A single video derails Didi’s poll campaign (satire)

Today’s world is too fast paced for comfort and, with video enabled Smartphones in practically every pocket, the world is flooded with videos of a wide variety from monkeys jumping the hoop to politicians getting caught in dangerous loops.
That is how a single video has derailed what should have been a smooth poll campaign.
And, Didi was not at all happy. She is known for her high level of honesty and, therefore, when she first saw it, she just could not believe her eyes. How can her trusted companions pull the rug from under her feet?
She immediately rang up Patro Chatto.
‘What is the latest?’ she asked.
‘There is utter confusion,’ Patro said.
‘The opposition must be happy at this video,’ she commented.
‘Don’t you worry,’ Patro assured. ‘It is acting as a diversion. Every party is trying to take credit in trying to discredit us but, they can never succeed. We have our Money Rule, Arra Bull and Anu Mandel.’

Didi sighed. She had faith in Patro Chatto and Omit Misra but she could sense some uneasiness in Patro’s assurances. So, she rang up to Omit Misra.
‘Omit-babu, how is your balance sheet shaping up?’ she asked.
‘The task of balancing is a tough one,’ he admitted. ‘Even more difficult than that of an acrobat on the rope.’
Didi was getting in a panic. In desperation, she now rang up Moody in Delhi.
But – he was busy with his Tussauds waxworks. He was excited like a child with a new toy. There were photographers all over his office with his PRO man in tow along with his fashion designer. They were arguing as to what dress would be most appropriate for the wax display. They had to keep in mind the latest modification from above – no half pant. Half pant does not look good in the international arena. Will khadi send out the right signal or should it be the gold embroidered one?
Failing to contact Moody, our Didi, therefore, tried to get in touch with Jet Lee.
She knew that Jet Lee will come up with a solution – but, he was in a holiday mood. There was a long weekend ahead with Holi and Easter and he had planned for a short trip away from the madding crowd. It seems he had not confided to even his close circle of friends about where he was going.
Didi sighed and looked out of the window. She was in the north for her campaign and looked out of her window at the mountains - they were laughing. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi announces holiday for Maha Shivratri (satire)

It is well known that our beloved Didi is a generous woman – her heart bleeds for the millions of kids who do not have shoes, for the millions of girls who do not have bicycles, for the millions of youth who are educated but do not have any job. She wants her people to be happy.
Suddenly her phone rang – it was Moo Cool.
‘Yes,’ she said.
‘I have drafted the notification for the holiday,’ Moo Cool said. ‘Shall I bring it to you for signature?’
‘Give it to Patro Chatto,’ Didi instructed. ‘He knows what to do. With a holiday on Maha Shivratri our people will be happy. That is what I want. I want my people to be happy. They will get a long weekend and will enjoy it in the zoo garden or Nico Park.’

‘And – the rumors of tie up is increasing,’ Moo Cool added.
‘I am not worried. I have come up the hard way,’ she went on. ‘I have my own strategies. I know how to cozy up to whom and when. I will never be distracted by anybody.’
‘Some of our boys are misbehaving again and again,’ Moo Cool said. ‘They are becoming greedy.’
‘I have scolded them. You are there to take care of Arra Bull, Money Rule and Anu Mandel. People like you yourself, Dee Wreck, Abhi Shake are my pillars. You know how to deal with them.’
And, Didi cut off the phone.
It is a vicious circle in which she was caught – but, she was not worried. She had at her disposal several Gouri Sens who would willingly bend over backwards to fulfil her wishes, no matter how outlandish they may be.
Sitting in her chamber in Nabanna, our Didi knew that she has the world eating out of her hand. She knew that she had a whole lot of enemies but she was not afraid – she had created a team of Franksteins and it was a formidable force.
She called them her team of naughty boys (and, girls). Yes, she had empowered the girls also because it was a war to her and, as the saying goes, all is fair in love and war.
With a sigh, she removed the covering from the canvas on the easel and picked up the paint brush. The time had come to paint another rosy picture. (to be continued …)


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Didi plans to punish her naughty boys (satire)

Didi was furious. She exhibited her fury and rage in open meetings – that was to impress her followers and for the benefit of the electronic media. She, like any other leader, knew that these media persons have to earn their living and they need to be pampered once in a while.
Like the time when she shared a packet of jhaal moori with a member of a different party. Jhaal-moori is a favorite fast food of Bengalis and the media went to town on it - she and her jhaal-moori companion enjoyed the episode. The media blew it out of proportion and it kept the rumor mongers busy dreaming up future scenarios.

But – this time Didi was really furious because of continuous infighting among her followers.
‘Why don’t you control your men?’ she asked Patro Chatto, her right hand man. ‘We had thrown out that Arrah Bull character and have brought him back. Then that Money Rule and Anu Mandel – they keep talking their mouths off. Why can’t you keep them in check?’
‘They are worried about their future,’ Moo Cool said in a soft voice. Actually, he had lost his voice totally but had managed to get it back – thanks to Didi’s kindness. He had realized which side of his bread was buttered by whom.
‘They know that their syndicate raaj is sitting on a bed of quicksand that can swallow them any moment,’ Omit Misra explained. ‘All of them want to eat the pie.’
‘That is fine,’Didi sad. ‘I understand – they also have to survive. But – they need not make a hue and cry over it. They can resolve their differences quietly. Anyway, I will punish those naughty boys.’
Moo Cool and Patro Chatto exchanged glances with Omit Misra. Didi had branded those ‘boys’ as naughty boys long ago but she cannot do without them. What punishment can she mete out?
‘I want it to be a public punishment,’ she said.
‘Public?’ Moo Cool was shocked.
‘Yes,’ Didi was calm. ‘Arrange for a public meeting. Let them be there on the stage.’
Once again Moo Cool, Patro Chatto and Omit Misra exchanged glances. They knew that Didi would do justice. But – she was unpredictable. What sort of punishment did she have in mind?
‘Yes,’ she was firm. ‘I will punish them in public. I will not talk to them. I will ignore them. They will realize that I am not happy. And – let the media take note of that. Dee Wreck must do that. By the way - where is he?’
‘He is preparing the write up for loading on the social media site,’ Moo Cool replied. (to be continued …)

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