at him and took a sip of her favorite ginger tea. It was a sure shot energy booster in winter but, even in humid summer, it was a welcome drink.

‘My boys want to meet you,’ Abhi said. ‘They have some useful tips that could help our cause.’
‘What sort of tips?’ Didi asked.
‘They want a clean-up contract,’ Abhi said.
‘Clean up? Why is everyone so intent on clean-up operations? What is there to clean up?’
‘The walls,’ Abhi muttered. ‘They want to clean up the defaced walls. Irrespective of which party has made the mess, my boys will remove every bit of wall writings and posters.’
‘Fine,’ Didi looked pleased. ‘Ask them to take photographs and preserve the writings. Some of them are real works of arts and, only Bengalis can create such masterpieces. We will compile them and sell them in the next Book Fair.’
‘Fantastic idea,’ Dee Wreck was all smiles. ‘We will append the translations and, I am sure the compilation would find a huge market.’
‘Let it be priced in dollars,’ Didi sad. ‘That way, we’ll get more money. A price tag of $50 would be chicken feed to foreigners but it would mean nearly Rs 3000 per book. And, that is quite an amount.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

Some more interesting links -

Baya weaver birds return to Ganjam district in Odisha

28 thrillseekers stuck in Alton Towers Galactica rollercoaster ride for 40 minutes

Walking is the best exercise in polluted cities


Moody wonders why American space research firms are jittery (satire)

Lord Shiva and Durga on home delivery and drones (satire)

Sujjo Kanto and Ritu Bruto on free LPG connections (satire)


ISIS still holding 30 workers out of 300 kidnapped from cement factory in Dumeir

Another Bangladeshi blogger killed in Dhaka because of his views on religion

Florida hunters bag a 15-foot 800-pound massive alligator


Michael Fassbender to portray the role of a serial killer in 'Entering Hades'

Disney plans live action fairytales for 2017, 2018 and 2019 - specific films not disclosed

Matt Damon to return in new Jason Bourne film

Didi wants to move around fast and wants a solution (satire)

Didi has, of late, been losing her sleep. She is a sincere politician who believes in maintaining a clean slate and sleep, to her is just a few hours of zooming in and out of a world devoid of the dirt and grime of politics.
Moo Cool did not miss the signs. He was an old hand at the game and knew just how to soothe the nerves of others.
‘Would you like to use the helicopter again?’ he asked Didi.
‘Yes, I want one,’ she replied. ‘Actually, I wish I had wings built into my body. Then I could take off like the birds and land wherever I want.’

‘That would be a wonderful idea,’ Moo Cool nodded.
‘If you want, I can float the proposal on our website,’ Dee Wreck said. ‘We have bright young men and women who can develop such a machine. And - we can even market it.’
‘I think that would be a proposal worth looking into,’ Omit Misra said. ‘It would fall in the category of industries and would generate employment also.’
‘What about land?’ Didi asked.
‘We will ask the designers to design it in such a way that requirement of land is kept to the minimum.’
‘We could name it Icarus Industries – or Double I,’ Dee Wreck said. ‘We could invite participation of the Greeks because Icarus was a Greek.’
‘It is all Latin and Greek to me,’ Didi sighed. ‘I want a comfortable mode of transport. The road journeys take up too much time and I get tired sitting cooped up for hours on end. I want a solution.’
‘I have a suggestion,’ Abhi Shake spoke.
‘What is it?’ Didi looked at him.
‘We could go in for drones,’ Abhi said. ‘That is the latest in flying. Online shopping portals are planning to use drones for delivery of their products. We could have drones to transport one person to a predetermined location. And – there would be no need for pilots. It would be programed in advance.’
Didi looked at Dee Wreck.
‘I think you can give this some thought,’ she said. ‘This could be another proposal for an industry.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Indonesian pop star dies after being bitten by a cobra on stage

Tom Hiddleston denies that he would be next James Bond

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Didi finds jhal-muri too hot to handle (satire)

The henchmen of Didi were finding it extremely difficult to keep pace with her activities and whirlwind tours. It was election time and she kept her people on their toes – her regular walks set the mood for the fight and she was loving every moment. Her secret has always been the element of surprise.
‘Shall I ask them to send in another round of jhal-muri?’ Abhi Shake asked her.
Didi gave him a hard stare.
‘I think we can go in for tele bhaja for a change,’ she said. ‘Beguni or aloor chop would be fine.’
Abhi Shake relayed the message to the restaurant in the corner.
‘Tell them to use fresh mustard oil,’ Didi reminded him. ‘I don’t want to get ulcers.’

Moo Cool coughed discreetly to get her attention.
‘Yes,’ Didi looked at him.
‘I have arranged a chopper for your next trip,’ he said. ‘It will be faster and the villagers will be impressed. They will turn up in large numbers to see a chopper from close quarters. We can be assured of a full house.’
‘Good,’ she was satisfied. ‘We must blow away all opposition. Leave no stone unturned. All of you know our strategies. Let us coin slogans that will send out proper messages.’
‘That is what we are doing,’ Patro Chatto said. ‘There are innumerable freelancers in the field – they are educated and waiting for proper jobs. They are doing a beautiful job and work for a pittance. Many of them are from the IT industry and are waiting to go abroad. This slogan making is a stop-gap arrangement for many of them.’
‘What about our engineers?’ Didi wanted to know.
‘They are studying the intricacies of flyovers,’ Patro explained. ‘Especially the art of making flyovers that can come down so that it can be rebuilt. We have to keep our workforce bagged and create prospects for the lower level to prosper.’
‘Yes – we are a party of the masses that works for the masses,’ Didi said.
By then, another round of refreshments had come. The attendant placed a plate in front of Didi and she loved the aroma of freshly fried beguni in mustard oil – she bit into one and closed her eyes. It was much better than jhal-muri. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi rolls out the red carpet (satire)

Moody’s cleanliness drive - free soap for all children (satire)

Lord Shiva cannot relate to today’s Shivaratri (satire)


Teenage girl jumps off moving bus in Mehsana to avoid molestation

Transgender candidate to contest against Mamata Banerjee in West Bengal polls

Japan kills 333 whales in its latest Antarctic hunt - the figure was 252 whales in 2014


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Tragedy in chicken eating contest in Indonesia - a competitor chokes to death

Terror attack in Ankara kills at least 37 - one suicide bomber was a 22-year-old woman

Star Wars Episode VIII to get delayed till December 2017

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Frieda Pinto talks about 'Jungle Book - Origins'

Doctor’s advice to Didi – walking is good for health (satire)

Didi has, of late, taken to walking. Her physician has said walking is a wonderful way to build stamina and, when a leader has to keep talking to convince the electorate, a simple exercise like walking can play a very important role.
‘How many roads have I traveled so far?’ Didi asked Moo Cool.
‘You have walked at least five kilometers every day for the last ten days.’
‘And how much have I covered?’
‘Quite a lot of territory,’ Moo Cool said. ‘You have really proved the point that walking is good for health. It gives additional stamina and power to shout down the opposition.’

‘Opposition? Where is the opposition?’ Patro asked. He was another of her close aides. ‘They can try to dislodge you but cannot succeed. That is why they have begun the mudslinging mission and their sting activities.’
‘We ignore such things. Anyway - what is the route you have selected today?’ she asked Patro.
‘We’ll begin from here and walk down to the Dorina Crossing.’
‘Good – but, you must select a time that will not disturb the traffic.’
‘Don’t worry, the police will take care of that aspect. They know exactly how to go about it. They have done it earlier also and it is not new to them.’
‘I don’t want school children to get caught in my walks.’
‘There are no schools in your route, you can rest assured.’
‘Fine. Now – who will be in the front line with me?’
‘I’ll be there,’ Moo Cool said. ‘And I know Patro Chatto will also be there and Omit Misra, Fear Had, Dee Wreck, Show Van, and Abhi Shake.’
‘And – what about the crowd?’
‘That is no problem. Whoever joins will get free lunch of fish curry and rice – machh bhaat.’
‘Add a cold drink also,’ Didi said. ‘There is a party who wants to market his lebur jal – he will gladly sponsor it. It will be a refreshing innovation. I bet no one else would have thought about it. Lebur jal in this summer heat will be an added attraction. By the way - what about Arra Bull and Money Rule? I hope they will be in the walk.’
‘I have given them the task of bringing in the crowds,’ Patro explained. ‘They have tremendous convincing powers and can bring truckloads within no time.’
‘I know,’ Didi said. ‘They are also useful members. OK then, let us get ready for our walk.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Moody gets a call from Uncle Sam and takes a trip to Mars (satire)

Narad queers the pitch for Didi & Co (satire)


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Gujarat Police learn the finer points of crime from hardened criminals


Star Wars Episode VIII to get delayed till December 2017

Antonio Banderas gifted a pair of monkeys to Salma Hayek on her birthday

Frieda Pinto talks about 'Jungle Book - Origins'


Clash between people of a Roma settlement of Tula and Russian riot police

President Obama imposes tough sanctions on North Korea

Terror attack in Ankara kills at least 37 - one suicide bomber was a 22-year-old woman

Didi draws up her latest strategy (satire)

Didi was closeted with her confidantes Moo Cool, Dee Wreck, Abhi Shake and Omit Misra – she had a map spread out on her table and was deep in thought. Her men seated in front of her munched the piping hot singaras as they sipped on the tea. It is the custom of Bengalis to entertain anyone who drops in with some eatables – that not only changes the atmosphere but also helps to improve communication and conversation.
‘What does the scenario look like?’ Didi asked nobody in particular.
‘The opposition is in total disarray,’ Moo Cool spoke.
‘There are talks about alliances,’ Didi mused. ‘How is that shaping up?’
‘It’s all a pipe dream,’ Dee Wreck said. ‘I have already mentioned that the proposed alliance is like the water melon – green skin with red stuff inside.’

‘You forgot about the black seeds,’ Abhi Shake added.
‘Omit-ji,’ Didi now looked at the wizened old man, ‘how do you assess the situation?’
‘Well – if you mean finance, another batch of your paintings would be a great idea,’ the Finance wizard said. He was a wizard probably better than the wizard of Hogwarts because he had been able to generate enough finance to meet all the sudden requirements of the supremo. How he did it is his secret.
‘I know,’ Didi agreed. ‘But, of late, I am not able to concentrate on my canvases. There has been too much disturbance.’
‘May I suggest exploiting the potentials of your pen?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Auction your books as sets. Auction invariably brings in more than the cover price because it is a game of one-upmanship. Everyone wants to outbid the other and pushes up the net worth.’
‘That’s a god idea,’ Didi was pleased.
‘You have made a name for yourself in the world of fine arts with not only your canvases but also your books,’ Omit went on. ‘They have sold off like hot samosas in the Book Fairs and are bound to make booklovers pine for more and more. The proceeds from the sales would certainly augment our resources.’
‘I think Dee Wreck can set the ball rolling,’ Moo Cool suggested. ‘He can drop a hint on the popular social networking sites and announce the idea. Get the global community interested and then launch the online auction. The dollars would pour in and it would be a first in the history of politics.’
‘I think we can go in for another round of singara and chai,’ Abhi Shake said. ‘Such brain storming sessions need regular doses of energy.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Quantum jump for Priyanka Chopra from Quantico to Baywatch

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Didi announces holiday for Maha Shivratri (satire)

It is well known that our beloved Didi is a generous woman – her heart bleeds for the millions of kids who do not have shoes, for the millions of girls who do not have bicycles, for the millions of youth who are educated but do not have any job. She wants her people to be happy.
Suddenly her phone rang – it was Moo Cool.
‘Yes,’ she said.
‘I have drafted the notification for the holiday,’ Moo Cool said. ‘Shall I bring it to you for signature?’
‘Give it to Patro Chatto,’ Didi instructed. ‘He knows what to do. With a holiday on Maha Shivratri our people will be happy. That is what I want. I want my people to be happy. They will get a long weekend and will enjoy it in the zoo garden or Nico Park.’

‘And – the rumors of tie up is increasing,’ Moo Cool added.
‘I am not worried. I have come up the hard way,’ she went on. ‘I have my own strategies. I know how to cozy up to whom and when. I will never be distracted by anybody.’
‘Some of our boys are misbehaving again and again,’ Moo Cool said. ‘They are becoming greedy.’
‘I have scolded them. You are there to take care of Arra Bull, Money Rule and Anu Mandel. People like you yourself, Dee Wreck, Abhi Shake are my pillars. You know how to deal with them.’
And, Didi cut off the phone.
It is a vicious circle in which she was caught – but, she was not worried. She had at her disposal several Gouri Sens who would willingly bend over backwards to fulfil her wishes, no matter how outlandish they may be.
Sitting in her chamber in Nabanna, our Didi knew that she has the world eating out of her hand. She knew that she had a whole lot of enemies but she was not afraid – she had created a team of Franksteins and it was a formidable force.
She called them her team of naughty boys (and, girls). Yes, she had empowered the girls also because it was a war to her and, as the saying goes, all is fair in love and war.
With a sigh, she removed the covering from the canvas on the easel and picked up the paint brush. The time had come to paint another rosy picture. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Industries – the Achilles Heel of Didi (satire)

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US and Cuba to restore commercial flights after 50-years

Tea and toast out of fashion in Britain just like fish and chips


Quantum jump for Priyanka Chopra from Quantico to Baywatch

Kissing scenes in movies – why this fad has never caught on in Bollywood

British actor Tom Hardy could become the new face of James Bond after Daniel Craig


Airstrikes in Syria target schools and hospitals - nearly 50 children killed

F-22 Stealth Bombers of the US fly low over South Korea skies

North Korea plans to carry out terror attacks on South Korea

Didi knows that ghosts have their uses (satire)

‘Have they arrived?’ Didi was blunt and to the point.
‘Yes,’ Moo Cool replied in a whisper.
‘You realize that time is short,’ Didi said, also in a whisper.
‘Yes,’ Moo Cool said. ‘I’ll take care of the whole thing.’
‘Good, they are our trump cards,’ Didi said. ‘They may be invisible to others but we know they exist and will come to our rescue.’
‘I know,’ Moo Cool nodded his head. He had grown old all of a sudden. The one year that he had been out in the cold had its effect on his physique. But he knew that he was back in the seat and had to deliver.
Abhi Shake sat beside him. Poor Abhi was not happy. He has thought of usurping the place occupied by Moo Cool but that is now a pipe dream. Moo Cool is back in the saddle and Didi has rewarded him.

‘Remember,’ Didi warned Moo Cool. ‘The whole world is looking at us and we must emerge with flying colors.’
Patro Chatto cleared his throat and shifted his bulk in the chair.
‘Yes?’ Didi looked at him.
‘We must not take undue risks,’ he was apprehensive.
‘Have faith in me,’ Moo Cool assured him with his trademark smile. ‘Ghosts have a power of their own. They can make or break empires.’
‘Yes, when they join together, they can be a formidable force to reckon with,’ Omit Misra added.
‘We have seen their strength in that beauty of a movie ‘Bhooter Bhabishyat’,’ Moo Cool said.
‘Well – who all have you invited for the meeting?’ Didi asked.
‘Names do not matter,’ Moo Cool said. ‘What matters is their participation as a whole. They belong to all parties because, once you go up there, you have no separate identity. Therefore, all of them belong to us.’
‘But, our opposition parties will also rope in their own people,’ Didi cautioned.
‘That would be a tiny percentage. I am quite confident that they would not make any dent in the final outcome. You can leave it all to me.’
Even as Didi and Moo Cool were conversing, the door opened a fraction of an inch and in trooped the crowd. Some of them wore pyjamas, others lungi, and a few wore trousers or bermudas. But their faces were hidden behind mufflers – if by chance the muffler went out of place, the sight that would be revealed would make any normal man run for cover. All of them were ghosts. They had ceased to exist physically but remained on paper in the voters’ list. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Moody wants bows and arrows to eliminate Big Daddy (satire)

Didi and her books in Book Fair (satire)

Lord Shiva waits for his patisapta (satire)


Brazil declares war on mosquitoes that carry the Zika virus

The FMCG world belongs to Baba Ramdev - worship noodles instead of yoga

Beggar of Mehsana with a heart of gold – gifts gold earrings to 10 poor girls


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Aamir Khan no longer the face of Incredible India


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Woman with fake passport in a British Airways flight from Ibiza leads to panic

Tourists to Morocco told by Foreign Office to be vigilant about possible terror attacks

Industries – the Achilles Heel of Didi (satire)

The full team had assembled in Didi’s house and everyone was serous. There was Moo Cool, Patro Chatto, Abhi Shake, Omit Misra and Dee Wreck. They were Didi’s most trusted assistants and they knew that wooing industrialists to invest in the state had become a pipe dream.
Like the airport waiting for international flights to start operations.
Or – launching domestic flight routes that did not attract passengers.
‘How do we come out of the rut?’ Moo Cool asked.
‘We have to wait and watch,’ Abhi Shake said. ‘Our leader knows what is best and she will succeed where others have failed. Have faith in her. She is in the saddle and we have to support her initiatives.’
‘Yes,’ Omit Misra peered through his glasses at his compatriots and agreed. ‘We have held meetings with so many big shots. They have come here and we have made them feel at home.’

‘But – the end result is getting delayed,’ Moo Cool mumbled.
‘We just cannot put up our hands and surrender,’ Dee Wreck appeared excited. ‘I have coined a song.’
‘Let us hear it.’ Abhi Shake prodded him.
‘We have seen industries in London, we have seen industries in Singapore but industries in our state are the best by far,’ Dee Wreck sang in tune with ‘ … the ladies of Calcutta are the best by far.’
‘The trouble is the perennial tussle of which came first – the egg or the hen,’ Patro Chatto shifted his bulk in the chair to reposition himself.
‘What do you mean?’ Moo Cool demanded to know.
‘It is the fight over the land,’ Patro explained. ‘We want big industries but that requires land. If we part with the land, our farmers will desert us. And, if we do not give them land, the industries will not come. It is a Catch-22 situation.’
Suddenly Didi made her appearance.
‘How many did you catch?’ Didi looked at Patro. He blinked. He imagined that Didi wanted to know how many he caught cheating in the exams.
‘Actually, the exams went off peacefully,’ he assured her. ‘No cheating.’
‘Good – that means there would be an addition of another five lakhs educated next year?’
‘Yes.’
‘And – we have to arrange jobs for them?’
‘Yes.’
‘Then let us plan from today itself,’ Didi said. ‘Once we know the figures, we can make realistic estimates of how many cycles we will need next year. And, how many sarees. It will also help me to work out how many more paintings I will have to create and how many more books I must write next year’
‘And – it will help Omit-ji draw up his financial strategies,’ Moo Cool added. ‘He is an expert in balancing the budget.’ (To be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

Some more interesting links -

Moody wants bows and arrows to eliminate Big Daddy (satire)

Didi and her books in Book Fair (satire)

Lord Shiva waits for his patisapta (satire)


Brazil declares war on mosquitoes that carry the Zika virus

The FMCG world belongs to Baba Ramdev - worship noodles instead of yoga

Beggar of Mehsana with a heart of gold – gifts gold earrings to 10 poor girls


“The Lion Guard: Return of the Roar” - Disney’s upcoming television movie

'Avatar 2', sequel to 'Avatar' of 2009 expected to release in December 2017

Aamir Khan no longer the face of Incredible India


Bomb attack kills 9 persons in Cairo near road leading to Egyptian pyramids

Woman with fake passport in a British Airways flight from Ibiza leads to panic

Tourists to Morocco told by Foreign Office to be vigilant about possible terror attacks