Moody gets a call from Ronald Grump (satire)

Moody, like any blacksmith, loves to strike when the iron is hot - striking has always been his strength. After the well planned and executed surgical strike, he went ahead with his black money strike. Black money is a subject that everyone loves to talk about. And black money when added to Swiss banks make for a heady cocktail.
Of course, Moody himself shies away from cocktails and no one knows for certain whether he has ever tasted the harmless mocktails.
The ringing of the hotline brought Moody back to reality. It was the new Uncle Sam better known as Ronald Grump – a man who is unpredictable.

‘Namaste Ronald-ji,’ Moody greeted him.
‘What’s that you said just now?’ Ronald asked.
‘It is our way of salutation,’ Moody explained. ‘A welcome message Ronald-ji.’
‘My name is Ronald, Ronny for short,’ Ronald grunted. ‘I hear you have taken a very bold step in a hurry and have fallen in a pit. It does not help your image. Your people are still one century behind us and you want to overtake us.’
‘I beg to differ,’ Moody replied. ‘Our civilization is way ahead of yours.’
‘That is why you have to hammer home the message about cleanliness, build toilets, clean your rivers, is it? Look buddy, your priorities are confused.’
‘Our civilization is way ahead of yours. We invented the flying machine much before you did. It was the flying chariot - Ravana used it to kidnap Sita.’
Ronald gave a hearty laugh.
‘I know all that. You invented the zero, you invented yoga, you invented the snake charmers and you have hundreds of Godmen who perform miracles. Wake up man, there is more to living than is revealed in your philosophies.’
‘OK,’ Moody replied. ‘What is it you want?’
‘I want you to know that I talked with your pal the other day. It was a pleasant surprise. He is such a nice man. I wonder why you can’t get along with him.’
‘I don’t understand who you are talking about,’ Moody murmured.
‘Your neighbor,’ Ronald laughed. ‘Both of you were buddies, you exchanged gifts and you even dropped in on him one day, unannounced. And – all of a sudden you don’t want to talk with him! What’s the problem?’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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Moody hopes Khajuraho will win over the new Uncle Sam (satire)

Moody was confronted with a major worry and the furrows on his forehead displayed his anxiety. He wanted to cozy up to the new Uncle Sam and, for that, he had to present him with a gift to strengthen the bond. He, therefore, rang up Baba Someday.
‘Baba-ji,’ Moody said. ‘Can you suggest a suitable gift for Uncle Sam?’
‘That would mean a lot of study,’ Baba replied. ‘Actually, I don’t have that much spare time. I am busy setting up a special unit to prepare ayurvedic instant noodles. I am determined to drive out all foreign competition from the lives of Indians.’
‘I rely on your judgment, which is why I contacted you first.’
‘I am sorry to disappoint you.’

So Moody contacted Jet Lee – another of his trusted men. He also could have been a great help. But – he was in a quandary about the next IPL. It is all about bright dazzling cricket and requires plenty of organizing and advance planning.
Then Moody tried Sue Sharma. But - she was in hospital.
Moody missed her presence – she would have been a great help in this problem since it was all about the American Dream. Not for the Americans of America but for Indians who longed to become Americans in America.
Moody had expected Clean Ton to win. That would have ensured a sort of continuity in the link already created. But, when the results went against her, Moody realized that he would have to begin all over again.
That is when he was stumped.
Being a true Indian, he believed in the moral that to have a friend in need when you want him most, you have to give him a gift when you meet him for the first time. So far, he had followed that policy and had been rewarded - best example was the Uncle Sam who was on his way out.
Moody had presented him with a statue of Hanuman and a copy of the Gita.
After that Uncle Sam literally worshipped the ground that Moody walked on and had accepted an invitation to come to attend the Republic Day program in a city where air pollution from smog was always a major irritant.
Now – what could Moody gift to the new Uncle Sam to win him over?
From what he had heard – this man was more of a business man and less of a politician. Moody himself hailed from that part of the country which is known to be the haunt of businessmen.
Suddenly his eyes lit up – Khajuraho was the answer. Yes – Khajuraho would keep the new Uncle Sam fascinated. It was all about Indian art of yore and he could commission an artist to paint the scenes of Khajuraho on the ceiling and walls of his Tower. (to be continued…)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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Moody realizes that it takes two to tango (satire)

The newspapers were full of it and the video had gone viral on the net – it showed Uncle Sam doing the tango while on a visit to a distant land. It was a shock to not only Moody but to all his colleagues because all of them belonged to a very conservative group where such casual relationships are just not accepted.
Moody kept aside the newspaper and reached for his intercom but the hot line rang and he was all attention. Think of the devil and he was on the line!
‘Hullo,’ he greeted his caller.
‘Hey man, I was just wondering if you have ever done the tango,’ it was Uncle Sam himself at the other end.
‘Tango?' Moody asked. ‘I know about mango – but, what is this tango?’
‘It is a form of dance,’ Uncle Sam said. ‘And – it takes two to tango.’
‘You mean it is not like those dance forms where one dancer can keep a hall-full of audience spellbound for hours like our Emma Melaney?’
‘No – tango is not a one man or one woman show. And – the partner need not be related.’

Moody cleared his throat. He was on a sticky wicket and did not want to stumble. Wherever he had gone, he had faced quizzical glances from people around him and skillfully avoided the silent question that must have made them suppress giggles.
‘Our culture is different to yours,’ he said.
‘But – when I see your movies, I get a feeling that our cultures overlap at times.’
‘The world of movies is a different kettle of fish,’ Moody tried to laugh away the uneasy feeling. ‘It is all about cultivating the global community – that is where the dollars come from.’
‘Good to know that you also have a weakness for dollars,’ Uncle Sam said. ‘Anyway – I did not ring up for that. I just want to know whether you have conducted family get-togethers for members of your ministry.’
‘Why do you ask such a question?’
‘Because I have heard that your people have a strong family feeling – and, with this festival of colors called Holi, families meet and throw water and color and drink some sort of concoction that plays havoc with their senses. The women and girls romp about in wet clothes that cling to their bodies. And, then, no one really knows what finally happens and who teams up with whom.’
‘I think you are ill informed,’ Moody said.
‘Aw – cummon man, let’s face it. There is nothing really wrong with tango. It is a means to let your hair down, to get rid of tensions. Once you try it out you will feel the difference.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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