Moody in deep trouble with river waters (satire)

Moody was jotting down points for his next monthly speech over the radio. He wanted to do so many things for the poor, especially ensuring lakhs and lakhs of toilets dotting the landscape. But, the sequence of events was taking him away from his objectives. There was the second infiltration and loss of several lives.
And, to add to that, he was having trouble with the river waters.
He was keen to clean the Ganges and create a Japan-like city on its banks. He longed to see steamers plying on the river carrying people from one place to another. He wanted water transport to share the burden of traffic. But, work on it was progressing too slowly. It could take another couple of centuries.
Then there was another river whose waters were shared by neighboring states. Here also there was continuous bickering about who will get how much water.

And, the latest river was one that originated in another country and, after passing through his own territory, emptied itself in a third country. This river was more important than the other two because it was a strategic option. If properly exploited, it could pay rich dividends.
As Moody was pondering over his line of action, the hotline rang. It was his really good friend Bee Rack O’Vama.
‘Hey man,’ he said. ‘What is this I hear? You want to block water supply to Na Buzz who is supposed to be your buddy?’
Moody gulped.
‘Why should I do that?’ he replied like a true leader. Answer awkward questions by posing a counter question. ‘Water is God’s gift and I cannot deny that to even my worst enemy.’
‘Worst enemy?’ Bee Rack was surprised. ‘I thought that you were real buddies. You had exchanged gifts.’
‘That is history,’ Moody sighed.
‘Why?’
‘He wanted something that I could not give.’
‘And – what was that?’
‘A crate of Alphonso mangoes. This year the quality of mangoes was bad so I could not agree. That made him angry.’
‘But don’t you think that waging a war over water is unbecoming of a man who boasted of his 56-inch-chest?’ Bee Rack asked.
Moody did not have a ready reply.
Suddenly the door to his office opened and Uma-ji entered. There were a number of files in her hand all marked Namami Gange. Behind her came the defense department people and external affairs team. Their files read Indus. And then there were others with files marked Cauvery and Teesta.
All the rivers were in spate and poor Moody was caught in the whirlpool. (to be continued …)


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Moody wants Gold medals from Olympics (satire)

Moody was all praises for the participants of the 2016 Rio Olympics but was saddened at the lack of gold medals – gold is the accepted recognition and when tiny nondescript countries can boast of a crop of gold, such is not the case with Moody’s land of several billion.
Moody therefore called in his team of specialists – Jet Lee, Sue Sharma, Uma-ji, Ranee-ji, Hash Budden, Baba Someday, Emma Melaney, Pro Cash, Banka Nadoo and Rum Mudda. Each of them was a gem and could contribute to the cause.
‘Koel-ji,’ Moody looked towards Vee Jay Koel who had a close association with the Olympics team in Rio. ‘You have seen the Olympics from very close quarters. What is your impression? Why could others bag so many gold but not us?’ ‘It is their attitude,’ Koel-ji said. ‘They train from the KG stage – and aim for the gold.’
‘Why can’t we do it here?’ Moody asked.
‘Who said we can’t?’ Koel retorted.
‘Then let us do it,’ Moody said. ‘All the heads are here today and we can work out a strategy.’
‘We could concentrate on swimming,’ Koel-ji said. ‘Our children swim to their schools and there is a cry to build bridges to cross the rivers. I think we should not do that.’
‘Nonsense,’ Moody said. ‘We must look after their welfare. They are our assets.’
‘I know,’ Koel-ji smiled. ‘We will give them swimwear and encourage them to swim to school. Give award to kids who prove their stamina.’

Jet Lee now cleared his throat.
‘Actually, here our farmers toil in the fields to grow crops – but, that does not get us any gold,’ he said. ‘We must train them to always have the concept of gold in front of their eyes.’
‘I can help in this respect,’ Baba Someday intervened.
‘Let us hear your idea,’ Moody glanced towards the shiny black beard of the Baba.
‘I can rename the fertilizers as Gold fertilizers,’ he said. ‘And my ad pitch for it would be – use bags of Gold to bag Olympics Gold.’
It was now the turn of Pro Cash to have his say. He was the man responsible to develop human resources.
‘In my opinion, we have a brilliant pool of gold medalists who break their heads to unearth IT solutions,’ Pro Cash said. ‘They are in great demand abroad. It is difficult for them to divert their attention to Olympics Gold.’ Moody laughed.
‘Exceptions can always emerge,’ he said. ‘There are engineers who are stars in cricket. Then why can’t a gold medalist in computers bag a gold in shooting? That does not require physical strength like in boxing or wrestling or in gymnastics or in marathon running.’
Pro Cash gulped.
‘I think we can take inspiration from some famous songs,’ Emma Melaney said. ‘Songs like ‘mera dharti sona ugle, ugle heera moti …’
‘Let me make it clear,’ Moody spoke again. ‘We must reverse the trend. I want our sportspersons to bag golds – one for each state.’(to be continued …)


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Moody’s whirlwind trip - five countries in six days (satire)

From the general perception of people, a few traits have emerged that would tend to describe our friend Moody as a man who loves to travel. He does have ministers who are assigned to look after external affairs but Moody is very particular about his foreign contacts. He, therefore, relies on no one else but himself to draw up his strategies.
He had called for a meeting with his trusted ministers and accordingly they had arrived. There was Jet Lee, Sue Sharma, Banka Nadoo, Emma Melanie, Nitty Gad Curry, Ranee-ji, Uma-ji and, of course, Baba Someday.
‘We wish you a happy journey,’ Sue Sharma said at the end of the meeting.
‘Thank you,’ Moody relied.
‘I hope you will take good care of your health,’ Emma Melanie said. ‘You have a very hectic schedule ahead of you with the Yoga Day appearing. I will be presenting a new form of dance with my group on the occasion.’

‘You mean the Yogi dance?’ Ranee-ji asked in a whisper.
‘Yes,’ Emma also lowed her voice.
‘And then there are the two most important points,’ Baba Someday reminded.
‘You mean Black money?’
‘Yes,’ Baba wiped his moustaches. ‘You had committed to get them back and I was confident that you would. But – time is passing and there is not much progress.’
‘We are already in dialogue with the foreign authorities,’ Jet Lee intervened.
‘You are talking like your predecessors,’ Baba was not convinced.
At last Moody spoke.
‘I have my priorities,’ he said. ‘Right now I am on a mission to invite business. I want foreigners to come here and make their products. I also want our products to flood the world markets. Baba here has already made a wonderful start and, during my visit, I’ll pursue this point also.’
‘I’ll get some samples of honey loaded in your plane,’ Baba said.
‘You don’t have to worry about that,’ Moody said. ‘My men have already got them loaded in the plane. Remember, I am running the country and I know what is best.’
‘Have you loaded some bottles of Gangajal?’ Uma-ji wanted to know.
‘Yes. I’ll distribute the samples to Indians in those countries. I want to spread the message of goodwill and peace.’ ‘Would you drop in unannounced on any one this time?’ Sue Sharma was curious to know.
‘I might, ‘Moody said. ‘Our neighbor is in hospital with some heart related problem.’
‘He should get a change of heart,’ Sue said. ‘Then there would be real peace in our surroundings.’ (to be continued …)


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Moody and his American connections (satire)

Moody grinned to himself as he remembered the first time he had set foot on American soil. There had been apprehensions about how his visit would turn out but, he need not have worried because Lord Hanuman was a constant companion of the President of the United States. He always carried an idol of Lord Hanuman in his pocket.
Suddenly Sue Sharma entered his cabin.
There was a huge smile on her face and a bunch of newspapers in her hand. It was obvious that she was in good spirits and her health was OK.
‘Have you got the news?’ she asked as she occupied the chair opposite Moody’s.
‘News are always happening,’ Moody said. ‘Including breaking news. Tell me – what is your news about?’
‘Fighter planes,’ Sue Sharma replied.

‘You mean our fighter plane Tejas has found a market?’
‘Not Tejas, I’m talking about the Americans.’
‘Americans? I don’t understand. I’m supposed to go there next month to address their leaders. They want to know our secret of leadership. To them, ours is a one man show. I want to correct that perception.’
‘I’m talking about the fighter planes America was supposed to sell to our neighbor.’
‘Oh that?’ Moody was at ease with himself. ‘You’ll tell me that they have backed out, right?’
‘How did you guess?’ Sue was surprised.
‘I have my methods,’ Moody said. ‘You say they have backed out?’
‘Not exactly backed out but they have put some conditions.’
‘That was my masterstroke,’ Moody said. ‘I had agreed to attend their June event provided they cancelled the deal with our neighbor. I had told them – if you want my advice you must agree to my terms.’
‘And they want your advice badly, right?’
‘Yes, the tea shop is a wonderful platform for learning the nitty gritty of politics. I should know.’
‘That is why the Bengalis are so politically conscious,’ Sue added. ‘They have tea shops at every street corner. And – the kids graduate from those tea shops to coffee house’
Suddenly the door opened and Emma Melaney entered with Ranee-ji and Uma-ji in tow.
‘Have you heard the latest?’ Emma asked.
‘You mean about our Bollywood actress who got invited by the President to his dinner?’
‘Who told you?’
‘I have my methods,’ Moody said. ‘It is linked to fighters.’
‘Fighter planes,’ Sue added. ‘Fighter planes and neighbors. Our Boss knows just how to keep them in their places. It’s all about the right connections.’ (to be continued …)


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Moody wonders why American space research firms are jittery (satire)

They had assembled in the chamber of our good friend Moody – there was Hash Budden who looked after science and technology along with Jet Lee, Nitty Gadcurry, Baba Someday, Sue Sharma and even the ladies Uma-jee and Rane-ji.
Hash Budden was excited because news had come about superiority of our scientists – it seems America space giants wants restrictions to be imposed on our space agencies. Obviously, there was fear that products like Mangalyaan could spell doom for their pet projects related to space exploration.
Hash Budden had the newspaper clipping with him and he handed it to Moody who read it and reached for his intercom.
‘Get me Williams,’ Moody spoke into the intercom.

‘You mean Prince William?’ Moody’s PA asked. ‘He has already left.’
‘I know. I mean the Williams girl from Gujarat,’ Moody said.
His PA scratched his head, unable to pinpoint the individual who the Boss wanted to talk to.
‘Arrey, I want that Williams who had gone to space,’ Moody clarified.
‘Oh, you mean the astronaut Sue Neeta Williams who had come to visit us?’
‘Yes, I want to talk to her. She must be knowing what is brewing in space.’
But Sue Neeta was not readily available – she was in the gym and could not be disturbed.
‘Why are the Americans jittery?’ Moody leaned forward and wanted to know from Hash Budden.
‘They are envious of our low cost satellites and other space items. They feel we will spoil their lucrative business.’
‘I knew this would happen,’ Moody turned to Baba Someday. ‘Our forefathers invented the pushpak rath long before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane. Remember Ravana who kidnapped Sita Mata and flew off to Sri Lanka in his airborne chariot?’
‘Yes,’ Baba Someday stroked his beard and muttered. ‘Not just the flying chariot but we discovered the zero.’
‘And,’ Nitty Gadcurry added. ‘Some of our people have already settled on the Moon.’
‘You mean the Malayalees and the Coorgis?’ Sue Sharma asked.
‘Yes,’ Gadcurry elaborated. ‘There are Malayalees who have set up facilities for remolding of tyres. Then there are the Kamats who have established outlets for idli, and dosa. And our Gujju friends who are ready with their dhoklas.’
Moody looked hard at Gadcurry.
‘How authentic is your information?’ Moody asked.
‘Hundred percent,’ Niity smiled. ‘Baba Someday will vouch for me. He makes regular visits to the Moon to train his boys for our Mars mission.’
‘But then, how is it that the American astronauts who had landed on the Moon did not see these men?’
‘They must have landed on the wrong face of the Moon,’ Hash Budden explained. ‘The Moon like everything else has two faces.’ (to be continued …)


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Moody comes face to face with a hijacker in midair (satire)

Moody was off on another of his foreign jaunts and his team of ministers were there at the airport to see him off. Once inside the aircraft, and surrounded by his henchmen and muscle men, he retired to his corner, looked out of the window and watched the ground staff applying finishing touches to the takeoff.
A steward came up with a tray on which was a glass of fresh water. He removed the cover of the glass and stood at attention as Moody picked up the glass, took a sip of pure water and returned the glass.
The purity of the water was certified by the Food and Drinks department.
He now closed his eyes and went over in his mind on what he would do in the course of his visit. Yes, he would ensure meeting NRIs in those places and invite them to return back to India and become a part of his projects. He would also try to influence the leaders to invest in his various drives, especially cleanliness. He will make it a point to extract information on how they keep their surrounding so clean and how their trains are so punctual and how they track down terrorists.

Suddenly his mobile phone rang. It was Sue Sharma on the line.
‘Yes,’ he wanted to know.
‘There has been a hijacking,’ Sue whispered.
‘Any Indians involved?’ Moody asked.
‘So far no news to worry about, but my men are checking up. I’ll keep you informed.’
‘Where did this happen?’
‘In the Middle East. The hijacker wore a suicide vest.’
The aircraft was airborne by now and Moody looked around him. His bodyguards were in their seats and in the yoga mood – they had their eyes closed and were breathing in and out and he could see their chests moving rhythmically.
Moody was happy – everything was going like clockwork.
Suddenly a woman came up to him and Moody was surprised. Except for a few of his ministers like Sue Sharma, Emma Melaney, Uma-ji and Ranee-ji, he tried to avoid coming in close contact with members of the opposite sex.
She smiled at him and sat on one of the empty seats. Moody could see the skirt ride over her knees and he turned his glance away. He was annoyed – his bodyguards should not have allowed her to come into his private area.
‘Hi,’ the girl greeted him. ‘Don’t look at me like that. I’ll not harm you if you listen to me.’
She was speaking in a low tome, just above the whisper.
Moody tried to ignore her.
‘Look at me,’ she said and removed her pullover. Beneath was what looked like a special vest. She now leaned over and smiled. ‘This is a suicide vest I am wearing. I plan to hijack your plane and I want you to help me.’
Moody was sweating by now. He suddenly found that he had lost is voice. He wanted to call out to his bodyguards but they were still in the yoga trance. He tried to get up from his seat but lost his balance – and discovered that he was alone in his cubicle. (to be continued …)


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Where is my Swatchh Bharat asks Moody (satire)

Moody and his cronies were in a closed door meeting – these meetings are quite common affair but, there is always a veil of secrecy surrounding such meetings and there are strict orders to the media to show a standard video footage where an invariably serious Moody is seen walking in the company of those he trusts most.
This meeting was a very important one because even after 22-months, his programs were not running as he would have wanted to.
‘I hear there is not enough water in many states,’ he looked at Banka Nadoo.
‘You have heard right,’ Banka nodded. ‘It is a perennial problem. People have got used to it.’
‘But non availability of water would spoil the charm of our Swatchh Bharat mission.’

‘The blame lies with the weather,’ Banka replied.
‘Yes,’ Uma-ji supported Banka Nadoo. ‘I am struggling with by huge amount of water and the sudden rains in the mountains are throwing my plans out of gear.’
‘What about our plan to link the rivers?’ Moody looked at Rajiv Rowdy. ‘I thought you would have developed some skills by now in all spheres.’
‘My learning process is on,’ Rajiv flashed his smile. ‘Our engineers are drawing up plans to join the rivers but there are hindrances.’
‘Hindrances?’
‘Yes – there is a body known as the Green body,’ Rajiv explained. ‘They want guarantees for a whole lot of areas like whether floods and droughts will really vanish. Presuming that floods would really vanish, they want us to spell out the disposal action for all the helicopters in the inventory and that are used to carry out aerial surveys of flood affected areas.’
‘That is a good thinking,’ Moody appreciated and looked at Banka. ‘We can constitute a committee to study this in detail.’
‘Yes,’ Banka agreed.
‘By the way, how are the toilets coming up?’
‘My trains will be totally transformed,’ Soo Race Babu said. ‘It will all be converted to bio toilets. No mess anywhere, the train tracks will be clean. My boys are studying with experts of foreign countries on whether we can bring it in the ambit of ‘Make in India’. I have sent teams abroad.’
‘What about public toilets and toilets in schools for girls?’
‘I have added a chapter in all social science books on hygiene,’ Ranee-ji said. ‘It is a compulsory subject and girls are loving the images of toilets in foreign countries. That exposure will make them change their mindsets. I have also asked my ministry to create videos to highlight the advantages of bio toilets and vacuum how to use them.’
‘Wonderful, they will learn to appreciate our efforts,’ Uma-ji added. (to be continued …)


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Moody’s cleanliness drive - free soap for all children (satire)

Moody was on cloud nine – Parliament was in session and, orator that he is and egged on by his own men, he was able to talk down all sections of the opposition.
He now wanted to assess the progress on his pet projects that were to have brought in a sea change in the mindset of his people. Hence his dream projects ‘Skill India’, ‘Digital India’, ‘Swatchh Bharat’, and ‘Namami Gange’.
His backend boys had done a fantastic job by coining sets of words which are impressive no doubt but, how effective were they?
He had called in Banka Nadoo, one of his ministers who is associated with the ‘Swatchh Bharat’ project to get the low down on the latest status.
Moody moved aside the papers on his table and looked at Banka Nadoo.
‘You have already declared the first list of Smart Cities, right?’
‘Yes,’ Banka Nadoo said. ‘The next will also be announced on time.’
‘I believe that our schools now have sufficient toilets?’

Banka Nadoo nodded – actually, he himself was in the dark about how many toilets have sprouted up and who had made them. There was too much overlap of responsibilities. Some of these were to be built by respective municipalities, others by corporate houses.
‘Tell me, we have released a number of animation ads to spread the message of cleanliness. How is the response?’
‘The ads are impressive,’ Banka Nadoo said.
‘How effective are they? Have the children realized that they must wash their hands before taking food?’
‘Yes,’ Banka Nadoo said. ‘Ranee-ji’s ministry has added a compulsory chapter on hand washing in all books. It is made compulsory also.’
‘Good. Have we made enough provision of supplying water?’
‘Water will be no problem. Already we have started action on cleaning the Ganga. Uma-ji is on the job and once Namami Gange is ready, there will be an abundance of water.’
‘Fine,’ Moody appeared to be satisfied. ‘Now you must rope in all the soap companies and ensure that every child gets a monthly quota of soap free of cost to clean their hands before taking food.’
‘But – the soap companies would need some incentive,’ Banka Nadoo said.
‘Talk to our finance men, they will find out some way to compensate them,’ Moody said. ‘We must always keep the health of the Nation uppermost in our mind. The child is the father of the man and its health is our responsibility. I will talk on this subject in my next Monkey Baat.’ (to be continued …)


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‘Make in India’ concept to market Ganga water (satire)

#makeindia When you have a new entity venturing into the world of development and when the top brains from all over the world remains at his beck and call, you can expect to get blasts of slogans like the ‘Make in India.’
‘It is a revolutionary concept,’ Rum Mudda praised its creator. ‘It is curiosity that will attract the manufacturers. We have created the zero and, we were the first to fly in the chariot.’
‘Exactly,’ Banka Nadoo agreed with Rum Mudda. ‘The Pushpak Rath happened millions of years before the Wright brothers saw the light of day.’
‘Yes – Make In India will turn out to be a win-win situation,’ Jet Lee joined the conversation. ‘It is a modified P-P-P module. The foreigners will come here with their expertise, make their products here with our manpower and market them all over the globe.’

‘Actually, I am not depending on foreigners,’ Baba Someday wiped his beard and said. ‘My ‘Pat & Jolie’ outfit is totally Indian. I make in India and sell them all over the world. My trade secret will die with me.’
‘I think the agarbatties could do with some French touch,’ Emma Melaney said. ‘We have our indigenous fragrances but a French connection would add to the charm.’
‘I know,’ Moody spoke at last. ‘I have mentioned it in passing to the French delegation when they had come here for the R-Day.’
‘What about our expertise in dhokla?’ Sue Sharma asked.
‘The Chinese have shown interest,’ Moody clarified. ‘They want to join the food wagon. They want to Make in India and present to the world. They have even plans to send samples to the Space Station.’
‘Good idea,’ Pro Cash gave his charming smile. ‘Stuff like dhokla, idili, dosa are all examples of fermentation. And, proper nurturing of the taste buds can win over any opposition.’
‘But we should not lose track of major industries,’ Rum Mudda reminded.
‘Don’t worry,’ Moody assured. ‘We have our sights on collaboration in the fields that matter.’
‘Yes,’ Nitty Gadcurry said. ‘We will get hold of P-P-P in manufacturing buses, trains, aero planes, ships and even two wheelers. The future belongs to us.’
‘What about cleaning the Ganga?’ Uma-ji wanted to know.
‘That is also in the agenda. But – someone has to explain how to market it?’ Jet Lee explained.
‘Why?’ Uma-ji was hurt. ‘We will market its water as fresh water. If some country can sell fresh air, there will certainly be a market for fresh water.’ (to be continued …)


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Moody’s skill development program (satire)

Moody had been in saddle for more than one year and he was worried about his bunch of eager beavers who were continuously up to something or the other. His critics were there crouching in every corner, ready to corner him and pull him down but, his oratory powers stopped them in their tracks.
Still, Moody was a worried man. There was a weighty problem on his head.
He looked around at his band of trusted lieutenants and cleared his throat.
‘Hope you have come prepared?’ he asked.
All of them nodded. They dare not say that they were not informed about any agenda. Moody would not like that. So, they just nodded and prepared to brave whatever onslaught comes because no one questioned the leader – he is the Boss and the Boss is always right.
There were the usual bunch of Jet Lee, Sue Sharma, Ranee-ji, Uma-ji, Nitty Gadcurry, Hash Budden and Baba Someday. ‘Do you know what I have in my hand?’ Moody asked and waved a sheaf of papers.
There was pin drop silence.
‘It is a weighty issue,’ Moody said.
‘Is our good neighbor playing pranks again?’ Jet Lee wanted to know.
‘No,’ Sue Sharma intervened. ‘He will not dare to do anything. He has got a severe baulking from you-know-who. If he plays mischief, he will not get his fighter plane.’
‘Then?’ Nitty asked no one in particular.

‘I have with me an interesting list,’ Moody said. ‘I want it to be a part of our skill development program. I want your views on it. How should we approach it.’
‘Let us have some more input,’ Jet Lee said. He was a man of finance and depended on inputs.
‘You mentioned about a weighty issue. Is it about the traders? Are they cheating with underweight measures?’ Baba Someday was alert. In his set up in Pat & Jolie, he had installed electronic devices. No manual weighing.
‘No. I think the matter pertains to Hash Budden, the doctor and Baba Someday, the yoga specialist,’ Moody said. ‘They can make useful contribution.’
‘I will certainly do my best,’ Hash Budden replied.
‘So will I,’ Baba wiped his growth of beard and said.
‘This list is about those of you who have put on weight over the last few months and I am disturbed,’ Moody said. ‘It includes the women also,’ and he cast a meaningful glance at Ranee-ji and Uma-ji. ‘I think we must make yoga a habit and not keep it reserved for only the Yoga Day.’
‘I agree with you,’ Baba said. ‘We can meet here every morning and do yoga for an hour.’
‘I want all of you to concentrate on the skill development for weight reduction,’ Moody said. ‘It will pay dividends. We will compile the findings and release a book on ‘Skill Development for weight reduction.’ Ranee-ji can make it compulsory at all levels of education.’ (to be continued …)

Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Mastermind of Paris terror attacks entered Britain through Dover easily

Kimonos and Love in Tokyo for Moody (satire)

From a distance Moody could see a number of people seated outside his office and they did not look like any one he knew in his capacity as the CEO of the country. One group sat a little apart – he could make out that they had with them some equipment.
It all appeared to be a bit mysterious.
It was then that he noticed the women – all of them were well past their prime and would hardly make any head turn but, he had to rely on them.
‘I have brought the people,’ Sue Sharma came up close to Moody and whispered.
‘Who are they?’ Moody asked.
‘They are fashion designers,’ Sue explained. ‘Experts who have a tremendous following in the fashion world. Our heroines depend on their creations.’
“But – I don’t need any new dress,’ Moody said. ‘I have decided to curtail my foreign trips.’
‘No problem’ Sue flashed her pearl white teeth and said. ‘They have Japanese experience.’
‘Japanese?’ Moody’s face lit up.
‘Yes – they have come to show you an assortment of their products. They have used cloth, wool, silk and even polyester.’
‘And – what is their specialty?’
‘Kimonos – the dress that leaves everything to the imagination,’ Sue said.

‘That would be wonderful,’ Moody was pleased. ‘The clothes that girls wear today leaves very little to the imagination. We can change all that.’
‘That is why I invited them in.’
‘Good – and, what about that other group?’
It was now Emma Melaney who came forward.
‘They have brought a film,’ Emma said. ‘It depicts a section of Japanese lifestyle.’
‘Film?’ Moody stared at Emma.
‘Yes – it is an oldie of 1960 vintage but Japanese lifestyle has not changed much. Once you see it you will realize how they behave.’
Moody entered his chamber along with Sue Sharma, Emma Melaney, Ranee-ji, and Uma-ji. The gathering of fashion designers and the movie group also trooped in. And after a round of coconut water, they began to unfold their creations.
It was a wide range of kimonos – the truly Japanese dress. It conceals everything except the face. That is what Moody wanted. Women and girls must wear such a dress that keeps curious eyes at a distance. If enforced, it will do away with many crimes associated with the fairer sex.
The presentations went on and on and, plates of dhokla came and vanished.
And, when they finished, the film group came up. The film they had brought with them was Love in Tokyo’. (to be continued …)

Some more interesting links -

Moody on climate change – promote bullock carts and tonga (satire)

Baba Someday to use gobar gas and yoga for space flights (satire)

Momo and sushi gear up to dislodge jilebi and pedhas (satire)


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British Muslim family not allowed to travel to Disneyland from Gatwick airport

ISIS chooses jungles of Philippines as its training camp

Terror attacks in Paris makes the US issue global alert for its citizens

Moody gifts his neighbor a turban on his birthday (satire)

Moody was in a good mood, he had set yet another trend in diplomacy. He has gifted his neighbor a turban on his birthday and has been hailed as a true statesman who does not believe in boundaries between neighbors.
‘Yes,’ Sue Sharma was all praises for her boss. ‘You have shown real courage in dropping by on our neighbor disregarding normal procedures.’
‘I have always wanted to take everyone by surprise. I want to do things in my way,’ Moody said.
‘I know,’ Jet Lee joined in – he had just entered. He was accompanied by Nitty Gadcurry, Pro Cash, Uma-ji and Baba Someday. ‘Formal meetings do not produce desired results. It is the age of short cuts.’
‘Tell me, do they have plans to link up to our Golden Quadrangle?’
‘That did not come up for discussions,’ Moody said. ‘We must not rush our fences. We have to proceed cautiously.’ ‘You must have broached the subject of Pat & Jolie?’

‘It was just a courtesy call,’ Moody reminded. ‘I had gone to wish him on his birthday. And – the turban I always carry with me came in handy. He was so happy.’
‘What was the sequence of events?’ Pro Cash wanted to know.
‘Actually when I was waiting for the flight to take off from Kabul, I checked the list of birthdays stored in my mobile,’ Moody explained. ‘That is when I came across his name. I wanted to send him an SMS but decided against it - SMS is so impersonal’
‘So?’ Jet Lee prompted.
‘I rang him up,’ Moody went on. ‘He was overjoyed. Poor fellow – he does not have any close friends to talk to.’
‘And?’ it was now Sue Sharma’s turn to prompt him.
‘The rest is history,’ Moody said. ‘He invited me over for lunch – just like a good neighbor. I checked and found that I had a turban with me. That would be fine as a gift.’
‘What else do you carry with you on your trips to give as gifts?’ Baba Someday asked.
‘That is my trade secret,’ Moody smiled – which was very seldom.
‘Tell me, how dirty are the rivers there?’ Uma-ji asked. ‘Would I get a chance to clean up their rivers? With my experience, I think I could do a good job.’
‘I don’t think it matters much,’ Moody said. ‘River cleaning was not on my agenda.’ (to be continued ..)

(Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org)

Some more interesting links -

Moody on climate change – promote bullock carts and tonga (satire)

Baba Someday to use gobar gas and yoga for space flights (satire)

Momo and sushi gear up to dislodge jilebi and pedhas (satire)


Winterline carnival in Mussourie - enjoy hot air balloon rides

Mamata Banerjee visits Digha sea beach and outlines her plans

Elon Musk finally gets it right - SpaceX rocket lands back on Earth vertically


'Star Wars: The Force Awakens' takes the world by storm - set to break records

Batman Ben Affleck, the Dark Knight, speaks up

When Bollywood film stars fall in love with Kolkata


British Muslim family not allowed to travel to Disneyland from Gatwick airport

ISIS chooses jungles of Philippines as its training camp

Terror attacks in Paris makes the US issue global alert for its citizens

Moody’s inner circle and their ‘things to do’ list (satire)

Jet Lee - no relation to Dracula Christopher Lee or cricketer-cum-singer Brett Lee or martial artist Bruce Lee or all-rounder Sir Richard Hadlee – the most important ‘things to do’ for Jet Lee in 2016 is to look for recreation outlets other than bat, ball and wickets. The game if full of pitfalls from fixing to slanging and sledging and one has to be in a position to smile and bear things.
Baba Someday – he has made a name for himself in yoga and, with his Pat & Jolie outfit, had manufactured a huge range of foodstuffs to challenge players entrenched in the field. He should now look for alternate areas to explore. Like oil. This is because it is oil that drives everything in this world right from machinery to administration. Baba’s ‘things to do’ should be to explore possibilities of entering the world of oils.

Nitty Gadcurry – his ‘things to do’ list should be cycling. He should take the initiative to promote non-mechanized transport. That will reduce pollution and allow fresh air to circulate which, in turn, will eliminate a whole lot of diseases like cough and cold and breathing problems. Of course, he may go into the bad books of the doctors and manufacturers of cough syrups. But – it will endear him to the masses.
Sue Sharma – one of her ‘things to do’ is to try and fit into an ordinary sized chair. It is a known fact that when one continues to occupy a chair, he gradually tends to take the shape of the chair. That is not a healthy trend. Her smile is OK, her huge red sign on the forehead is also passe but not her out-of-shape physique.
Ranee-ji – she, unfortunately, yet another example of how to ruin one’s charms and personality. When one is a well-known TV actress, she has to maintain her figure – otherwise, the TV serial in which she is the main attraction loses its TRP rating. If worst comes to worse, she will be shown the door. But – once out of that vicious circle, one indulges in fulfilling all unfulfilled desires – and, begins to add the kilograms. For her, the ‘thing to do’ must include regular visits to the gym and working out on the treadmill.
Uma-ji – she has a tough task assigned by Moody. She has to clean up the holy river and transform it to one of beauty where steamers will transport people from one place to another. It is a thankless job because no matter how much she tries, water will continue to flow over head. If she was more skinny and glamorous, she would have made a better impression wherever she went. Her ‘thing to do’ list must, therefore, have a slot reserved for becoming fashion conscious.’ (to be continued ..)

(Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org)

Rice on rooftops – a masterplan (satire)

Didi to gift soaps and towels to kids (satire)

Saraswati and Lakshmi and their girlish talks (satire)


Juhi Chawla learns how to ride a scooty

All female pop-group Moranbong Band cancels China goodwill tour

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Thieves make away with sandalwood trees from Santiniketan

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Scotland Yard launches biggest ever crackdown on guns in London

Moody wants a selfie museum (satire)

Moody was closeted with his PR minister Jet Lee – he was actually his Finance Minister but doubled up as I&B Minister as well. He was Moody’s troubleshooter and has been doing a creditable job till now. Moody was pleased with him.
Moody had several winners in his team who were women and he held them in high regard. Apart from Sue Sharma who handled foreign affairs, there was Uma-ji, who was an expert of the River Ganga, and there was Ranee-ji who looked after education.
‘I want to have a museum,’ Moody said.
‘What sort of?’ Jet Lee enquired.
‘To display selfies,’ Moody said. ‘Selfie is the latest fad and everyone has become addicted to it. It is an indicator of our progress.’
‘I know,’ Jet Lee smiled. ‘My kids are mad. They keep taking selfies and out of 100, they will select a couple and post them on Facebook.’

Moody gulped. It was so unfortunate that he was born so late in the day.
In the days when he had been a humble tea shop owner or the days when he would go about in half pants, no one had conceived the idea of selfies. If they had, Moody would certainly have had many more in his collection. They would have been assets for his selfie museum and made it a global attraction and ‘must see’ spot in travel itineraries. Who knows – his selfie museum could even earn heritage status one of these days.
‘Tell me,’ he asked Jet Lee. ‘Who invented selfies on cellphone? Who clicked the first selfie on a mobile phone?’ ‘I will put our research team on the job,’ Jet Lee assured. ‘I will ask them to contact Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates and Sundar Pichai. One of them must know.’
‘Please assign priority to this,’ Moody said. ‘Once you have identified him, get me his date of birth.’
‘You want to send him greetings?’
‘That will come later – once I know the date, I will pursue the matter with the United Nations to go in for a ‘Selfie Day’ – it should be the date of birth of the individual.’
Jet Lee grinned.
‘That will be just great,’ he said. ‘I am confident that the UN would listen to your proposal - as they did for Yoga Day,’
‘Yes - yoga had been there for centuries but no one bothered to assign it a proper place among the masses,’ Moody said. ‘Our yoga guru could have done it but he was busy making noodles and biscuits.’
Moody sat back in his throne – another plus point for him. No leader in the world would ever think on having a selfie museum. (to be continued …)

(Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org)

Rice on rooftops – a masterplan (satire)

Didi to gift soaps and towels to kids (satire)

Saraswati and Lakshmi and their girlish talks (satire)


Juhi Chawla learns how to ride a scooty

All female pop-group Moranbong Band cancels China goodwill tour

Eagles Of Death Metal to perform at the Olympia Theatre on 16 February


No country liquor in Bihar from April - only Indian Made Foreign Liquor (IMFL)

Thieves make away with sandalwood trees from Santiniketan

76% of butterflies vanishing in Britain - a result of climate change


1,000 British troops and Special forces going to Libya to eliminate ISIS jihadists

United States faced with Syrian refugee influx - nearly 100,000 have entered since 2012

Scotland Yard launches biggest ever crackdown on guns in London

Moody wants dhokla to be the National dish (satire)

Moody knows his priorities and never allows anyone to peep into his private affairs and that is what it should be like. It is not good manners to invade anybody’s privacy and encroach upon his private space.
Right now, he had plenty on his mind. And, he needed to get it off his head. So he summoned his close associate Baba Someday.
‘Yes Moody-ji,’ Baba appeared with a huge smile on his face covered with a thick growth of black beard. ‘How was your last trip?’
‘OK,’ Moody replied. ‘These foreigners have their own methods of persuasion. I think we need to cultivate ours.’
‘What sort of persuasion?’ Baba chose his words carefully. He had heard stories of women power influencing decisions. It was quite common during the Cold War times.
‘It is the weakness for food. I want to make dhoklas as the National food. Everywhere I have gone, I missed the dhoklas. How do you like my idea?’

‘Wonderful,’ the Baba replied. ‘No one ever thought on these lines.’
‘Let us begin thinking. I have asked the ladies to join. They’ll be here any moment.’
Before he finished, the door opened and Uma-ji peeped in. She had with her Sue Sharma and Ranee-ji.
Moody looked up at them and smiled.
‘Please come in,’ he said and waved them to the chairs. ‘I want dhoklas to be branded as our National dish. What do you think?’
The ladies looked at each other. They had never expected this. Uma-ji had brought with her the latest status on her Ganga cleaning efforts while Sue Sharma had the dossier on smugglers and gangsters hiding abroad. Ranee-ji also had her papers on higher education with her.
But, Moody as always, caught everyone by surprise.
‘Don’t hesitate,’ he smiled, which was rare. ‘I have our people in Silicon Valley pining for Indian food. Same in London and Paris and even Malaysia and Singapore, China and Japan. They all want Indian food and, in my opinion, dhokla is the real and true Indian food.’
‘Yes,’ Baba Someday said. ‘It is the Indian version of cupcakes.’
‘How soon can you take up production?’ Moody enquired.
‘Immediately,’ Baba replied without batting an eyelid. ‘Your wish is my order.’
Baba knew that people make fun of him and his products and there are stories doing the rounds that that he is determined to uproot anything foreign from the land except the foreign tourists who bring in the dollars.
Well – his Pat & Jolie has diversified from honey to noodles, biscuits and face creams – dhokla would be his next product. It can certainly add an edge to India’s clout and redeem her lost glory. (to be continued …)

Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org)

Lord Shiva learns of Moody’s plans to go to the Moon (satire)

The honey trap of Pat & Jolie (satire)

Baba Someday to use gobar gas and yoga for space flights (satire)


Foreign students for study in India nosedives from 13,961 in 2013 to 3,737 in 2014

Water scarcity in Prime Minister's constituency - blame it on Coca Cola

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Big B rides a scooter in Kolkata - shooting for another movie

International Jazz Festival at Stone Water Eco Resort in Goa

Ben Affleck talks on 'Batman V Superman'


Russian airstrike in Syrian town of Ariha kills at least 40

Turkey downed two Russian fighter jets - Putin says the US leaked its flight path

Gunman attacks Colorado abortion clinic - leaves 3 dead, 9 wounded

Moody’s team blames dogs for the debacle (satire)

It had to happen and has happened. The sudden fall from grace was most unexpected and, as is usual, the blame game has started. It is strange that when there is success, there is invariably the ‘I’ factor that comes into prominence – ‘I have done this’, ‘I have given you that’, ‘I paved the way for prosperity’, ‘I brought light where there was darkness’ etcetera.
That was the agenda in front of Moody – who was really to blame, who was to be made the scapegoat.
Moody had with him his man of all seasons in the form of Jet Lee. He appeared to be out of form. Also present were Uma-ji – she had to put on hold her clean-up of the Ganges and devote some time to clean up the mess in their backyard. And, Vijay-ji was the third – he loved dogs.
‘Are we convinced that the trouble maker is Shotgun?’ Moody asked.

‘But naturally,’ Uma-ji was serious as always. ‘Do you know how many visits he made to the opposition camps?’
‘You have maintained records?’ Moody was surprised.
‘Yes,’ Uma-ji smiled – it was a rare occasion.
‘But, why? He is one of us,’ Moody was surprised.
‘Because he was the odd man out,’ Uma-ji replied. ‘He was always ambitious. He wanted to be a Bollywood hero but Amit-ji beat him to the pinch.’
‘Amit-ji?’ Moody fell from the roof. ‘I never knew that Amit-ji wanted to become a Bollywood hero.’
‘I mean Amitabh Bachhan and not Amit Shah,’ Uma-ji clarified.
‘Oh!’ Moody said. ‘So – what do we do now?’
‘Officially we let the world know that somewhere down the line, the arithmetic went wrong,’ Jet Lee mumbled.
‘We know all that,’ Vijay now spoke. ‘I think we should blame it on dogs.’
‘Dogs?’ Moody, Jet Lee and Uma-ji spoke in unison.
‘Yes – dogs are faithful animals. But, they also fight – you must have heard of dog-fights. And, they spread rabies – one bite means sixteen injections.’
‘Yes – stray dogs are a menace to society and must be uprooted,’ Moody nodded. ‘I think it should be a part of our Swatchh Bharat campaign. Eliminate stray dogs and make the roads safe for the people.’
‘That is an option,’ Jet Lee added.
‘Then let me have an estimate of funds that we would need,’ Moody heaved a sigh of relief.
Three heads are always better than one and he was happy at finding a solution.
When there is failure, usually vocal leaders lose their voices and try to merge into the background and remain there. The failure becomes a collective one and leaders grin and bear it. But, not with Moody. His band of men always had some solution at hand. (to be continued …)

(Image source wikimediacommons.org)

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Moody in the mute mood (satire)


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Study reveals that online shopping is good for health

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Amitabh Bachchan to inaugurate 21st edition of Kolkata Film Festival

Sandra Bullock planning an all-female version of Ocean's Eleven

Horror Museum in Colorado could be a money spinner


Bomb in Airbus A321 responsible for Sinai Peninsula crash and 224 deaths

Two Russian TU-142 Bear aircraft shooed off from USS Ronald Reagan

Iran has already executed 700 this year and the figure could cross 1000 by year end