Shiva learns about dhanteras from Durga (satire)

Lord Shiva wore a worried look in his abode in the wilderness of Mount Kailash. Durga had returned with her children and was settling down to the dull dreary routine life but the bombardment of ads on the TV was a major distraction for Shiva.
He was unable to concentrate of how to lay hands on fresh tiger skins. Yes, he had got used to the duplicate stuff but, the feel of the original was missing.
Durga guessed that Lord Shiva had something on his mind because he was twirling his trident between his fingers.
‘A paisa for your thoughts,’ she said as she sidled up to him and occupied a seat beside him on a hillock.
‘What is this dhanteras?’ he asked.
‘You know what is dhan?’
‘Yes,’ he replied. ‘It means wealth.’
‘Well – dhanteras is a word coined to mean accumulation of wealth.’
‘I see,’ Shiva mumbled. ‘That is why jewelry shops are offering discounts on making charges of ornaments to attract customers, right?’

‘Partially. In fact, dhanteras has become a huge business opportunity for even the online fraternity. They are selling items from jewelry to sweets and clothes and footwear apart from TV sets and smart phones.’
‘You forgot to add – buying two and four wheelers on instalment. In short, dhanteras is yet another festival to milk the people.’
‘Yes, it is another festival to spread a feeling of goodness and well-being.’
‘Then why are they banning firecrackers during Diwali?’
‘That is to prevent air pollution and keep the children safe.’
‘But they burst crackers on the roads when they win elections.’
‘Those are exceptions. Remember, exception proves the rule.’
‘Then what about those who do business in firecrackers? Do you want them to switch over to making jewelry or making rasogollas or pickles?’
Durga sighed.
‘They can go in for alternate jobs like making clay lamps for Diwali. Clay lamps, wicks, bottled oils. These are in great demand because there is a ban on imported toony bulbs and Diwali means lights to drive away the darkness and evil.’
‘I doubt if Evil will ever be frightened by lights and run away,’ Shiva said. ‘They need to be bombed out.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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Moody not happy with the outcome of the meeting (satire)

Moody was in a serious closed door meeting with his lieutenants. Present were Sue Sharma, Jet Lee, Pyari Kar, Baba Someday, Banka Nadoo, Rajanna King and others.
His agenda was bricks, tons of them including brickbats and he was not happy with the outcome of the meeting.
‘What did I do wrong?’ Moody asked.
‘You just cannot do anything wrong,’ Sue Sharma assured him.
‘Then why did Vlady Putty not scold Na Buzz?’
‘But, he did agree that our neighbors are not following procedures,’ Jet Lee said.

‘I wanted Putty to do much more,’ Moody sighed. ‘I had boosted him sky high when I said that one old friend is an asset and much more than ten new friends.’
‘He did appreciate that,’ Sue Sharma said. ‘I was watching him and I saw him smile.’
‘I know, I also saw that,’ Moody went on. ‘Just to keep him happy, I made him and the others wear my trademark jacket – and they gladly did that.’
‘That was a master stroke,’ Pyari Kar added. ‘It was a memorable photo ops.’
‘I even signed the contract with Putty to buy so many choppers from him,’ Moody said. ‘I wanted him to chide Na Buzz for all the tricks he is playing. His cattle roam into my house, his pigeons fly into my territory. But – Putty found nothing wrong.’
‘Neither did Jean Ping,’ Banka Nadoo complained. ‘He also sidestepped the issue. And we were hoping that he would take our side.’
‘He is probably not pleased with our policy of banning his items this Diwali,’ Baba Someday had his say. ‘He must realize that our products must get a market. I have asked my Pat & Jolie setup to make clay lamps. I will sell them along with a bottle of oil – it will come free. I want my people to light these lamps. Diwali is a festival of lamps, not of flickering bulbs.’
When the world leaders had gathered at the beachside venue to discuss serious matters, Moody was happy. When they agreed to wear jackets like him, he was still more happy. And, when Moody mentioned that an old friend was always an asset compared to ten new friends, and Vlady Putty smiled, Moody’s joys knew no bounds.
But it did not end the way he wanted it to – it left a bad taste in his mouth. (to be continued …)


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