Winning elections is not as simple as making tea (satire)

The official stand of the debacle in Bihar and the preliminary findings that it was an example of collective failure has not gone down well with the old-timers of the party. These once popular leaders have now been sidelined because of their age. But have, still, had their say – and, they have, in one voice, condemned the people who had been at the helm of affairs in the state.
They have not mentioned names but have dropped enough hints to help identification.
‘The smell of success has gone to their heads,’ Lal-ji lamented. ‘And, they have begun to pay the price. First in Delhi and now in Bihar.’
‘This is the trouble of improper upbringing,’ Yashu-bhai added. ‘They feel politics is as simple as making tea. Just sir in a few ingredients to maintain the heat.’

‘They have become a family with no proper head,’ Double M sighed. ‘What they lack is a strong head. They may appear to be loaded with strength but it is all muscle strength. Their brains are not yet developed.’
‘The drubbing they got will keep haunting us forever,’ the cool one said. ‘Why did they have to stoop so low to conquer what should have been easy pickings?’
‘Actually, they have mixed up their priorities. They feel lung power coupled with muscle power will pay dividends,’ Lal-ji said.
‘That does not always happen when you have people who don’t know when to say what,’ Yashu-bhai was not happy. ‘Like the DNA affair. The problem magnified when the post offices were overloaded with samples of DNAs and did not know how to store them.’
‘Then the talks about fireworks across the border,’ Double M said. ‘Why should we worry about what they fire so long as those are not bullets or mortars? Moreover, Diwali is our festival and, we do not want to burst crackers to pollute the atmosphere. So, why bring it up at all?’
‘We all know the priorities but some people keep mixing them up. Why should we talk about dogs? We all know that dogs are a menace – not just in our country but all over the world. Why should we not let the sleeping dogs lie?’
‘Yes, we need to, instead, concentrate on building the temple. That was our priority.’
‘But, our folks seem to have forgotten which temple and where.’
‘And – not worry too much about cows. They provide us with milk and milk products but not votes.’
‘By the way – there is a drive on to locate adulterated sweets. Has anyone researched as to why these surface only during festivals? An answer to this question could get us more votes the next time around.’ (to be continued …)

(Image source wikimediacommons.org)

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Moody’s team blames dogs for the debacle (satire)

It had to happen and has happened. The sudden fall from grace was most unexpected and, as is usual, the blame game has started. It is strange that when there is success, there is invariably the ‘I’ factor that comes into prominence – ‘I have done this’, ‘I have given you that’, ‘I paved the way for prosperity’, ‘I brought light where there was darkness’ etcetera.
That was the agenda in front of Moody – who was really to blame, who was to be made the scapegoat.
Moody had with him his man of all seasons in the form of Jet Lee. He appeared to be out of form. Also present were Uma-ji – she had to put on hold her clean-up of the Ganges and devote some time to clean up the mess in their backyard. And, Vijay-ji was the third – he loved dogs.
‘Are we convinced that the trouble maker is Shotgun?’ Moody asked.

‘But naturally,’ Uma-ji was serious as always. ‘Do you know how many visits he made to the opposition camps?’
‘You have maintained records?’ Moody was surprised.
‘Yes,’ Uma-ji smiled – it was a rare occasion.
‘But, why? He is one of us,’ Moody was surprised.
‘Because he was the odd man out,’ Uma-ji replied. ‘He was always ambitious. He wanted to be a Bollywood hero but Amit-ji beat him to the pinch.’
‘Amit-ji?’ Moody fell from the roof. ‘I never knew that Amit-ji wanted to become a Bollywood hero.’
‘I mean Amitabh Bachhan and not Amit Shah,’ Uma-ji clarified.
‘Oh!’ Moody said. ‘So – what do we do now?’
‘Officially we let the world know that somewhere down the line, the arithmetic went wrong,’ Jet Lee mumbled.
‘We know all that,’ Vijay now spoke. ‘I think we should blame it on dogs.’
‘Dogs?’ Moody, Jet Lee and Uma-ji spoke in unison.
‘Yes – dogs are faithful animals. But, they also fight – you must have heard of dog-fights. And, they spread rabies – one bite means sixteen injections.’
‘Yes – stray dogs are a menace to society and must be uprooted,’ Moody nodded. ‘I think it should be a part of our Swatchh Bharat campaign. Eliminate stray dogs and make the roads safe for the people.’
‘That is an option,’ Jet Lee added.
‘Then let me have an estimate of funds that we would need,’ Moody heaved a sigh of relief.
Three heads are always better than one and he was happy at finding a solution.
When there is failure, usually vocal leaders lose their voices and try to merge into the background and remain there. The failure becomes a collective one and leaders grin and bear it. But, not with Moody. His band of men always had some solution at hand. (to be continued …)

(Image source wikimediacommons.org)

Moody wants ODIs in Silicon Valley (satire)

Fight fire with fire - have ‘Award Return Festivals’(satire)

Moody in the mute mood (satire)


Mad rush for tourists stranded in Egypt to return home

Study reveals that online shopping is good for health

Inmates use mouse to carry drugs between cells in Brazil prison


Amitabh Bachchan to inaugurate 21st edition of Kolkata Film Festival

Sandra Bullock planning an all-female version of Ocean's Eleven

Horror Museum in Colorado could be a money spinner


Bomb in Airbus A321 responsible for Sinai Peninsula crash and 224 deaths

Two Russian TU-142 Bear aircraft shooed off from USS Ronald Reagan

Iran has already executed 700 this year and the figure could cross 1000 by year end

Moody in the mute mood (satire)

Normally vocal Moody, does, at times withdraw into a shell and goes into the mute mood – especially when subjects with B (beef), C (corruption) or D (dalits and dogs) become the talking points of the day. In days gone by, when he was at the other side of the fence, he used to criticize and taunt elderly leaders when they went into the mute mode.
Moody has now realized that there are moments in the life of leaders when the proverb silence is golden is most appropriate.
If he had some close friends, they would have told him – a penny for your thoughts. But, again, they might not because the very word penny is foreign. Penny is of British origin like Miss Moneypenny, the secretary in the office of M who was the boss of James Bond.
Anyway, he had to get the story of the dalit boys and the dog. He just could not fathom the relationship and, hence, was disturbed. So, he summoned Vicky Singh – the man knew plenty about warfare and Moody wanted the lowdown on the dalit killings.

How did the dalit boys get burnt? Was it in some battlefield? Was it due to some dog that came in the line of fire? ‘Vicky,’ he asked. ‘Dalit means oppressed. Right?’
‘Yes,’ Vicky settled in the chair opposite Moody.
‘How did the boys catch fire? Was it due to firecrackers?’
‘I have no idea. Some say they committed suicide.’
‘Strange. I always knew that farmers committed suicides. Or – kids who fail in their exams. Or – girls who are let down by their boyfriends. Why then did the dalit boys commit suicide?’
Vicky shrugged his shoulders.
‘How did the dogs come into the picture?’ Moody now asked.
‘There we no dogs as such,’ Vicky said.
‘But I heard you had mentioned dogs.’
‘That was just to make a comparison. Tell me, if a dog goes out of control, people stone it to death. How can any government be responsible for that?’
‘Any idea why the boys caught fire?’
‘If you ask me - they must have been involved in some dangerous activity and paid the price. Probably making firecrackers – you know Divali is round the corner.’
Moody was listening in rapt admiration. He was lucky to have assistants like Vicky – they had an answer to every question, no matter how awkward. (to be continued …)

(Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org)


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Animals in Indian movies

Haathi Mera Saathi (1971) was a hit movie that featured an elephant – the hero was Rajesh Khanna, heroine Tanuja and whether the popularity of the movie was due to the presence of the stars or the elephant could be a matter of debate.

Apart from that, animals like monkeys and dogs have appeared briefly in many movies apart from snakes because snakes or nags are a much loved topic of Indians – these snakes provide an opportunity to the heroines to perform the snake dance swaying to rhythmic and, at times, haunting music. The snakes are believed to be reincarnations of couples separated by evil men and they return to seek revenge on those who had wronged them.
Then there have been the tigers – invariably, long shots of the big cats are first taken and then merged with close-ups of the hero wrestling with dummy tigers.
Dogs have also been seen in Bollywood movies – there was a pomeranian Tuffy in the movie Hum Aapke Hain Kaun starring Salman Khan and Madhuri Dixit. It not only umpired a cricket match but did baby sitting and played Cupid.
However, in contrast, the 1985 film, Teri Meherbaniyaan, had a dog named Moti. It avenges the death of its master, Ram (Jackie) and his wife Bijli (Poonam Dhillon) by hunting down the killers and tears them to pieces.
Such movies ae unthinkable today because of censorship and restrictions imposed on animals by PETA and their likes.
Animals in Indian movies play insignificantly small roles unlike Bollywood movies where they hold prime pace – like monkeys in ‘Dunston comes to town’ or ‘Monkey trouble’ or dogs in ‘101 Dalmatians’, elephants in ‘Hatari’. Then there are the ones like ‘Jaws’, ‘Anaconda’, ‘Pirhana’ and ‘Ratatoulle’ where animation adds a new dimension to the storylines. (to be continued …)
(Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org)
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