Moody wants bows and arrows to eliminate Big Daddy (satire)

Moody was excited but, as is his rule, he maintained a straight face. It was the prediction of a learned astrologer that had sent him soaring to cloud nine. He had appeared in his sleep, that too in early morning with the message – ‘go after get Big Daddy, you are sure to get him’.
And, it is said that such early morning visions are always good omen.
‘You seem to be happy,’ his right hand man Jet Lee said. He had followed Moody into the chamber.
‘Have you ever seen me unhappy?’ Moody shot back.
‘With so much worries, no one is happy,’ Jet Lee philosophized.
‘I have always been an exception,’ Moody said. ‘I am setting new trends. I want tigers and cows to drink water from the same waterhole.’
‘I know,’ Jet Lee said. ‘With Big Brother retiring next year, how will you handle the super powers?’
‘Right now I want to handle another Big name,’ Moody said.
‘How big?’
‘Very big. He is Big Daddy who has unleashed terror in the world. None of the super powers have been able to rein him in.’

‘You mean the man who loves to behead people and get the process videoed?’
‘Yes. The super powers have launched airstrikes on his bases. They have sent drones to hunt him down. But he is sitting pretty. He has evaded every super power. I want him eliminated.’
‘That is a good idea,’ Jet Lee said.
‘What idea are you talking about?’ Sue Sharma asked as she entered.
‘The idea to eliminate Big Daddy,’ Jet Lee explained. ‘We will succeed where others have failed.’
‘Yes. We have shown our might to the world in the R-Day parade and we can do what others have failed to do.’
Pyari Kar and Vicky Singh joined the group. Moody had called them in. They were his defense experts.
‘Have you decided on which weapons you will use?'
‘We have our very own fighter aircraft and missiles.’
‘But – Big Daddy has fought off all those weapons. We must take him by surprise in his den. We must go in for unconventional weapons.’
‘You mean hypnotism?’
‘Well – that is an idea. But, I have an even better one.’
‘We could go in for the boomerang,’ Pyari Kar suggested. ‘Or – even develop a Sudarshan Chakra.’
‘We do not have that much time,’ Moody said. ‘I suggest a team of archers – armed with bows and arrows. Followed by teams of lathi (stick) wielding men. The lathi is a formidable weapon in trained hands, they can overpower any army.’
‘Right,’ Jet lee nodded. ‘Lord Rama used his bow and arrows to defeat the demon king Ravana – we can also do the same.’
‘Yes,’ Pyari Kar agreed. ‘Big Daddy is the Ravana of today.’
Moody heaved a sigh of relief and reached for the customary plates of dhokla and gathias. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Moody and his French connection (satire)

Moody was in a pensive mood. He was alone in his chamber and was shuffling a pack of cards. He loved to play the game of Patience once in a while and, when the bug bit him, he would switch on the ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ sign and busy himself playing cards.
He was always a loner and Patience was his favorite game.
Suddenly his phone rang. It was his new found French connection Francis Highland. Both of them had shared plenty of thoughts while riding the Delhi Metro.
‘Oi Monsieur,’ Moody said.
‘Kemchhey?’ Francis wanted to show off his skills.
‘Saruchhey,’ Moody replied. ‘Tell me - what do you have in mind now?’
‘I want to sign one more MOU,’ Francis replied.

‘About manufacture?’
‘Yes – manufacture of those delightful yellow, fluffy, mouthwatering dhoklas,’ the Frenchman said. ‘It will be a joint venture. Your manpower and expertise and my profits. You make in India, I sell in France.’
‘Good, we’ll add it in our agenda.’
Francis Highland cut off the phone and suddenly there was a discreet knock on the door.
Moody quickly gathered the cards, shoved them in his table drawer and switched off the ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ sign.
The door opened and Jet Lee peered in.
‘May I come in?’ he asked.
Moody stroked his nicely cropped beard and waved him in.
‘I want to congratulate you on being the most popular leader of today,’ Jet Lee said.
‘I know. But, right now I have something else on my mind,’ Moody twirled the pencil in between his fingers. ‘You can share it with me. I’ll keep it a secret,’ Jet Lee assured.
‘I want to make some changes in the portfolios of my ministers,’ Moody said. ‘So many months are over and even now there are a number of slots vacant. That is not correct.’
‘How will changing portfolios solve the problem? You will, actually, need more ministers.’
‘No. I want to give the present ministers additional responsibilities. Like the river cleaning ministry. The concerned minister loves cows. I want to club both.’
‘But – cows have been taken over already by Someday Baba – you now him, don’t you? He is the man who produces gobar gas and uses it to generate electricity for his noodles factory. He also has his men drawing up plans to send a mission to the Moon using gobar gas as fuel.’
‘I love my ministers,’ Moody looked pleased. ‘They are going out of their way to create a new culture where anything foreign is taboo – except, of course, the bullet train and the Rafael fighter planes. We can also accept foreigners in our ceremonial parades. But – we must not imitate their dress codes or food habits. All those short revealing dresses and beef are not our culture.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Half pant brigade to participate on R-Day (satire)

#rday #makeinindia #halfpant #yoga Another R-day was looming large on the horizon and Moody was wary because his chief guest might find it difficult to have a clear vison of the impressive scenes that would unfold before his eyes. The problem was the fog and poor visibility.
‘How best can we overcome the problem?’ he asked Sue Sharma who was seated with him in his chamber along with Jet Lee and Hash Budden.
‘An exercise of odd-even had managed to reduce the problem,’ Hash Budden said. ‘But – that should not be a major problem because the tableaus would move at a snail’s pace.’
‘We could give him binoculars,’ Sue suggested. ‘That way he need not strain his eyes.’
‘And – the half pant brigade will be an added attraction,’ Moody said. ‘I want to popularize it.’

‘I know, ’Sue Sharma said. ‘There has been criticism from some quarters on this issue.’
‘I am not bothered about that. If people can go around in bermudas and hot pants, then why can’t some of them go around in half pants?’
‘You do have a point there,’ Sue agreed.
‘Moreover the half pant team would twirl their sticks and demonstrate how effective a weapon it can be. It will be a golden tribute to our Make in India concept.’
Jet Lee nodded his approval.
‘I want to take him to Varanasi also,’ Moody said. ‘I want to show him around my dream city that is coming up like its Japanese counterpart. I thought of taking him on our new train. It looks just like a foreign train.’
‘It’ll be a long journey,’ Jet Lee said.
‘Jut an overnight journey,’ Moody brushed off the remarks. ‘It will bring us closer. We can lay the groundwork for some important deals.’
‘That is right,’ Hash Budden sounded serious. ‘What deals do you have in mind?’
‘We have exported the yoga – now it is the turn of the half pant and stick,’ Moody said and reached for a dhokla. ‘I am sure once my guest sees the power of the stick that the half pant brigade can wield, he will take home the idea and introduce it in his country. It will save him money on security.’
The others also reached for their dhoklas – this had become a routine, dhokla on a regular basis along with tea minus sugar and milk. Either dhokla or gathia. They longed for snacks like samosa with tea made of a liberal dose of milk and sugar which gives extra energy. But – they had got used to these changes. (to be continued …)

Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Moody wants dhokla to be the National dish (satire)

Moody knows his priorities and never allows anyone to peep into his private affairs and that is what it should be like. It is not good manners to invade anybody’s privacy and encroach upon his private space.
Right now, he had plenty on his mind. And, he needed to get it off his head. So he summoned his close associate Baba Someday.
‘Yes Moody-ji,’ Baba appeared with a huge smile on his face covered with a thick growth of black beard. ‘How was your last trip?’
‘OK,’ Moody replied. ‘These foreigners have their own methods of persuasion. I think we need to cultivate ours.’
‘What sort of persuasion?’ Baba chose his words carefully. He had heard stories of women power influencing decisions. It was quite common during the Cold War times.
‘It is the weakness for food. I want to make dhoklas as the National food. Everywhere I have gone, I missed the dhoklas. How do you like my idea?’

‘Wonderful,’ the Baba replied. ‘No one ever thought on these lines.’
‘Let us begin thinking. I have asked the ladies to join. They’ll be here any moment.’
Before he finished, the door opened and Uma-ji peeped in. She had with her Sue Sharma and Ranee-ji.
Moody looked up at them and smiled.
‘Please come in,’ he said and waved them to the chairs. ‘I want dhoklas to be branded as our National dish. What do you think?’
The ladies looked at each other. They had never expected this. Uma-ji had brought with her the latest status on her Ganga cleaning efforts while Sue Sharma had the dossier on smugglers and gangsters hiding abroad. Ranee-ji also had her papers on higher education with her.
But, Moody as always, caught everyone by surprise.
‘Don’t hesitate,’ he smiled, which was rare. ‘I have our people in Silicon Valley pining for Indian food. Same in London and Paris and even Malaysia and Singapore, China and Japan. They all want Indian food and, in my opinion, dhokla is the real and true Indian food.’
‘Yes,’ Baba Someday said. ‘It is the Indian version of cupcakes.’
‘How soon can you take up production?’ Moody enquired.
‘Immediately,’ Baba replied without batting an eyelid. ‘Your wish is my order.’
Baba knew that people make fun of him and his products and there are stories doing the rounds that that he is determined to uproot anything foreign from the land except the foreign tourists who bring in the dollars.
Well – his Pat & Jolie has diversified from honey to noodles, biscuits and face creams – dhokla would be his next product. It can certainly add an edge to India’s clout and redeem her lost glory. (to be continued …)

Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org)

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Dhokla - the lovely fluffy besan product

Apart from boondi and sweets made out of boondi, besan is used to make many other eatables to soothe the Indian palate – and, one of these is the fluffy dhokla. Once restricted to Gujarat, it is now common fare all over the country and, like snacks like idli, dosa, uthappam of the south, dhokla has won over Indians in all corners.
Dhokla is a sort of snack unique to Gujarat and its lightness is a matter of mystery – when laid out on display in the shops with a sprinkling of chopped coriander leaves and a splattering of mustard seeds it beckons with its fluffy yellow color and porosity.

It is not too difficult to prepare and it involves mixing besan with yoghurt in proper proportions with addition of water and a pinch of salt. The mixture is to be kept for sufficient time (3 to 4 hours) in order to allow the fermentation to take place. Once that is done, a bit of turmeric is added to bring the yellow color and the mixture is ready to be cooked. Some would add green chili and ginger paste to bring in a different taste apart from lemon juice, sodium bicarbonate and a tiny bit of oil.
Now comes the cooking part. Put the mixture in a greased container and then in the steamer – dhokla has to be steam cooked. This should not take more than ten minutes. Then cut it into suitable size fluffy cubes and allow it to cool.
The last step is the garnishing with coriander leaves, ground coconut and whole mustard seeds. The mustard seeds are put in a kadai of boiling oil and as it starts to splutter, pour it over the dhokla and finish off with the white and green garnishing of coriander leaves and grated coconut. (to be continued …)
(Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org)


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