Didi to UP on a selling mission (satire)

Didi was in her chamber and the easel was on one side of the room. The huge glass window showed a view of the Howrah Bridge and the canvas on the easel was still untouched. She wanted to draw a bicycle and a hand – her dilemma was which should she draw first? Should the hand push the bicycle or should the bicycle be controlled by the hand?
‘I think you are worried?’ he asked.
‘Yes,’ Didi nodded. ‘I always so many problems on my head and so many worries in my mind.’
‘Did you get a good night’s sleep?’
‘That is no problem. I don’t count sheep but count goats. There are so many of them around.’
‘Are you worried about Shoe Deep and Paposh Pal?’
Both Shoe Deep and Paposh Pal were behind bars. That too away from home. Paposh had tried to avoid the bars by using his acting skills – but did not succeed.
She brushed aside the question.
‘I want to go to Lucknow,’ she said.

‘To attend the rally?’
‘That will come automatically. I want to go with a specific mission.’
‘You mean you want to influence the voters?’
‘I want to spread the message of sweetness. Get it all arranged.’
‘Who will come with you?’
‘Those who make madur, shitalpati and shalpata. These have earned UNESCO recognition and I want to sell them to the people of Lucknow. Along with our unique brand of sweets – the sitabhog and mihidana, the Joynagarer moah, the nalen gurer sandesh. Charter a plane and send them with me.’
‘But where will you put up the stall?’
‘No separate stall. My people will remain in the plane and the items will be sold from the plane which will follow the venue of the rallies. Beginning with Lucknow it will go to Varanasi, Rae Bareilly, and Allahabad etcetera.’
‘And – you will be with them?’
‘Of course. It will give me time to assess the situation in preparation of 2019. And also to pen some more poetry. After all, I too need a break once in a while. ’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi visualizes industrial revival via nalen gur (satire)

Lord Shiva and the sight of potbellied policemen (satire)

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Bomb blast in a vegetable market in Parachinar kills at least 20

Didi’s Rose garden withers in the valley (satire)

The rose is a flower that spreads its fragrance far and wide but it also has thorns that can injure. Shakespeare has already praised the flower and said that the rose by any name remains a rose. But, when things turn sour, the garden withers and the leftovers are hard to digest.
That was Didi’s dilemma – the rose garden in the valley has withered and the stink that it has created has made life too prickly.
She was closeted with her associates Moo Cool and Dee Wreck and was racking her brain to come up with a solution. ‘I must divert attention,’ she said. ‘I want to use another weapon to blunt the threat.’

‘I have an idea,’ Dee Wreck said. ‘The solution lies in processions. Our boys are great at it and, can rustle up thousands of people in no time.’
‘What sort of procession?’ Didi asked.
‘A procession of the downtrodden that will take us closer to the masses.’
‘What exactly do you have in mind?’ Moo Cool now asked. He felt he was closer to Didi and hated to see Dee Wreck take any credit.
‘Tell me – who have been most affected by the note ban?’ Dee Wreck put a counter question.
‘Practically everyone,’ Moo Cool mumbled. ‘The queues in front of ATMs have become a permanent feature of the landscape. Queues of people staring blankly at the placard showing ‘No Cash’ or ‘ATM down’.
Dee Wreck smiled.
‘No Sir,’ he replied. ‘People most affected by the notebandi are the poor beggars and the pickpockets. Beggars are not getting alms, pockets that the pickpockets pick are empty. They will take out the processions. They will walk for a pittance’
‘What about the slogans and placards that they’ll carry?’ Didi wanted to know.
‘Simple slogans like ‘We Want Pockets Full’, ‘Down With ATMs’, ‘Say No To Plastic Money’ ‘Long Live Beggars’, ‘Give Back Our Birthright’ – the possibilities are unlimited.’
‘Good – I want to implement it immediately,’ Didi said. ‘Go ahead and ensure that the message goes out to the remotest corner. It is a fight for survival.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Alert Uber cab driver in California saves a 16-year-old girl from pimps

China to ban trade and processing of all domestic ivory by end 2017


Didi in jitters – keeps flying in and out of her city (satire)

Lord Shiva wants winter favorites, Durga raises her hands (satire)

Moody gets a call from Ronald Grump (satire)


Woman beheaded in Afghanistan for entering a city without her husband

Killer in Santa Claus costume kills 39 in New Year Eve party in Istanbul

Two suicide bombers kill at least 27 in Baghdad market


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Pop superstar George Michael (53) dies of suspected of heart failure

Carrie Fisher of Star Wars fame stops breathing on board a non-stop London-Los Angeles flight

Didi in jitters – keeps flying in and out of her city (satire)

The whole world was enjoying the year end but not our beloved Didi – she had plenty on her mind. She had been in the saddle for a long time and, try as she might, she just could not convert the foundation stones that she had laid into reality.
She had to find a way out – like shifting to Delhi.
Her trusted lieutenant Moo Cool entered her chamber along with Dee Wreck.
‘I have arranged your flight,’ Moo Cool said.
‘Have you ensured that I would get priority landing at Delhi?’

‘Yes,’ Dee Wreck replied. ‘I have talked to my contacts there.’
‘I don’t want to waste even one minute extra hovering over the airport. My last experience was awful – I wanted to so badly stretch my legs and had to remain cramped up in the seat.’
‘What will be your real agenda?’ Moo Cool asked.
‘I love to keep people guessing,’ she said. ‘I make my own agenda depending on the circumstances. Right now, my mission is to tease the chaiwallah. He is fooling the common man with all sorts of promises.’
‘Yes. He had said that he would transfer huge sums of money into our bank accounts.’
‘He is still searching for the elusive hidden treasure in a fool’s paradise. Once he gets it, he will certainly share the spoils – but, he has to first f1nd them.’
She walked over to the easel and stared at the canvas - yes, she could see bright prospects in Delhi. The opposition parties were in confusion and she could reap the benefits if she played her cards right. Delhi was the solution to her troubles.
As someone has said, everyone has his own axe to grind. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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18th rhino killed in Kaziranga - this exceeds the figures of last year

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Moody in silent mode over black money (satire)

Didi upbeat about Christmas tourism (satire)

Lord Shiva and Goddess Durga discuss swipe machines (satire)


London Police deputes anti-terrorism patrol units under Operation Servator

Australian police foil a IS terror plot targeting Melbourne during Christmas

12 persons killed as truck ploughs into Christmas shoppers in Berlin


Carrie Fisher of Star Wars fame stops breathing on board a non-stop London-Los Angeles flight

Aamir Khan's Dangal expected to cross Rs 100 crore in first weekend

Glastonbury Festival could shift from Somerset to a new location towards the Midlands

Didi on black money and ‘Notebandi – the Note Bandits’ (satire)

Didi always plays her cards right. She knows just when to strike the red hot iron so that it takes the proper shape. The scrapping of old notes was what she needed – it was a chink in the armor of her opponents – black money continued to remain hidden.
She wanted to drive the wedge in.
‘What do I do now?’ she asked Moo Cool, her closest confidante.
‘Bulldoze,’ he replied.
‘Bulldoze? But bull is related to cattle,’ she said. ‘I don’t want to be associated with any form of cattle. It could send out wrong signals to my dedicated vote bank.’
Moo Cool sighed.

‘I can assure you that your vote bank will remain intact,’ he said. ‘What you must do now is to keep hitting the opposition. They are now at a disadvantage because the common man is still crying. They have money but cannot use it. They are wasting hours in front of ATMs or in bank queues and are even dying. These are your weapons.’
At this point, Dee Wreck joined the discussion.
‘I have studied the present situation,’ he said. ‘I think the time is ripe to launch an attack that will cripple the opposition.’
‘And what is that?’ Didi asked.
‘Bowl them over with your googlies.’
‘How?’
‘There are so many movie stars young and old in our ranks, right?’ Dee Wreck asked.
‘Yes.’
‘And - there is one from Bollywood who also owns a cricket club in our city. They can all be roped in for a special movie titled ‘Notebandi – the Note bandits’. It will be a runway hit.’
‘Not a bad idea,’ Moo Cool added. ‘There could be a detective angle with a character like our so popular Boom Cash – the ultimate detective. He could go about hunting for the bandits.’
‘And – it will be in black and white,’ Dee Wreck added. ‘No color.’
‘Why?’ Didi asked.
‘Because its theme will be black. It will have blacks – right from black money, black market, blackout, black cat, black deed, black magic, black flags, blackbird etcetera.’ (to be continued…)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Book comes back to the library after 130-years


Moody fires cannons to eliminate mosquitoes (satire)

Fuchka Festival in Kolkata and selfies (satire)

Lord Shiva and Goddess Durga discuss swipe machines (satire)


Beatles Ashram in Rishikesh sees more footfalls of Indians rather than foreigners

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Spider-Man: Homecoming - first trailer released


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All is not well in Europe - 1750 ISIS jihadists have returned to carry out attacks

Anonymous caller threatens terror attack in Los Angeles near a Hollywood theme park

Didi sharpens her weapons to conquer the Hindi belt (satire)

Didi has plans to boost her tribe and feels that she must explore other states for possible wins. Her slogans are aimed at touching the heart strings of the poor and downtrodden and, when she takes the stage, the words keep flowing out, as if by magic.
‘Yes,’ Moo Cool agreed in one of her meetings. ‘You are the new leader of the masses. You can become the No 1 in no time. Only – you must master the language.’
‘I also agree,’ Fear Had nodded. ‘You can converse in Hindi. You do speak in Hindi when visiting Burra Bazar – but, if you have to speak in Hindi nonstop for a long time, you might be handicapped.’
‘I feel you must get a good tutor,’ Dee Wreck said. ‘You still have some time before you embark on your Mission Lucknow and Mission Patna. A couple of hours every day in your chamber in Nabanna will do the trick.’

Didi listened to them and laughed.
‘Don’t underestimate me,’ she said. ‘I listen to the TV news channels and they speak in Hindi. It is the link language of our country. I am able to get my point across to the leaders in Delhi. I can give them back in their own coin.’
‘I know that you can,’ Dee Wreck went on. ‘But – at the grassroots level people love to listen to someone who talks in their lingo. So – my suggestion is that you go fully prepared. We don’t want you to be disappointed. We want our flag to fly high.’
Didi sighed.
‘Well – if all of you want it that way, so be it,’ she said. ‘I believe in the maxim – when in Rome, do as Romans do. I’ll talk like them, I’ll dress like them. I want them to strengthen my hands.’
‘Don’t worry,’ Moo Cool assured. ‘I will take care of all that. Only – it should not be like that Jantar Mantar episode when that old man let us down.’
‘Let us not dwell on the past,’ she said. ‘Let us look at the bright future. Akki Lace has agreed to sit on the dias with me.’
‘The recipe for success is Hindi is a little smattering of Urdu and Bhojpuri,’ Moo Cool said. ‘The land of Nawabs love the pehle-aap lines.’
‘And – the Biharis will be floored by Bhojpuri,’ Dee Wreck added. (to be continued ..)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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Didi’s plans go awry – black money rears its head (satire)

Didi woke up to a new day after the wonderful evening spent in the company of celebrities of the silver screen. She personally handed over to them her paintings that are high value items – she had sold them to arrange finances for the historic campaign that brought to power.
But – there was gloom around her because there was a sea of housewives outside her house. They were badly affected by the sudden decision of scrapping old bank notes.
It was a real shock to these housewives because they had accumulated quite a lot of money in their secret piggy banks by diversion of funds allotted to them by their hubbies to take care of family expenses.

The amounts in these piggy banks came in handy for extra expenses and, keeping it secret was a sort of game that they played with their hubbies. It was an expression of saying in their way that ‘I too care’.
They were now at a loss of how to keep their treasure trove a secret.
Didi gave them a patient hearing and assured them that she would take up the matter with Delhi.
By the time they dispersed, there was another delegation that had arrived at her doorstep.
They were small time traders who dealt in the goodies of winter – goodies like nalen gur and joynagarer moah. All of a sudden they were stranded because there were no buyers. They wanted Didi to buy off their items and help them out. They suggested that she could store the products and sell them off through her well-oiled machinery as she did for potatoes.
Once again Didi assured them to look into the matter and explore possibilities of helping them out of this predicament.
By the time they left, there was a third group of people. They were the organizers of the exhibitions that are held during winter.
And – behind them were members of various syndicates. They did not know how to take care of the accumulated black money. They wanted her advice.
Didi immediately called an emergency meeting of her confidantes and, within no time, they arrived. There was Moo Cool, Patro Chatto, Show Van, Omit Misra, Dee Wreck, Golla Sen and, Chandi Ma. All of them appeared to be off mood. They had missed their Sunday special lunch of mutton dishes. None of the shops accepted Rs 2000 notes as payment towards of 1-Kg of mutton worth Rs 500 – they just did not have the change to give back! (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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Didi’s idea - deflate tyres to punish unruly drivers (satire)


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No-fly zones to be imposed over jails to prevent drones from being used to smuggle drugs into prisons


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Second trailer of Wonder Woman released- will be in the cinemas in July 2017

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Didi’s idea - deflate tyres to punish unruly drivers (satire)

Didi hates rash driving and unruly drivers and, in spite of her instructions, there are rash drivers who get involved in hit-and-run affairs and land up with blood on their hands. Some of them do not survive the accidents and, in spite of roadside hoardings advising them of safe driving, they just do not bother and end up either in the hospital or in the morgue.
There was pin drop silence in the room as Didi entered.
Seated with grim faces were her trusted lieutenants Patro Chatto, Omit Misra, Dee Wreck, Moo Cool, Fear Had and Show Van. Only Abhi Shake was missing – he was in the Bell View hospital, recuperating from the effects of rash driving.
No, he was not behind the steering wheel. He was an occupant of the car and was lucky.

‘Have you released the circular?’ she asked her administrative officer.
‘I have drafted it,’ he cleared his throat and replied.
‘Is it applicable for both two and four wheelers?’ Didi wanted to know.
‘Yes. And also for three wheelers.’
‘Three wheelers?’
‘Yes, the auto rickshaws. They must also be reined in. Today one of then behaved badly with my daughter on her way back from school.’
‘Have you made helmets compulsory for two wheelers?’ she asked.
‘Yes. We will revive the no-helmet, no-petrol rule. Plus - seat belts and air bags for four wheelers.’
‘Good,’ Didi seemed satisfied. ‘And, to enforce discipline, I want to punish those who do not toe the line. My punishment will give instant results.’
‘You mean the police will book them on the spot?’
‘No. That takes a lot of time.’
‘Then what is your punishment?’
‘Hawa nikal doh. Take the air out of their tyres,’ Didi said.
‘But who will do that?’ Patro Chatto gulped and asked. ‘They are all rowdies.’
‘What Patro,’ Didi chided him. ‘Instruct the local clubs to position their members at every petrol pump and deflate tyres. They’ll not refuse and do it gladly because I give them annual grants for their chai and singaras.’ ‘Sorry,’ Partro said. ‘I did not think on those lines.’
‘Didi is great,’ Dee Wreck quipped. ‘She thinks of everything.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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Didi on a lotus growing mission (satire)

Didi’s hands were full – she had a whole lot of Durga Puja inaugurations to do. It was a trying job but, since they were all big budget pujas with her own people heading the committees, she could not disappoint them. And – they enjoyed the attention and loved every minute of it.
The TV cameras followed the team and Didi chanted the shlokas with perfection.
But – she had also to listen to complaints from all committee members. The complaint was about non availability of lotus flowers. 108 of these flowers are required for every puja and with nearly 3000 pujas being held, the shortage was a major problem.
Moo Cool was walking alongside Didi and he sidled up close to her.
‘What is this lotus they are talking about?’ she asked.

‘It is in short supply,’ Moo Cool replied in almost a whisper.
‘Why? Are there any lotus eaters around?’
‘It is not due to that.’
‘Then?’
‘Waterbodies have dried up and lotus need water to survive.’
‘That is the problem with industrialization,’ Didi murmured. ‘They occupy too much land and choke the waterbodies out. The result is shortage of fish and, now, lotus.’
‘Yes,’ Moo Cool agreed.
Just then Dee Wreck came up to her.
‘I don’t think we should discuss lotus so openly,’ he also spoke in a low voice. ‘It could send out wrong signals.’ ‘But – this lotus is different,’ Moo Cool said.
‘Don’t argue,’ Didi warned them. ‘My people have put up a problem and I must help them out. Tell me – how can we increase the production of the lotus?’
‘We could convert the land in the land bank to water bodies,’ Dee Wreck said. ‘That way we can solve two problems.’
‘Two problems?’Didi asked.
‘Yes,’ Dee Wreck replied. ‘We can produce more number of lotus and, also, breed more fish. That will take care of these two shortages.’
‘But – the land bank is kept reserved for industries.’
Dee Wreck sighed.
‘Right now there are no takers for that land,’ he said. ‘It is lying idle. We can exploit it till industries come along.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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Didi and her BMW dreams (satire)

On the journey back home to Kolkata, our beloved Didi was trying to evaluate her gains on this trip to Germany. She seldom went out of the country and this was her third outing in search of industries. She had been to Singapore, then to London and now Germany. She had received assurances but nothing worth talking about had emerged.
Suddenly her mobile rang –it was her trusted lieutenant Moo Cool.
‘How did it all go?’ he asked.
‘Difficult to assess,’ she admitted. ‘I want to show the world that BMW is our watchword.’

‘Have they given any hints?’
‘I don’t want hints,’ Didi sounded hurt. ‘When I want something, I get it – by hook or by crook. I know how to bend my fingers. Tell me – how are things shaping up? How many have deserted their parties and joined ours?’
Moo Cool laughed.
‘They keep coming,’ he said. ‘Very soon, there won’t be any opposition.’
‘That is what I want,’ Didi said. ‘Opposition means interference and delays. I want things to go smoothly. Already I have controlled the bandhs and brought back good work culture among the employees. That is what foreign investors want.’
‘But – the potholes are an eyesore,’ Moo Cool reminded.
‘Don’t worry,’ Didi assured. ‘We will ferry them by choppers. They need not fear the bumps and jumps. Those are for the local people and the media – they also need some topics to talk about to raise storms in teacups. There are so many TV channels and so many reporters, especially the girls – they have to earn their living.’
‘Really Didi, you have a remarkable eye for details,’ Moo Cool was all praises. ‘You know all the tricks of the trade. Your road to Delhi is going to be a smooth one.’
‘Remember – the message is BMW.’
‘You mean BMW has agreed to set up a factory here?’
‘Don’t be so naïve, Rome was not built in a day. Everything needs a gestation period.’
‘It should not go into cold storage.’
‘BMW will always be in the news. BMW – Bangla Means Womanpower.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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Didi to search for the stolen gold medallion (satire)

Didi suddenly decided to turn detective and search for the stolen gold medallion which is a part of history – it had been stolen nearly 12-years back and, in spite of efforts by various agencies, it continues to remain missing.
So she called for a top secret meeting of her trusted men headed by Moo Cool, Dee Wreck, Abhi Shake, Patro Chatto and a few others.
‘I want the gold medallion,’ she announced.

Abhi Shake looked at Moo Cool and shrugged his shoulders. Didi never competed in any sort of race – why then should she want the gold medallion? Of course, she would have got a gold for her stamina and ability to walk for miles wearing a pair of flipflops.
‘Which gold medallion?’ Moo Cool asked.
‘The one that was stolen,’ Didi said.
‘There are many stolen items still not recovered,’ Patro Chatto said. ‘The police and CID are following up clues. I think they can locate such items.’
‘They have not done anything for 12 years,’ Didi fumed. ‘I now want to take over the task. I know I can bring it back and restore it to its rightful owner.’
‘It has been missing for 12 years?’ Dee Wreck was surprised. ‘And you want to become a detective like Miss Marple and search for it? Have you got inspiration from the small screen heroine of the popular TV serial that portrays a lady detective?’
‘My inspiration is to get at the truth,’ Didi said. ‘I believe in the saying – set a thief to catch a thief. I am confident that the missing gold medallion can be found. I want a plan. Who can you put on the job?’
‘Well – we can look at options like Arra Bull and Money Rule,’ Moo Cool suggested. ‘They have good contacts.’
‘Arra Bull came to see me the other day,’ Didi said. ‘I did not meet him. He is creating trouble. I am getting a bad name due to him.’
‘But –he is useful,’ Patro said. ‘And – he has contacts in the neighboring country. Thieves can easily cross the border and go into hiding and he can play an important role.’
‘Who you put on the job is your business,’ Didi said. ‘I want the gold medallion back. Let us get cracking – check out all the thieves who were active 12 years back.’
‘And – alive today,’ Dee Wreck added. ‘I’ll tap the social media to get clues. Someone somewhere may be of help.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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Didi to gift pepper spray to all girls (satire)

Didi convened a hurried meeting before leaving for Delhi on a very important mission – it was mission 19. Yes – she has enough foresight to chalk out plans for a major upset in the New Delhi power equation come year 2019.
‘Don’t you think it is too early?’ Moo Cool, her Man Friday asked.
Didi grinned.
‘Remember – the early bird catches the worm,’ she said.
Just then two of her women members entered her chamber. They were Golla Sen and Chandi Ma. They worshipped the ground Didi walked on and could do anything to see her happy.
Didi waved them to the chairs and Moo Col got up to leave but Didi signaled him to remain.
‘I am worried about the safety of women in our state,’ she said. ‘I keep hearing of atrocities on school girls, college girls, working women and even housewives. That must stop.’
‘It is all propaganda of the opposition,’ Golla Sen replied. ‘They are jealous of our rising clout and want to discredit us. I have never faced any such situation.’
‘I agree with Golla,’ Chandi Ma said. ‘I also have never faced any such situation. And, I know, neither have you. They are afraid of our size.’
‘Forget all that. I believe in the saying – prevention is better than cure. I want all school and college girls to be given pepper sprays,’ Didi said.

‘But – that will run into millions,’ Golla said.
‘So let us set up industries to manufacture them,’ Didi said. ‘It will give jobs to many unemployed and also create a market for producing real hot chilies. The women can grow the chilies and dry them while the men can powder and package them.’
‘Wonderful idea,’ Chandi Ma agreed. ‘We can have a major event and distribute the pepper sprays to the girls, as we did for bicycles. The sprays should be in packets of a dozen each.’
‘Why a dozen?’ Golla asked.
‘These sprays cannot be reused. So – the girls will always have some stock with them.’
‘Let us plan accordingly,’ Didi said. ‘Our ‘pepper spray’ initiative. Moo Cool – I want you to locate industrialists who are willing to invest. And – ask Dee Wreck to get cracking on the social media network to promote the idea. I want our girls to always have the upper hand.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

Efforts on by Odisha to get UNESCO Heritage tag for Bhitarkanika national park

Alitalia pilot refused to fly from Beirut to Rome because he was tired - passengers stuck for 16 hours at Beirut

Wildfire in California spreads over 11,000 acres - residents evacuated


Didi not happy seeing urchins in Howrah Station (satire)

Lord Shiva stumped by the sea of humanity on 21st (satire)

Moody embraces yoga, his medics could embrace poverty (satire)

Lone wolf attack in Munich mall kills 10 including the attacker

Youth attacks train commuters with an axe - leaves more than 20 injured, some seriously

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Irrfan Khan meets Arvind Kejriwal before release of his film 'Madaari'

Kissing scenes in movies – why this fad has never caught on in Bollywood

Didi’s naughty boys tie her up in knots (satire)

Didi had to do a lot of cleanup of her house to put it in order because her naughty boys had tied her in knots. It was in a bad condition and she was frantically searching for the proper broom or should she go in for vacuum cleaners? She therefore called up Moo Cool, her favorite assistant who doubled up as her Man Friday.
‘I want brooms,’ she said.
‘Should I get in touch with Cage Reeball in Delhi?’ Moo Cool asked. ‘He is the only leader with brooms, a broom master.’
‘No, I want brooms to clean up a whole lot of mess in my house. I don’t want any tie up with the broom party of Delhi. Not at the moment, that is.’
‘Oh, you mean local dirt?’
‘Yes, the naughty boys are raising a stink. And are spoiling the beauty of my garden.’

‘You have to handle them with care,’ Moo Cool said.‘They have been our assets.’
‘Today, they have become liabilities. I agree that syndicates are useful because they are a source of income for many,’ Didi said. ‘They work in groups and reduce the unemployment issue.’
‘Yes, they pool their efforts to help house construction business,’ Moo Cool added. ‘The problem happens when some of them become adventurous, become greedy and fall victim to easy money by virtue of links with us.’
‘They are the naughty boys,’ Didi said. ‘Why don’t you scold them? You are like their big brother and have every right to punish them.’
‘I’ll do that,’ Moo Cool said. ‘Shall I ask the hospitals to keep ready some more VIP cabins?’ Moo Cool asked.
‘Yes, you can do that,’ Didi replied. ‘Once in police custody, they’ll all be complaining of chest pain and breathlessness. So, they can be in the ICUs’.
‘And – shall I get the cabins furnished with AC, TV and sofa sets?’
‘But of course,’ Didi said. ‘They cannot be put in solitary confinement. They’ll need to relax. By the way - ask Dee Wreck to paint a rosy picture of all this in the social media. That counts a lot today and is a surefire method to wipe out the bad picture and paint a new one.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi hates to have blood on her hands (satire)

Didi was in a brainstorming session with her core group consisting of her Man Friday in the form of Moo Cool and Abhi Shake, Dee Wreck, Omit Misra, Patro Chatto and Show Van.
‘Why don’t we put a stop to these road accidents on the flyovers? I don’t want blood on my hands. It is sad when young lives are lost due to these accidents,’ she said.
‘It is the fault of age,’ Abhi Shake remarked. ‘The two wheelers are powerful and these youngsters want to show off to their friends.’
‘And heap miseries on their families?’ Didi asked. ‘Is it fair?’

Just then the police Chief Soor O’Jeet entered with a group of his officers, all of them were serious. Didi looked up and waved them to the chairs.
‘I have called you to discuss how to prevent road accidents involving two wheelers,’ she said. ‘Rash driving is a dangerous trend and it must be stopped. What do you suggest?’
‘Actually, these boys love to race on empty roads,’ Soor O’Jeet said. ‘They want to follow their counterparts of Delhi and Mumbai.’
‘I don’t want their blood on my hands,’ Didi repeated. She was firm.
‘Most of them are from influential families. They love to mix their drinks with sped and zoom about at night. Especially when the roads are empty. They love to have fun.’
‘And get killed,’ Didi said. ‘No – I will not tolerate this. You must end this madness. Make flyovers out of bounds after 10pm.’
Soor O’Jeet was at a loss for words. He must say something that would please Didi.
‘Actually, to monitor that aspect, I could have checks at the entry points,’ he said. ‘For that I will need more men.’
‘There is no shortage of manpower,’ Didi said. ‘Give the responsibility to the local clubs. Thy will gladly accept it. After all, I am giving them donations. That problem is solved. Any more problem?’
‘I want speed guns,’ Soor O’Jeet said. ‘Those guns will help identify overspeeders.’
‘Give your request to Omit-ji,’ Didi said. ‘He will arrange necessary finance. Anything else?’
‘Breath analyzers,’ Soor O’Jeet said. ‘Most of the youngsters drink too much. Breath analyzer would catch them immediately.’
Didi looked at Omit Misra.
‘Omit-ji,’ she said. ‘Please sanction necessary funds to Soor O’Jeet. Remember, I do not want blood on my hands.’
Omit Misra nodded, removed his glasses, wiped them and put them back. Didi feels he is a magician and can do miracles, he can create something from nothing. And, he cannot disappoint her. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi not happy seeing urchins in Howrah Station (satire)

Didi loves meetings and tours because both of these bring her closer to her people. But some of her own were putting obstacles in her path and she was getting irritated.
‘Moo Cool,’ she looked at her Man Friday. ‘I am fed up of these syndicate boys. Why don’t you find a solution?’ ‘At times I feel like taking the law into my own hands and hammering the daylight out of these characters,’ Moo Cool ground his teeth in anger. ‘They are spoiling our image.’
‘I know,’ Didi agreed. ‘But – I check the urge. I have warned them in my meetings but they are not bothered.’
‘We have to live with them,’ Abhi Shake said. ‘They are Frankensteins and we have created them to further our own agenda. We must learn to control them.’
'I think I'll hold some classes,' Didi murmured.
Suddenly Dee Wreck rang up.
‘The train is on time,’ he said. ‘The delegates want you to be there to meet them.’

‘Yes, I know,’ she sighed. ‘They are from the jungle and must be kept happy.’
‘I have arranged a dress for you,’ Dee Wreck said. ‘If you wear it, it will create a better impression. Everyone does it – no one minds. In fact they love such variety.’
‘OK,’ Didi said.
And so it came to pass that Didi dressed up as a tribal woman and went to Howrah Station. She loved trains. She had, once, been the railway minister and, agitations around trains was not new to her. Local trains carry people from far off places to the city proper and it can be a huge lever to make those in authority wake up and listen.
Moo Cool and Abhi Shake accompanied Didi while Dee Wreck remained with her vehicle.
Suddenly Didi stopped.
‘Why is the platform so dirty?’ she asked Moo Cool. ‘We must maintain cleanliness and follow the principle of Swatchh Bharat. Let us make the surroundings hawker free.’
Just then a bunch of kids ran past her. They were urchins.
‘These kids should be in school,’ she said. ‘I have given them books, shoes, bicycles, and dresses. I want them to study and become engineers and doctors. Then why are they running about on the platform?’
No one had any ready reply. (to be continued ...)


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Beijing is sinking by 11cm per year due to over consumption of ground water

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Moody embraces yoga, his medics could embrace poverty (satire)

Didi wants to promote small scale industries (satire)

Lord Shiva bamboozled by the storylines of TV serials (satire)


ISIS trying to enter India - 11 youths apprehended in Hyderabad

Gunmen strike a restaurant in Dhaka - 20 killed in the attack

36 killed and more than 147 injured in Ataturk airport suicide attack in Istanbul


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Meryl Streep, Freida Pinto and Michelle Obama in Morocco to promote education among girls

Kavita Kaushik to play the role of an Army doctor in TV show “Dr. Bhanumati on Duty”

Didi wants to promote small scale industries (satire)

Back in power for a second term, Didi has realized that industries are a must for development and, she called the leaders close to her for a brainstorming session – the objective was to identify those industries that can co-exist with rice fields and coconut trees.
‘I want industries,’ she announced. ‘Tell me Moo Cool – how do we start?’
Moo Col gulped and cleared his throat. He knew Didi’s interpretation of industries and, he must think up something that would suit the Boss.
‘We could go in for ceiling fans,’ he said. ‘There used to be such factories once upon a time, we can revive them.’
Didi looked at him hard.
‘How can you think of ceiling fans when air-conditioners are the norms of today?’
‘If you ask me, I’ll say we could consider hand held fans,’ Abhi Shake spoke.

‘You mean like hand held computers?’ Dee Wreck asked.
‘Those operate on batteries,’ Abhi Shake explained. ‘What I mean are the fans made from the leaves of the palm tree. The talpatar pakha, an example of Make in India. It would appeal to the leaders in Delhi.’
‘Not a bad idea,’ Didi said. ‘Moreover, it will help tone up and maintain the muscles of the arm – an extended form of yoga. It will be a boon for the musclemen. We could even export the hand fans to Bangladesh and other such nearby areas. And – who knows, they could even enter the European market. I’ll talk about it when I go to the Vatican.’
‘I have another idea,’ Patro Chatto said. ‘Let us bring back the horse carriages. Someone has made an air-conditioned horse drawn carriage and is renting it out for weddings. We can make them in thousands and, not only run them in the city but even export them. There will be a ready market because it is environment friendly.’
‘I think this is a good idea,’ Omit Misra said. ‘This also falls in the Make in India bracket and will find favor with Delhi. I can discuss it with Jet Lee and try to get some separate grant for this industry.’
‘Fine,’ Didi said. ‘You do that. Remember – we must have industries. Even the small ones help. Little drops of water go to make the mighty ocean.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi reveals the other side of the bribe controversy (satire)

Didi loves to turn the tables on her opponents. She knows that there are two sides to any coin and revels in using the logic to her advantage. The latest is the pre-poll sting operation that had sent jitters up her spine. She had put up a brave front but, in her heart of hearts she was not sure about the integrity of some of her partymen.
But – once she came through victorious, she knew that she could give her own interpretation of what people had seen in the sting videos. It was the logic of ‘is the glass half empty or half full’.
‘What do you think we should do Moo Cool?’ Didi asked.
‘We should pay them back in their own coin,’ Moo Cool replied.

‘Do you believe that our members can really take money like that?’ Didi now turned towards Abhi Shake.
‘No,’ Abhi said. ‘Our members are well off. Most of us are crorepatis. We don’t need such money.’
‘What about Show Van? Do you mean to say that those videos are not true?’
‘Yes,’ Show Van replied, panting. ‘Those are a part of a big conspiracy to discredit us and show us in poor light.’
‘But – truth has prevailed,’ Patro Chatto added. ‘We must get to the bottom of this affair. Let us put the CID on the job. They can unearth the truth.’
‘Let us put the facts straight,’ Dee Wreck opened his mouth. ‘I have studied the reactions in the social media. People have questioned the timing of the sting operation.’
‘Anyway,’ Moo Cool now added. ‘The videos show money changing hands. There are some dialogues. In my opinion, it is all photo shopping. There are experts who can put another’s face on another’s body. And – insert dialogues. The dialogues sound lifelike. Like the ads on TV. The voice of the celebrities who endorse the hair oil or face cream sounds just like him in any language. It is the beauty of modern day technology.’
‘Then let us call our police chief and tell him to go ahead,’ Didi gave her verdict.
‘He is already here’ Moo Cool said. ‘He is waiting in the outer office enjoying hot pakoras with his favorite tea. He is once again his bright old self waiting for your orders.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi stuck with a heap of unfinished tasks (satire)

Didi had returned to power and, while it certainly was a morale booster for her and her men, it meant that she would have to continue with the unfinished tasks ahead of her. Therefore, she called for a top secret meeting of her trusted followers.
‘Moo Cool,’ she looked at her man of all seasons. ‘What have you decided?’
‘This time we could tap the Vatican,’ he said. ‘You have made plans to go there and can carry some of our products to impress the people there.’
‘What would you suggest?’
‘Pickles to start with. Then there are our sweets like Joynagarer moah, rasogollas, sitabhog and mihidana. These are our unique creations and could open up doors of opportunity.’
‘This time we must do better than last time,’ Didi mused. ‘Our London trip was a beginning.’
‘Yes. It gave us the idea of having the Big Ben right here in Kolkata.’
‘This time we could go in for the Eiffel Tower.’

Or even Venice,’ Dee Wreck said. He had been listening to Didi and decided to intervene. ‘Venice is the land of waterways and gondolas. Bollywood movies have already filmed some scenes in those surroundings.’
‘Yes,’ Omit Misra joined the conversation. ‘We could have gondolas in the Keshtopur Canal. It will add to beautification’
‘But what about industries?’ Didi asked. ‘I am not getting airlines to begin flights. Just now I got the message that one of them has packed up. They didn’t even bother to tell me!!’
Patro Chatto had been quiet till now. He had put on a lot of weight and had difficulty in speaking but he appeared to be not too concerned. After all, obesity is a sign of a successful politician.
‘In my opinion, we could go in for harnessing solar power. The solar power boats in Varanasi is an example. It does not require much land and both agriculture and industry can coexist. I think we could explore this market.’
Didi now looked towards Abhi Shake.
‘We already have a well-oiled machinery to manufacture bombs,’ he said. ‘I think we could approach the Ministry of Defense to give us legitimacy. I am certain that such an industry will make more profits and create more employment than any small car manufacturing unit.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi’s ideas to prevent suicides in Metro Rail (satire)

The monsoons had arrived and Didi was holding a meeting in her residence to define future strategies and line of action. Returning to power was something that all her people relished and Didi cautioned them about the black spots of the earlier term.
‘Remember flyovers,’ she said. ‘They can be a sore spot and must be given due respect.’
At this point, Abhi Shake burst into the room. He was shivering and looked to be terribly afraid.
‘Why are you late?’ Didi asked. ‘I will not tolerate indiscipline.’
‘I witnessed a suicide,’ Abhi Shake muttered.
‘Where?’ Moo Cool asked.
‘In the Metro. The boy was walking on the platform and, as the train entered, he jumped on the tracks. The train got stuck for nearly half an hour and I got delayed.’

‘I think we must stop such suicides,’ Didi said. ‘It leads to unwanted deaths and avoidable loss of time.’
‘I have already talked with the Metro rail people on the subject,’ Moo Cool said. ‘This problem has been haunting me for a long time. Actually, I have read that in foreign countries, they have provisions of preventing such suicides.’
‘And – what did the rail say?’ Didi wanted to know.
‘They will introduce some measures in the next phase of East-West Metro.’
‘But that is a long term plan. What do we do now, today?’
‘We could send a team to study how they do it in other countries,’ Moo Cool suggested.
‘Don’t be silly,’ Didi was not happy with that. ‘Why don’t we put Arrah Bull and Money Rule on the job?’
‘What will they do?’
‘Let them recruit local boys to patrol the platforms. Give them large fishing nets. When they see the train approaching, they must be ready to throw the net on anyone who wants to jump on the tracks.’
‘Wonderful idea,’ Moo Cool agreed. ‘That way we can reduce unemployment to some extent.’
‘Fine,’ Didi said, ‘Dee Wreck can post a write-up on this on our website. And – Patro Chatto can include a chapter in our school books on how to travel safely in Metro rail.’ (to be continued …)


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Didi’s Delhi dreams – from telebhaja to aloo chat (satire)

Didi woke up fresh. She had a really good and sound sleep. That was because she had played the cards correctly and had come up with all the aces. She had grown up from the ranks and knew just how to present her case so that her audience will be spellbound and believe whatever she says – no matter how outlandish they may sound.
Suddenly her phone rang – it was her faithful Man Friday who was better known as Moo Cool. She smiled when she remembered the beautiful drama that the two of them had played. It was for a good cause and was a diversionary tactics. It was one of her strategies.

‘Did you have a good sleep?’ Moo Cool asked.
‘Of course,’ Didi replied. ‘I think we now need to plan for the future.’
‘You mean capture Delhi?’
‘Yes,’ Didi said. ‘I am fed up with this place. I want a change of scenario.’
‘I know how you feel. Our leaders in Delhi talk big but their works are all small time.’
‘I want to change all that.’
‘Here you had to tackle 34 years of misrule,’ Moo Cool sighed. ‘In the center it is more than 60 years misrule.’
‘If I can dislodge the men in Delhi, I can show them how to run the country,’ Didi said. ‘You make a start from our oath taking ceremonies. As a first step, invite some leaders who will support my cause.’
‘No problem,’ Moo Cool said. ‘I’ll include Kaloo Prasad, Akki Lays, Cage Reeball, Ab Dulha – all of them fit the bill.’ ‘Yes. All of them love our sweets. And - they do have a soft corner for me,’ Didi said. ‘Ensure that rasogolla and sandesh are sent along with the invitation. They will have a positive effect.’
Moo Cool rang off and Didi sat with the bunch of newspapers. She loved to read what the media had to say about her victory. At one time she had doubts whether she would be able to retain power. There were fingers of accusations against a section of her people. But – Moo Cool, with his contacts in Delhi, ensured that she remain unscathed.
And, she had her team of Arrah Bull, Money Rule, Abhi Shake and Dee Wreck at the ground level to see her through.
Didi yawned. Life was becoming boring. She was tired of local issues and wanted to divert her attention to international issues. She wanted to taste the charm of the unexpected in Delhi. If she dealt the cards rightly now, she could win the gamble. Then she could hand over charge to someone like Moo Cool and shift base to Delhi.
No doubt she will miss her telebhaja and jhal moori but will get used to chana batura and aloo tikia. (to be continued…)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi wants Red Road to be renamed (satire)

Didi wanted the oath-taking ceremony to be a very grand affair attended by dignitaries of every hue and color. She had proved to the world at large that she can deliver the goods even when faced with all sort of odds. She was also satisfied that the Reds had been put in their place.
Suddenly Moo Cool rang her up. She had entrusted him with the task of inviting the glitterati of Delhi and, therefore, he had flown down to the capital.
‘Yes Moo Cool, how is it going?’ she asked.
‘Fine. I have met all those who matter and they have assured that they’ll make it a point to be present. But – Jet Lee has some doubts. He wants to talk with you.’
‘OK – I’ll ring him up.’
‘Don’t worry. He is right here with me.’

‘Fine. Put him on.’
‘Congrats Madam,’ Jet Lee wished her. ‘I knew you will come through.’
‘I also knew. I kept it a secret.’
‘Your toils have paid off. Watching you going from one place to another and convincing the masses was done beautifully. You have plenty of admirers here.’
‘Thanks. I had to fight with a handicap of 34 years of misrule and empty coffers. The Reds had left me a legacy of a huge burden debts.’
Jet Lee laughed.
‘You have put the Reds in their place now. You deserve full credit. We’ll come to the program. By the way – where are you holding it? ’
‘I want to invite the whole city,’ Didi said. ‘Therefore I’ve decided to have it in the open, on the road.’
‘You mean in the Maidan or outside Nabanna?’
‘No. It will be on a still bigger road.’
‘It is monsoon season. Don’t you think it would be risky to do this program outdoors when rains can spoil the show at any moment?’
It was now Didi’s turn to laugh.
‘We have the best super soppers with us. We have used it during cricket matches.’
‘Good. Then we need not worry,’ Jet Lee said. ‘Hope you will arrange for choppers to take us to the venue from the airport.’
‘Leave all that to my team of Moo Cool and Dee Wreck,’ Didi said. ‘They are experts.’
‘Fine. And – where is this venue?’
‘It is the Red Road,’ Didi said.
‘Red Road? But – you have driven out all the Reds from your territory, haven’t you?’
‘Don’t worry. This Red will also go one day. We love to rename roads.’ (to be continued …)


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