Angel Miracle talks to Moody about the spaceship (satire)

Moody was on cloud nine with the launch of 104 satellites at one go – it was a feat worth celebrating and, as he watched the live event, he dreamt of the spaceship. How nice it would be if he launched a spaceship that would be manned by his own people and, still have room to take in outsiders. Even if they were his enemies.
It would all be for a common cause, namely to spread the message of his brand of goodwill through lathi wielding men.
The phone call disturbed his conversation, the caller was that German woman.
‘Is that Herr Moody?’ her voices came over the line.
‘Ji haah,’ Moody replied. ‘Aap kaun?’
‘Guten Morgen Moody,’ she said. ‘I am Angel Miracle. I rang up to congratulate you on the launch. But, why did you launch 104, why not 100 or 125 or even 150. What is so special about 104? Was it to commemorate any major event that was 104 years old? Was it the 104th birth anniversary of any forgotten leader?’

Moody was embarrassed. He had never thought on those lines.
‘Actually, 104 is divisible by 4 and there are four directions North, South, East and West. Then there is the cow, it has four legs. And, a car has four wheels. We cannot ignore four.’
‘Whatever it be, do you know why I rang you up?’ she asked.
‘No,’ Moody admitted.
‘I want to talk about your spaceship,’ she said. ‘I heard you plan to launch a spaceship. What is its name? Does it rhyme with Mangalyaan and Chandrayaan?’
‘The naming part is with a special committee,’ Moody explained. ‘I cannot rush such matters.’
‘Who is the brain behind this project?’
‘Pushpak Rath was the original flying machine and it was built here. Ravana used it to kidnap Sita and the western people stole the idea.’
‘But that doesn’t answer my question.’
Suddenly the door opened and Baba Someday entered – he was all smiles. He was carrying a bunch of drawings and, Moody knew that it was about the spaceship – it would soon see the light of day. (to be continued ..)


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Barack Obama enters the league of top US Presidents with ranking of 12

Public tours of the White House will begin again from March 7

Explosion in French nuclear power plant in a non-nuclear zone


Didi caught in the whirlpool of industries (satire)

Moody’s love hate relationship with the raincoat (satire)

The curse of social media – cold blooded murders committed


Mumbai will get to see Justin Bieber in action on May 10

Kangana Ranaut is 'fearless Julia' in Rangoon

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ISIS carries out car bombing in Baghdad - kills at least 55

Suicide bomb attack kills at least 72 in a Sufi shrine in Pakistan

Mayor of London worried about ISIS attacks on the city

Moody’s love hate relationship with the raincoat (satire)

Moody was allergic to raincoats – when the movie was released, he just could not get an opportunity to see it because he was busy selling tea and then climbing the ladder of success. Building an empire of his liking was more important than even caring for his better half. He allowed her complete freedom to go on pilgrimage.
The telephone rang and distracted his attention. He picked up the receiver and heard a feminine voice. The caller was Tressa May.
‘I heard you peeped into a bathroom and have got involved in a raincoat affair?’ she asked.

Moody gulped.
‘You have been misinformed,’ he said. ‘Why should I go peeping into bathrooms?’
‘Well – the news has gone viral that there is a Peeping Tom on the prowl. Anyway, tell me – why should you pick on an aged man to be the butt of your joke? Why did you not pick someone your size? Of course 56-inch chest is not a common sight.’
Moody gulped again. He had never realized that raincoats could create such a sticky situation. By the time he thought up a suitable reply, Tressa May had gone off the line and Baba Someday entered the cabin.
Moody’s eyes lit up. He could discuss raincoats with him. The Baba had never felt the need of a raincoat till now – his glistening black beard and topless figure was the envy of every Bollywood star.
‘Tell me Baba,’ Moody asked him. ‘How can you survive without a raincoat when it is pouring cats and dogs?’
‘I just enjoy the raindrops giving me a natural full body wash,’ Baba grinned. ‘It is something that no beauty salon can give. You can also give it a try.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

New luxury cruise liner Seabourn Encore is labeled as 'sexiest ship at sea'

Mahatma Gandhi’s samadhi at Rajghat gets a new look

200-year-old banyan tree uprooted by cyclone Vardah replanted in Chennai


The curse of social media – cold blooded murders committed

Saraswati Puja means entering a new phase of life

Moody on UFO, Mangalyaan and Moon Mission for monkey baat (satire)


Naomie Harris gets Oscar nomination in the best-supporting actress category for Moonlight

Nicole Kidman could earn $8 million if she writes her autobiography

Sets of the film Padmavati in Jaipur vandalised, Bhansali cancels shooting


Mayor of London worried about ISIS attacks on the city

Militants in Indonesia looking for women terrorists

Six people shot dead by gunmen in a mosque in Quebec City during evening prayers

Moody in silent mode over black money (satire)

The ringing of the phone startled Moody. It was Tressa May on the line – she loves the saree - an Indian attire. So, she loves Indians.
‘My dear fellow, I hear that you have lost your sound box. Is it true?’ she asked.
‘Not really,’ Moody spoke softly. ‘It was a passing phase.’
‘Did it have any link to black money? Don’t get me wrong – but, have you bitten off more than you can chew?’
‘No, nothing of the sort. Black money is not a problem. I have stopped all avenues of generating the evil. I have plugged all loopholes.’

‘I see,’ Tressa May lowered her voice. ‘I read in the media that your people are not happy. Business is in the doldrums. How will your vison take shape?’
‘I think you are misinformed,’ Moody was calm as cucumber. ‘I don’t get rattled easily.’
‘I knew as much,’ Tressa said. ‘I have heard you speak. You are a fine orator. Your decibel levels are fantastic.’
‘I have come up from the ranks,’ Moody said. ‘You know I used to sell tea. And, unless you raise your voice, you just cannot survive as a tea seller.’
‘Yes. I have heard about your humble beginnings. It’s all about selling tea clad in half pants.’
‘And with the fifty six inch chest. That is my trademark.’
‘Then why did you maintain such a silence? I know silence is golden but, it depends on the situation. When the opposition bays for your blood, you must growl if not bark.’
‘My dear lady,’ Moody said. ‘The silence was forced upon me.’
‘Any blackmail in the background?’
‘No, no – nothing black can tarnish my image. I have a clean slate.’
‘Then why did you go on the silent mode?’
‘It was black of another kind – related to coal. It is difficult to explain.’
‘Have a try,’ Tressa coaxed him.
‘It was all because of Baba Someday and his Pat & Jolie outfit.’
‘You mean the Yoga guru? He tripped you?’
‘Yes. I had a toothache and he wanted me to try out his latest toothpaste. I paid the price. It was a coal based affair and left a black mark on my teeth. So, I had to keep my mouth closed.’ (to be contd …)


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Squirrels of Seattle, Boston and Toronto are stealing Christmas light bulbs

Petrol tanker crashes into other vehicles in Kenya - leaves at least 30 dead

Qantas to fly non-stop from Perth to London in 17 and a half hours


Moody and the half pant brigade (satire)

Lord Shiva cracks jokes and Durga fries samosas (satire)

Didi sharpens her weapons to conquer the Hindi belt (satire)


AR Rahman contender for Oscar nomination for Pele: Birth of a Legend

Julia Roberts of 'Pretty Woman' fame to star in her first TV series

Meryl Streep creates history with her 30th Golden Globes nomination


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US estimates that active ISIS fighters in Iraq and Syria have dropped considerably

Syrian forces shoot dead 82 Aleppo civilians in their homes

Moody hopes Khajuraho will win over the new Uncle Sam (satire)

Moody was confronted with a major worry and the furrows on his forehead displayed his anxiety. He wanted to cozy up to the new Uncle Sam and, for that, he had to present him with a gift to strengthen the bond. He, therefore, rang up Baba Someday.
‘Baba-ji,’ Moody said. ‘Can you suggest a suitable gift for Uncle Sam?’
‘That would mean a lot of study,’ Baba replied. ‘Actually, I don’t have that much spare time. I am busy setting up a special unit to prepare ayurvedic instant noodles. I am determined to drive out all foreign competition from the lives of Indians.’
‘I rely on your judgment, which is why I contacted you first.’
‘I am sorry to disappoint you.’

So Moody contacted Jet Lee – another of his trusted men. He also could have been a great help. But – he was in a quandary about the next IPL. It is all about bright dazzling cricket and requires plenty of organizing and advance planning.
Then Moody tried Sue Sharma. But - she was in hospital.
Moody missed her presence – she would have been a great help in this problem since it was all about the American Dream. Not for the Americans of America but for Indians who longed to become Americans in America.
Moody had expected Clean Ton to win. That would have ensured a sort of continuity in the link already created. But, when the results went against her, Moody realized that he would have to begin all over again.
That is when he was stumped.
Being a true Indian, he believed in the moral that to have a friend in need when you want him most, you have to give him a gift when you meet him for the first time. So far, he had followed that policy and had been rewarded - best example was the Uncle Sam who was on his way out.
Moody had presented him with a statue of Hanuman and a copy of the Gita.
After that Uncle Sam literally worshipped the ground that Moody walked on and had accepted an invitation to come to attend the Republic Day program in a city where air pollution from smog was always a major irritant.
Now – what could Moody gift to the new Uncle Sam to win him over?
From what he had heard – this man was more of a business man and less of a politician. Moody himself hailed from that part of the country which is known to be the haunt of businessmen.
Suddenly his eyes lit up – Khajuraho was the answer. Yes – Khajuraho would keep the new Uncle Sam fascinated. It was all about Indian art of yore and he could commission an artist to paint the scenes of Khajuraho on the ceiling and walls of his Tower. (to be continued…)


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Moody fires cannons to eliminate mosquitoes (satire)

Fuchka Festival in Kolkata and selfies (satire)


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Moody hates black money and strikes at midnight (satire)

Moody hates black, especially if it is related to money. This black money is more slippery than an eel dipped in oil. When he first said that he would unearth all the back money stashed away in foreign locations, people laughed.
One of his ardent followers Baba Someday kept reminding him about the black money and, Moody finally decided to act. He confided in his colleague Jet Lee and, together, they drew up the strike plan – it was the midnight strike.

‘I hate anything that is black including blackberries,’ Moody was frank. ‘My beard is white, my jacket is white, and my trousers are white.’
Baba Someday shifted uneasily in his chair. His beard was jet black!
Jet Lee noticed Baba’s discomfort and came to his rescue.
‘Moody-ji – all blacks are not bad. Especially the hair dyes that make one look younger. The jhakas look as is shown in one of the ads.’
Just then Sue Sharma entered.
‘How did Tressa May enjoy the trip?’ Moody asked.
‘She is fascinated by our sarees,’ Sue replied.
‘Did you broach the subject of making them in India under our Make In India scheme?’
‘I talked to her team,’ Sue said. ‘They have made a note of it and will come back to us.’
‘What about the new Uncle Sam? I have already wished him on his victory. He loves us. That’s why he adapted our famous slogan for his successful campaign.’
‘Yes. It is a catchy slogan and strikes the right chord.’
Moody now looked at Jet Lee.
‘Talking about strikes - what about our black money campaign?’
‘I have studied the subject and feel the time is ripe to carry out our plan. We must take everyone by surprise. It will become the new talking point and will drive irritating subjects like surgical strikes out of focus.’
Sue Sharma cleared her throat and coughed.
‘Are you not well?’ Moody enquired.
‘It is the effect of air pollution and smog,’ she replied.
At this moment Nitty Gadcurry came in.
‘I will out an end to smog,’ he said. ‘I want to stop plying of all vehicles on the roads during the day. People will have to go in for alternate modes of transport.’
‘You mean cycling or walking?’ Baba wanted to know.
‘No. They’ll commute by either air or by water. I have talked to a few parties who are keen to start chopper shuttle service. And also run steamers on the Yamuna.’
‘But – if you stop smog what will happen to the new unit of Pat and Jolie that has started to manufacture gas masks and air purifiers?’
‘We will export them,’ Jet Lee said. ‘Nothing will go waste.’
‘Good,’ Moody was relaxed. ‘Our aim is to tackle black money. Let us launch our strike.’ (to be continued ..)


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Lord Shiva’s views on Kalighat and marriages (satire)

Moody and the half pant brigade (satire)

Didi’s idea - deflate tyres to punish unruly drivers (satire)


Iraq special forces advanced into Mosul while ISIS militants killed 20

British police have foiled 12 terror plots against Britain in the last three years

No-fly zones to be imposed over jails to prevent drones from being used to smuggle drugs into prisons


Michael Fassbender says no to next James Bond - will a woman take over?

Second trailer of Wonder Woman released- will be in the cinemas in July 2017

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Moody not happy with the outcome of the meeting (satire)

Moody was in a serious closed door meeting with his lieutenants. Present were Sue Sharma, Jet Lee, Pyari Kar, Baba Someday, Banka Nadoo, Rajanna King and others.
His agenda was bricks, tons of them including brickbats and he was not happy with the outcome of the meeting.
‘What did I do wrong?’ Moody asked.
‘You just cannot do anything wrong,’ Sue Sharma assured him.
‘Then why did Vlady Putty not scold Na Buzz?’
‘But, he did agree that our neighbors are not following procedures,’ Jet Lee said.

‘I wanted Putty to do much more,’ Moody sighed. ‘I had boosted him sky high when I said that one old friend is an asset and much more than ten new friends.’
‘He did appreciate that,’ Sue Sharma said. ‘I was watching him and I saw him smile.’
‘I know, I also saw that,’ Moody went on. ‘Just to keep him happy, I made him and the others wear my trademark jacket – and they gladly did that.’
‘That was a master stroke,’ Pyari Kar added. ‘It was a memorable photo ops.’
‘I even signed the contract with Putty to buy so many choppers from him,’ Moody said. ‘I wanted him to chide Na Buzz for all the tricks he is playing. His cattle roam into my house, his pigeons fly into my territory. But – Putty found nothing wrong.’
‘Neither did Jean Ping,’ Banka Nadoo complained. ‘He also sidestepped the issue. And we were hoping that he would take our side.’
‘He is probably not pleased with our policy of banning his items this Diwali,’ Baba Someday had his say. ‘He must realize that our products must get a market. I have asked my Pat & Jolie setup to make clay lamps. I will sell them along with a bottle of oil – it will come free. I want my people to light these lamps. Diwali is a festival of lamps, not of flickering bulbs.’
When the world leaders had gathered at the beachside venue to discuss serious matters, Moody was happy. When they agreed to wear jackets like him, he was still more happy. And, when Moody mentioned that an old friend was always an asset compared to ten new friends, and Vlady Putty smiled, Moody’s joys knew no bounds.
But it did not end the way he wanted it to – it left a bad taste in his mouth. (to be continued …)


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Three cheers for Didi – the Jill of all trades (satire)


Terrorist attacks and suicide bombing kill at least 46 in Iraq

21 school girls of Chibok, abducted by Boko Haram in 2014, return home

Indications are there that both United States and Russia are preparing for war


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Moody learns about honey traps (satire)

Even after being in office for more than two years, Moody still finds himself as helpless as a fish out of the water. He is now admired all over the world as a leader who can make things happen and the world listens to him when he talks.
But – he appears to have failed in his attempts to woo over one of his neighbors. He began with exchange of gifts and followed it up with a sudden visit. Unfortunately, his efforts have not borne any fruit.
Suddenly his hot line rang. It was his friend Bee Rack O’Vama.
‘Hi,’ he greeted Moody. ‘I hear you want Na Buzz to dance to your tune.’
‘I am a great dance master,’ Moody said. ‘I can do the garba and bhangra and the kathak. Wherever I go, I don their dresses and make them dance to my tunes. I have mastered the art. But – I wonder why I am unable to get Na Buzz fall in line.’
‘You must cultivate the art of honey traps,’ Bee Rack said. They will always pay dividends.’

‘Honey traps?’ Moody was surprised. ‘Actually, honey is a different matter altogether. My trusted friend Baba Someday is a master in extracting honey from unwilling bees – he makes the world’s best honey.’
‘Honey trap has no relation with bees.’
‘Then?’
‘It is a method to influence stubborn people, especially politicians,’ Bee Rack explained. ‘Those who set the traps are experts and level of satisfaction is of a very high order.’
‘I’ll ask my men to get more information on this.’
‘I think Emma Melanie could help you out,’ Bee Rack said. ‘She will know some of the tricks. A good student of honey trap must be a good actor and you have quite a few actors in your fold.’
Bee Rack hung up and Moody asked his secretary to send in Pyari Kar, Sue Sharma, Ranee-ji and Emma Melanie.
Since his worries were centered on Na Buzz, he wanted his foreign team for brainstorming. He must recreate a sense of bonhomie with his hard-to-get neighbor. And, if a suitable honey trap could be set up to snare him, it would solve plenty of problems.
When they were all seated, Moody looked up.
‘Have you heard about honey traps?’ he asked.
His audience squirmed uneasily in their seats.
‘If you have not heard then search and get the information,’ Moody said. ‘Then let us plan to set a honey trap.’ Suddenly Baba Someday burst into the room – perspiration glistening on his body.
‘This is not right Moody-ji,’ he complained. ‘You are discussing honey and have forgotten me who is master in all aspects of honey from honey bees to honeymoon.’
‘We are discussing honey traps,’ Moody said with a straight face.
‘What is that?’
‘Yes. That is what we are trying to find out.’ (to be continued …)


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Moody wants Gold medals from Olympics (satire)

Moody was all praises for the participants of the 2016 Rio Olympics but was saddened at the lack of gold medals – gold is the accepted recognition and when tiny nondescript countries can boast of a crop of gold, such is not the case with Moody’s land of several billion.
Moody therefore called in his team of specialists – Jet Lee, Sue Sharma, Uma-ji, Ranee-ji, Hash Budden, Baba Someday, Emma Melaney, Pro Cash, Banka Nadoo and Rum Mudda. Each of them was a gem and could contribute to the cause.
‘Koel-ji,’ Moody looked towards Vee Jay Koel who had a close association with the Olympics team in Rio. ‘You have seen the Olympics from very close quarters. What is your impression? Why could others bag so many gold but not us?’ ‘It is their attitude,’ Koel-ji said. ‘They train from the KG stage – and aim for the gold.’
‘Why can’t we do it here?’ Moody asked.
‘Who said we can’t?’ Koel retorted.
‘Then let us do it,’ Moody said. ‘All the heads are here today and we can work out a strategy.’
‘We could concentrate on swimming,’ Koel-ji said. ‘Our children swim to their schools and there is a cry to build bridges to cross the rivers. I think we should not do that.’
‘Nonsense,’ Moody said. ‘We must look after their welfare. They are our assets.’
‘I know,’ Koel-ji smiled. ‘We will give them swimwear and encourage them to swim to school. Give award to kids who prove their stamina.’

Jet Lee now cleared his throat.
‘Actually, here our farmers toil in the fields to grow crops – but, that does not get us any gold,’ he said. ‘We must train them to always have the concept of gold in front of their eyes.’
‘I can help in this respect,’ Baba Someday intervened.
‘Let us hear your idea,’ Moody glanced towards the shiny black beard of the Baba.
‘I can rename the fertilizers as Gold fertilizers,’ he said. ‘And my ad pitch for it would be – use bags of Gold to bag Olympics Gold.’
It was now the turn of Pro Cash to have his say. He was the man responsible to develop human resources.
‘In my opinion, we have a brilliant pool of gold medalists who break their heads to unearth IT solutions,’ Pro Cash said. ‘They are in great demand abroad. It is difficult for them to divert their attention to Olympics Gold.’ Moody laughed.
‘Exceptions can always emerge,’ he said. ‘There are engineers who are stars in cricket. Then why can’t a gold medalist in computers bag a gold in shooting? That does not require physical strength like in boxing or wrestling or in gymnastics or in marathon running.’
Pro Cash gulped.
‘I think we can take inspiration from some famous songs,’ Emma Melaney said. ‘Songs like ‘mera dharti sona ugle, ugle heera moti …’
‘Let me make it clear,’ Moody spoke again. ‘We must reverse the trend. I want our sportspersons to bag golds – one for each state.’(to be continued …)


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Moody and the cow syndrome (satire)

It had been taught in schools that the cow is a sacred animal – it gives milk and its solid and liquid wastes have tremendous market value. The solid waste known also as gobar is used to produce electricity to bring light to many villages.
Moody was worried because a certain of people were using the cow to settle scores and it was not a good trend. It was sending the wrong signals to the outside world and he wanted to check that.
Suddenly his phone rang. It was his good friend Vladdy Putty.
‘Your national animal is the tiger, is it not?’ he asked.
‘Yes. Everyone knows it. We have launched a program to save the tiger.’
‘And – I believe that one of your political parties have the tiger as an emblem?’
‘Yes. That also is true. Only – it does not roar any more, neither does it bite.’
‘I see,’ Putty lowered his voice. ‘I hear you want to change your national animal and go on for some other animal.’ Moody laughed.
‘Why should we?’ he asked. ‘The tiger remains our national animal.’
‘What about the cow?’
‘Well – there is a nursery rhyme about the cow jumping over the Moon. Do you mean that or do you mean our Moon launch plans.’
‘Are you interested in cowsheds? We could consider a joint venture under your Make in India category.’
‘Thanks for the offer. We don’t want foreign interference in our goshalas.’

Putty disconnected and, immediately, Tressa May came on the line. She was excited.
‘My dear fellow,’ she began. ‘I have come to know that you have patented the DD Fuel?’
‘DD fuel?’ Moody blinked.
‘Yes – the Dry Dung fuel,’ Tressa said. ‘A modified version of the cow dung cake that is a popular fuel for many. Gems Pond has informed that it is being made in a secret location in the Himalayas under the guidance of one Baba Someday.’
Moody scratched his head. Baba was always up to some thing or the other. And – he always springing surprises. If Gems Pond knew about it, why did Baba not keep him in the loop?
‘I think I will discuss this matter with you in person,’ Moody said and hung up. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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Lord Shiva is a confused man of Mount Kailash (satire)

Lord Shiva, sitting in Mount Kailash, was a confused individual. He had his own worries about getting a new set of clothes but tigers were at a premium, as were their skins. He was, therefore, forced to don imitation tiger skins.
Durga did not miss the signs. She knew that the Lord was annoyed. So, she sidled up to him, humming a popular tune under her breath.
Lord Shiva looked up and moved aside to make room for her to sit down.
‘What’s biting you now?’ Durga asked.
‘I am confused,’ he said.
‘We all are,’ Durga said. ‘Unless there is confusion, no one gets noticed.’
‘Tell me – our friend Moody is inviting foreigners to come here and set up business. His buzzword is ‘Make in India’, right?’
‘Yes.’
‘And – side by side, the Pat & Jolie outfit of Baba Someday is promoting his own products. He says foreign goods are no good, go for my brands. He started with honey and is now rolling in money. His beard has got a new shine.’

‘He is doing it for charity,’ Lord Shiva said. ‘At least that is what he keeps harping on in each of his advertisements.’
‘He is making it clear that he is not benefiting at all. He is doing it for a good a noble cause – to promote homemade products.’
‘Then there is that woman Ranee-ji – she wants women to wear khadi sarees. Tell me – how many women wear sarees today. All I see are girls and women in jeans and skirts. Some even in swim suits. That has become today’s dress code.’
‘Don’t lose your sleep over such trifles. All of them are right in their own ways,’ Durga said.
‘You mean the British will come here and weave khadi, make designer clothes out of that and sell them? And, the Swiss will come here to make chocolates and export them?’
‘Very possible,’ Durga said. ‘And – I believe people will come from Zimbabwe to make artificial tiger skins. You will then get a better quality of substitute.’
Lord Shiva did not have a ready answer to that one. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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Moody discusses women’s fashion with Baba Someday (satire)

Moody had been wanting to induct new fasces and, seeing the performances of some of them, he wanted to sidetrack them. Many of his people were first timers and went over the top to please him – and the result had left a bad taste in his mouth.
Therefore, he rang in the changes much to the discomfort for a couple of his people.
That is when Baba Someday made his entry. He was trying his level best to expand his Pat & Jolie Empire and, simultaneously, its reach. The range of his products went from hair oil and cooking oil to honey and energy bars and even toothpaste and handwash.
‘I have come to wish you a happy journey,’ he stroked his black shining beard and said.
‘Thank you,' Moody replied.
‘Hope you will not forget to take some more samples with you,’ Baba reminded.
‘Don’t worry,’ Moody assured. ‘My men have already taken care of your products. There are gift packed boxes that I will distribute to my hosts in Africa. They know us as masters of rope tricks but they don’t know how many tricks I have up my sleeve.’

Baba Someday laughed.
‘Your cabinet reshuffle was a master stroke,’ he chuckled. ‘The poor TV star does not yet know what has hit her.’
Moody did not reply. He followed the famous management policy – never try to justify your actions. While the decision might be right, the reasons could all be wrong.
‘Assigning her to the textile ministry would be good for the industry,’ Baba went in. ‘After all –women know clothes better than men. And – we need to promote our khadi culture.’
Moody was still silent. His mind was wandering to the jungles of Africa and elephant safari. But - he must arrange to get pulses for his people. They were in short supply and the price has hit the roof. It was his responsibility to ensure that the poor get a fair share of dal. Dal with roti is what they pine for. There is even a song devoted to dal. It goes – ‘dal roti khao, prabhu ka goon gao.’
Obviously, dal is a priority item on every housewife’s list and it was his duty to see that dal floods the market. Suddenly he opened his mouth.
‘Tell me Someday-ji, how would it be if the textile ministry tied up with the Fashion Industry? They could organize fashion shows, right?’ Moody asked.
‘That would be a great idea,’ Baba replied. ‘The minister could inspire the girls and women to embrace dresses that match with our age old traditions.’
‘You mean to the Ajanta and Ellora days?’ Moody asked.
Baba Someday smiled and the smile was hidden under his beard. It was a convenient cover. (to be continued …)


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Yoga and khadi gel with Baba and Moody (satire)

Moody had always wanted to string together people from all walks of life by using a thread that will withstand the rigors of time. And – he selected the magic of yoga and khadi. Both are unique to India, the land of snake charmers and rope tricks.
The door of his chamber opened and in peered the hairy face of Baba Someday. He was enjoying life. His Pat & Jolie set up had become a terror for the MNCs because Baba has brought into the market every conceivable product from medicines to biscuits to creams and lotions.
‘Have you fixed your program?’ Moody asked.
‘Yes,’ Baba replied. ‘I will be in Hawaii on yoga day. It will be beach yoga. The locals love their beaches and I will tap that weakness.’

‘Hope you will carry with you samples of khadi towels and mats.’
‘That has already been shipped. The items will be there in Havana and my men will distribute them before commencing the yoga.’
‘Good. I have asked each of my ministers to be in their places exactly on time. They will all be dressed in khadi. It is comfortable. I must tell my backroom boys to coin a new slogan on yoga and khadi.’
‘We could rope in some Bollywood stars to promote khadi fashion. There are many out-of-work actors and actresses who would jump at the opportunity. We could dangle the carrot of some Padma awards.’
‘Not a bad idea.’ Moody said.
Suddenly Pyari Kar rang up.
‘Yes,’ Moody cleared his throat.
‘Our girls have flown,’ Pyari said.
‘Which girls? Where have they flown to? Have you informed our missions abroad?’
Pyari Kar laughed.
‘I mean our fighter pilots. The girls have flown in fighter aircraft.’
‘Good. Girls are our assets. How about training them in sword fighting?’
‘That, I think, has started.’
Moody replaced the receiver and waved Baba away.
He has shown how to influence the decision of others. Those who thought ill of him were forced to set aside the past and embrace the new Moody who has created a new lifestyle for himself. In spite of knowing that threats that lurk in every corner, he does not have machine gun toting muscle men accompanying him but relies on the stout stick wielded by his clan. The stick can be a formidable weapon in experienced hands. (to be continued…)


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Moody’s whirlwind trip - five countries in six days (satire)

From the general perception of people, a few traits have emerged that would tend to describe our friend Moody as a man who loves to travel. He does have ministers who are assigned to look after external affairs but Moody is very particular about his foreign contacts. He, therefore, relies on no one else but himself to draw up his strategies.
He had called for a meeting with his trusted ministers and accordingly they had arrived. There was Jet Lee, Sue Sharma, Banka Nadoo, Emma Melanie, Nitty Gad Curry, Ranee-ji, Uma-ji and, of course, Baba Someday.
‘We wish you a happy journey,’ Sue Sharma said at the end of the meeting.
‘Thank you,’ Moody relied.
‘I hope you will take good care of your health,’ Emma Melanie said. ‘You have a very hectic schedule ahead of you with the Yoga Day appearing. I will be presenting a new form of dance with my group on the occasion.’

‘You mean the Yogi dance?’ Ranee-ji asked in a whisper.
‘Yes,’ Emma also lowed her voice.
‘And then there are the two most important points,’ Baba Someday reminded.
‘You mean Black money?’
‘Yes,’ Baba wiped his moustaches. ‘You had committed to get them back and I was confident that you would. But – time is passing and there is not much progress.’
‘We are already in dialogue with the foreign authorities,’ Jet Lee intervened.
‘You are talking like your predecessors,’ Baba was not convinced.
At last Moody spoke.
‘I have my priorities,’ he said. ‘Right now I am on a mission to invite business. I want foreigners to come here and make their products. I also want our products to flood the world markets. Baba here has already made a wonderful start and, during my visit, I’ll pursue this point also.’
‘I’ll get some samples of honey loaded in your plane,’ Baba said.
‘You don’t have to worry about that,’ Moody said. ‘My men have already got them loaded in the plane. Remember, I am running the country and I know what is best.’
‘Have you loaded some bottles of Gangajal?’ Uma-ji wanted to know.
‘Yes. I’ll distribute the samples to Indians in those countries. I want to spread the message of goodwill and peace.’ ‘Would you drop in unannounced on any one this time?’ Sue Sharma was curious to know.
‘I might, ‘Moody said. ‘Our neighbor is in hospital with some heart related problem.’
‘He should get a change of heart,’ Sue said. ‘Then there would be real peace in our surroundings.’ (to be continued …)


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Moody’s mind flits from Black Money to White House (satire)

Moody had a tight schedule ahead of him. He wanted to rejig his ministers because many of them we not pulling their weight. Rather they were putting on weight and that soils the image of an efficiently run organization – the organization in this case was India.
He had a sheet of paper on his table with a list of ministers – both senior and junior. His laptop was also open and he was going through details of each and every one to weed out the unwanted.
Suddenly his intercom rang. It was Sue Sharma – she had been released from hospital and was gradually getting back into the groove.
‘I wanted to meet you urgently,’ Sue said.
‘What is it about?’
‘Your visit to America.’

‘There is time,’ Moody said.
‘We have to work out some strategy,’ Sue said. ‘The situation there is changing.’
‘I know. Our friend Bee Rack O’Vama will be leaving and a new man will take over.’
‘Could be a woman also,’ Sue reminded. ‘No one really knows but we have to be prepared for any eventuality.’
‘I don’t understand,’ Moody said.
‘Last time you had taken a gift that impressed our friend.’
‘Yes. It was a copy of the Bhagavat Gita.’
‘What’ll you take this time?’
‘His successors may not appreciate such gifts,’ Sue Sharma cautioned.
‘But – why should I worry about them now?’ Moody asked. ‘My friend still holds office and I’ll interact with him. He and I are good friends. When the guard changes, I’ll also change my strategy. Don’t worry about these issues – take rest.’
Moody went back to his research but there was another disturbance. It was Baba Someday and, from the way he entered, it was clear that he had something on his mind.
‘Yes Baba-ji – have you come to know the latest on Black Money?’
Baba gave a wry smile.
‘No, I have sent it to the back seat,’ he said as he occupied the chair. ‘It is about your visit to the White House.’
‘Please continue. I’m all attention.’
‘I want you to be my brand ambassador.’
‘For what?’
‘Yoga and Ayurveda,’ Baba said. ‘Both are great for maintaining health and America is a huge potential market. I want to enter that market in a big way and bring in the dollars. I want you to put in a few words in places that matter that will help the cause.’ (to be continued …)


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Baba Someday, his yoga and Pat & Jolie face cream (satire)

Baba Someday is always into something or the other that would benefit the masses. His heart bleeds for the misguided folks who gorge on foreign stuff and, he is determined to change their eating habits.
Hence, he was excited to have with him Bhaloo-ji who could be influenced to become Baba’s brand ambassador. As it is, Baba was himself his brand ambassador and he was confident of handling it on his own. But, two heads are better than one, hence his idea to rope in Bhaloo-ji.

‘Bhaloo-ji, I want you to try out mu products,’ he had suggested to Bhaloo-ji when they had met at a gathering.
‘What sort of products?’ Bhaloo-ji had asked. He had recently been out of hospital after some heart problems.
‘My Pat & Jolie setup has developed a face cream,’ Baba said. ‘It is purely ayurvedic and it is made up of readily available herbs from the Himalayas.’
‘What is its advantage?’ Bhaloo-ji asked. ‘My daughters are always trying out the latest products that appear in the TV ads. If it is not available in the local market, they get it online.’
‘My cream will make your skin glow like never before,’ Baba said. ‘It is much more effective compared to the face cream promoted by that King character of Bollywood movies.’
‘Well, I don’t mind trying it out,’ Bhaloo-ji said.
‘Then I will for you in my office,’ Baba said. He knew that an endorsement from a renowned person like Bhaloo-ji could give his product that extra cutting edge.
Bhaloo-ji was famous in his own special way – he loved cows and, it is rumored that all his cows enjoy air conditioned comfort in their cowsheds. His philosophy – look after the cows and they’ll look after you. Of course, he was involved in a fodder scam – but, which leader isn’t?
Baba also had a fondness for cows. His cows gave not only milk but, ghee and butter as well and it was a market that was growing day by day.
Yoga was another weakness of Baba. He has toiled real hard to bring yoga into the limelight and, impressed by his involvement in this ancient method of exercising all your faculties, he succeeded in earning global recognition and acceptance. Yoga was now on everybody’s lips and it has displaced aerobics from many countries.
Suddenly there was a commotion in the crowd. The media persons moved aside to make way for Bhaloo-ji who made his grand entry – the hair on his ears were carefully combed back to give him that extra appeal. (to be continued …)


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Baba Someday’s Pat & Jolie to create an Indian Disneyland (satire)

Moody heard the news of Baba Someday waxing eloquent over his Pat & Jolie outfit that was going great guns and doing a roaring business in products that ranged from noodles and biscuits to tooth paste and face cream with pure cow ghee thrown in for good measure.
Suddenly his hot line rang – the caller was Bee Rack O’Vama.
‘Hey man,’ Bee Rack’s voice came across loud and clear. ‘Why are you hitting below the belt?’
‘I never hit below the belt,’ Moody replied. ‘In fact I never hit anyone. My policy is to win others over with love. If anyone hits me, I offer the other face to him so that he can repeat his actions again.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ Bee Rack said. ‘No one does that. Not in this twenty-first century. I am talking about this Baba character. I believe he wants to take over our businesses and has his eyes on a Disneyland of his own.’

Moody gulped. He has told Baba Someday repeatedly to maintain a low profile but he has gone overboard in his enthusiasm and Moody would now have to pacify Bee Rack O’Vama and others. Baba’s announcements would queer the pitch for Moody’s Make in India initiatives.
‘Do you mean Baba Someday, the yoga expert?’
‘Yes. His Pat & Jolie outfit is into all sorts of products and he seems to be determined to wipe out all foreign competition. He even has zeroed on a site to create his version of our Disneyland! And – you are inviting us to join your Make in India initiative? Does it not amount to a conflict of interests?’
‘My dear Bee Rack, ours is a huge country and there is plenty scope for your business to flourish alongside Baba’s,’ Moody explained.
Bee Rack rang off and this time Moody’s external phone rang. It was a direct line known to only a few selected world leaders.
The caller was Day Weed. He was also apprehensive and, by the time Moody calmed him down, Angel Miracle rang up followed by Fancy Holland and Vladdy Putty. All of them were worried. All of them wanted to be a part of the Make in India projects but if Baba Someday takes over all businesses from foreigners, where would it leave them? What would happen to their biscuits and noodles and face creams and fruit juices? (to be continued …)


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Moody wonders why American space research firms are jittery (satire)

They had assembled in the chamber of our good friend Moody – there was Hash Budden who looked after science and technology along with Jet Lee, Nitty Gadcurry, Baba Someday, Sue Sharma and even the ladies Uma-jee and Rane-ji.
Hash Budden was excited because news had come about superiority of our scientists – it seems America space giants wants restrictions to be imposed on our space agencies. Obviously, there was fear that products like Mangalyaan could spell doom for their pet projects related to space exploration.
Hash Budden had the newspaper clipping with him and he handed it to Moody who read it and reached for his intercom.
‘Get me Williams,’ Moody spoke into the intercom.

‘You mean Prince William?’ Moody’s PA asked. ‘He has already left.’
‘I know. I mean the Williams girl from Gujarat,’ Moody said.
His PA scratched his head, unable to pinpoint the individual who the Boss wanted to talk to.
‘Arrey, I want that Williams who had gone to space,’ Moody clarified.
‘Oh, you mean the astronaut Sue Neeta Williams who had come to visit us?’
‘Yes, I want to talk to her. She must be knowing what is brewing in space.’
But Sue Neeta was not readily available – she was in the gym and could not be disturbed.
‘Why are the Americans jittery?’ Moody leaned forward and wanted to know from Hash Budden.
‘They are envious of our low cost satellites and other space items. They feel we will spoil their lucrative business.’
‘I knew this would happen,’ Moody turned to Baba Someday. ‘Our forefathers invented the pushpak rath long before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane. Remember Ravana who kidnapped Sita Mata and flew off to Sri Lanka in his airborne chariot?’
‘Yes,’ Baba Someday stroked his beard and muttered. ‘Not just the flying chariot but we discovered the zero.’
‘And,’ Nitty Gadcurry added. ‘Some of our people have already settled on the Moon.’
‘You mean the Malayalees and the Coorgis?’ Sue Sharma asked.
‘Yes,’ Gadcurry elaborated. ‘There are Malayalees who have set up facilities for remolding of tyres. Then there are the Kamats who have established outlets for idli, and dosa. And our Gujju friends who are ready with their dhoklas.’
Moody looked hard at Gadcurry.
‘How authentic is your information?’ Moody asked.
‘Hundred percent,’ Niity smiled. ‘Baba Someday will vouch for me. He makes regular visits to the Moon to train his boys for our Mars mission.’
‘But then, how is it that the American astronauts who had landed on the Moon did not see these men?’
‘They must have landed on the wrong face of the Moon,’ Hash Budden explained. ‘The Moon like everything else has two faces.’ (to be continued …)


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Moody gives Sue Sharma a chance to go abroad (satire)

Moody is seldom in any dilemma. He is always one step ahead of others and has mastered the art of always being in the limelight. But, there comes a time in the life of every man when he finds himself at the crossroads and has to make a judicious decision.
Therefore it came to pass that he called in his elite group of most trusted lieutenants and announced his decision. ‘I think Sue Sharma will be the best choice,’ he said.
Sue Sharma appeared surprised while Jet Lee and Nitty Gadcurry exchanged glances and Baba Someday looked at Ranee-ji and Uma-ji and shrugged his shoulders.
‘Yes,’ Moody clarified. ‘I will be busy with my tours to the states because my voice can win over the people from there into our camp. I want to see lotuses flourish everywhere.’

‘And – Sue Sharma-ji will make the trips to follow up the latest development on the port in Iran and also have talks with the leaders behind the bamboo curtain on terrorism, right?’ Jet Lee asked.
‘Yes,’ Moody said. ‘Only – Sue-ji must wear something that does not hurt the feelings of our hosts. They are very conservative, especially with their attire.’
‘The women there cover their body from head to toe with their unique dress. And – the cover must include the hair also.’
‘I know,’ Sue Sharma said. ‘I’ll never wear anything that will harm our interests. I, like all of us here, want good relation with everybody. I will be a brand ambassador for our country and will always have an eye open for business potentials.’
‘Yes – keep in mind our buzzwords,’ Moody reminded. ‘Skill, digital, swatchh, make - and, it all has to do with our country. We want to shed all the earlier tags and prosper.’
‘Don’t worry,’ Sue assured. ‘I know the tricks of the trade.’
‘The bamboo curtain people are two faced,’ Moody cautioned. ‘They lost out on the bullet train and are trying to twist our arm on the terrorism affair.’
‘I will take care of that,’ Sue smiled. ‘I can put a spoke in their plans to market their cheap decorative garlands this Diwali.’
‘Yes,’ Baba Someday was all ears. ‘I have set up a separate factory to manufacture those multicolored garlands and the products will hit the markets before Diwali. I can easily ease out foreign competition.’
When Sue Sharma left the chamber, she was in high spirits. At last she was getting some sort of recognition. Probably her boss was tired of spending his days and nights cooped up in the aircraft on the tarmac. (to be continued …)


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Lord Shiva with Moody, Didi and salted biscuits (satire)

Lord Shiva is, by and large, a non-interfering type of man and loves to keep his counsel to himself. But, of late, he was getting confused as he watched the TV news.
‘What is that Moody character doing on Didi’s turf?’ he asked Durga who was keeping him company as she knitted sweaters for the coming winter. Of course winter was some months away but Durga’s time was always at a premium. She had to attend to her devotees whenever they wanted her – and, that was becoming more and more frequent. They would do some mischief and pray to her to set things right.
‘Moody has a soft corner for Didi,’ Durga replied. ‘And – none of them want to admit it. They share mutual dependency but do not want to admit it in public.’
‘Very strange,’ Lord Shiva picked up a biscuit from the plate, put it in his mouth, munched a bit and made a grimace. It did not escape Durga’s glance.

‘Anything wrong?’ she asked.
‘It is supposed to be a salted biscuit but it tastes funny.’
‘Oh – then it must be rom Baba Someday’s bakery.’
‘And – who is this character?’
‘He is a true son of the soil,’ Durga said. ‘He has set up his own farm, oil mill, a confectionary, bakery, cosmetics plant and, of course, medicines. His products are flooding the market – his intention is to drive out competition.’
‘But – why should his salted biscuit not taste like salted biscuits?’
‘Probably he has used Moon salt.’
‘Moon salt? What is that? I have heard of rock salt but not Moon salt.’
‘It is rumored that he has the prescription to make Moon salt here on Earth,’ Durga explained. ‘This Baba is a very learned and well-traveled individual. He is a yoga master and has mastered the concept of time travel and tele transportation. He has even visited the Moon on the sly.’
‘Where is his spacecraft? I’d love to see it.’
‘He doesn’t need those contraptions,’ Durga said. ‘To him it is a mind game – he can beam himself up whenever he wants.’
‘Tell me – why is Moody yelling his head off? And – who are those people sitting in the field in front of him? Are they listening to him? Will they not suffer from sunstroke?’
‘No – they have come to earn some money.’
‘What is that?’
‘It is election time and the TV cameras are everywhere.’
‘That is but natural.’
‘Yes. When leaders make a speech, there must be a huge crowd. An empty or near empty stadium gives a bad impression. Therefore, the organizers bring in truckloads of people to make the crowd. These people understand nothing except hunger and each of them gets paid some money. The noise they make could very well be jeers instead of cheers.’(to be continued …)


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