Where is my Swatchh Bharat asks Moody (satire)

Moody and his cronies were in a closed door meeting – these meetings are quite common affair but, there is always a veil of secrecy surrounding such meetings and there are strict orders to the media to show a standard video footage where an invariably serious Moody is seen walking in the company of those he trusts most.
This meeting was a very important one because even after 22-months, his programs were not running as he would have wanted to.
‘I hear there is not enough water in many states,’ he looked at Banka Nadoo.
‘You have heard right,’ Banka nodded. ‘It is a perennial problem. People have got used to it.’
‘But non availability of water would spoil the charm of our Swatchh Bharat mission.’

‘The blame lies with the weather,’ Banka replied.
‘Yes,’ Uma-ji supported Banka Nadoo. ‘I am struggling with by huge amount of water and the sudden rains in the mountains are throwing my plans out of gear.’
‘What about our plan to link the rivers?’ Moody looked at Rajiv Rowdy. ‘I thought you would have developed some skills by now in all spheres.’
‘My learning process is on,’ Rajiv flashed his smile. ‘Our engineers are drawing up plans to join the rivers but there are hindrances.’
‘Hindrances?’
‘Yes – there is a body known as the Green body,’ Rajiv explained. ‘They want guarantees for a whole lot of areas like whether floods and droughts will really vanish. Presuming that floods would really vanish, they want us to spell out the disposal action for all the helicopters in the inventory and that are used to carry out aerial surveys of flood affected areas.’
‘That is a good thinking,’ Moody appreciated and looked at Banka. ‘We can constitute a committee to study this in detail.’
‘Yes,’ Banka agreed.
‘By the way, how are the toilets coming up?’
‘My trains will be totally transformed,’ Soo Race Babu said. ‘It will all be converted to bio toilets. No mess anywhere, the train tracks will be clean. My boys are studying with experts of foreign countries on whether we can bring it in the ambit of ‘Make in India’. I have sent teams abroad.’
‘What about public toilets and toilets in schools for girls?’
‘I have added a chapter in all social science books on hygiene,’ Ranee-ji said. ‘It is a compulsory subject and girls are loving the images of toilets in foreign countries. That exposure will make them change their mindsets. I have also asked my ministry to create videos to highlight the advantages of bio toilets and vacuum how to use them.’
‘Wonderful, they will learn to appreciate our efforts,’ Uma-ji added. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Moody’s train on track – no increase in fares (satire)

It was a Big Day for not only Moody but all his men and women – it was the day when Soo Race Babu would be the center of attraction because he would open his magic box and bring out one after another goodies for the common man.
It was budget day for the railways and Moody had given strict instructions that increase in fares must not be on the agenda. If the minister needed money to run the trains, he would have to arrange it on his own.
Poor Soo Race Babu was confused when he had met Moody before drafting his budget.
‘Unless I can generate the funds, how will the railways survive?’ he had asked.

‘Think up alternate methods,’ Moody was blunt. ‘I do not want to add to the burden of the common man. They have brought us to power and must be respected.’
‘Yes,’ Jet Lee added. He was also present in the meeting. ‘Boss is right. It is better not to talk about any increase right now.’
Nitty Gadcurry smiled. He always had a ready smile on his lips and loved to share it whenever he got the chance.
‘Money is never any problem Babu-ji,’ he said. ‘Very soon bullets will speed through our countryside. The railways we have right now are ancient and once the bullets run, money will roll in.’
Poor Babu was still not convinced.
‘I want to introduce new trains,’ he said. ‘I have also coined new names because that is the tradition.’
‘That is a good idea,’ Moody looked sat him. ‘What names have you thought of?’
‘One of our previous ministers had dreamt up the ‘garib rath’ or the chariot of the poor. Then there was another one who had introduced the ‘duronto’ or wild. I want to do something similar.’
‘No one is stopping you,’ Moody said. ‘But – remember, no increase in fares.’
‘I want to introduce bio-toilets in the coaches and I want to have provision of supply of milk for children.’
‘Not a bad idea,’ Nitty Gadcurry remarked. ‘We could ask Pat & Jolie to supply pure milk from his farm.’
‘Yes, that also is a good idea,’ Moody agreed. ‘But, no increase in fares. I am against that.’
Soo Race Babu threw up his hands in despair.
‘How can my projects go ahead minus funds?’
‘There is a time and place for everything,’ Moody said.
‘What it means is that you can do that exercise after a couple of months,’ Nitty Gadcurry explained under his breath.
Suddenly, Babu’s face lit up. He smiled. (to be continued …)


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