Lord Shiva and the mystery of haunted houses (satire)

It was another bright sunny morning. Normally, it should have been cloudy because it was monsoon time and, as a rule, skies are supposed to be overcast and rains are supposed to be the order of the day. And – the lady of the house should be busy preparing for khichudi, begun bhaja and other such mouthwatering items. But – that has not been happening. Hence, Goddess Durga had to dream up some other equally attractive dishes and browse the net for ideas.
She saw Lord Shiva with the day’s newspapers and came over to him.
‘You have had already seen the important news on the TV news channels, right?’ she asked.
‘Yes,’ Lord Shiva nodded his head. ‘That keeps ones mind active.’
‘How?’
‘TV news is an exercise in keeping your senses alert - you have to correlate the audio and the video and, simultaneously, decipher what the news anchor is saying. At times they speak so fast that you just cannot make out what they are saying.’

‘I think they have a quota to fulfill,’ Durga explained. ‘Probably they are rated by the number of words they can speak in a minute. And – how many words they can utter without taking a breath. At times it sounds as if they are being chased by a mad dog and must finish their lines before being bitten!’
‘You do have a point,’ Shiva agreed. ‘Competition is tough and news anchors have to have that ability. Their job is glamourous and dangerous.’
‘OK, fine,’ Durga now said. ‘After seeing so many TV news, why do you need the newspaper?’
‘Because newspapers pick up juicy news items that never get to the TV audience, Shiva said.
‘For example?’ Durga prodded.
‘Haunted houses,’ Shiva said.
Durga laughed.
‘There is no such thing,’ she said. ‘Those are optical illusions.’
‘No my dear,’ Shiva replied. ‘People have seen shadows flitting through the houses. They have heard nasal voices crying at night. They have woken up from sleep after hearing rattling of utensils. And – dogs keep whining.’
‘And – all of these happen only at night, right?’
‘Of course. That is the tradition of ghosts. They wake up at night.’
Durga sighed.
‘You shouldn’t have seen the movie ‘Night at the Museum.’
‘But – the newspapers have given a full report on ghosts.’>br> ‘That is all a strategy to get the occupants to leave the house. Probably the owner wants to sell it off to some promoter.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Monsoons and Didi’s flipflops aka Hawaii chappals (satire)

It was raining cats and dogs and Didi had to be escorted from her car to her house by Abhi Shake who protected her with the umbrella. Of course, only her head was protected because when the rains are accompanied by gusts of wind, the clothes will get wet – as well as her trademark Hawaii chappals. Abhi had a standby pair of chappals and, once she entered her house, he dutifully placed the dry chappals at her feet.
Didi was pleased and rewarded him with a smile and it did not escape Moo Cool’s eyes. Neither dirt it escape the gazes of Dee Wreck, Omit Misra, Show Van and Patro Chatto.

They had been waiting to meet her and seeing Abhi Shake with herm they knew that Abhi had stolen a march over them. ‘I don’t see some of our people,’ Didi murmured as she occupied her throne.
‘These sudden rains must have delayed them,’ Moo Cool said.
‘It is monsoon time and it will rain. Does it mean we will not do our regular work? Do we not have our lunch and dinner?’
Moo Cool did not have a ready answer. He wanted to say that rains meant khichdi – piping hot khichdi with a dollop of ghee and begun bhaja plus omelet but he checked himself. Unless he knew her mood, he just could not open his mouth.
Suddenly the kettle of tea arrived with a basket of onion fries or piyaji – there were two boys who worked in the nearby restaurant. It supplied the tea and snacks.
Didi took a sip of tea and glanced at the bunch of papers on her desk. There were the daily newspapers and some mail of importance that she needed to go through.
It was Omit Misra who finally dared to speak.
‘How do we celebrate this time?’ he asked. His question was not addressed to anyone – he just wanted to start a discussion.
‘As usual,’ Moo Cool volunteered a reply.
‘There are reports that others may take over some areas,’ Dee Wreck said. ‘I have been studying the social networking sites and get a feeling that things are not as rosy as we would like them to be.’
‘Rubbish,’ Patro Chatto shifted his bulk in the chair. He had put on a lot of weight and, this time, he must get a home gym to ensure that his weight was in check.
The ringing of the mobile phone drew all eyes on Show Van. He listened and his face lit up with a huge smile.
‘It is the man from the Embassy,’ he said.
‘Which Embassy?’ Didi asked.
‘The Chinese Embassy,’ Show Van said. ‘They want to know about the Durga Puja and their travel plans during the festival.’
‘Tell them that Nabanna will keep them informed,’ Abhi Shake said.
‘And – one of them has developed Hawaii chappals for the monsoons. It is covered and the feet won’t get wet. They want Didi to try it out.’ ((to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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