Moody has too many women around (satire)

Moody was proud of his 56-inch chest but, the world around him was falling apart and women were forcing their way into the male bastion. As a result, the ever-so-smart Moody, who loved to coin new words and phrases was in a dither.
Women were fine in the kitchen and in the maternity wards, but why barge into the predominantly male domain of politics.

The ringing of the phone brought him back to reality. The caller was Vladdy Putty.
‘Our friend Day Weed has gone,’ Putty said. ‘It was sad to see him leave. Poor man – he had to pack his own belongings.’
‘I know,’ Moody said. ‘Here we do it differently.’
‘How?’
‘We just do not leave our bungalows,’ Moody said. ‘Actually, I want to change all that.’
‘Can you really do it?’ Putty asked. ‘Will your people like it?’
‘Don’t worry,’ Moody said. ‘I have my methods. I have made people give up their LPG subsidy. I can make leaders to vacate their accommodations also. But – that is not likely to happen in the near future.’
‘Anyway – that is your headache,’ Putty went on. ‘I actually called you on another subject.’
‘What is that?’
‘Day Weed has gone, Bee Rack O’Vama is also on the way out. We already have Angel Miracle and Tressa May and there could be Clean Ton to follow. There will now be some more women in our sights.’
‘Yes. I am not worried. I can handle women,’ Moody replied.
‘Remember, these women wield enough power to keep their men in check,’ Putty said. ‘They have funny ideas and can play spoilsport at will. It is difficult to trust them.’
‘I don’t trust anybody,’ Moody said. ‘Not even my wife.’
Putty laughed.
‘We men are all alike,’ he said. ‘But – invariably, they get the better of us. And – in international politics that can be disastrous.’
‘I can put in place any woman who becomes too big for her boots. I have done it recently. The poor woman does not know what has hit her,’ Moody said. ‘My policy is - Men must tower, women must cower.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Madame Tussauds welcomes Moody – Didi waits for her turn (satire)

Moody was excited – he is finally getting international recognition in the galleries of Madame Tussauds and would be standing tall alongside his pals Bee Rack O'Vama, Day Weed and others.
He had already received congratulatory messages from his colleagues because he was one of a few Indian leaders who had entered the portals of history. He did have a few jitters because in the galleries were several Indian beauties of the silver screen and they were, to him, avoidable distractions.
Yes, he had to admit that he felt weak at the knees in front of women who oozed charms. But, there was one woman he would have liked to be near him in Madame Tussauds – she was Didi.

He reached for his telephone and was lucky to get her at the first attempt.
‘Didi, how are things shaping up?’ he asked.
‘Nothing is happening the way I want,’ she complained.
‘Why? I have told my men to help you in your plans,’ he said.
‘I am just not able to see how they are helping. Those people came down from Delhi and made fun of me. I can understand some Hindi but they talk so fast and have so different accents that I can’t follow what they are saying.’
‘Don’t worry,’ Moody gave a light laugh. ‘I think you know that I will be in London for life.’
‘What?’ Didi was shocked. ‘Then who will run the country? What will happen to our dreams of Utopia? And the cleaning of the Ganga? And the unearthing of black money?’
‘I was joking,’ Moody assured her. ‘My wax model will be in the Tussauds museum.’
‘Oh. And, how did you manage it?’
‘It just happened,’ Moody said. ‘One day they called me up and then sent across their artists. They came with all sorts of gadgets and measured me hundreds of times. I had to spare time for them.’
‘Why are you telling me all this?’ Didi was cautious.
‘I want you to be with me in the museum,’ Moody said. ‘You also are a great leader and must get recognition.’
‘I am thankful that you want me near you. But – I have my own problems. And – I cannot devote time for such projects. Painting is my hobby and, in fact, I have very little spare time. My painting work is badly affected. I think the last canvas I did was five years back – during the agitation to drive out the small car unit.’
‘Don’t worry Didi,’ Moody was in a light mood. ‘I’ll talk to the museum.’
But Didi cut him short.
‘I have heard that they keep changing the location of the models. And – one day they could send us to the Chamber of Horrors with models of Jack the Ripper and Adolf Hitler.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Baba Someday’s Pat & Jolie to create an Indian Disneyland (satire)

Moody heard the news of Baba Someday waxing eloquent over his Pat & Jolie outfit that was going great guns and doing a roaring business in products that ranged from noodles and biscuits to tooth paste and face cream with pure cow ghee thrown in for good measure.
Suddenly his hot line rang – the caller was Bee Rack O’Vama.
‘Hey man,’ Bee Rack’s voice came across loud and clear. ‘Why are you hitting below the belt?’
‘I never hit below the belt,’ Moody replied. ‘In fact I never hit anyone. My policy is to win others over with love. If anyone hits me, I offer the other face to him so that he can repeat his actions again.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ Bee Rack said. ‘No one does that. Not in this twenty-first century. I am talking about this Baba character. I believe he wants to take over our businesses and has his eyes on a Disneyland of his own.’

Moody gulped. He has told Baba Someday repeatedly to maintain a low profile but he has gone overboard in his enthusiasm and Moody would now have to pacify Bee Rack O’Vama and others. Baba’s announcements would queer the pitch for Moody’s Make in India initiatives.
‘Do you mean Baba Someday, the yoga expert?’
‘Yes. His Pat & Jolie outfit is into all sorts of products and he seems to be determined to wipe out all foreign competition. He even has zeroed on a site to create his version of our Disneyland! And – you are inviting us to join your Make in India initiative? Does it not amount to a conflict of interests?’
‘My dear Bee Rack, ours is a huge country and there is plenty scope for your business to flourish alongside Baba’s,’ Moody explained.
Bee Rack rang off and this time Moody’s external phone rang. It was a direct line known to only a few selected world leaders.
The caller was Day Weed. He was also apprehensive and, by the time Moody calmed him down, Angel Miracle rang up followed by Fancy Holland and Vladdy Putty. All of them were worried. All of them wanted to be a part of the Make in India projects but if Baba Someday takes over all businesses from foreigners, where would it leave them? What would happen to their biscuits and noodles and face creams and fruit juices? (to be continued …)


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Moody hates hotels and feels more at home in his aircraft (satire)

It was a conference of world leaders and Moody was supposed to attend. Present in the hall were Bee Rack O’Vama, Day Weed, Vladdy Putty, Angel Miracle, Fancy Holland, Na Buzz and a host of others. The subject of discussion was, obviously, terrorism.
Suddenly a mobile phone rang – it was for Day Weed.
‘Yes,’ he spoke, ‘his flight has landed?’
There was a huge sigh of relief all around. Moody had arrived and would soon be with them. The vehicle had been sent to the tarmac to pick him up and bring him directly to the hall.

‘Hey man,’ Bee Rack O’Vama leaned towards Day Weed. ‘I think Moody hates hotels.’
‘Yes,’ Day Weed said. ‘That’s why he remains in his aircraft and we have to arrange his transport to and from the tarmac.’
‘Actually he could have modified his aircraft to something like Air Force One which can carry his special vehicle,’ O’Vama said. ‘He can use it wherever he goes instead of being cooped up in the aircraft.’
‘If you ask me, I think he feels more comfortable among his own people,’ Vladdy Putty added his comments. ‘Moody has seen enough of the world to realize that he needs to be more accessible to others.’
‘Yeah,’ O’Vama said. ‘Wherever he goes, he meets and mingles with his own people.’
‘You can’t blame him for that,’ it was now the turn of Na Buzz to have his say. ‘Moody is a good man – he makes it a point to give gifts.’
‘That helps to create a sort of bond,’ Day Weed said. ‘But the novelty soon wears off.’
‘Can anyone tell me why he loves to remain in his aircraft,’ Angel Miracle now asked. ‘Is it a hidden fear of terrorist attacks?’
Vladdy Putty gave a hearty laugh.
‘No, I don’t think so,’ he replied.
‘Why do you rule out the possibility?’ Day Weed asked.
‘He always moves about with his special band of security,’ Putty explained. ‘They are experts in yoga and can wield a stick like no one has ever done. They are his own brand of soldiers.’
‘You mean the half-pant brigade?’ Day Weed asked.
‘You have hit the nail on the head,’ Putty grinned. ‘But – they are changing over to trousers.’
‘Why?’
‘Because half-pants look strange outside Moody’s country. And, the frequency of his foreign visits is on the increase. Therefore, the men entrusted with his security have to be in step with the times. Hence, the changeover.’
It was at this moment that Moody entered the conference hall and beamed at the august gathering – he was flanked by his bodyguards who wielded stout sticks. (to be continued …)


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