In the wonderland of washing powders

India is on a mission to clean up its dirt under the Swatchh Bharat scheme and political leaders take up the broom once in a while to sweep the dirt – not from under the carpet to clean the mess but to hide the mess.
Anyway, this is not about such cleaning. My story is about the cleaning of dirty clothes. Gone are the days of bar soaps and the women who struggled to bring the shine back to the clothes. They would use wooden mallet-like stuff to literally beat the dirt out. Those who lived in villages would thrash the dirt on stones positioned on the banks of the ponds.

But, the innovative nature of man relieved the stress from the mothers and a product called the washing powder entered the scene. Initially, there were a couple of brands and the market today is flooded with innumerable brands. The good old days of Lalitaji and her ad with the catch line of ‘Surf ki khariddari mein samajhdari hai …’ have made way for umpteen plus one variants. Some are meant for clothes, some others are exclusive for woolens. And, they contain varieties of blasters like dust blasters, stain blasters, mud blasters.
The advent of washing machines have made the washing powder a mandatory product in every home. And – apart from women, kids have been roped in to promote the products. Obviously, cleanliness has its advantages. If only people would stop spitting pan juice and tobacco juice, our surroundings would be as clean as our homes.


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Lord Shiva feels rains are the best option for cleaning (satire)

Lord Shiva had a huge smile on his face because it was the monsoon season and it was raining cats and dogs. The cities were flooded and most of the rivers were in spate. People ventured out only if really necessary – otherwise, they remained indoors to enjoy the beautiful sight and sound of the gushing waters. Either through the drainpipes or the roadside nullahs or the rivers.
Rain meant water and water meant life. That is why man was intensifying search for water on other planets.
Suddenly Durga came out of her kitchen.

‘Is the khichudi ready?’ Shiva asked.
‘Nearly,’ she said.
‘And what is the menu?’
‘Khichudi with an assorted set of fries like begun bhaja, aloor chop and papad.’
‘Good,’ Shiva said. ‘These are what make the monsoons memorable. By the way – the rains are a blessing in disguise for those who are crying themselves hoarse over Swatchh Bharat. The rain waters are washing away the dirt and muck from the rivers.’
‘Yes – it is lovely to see all those water hyacinths floating away downstream.’
‘I heard that there is a separate ministry set up to clean the Ganga.’
‘Yes, it is actually to keep the people engaged,’ Durga explained. ‘The Ganga has not become dirty all of a sudden. It has been a gradual affair and a result of not just ignorance but also of a couldn’t-care-less attitude of politicians who are patrons of industries.’
‘I know,’ Durga agreed. ‘Industrial waste goes into the waters just like all the wastes from cities that line the banks of the river.’
‘And the funds go down the drain,’ Durga added. ‘No amount of money can really clean all that dirt. To me, it is all eyewash.’
‘They have coined some nice sounding slogans like Namami Gange,’ Shiva smiled. ‘It sounds better than Ganga Action Plan but I doubt if they can go beyond slogans. The minister who is in charge now may suddenly be replaced by someone more near to the bosses.’
‘That is the saddest part,’ Durga sighed. ‘No one is serious. They all believe in cosmetic changes.’ (to be continued …)


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Where is my Swatchh Bharat asks Moody (satire)

Moody and his cronies were in a closed door meeting – these meetings are quite common affair but, there is always a veil of secrecy surrounding such meetings and there are strict orders to the media to show a standard video footage where an invariably serious Moody is seen walking in the company of those he trusts most.
This meeting was a very important one because even after 22-months, his programs were not running as he would have wanted to.
‘I hear there is not enough water in many states,’ he looked at Banka Nadoo.
‘You have heard right,’ Banka nodded. ‘It is a perennial problem. People have got used to it.’
‘But non availability of water would spoil the charm of our Swatchh Bharat mission.’

‘The blame lies with the weather,’ Banka replied.
‘Yes,’ Uma-ji supported Banka Nadoo. ‘I am struggling with by huge amount of water and the sudden rains in the mountains are throwing my plans out of gear.’
‘What about our plan to link the rivers?’ Moody looked at Rajiv Rowdy. ‘I thought you would have developed some skills by now in all spheres.’
‘My learning process is on,’ Rajiv flashed his smile. ‘Our engineers are drawing up plans to join the rivers but there are hindrances.’
‘Hindrances?’
‘Yes – there is a body known as the Green body,’ Rajiv explained. ‘They want guarantees for a whole lot of areas like whether floods and droughts will really vanish. Presuming that floods would really vanish, they want us to spell out the disposal action for all the helicopters in the inventory and that are used to carry out aerial surveys of flood affected areas.’
‘That is a good thinking,’ Moody appreciated and looked at Banka. ‘We can constitute a committee to study this in detail.’
‘Yes,’ Banka agreed.
‘By the way, how are the toilets coming up?’
‘My trains will be totally transformed,’ Soo Race Babu said. ‘It will all be converted to bio toilets. No mess anywhere, the train tracks will be clean. My boys are studying with experts of foreign countries on whether we can bring it in the ambit of ‘Make in India’. I have sent teams abroad.’
‘What about public toilets and toilets in schools for girls?’
‘I have added a chapter in all social science books on hygiene,’ Ranee-ji said. ‘It is a compulsory subject and girls are loving the images of toilets in foreign countries. That exposure will make them change their mindsets. I have also asked my ministry to create videos to highlight the advantages of bio toilets and vacuum how to use them.’
‘Wonderful, they will learn to appreciate our efforts,’ Uma-ji added. (to be continued …)


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Moody’s cleanliness drive - free soap for all children (satire)

Moody was on cloud nine – Parliament was in session and, orator that he is and egged on by his own men, he was able to talk down all sections of the opposition.
He now wanted to assess the progress on his pet projects that were to have brought in a sea change in the mindset of his people. Hence his dream projects ‘Skill India’, ‘Digital India’, ‘Swatchh Bharat’, and ‘Namami Gange’.
His backend boys had done a fantastic job by coining sets of words which are impressive no doubt but, how effective were they?
He had called in Banka Nadoo, one of his ministers who is associated with the ‘Swatchh Bharat’ project to get the low down on the latest status.
Moody moved aside the papers on his table and looked at Banka Nadoo.
‘You have already declared the first list of Smart Cities, right?’
‘Yes,’ Banka Nadoo said. ‘The next will also be announced on time.’
‘I believe that our schools now have sufficient toilets?’

Banka Nadoo nodded – actually, he himself was in the dark about how many toilets have sprouted up and who had made them. There was too much overlap of responsibilities. Some of these were to be built by respective municipalities, others by corporate houses.
‘Tell me, we have released a number of animation ads to spread the message of cleanliness. How is the response?’
‘The ads are impressive,’ Banka Nadoo said.
‘How effective are they? Have the children realized that they must wash their hands before taking food?’
‘Yes,’ Banka Nadoo said. ‘Ranee-ji’s ministry has added a compulsory chapter on hand washing in all books. It is made compulsory also.’
‘Good. Have we made enough provision of supplying water?’
‘Water will be no problem. Already we have started action on cleaning the Ganga. Uma-ji is on the job and once Namami Gange is ready, there will be an abundance of water.’
‘Fine,’ Moody appeared to be satisfied. ‘Now you must rope in all the soap companies and ensure that every child gets a monthly quota of soap free of cost to clean their hands before taking food.’
‘But – the soap companies would need some incentive,’ Banka Nadoo said.
‘Talk to our finance men, they will find out some way to compensate them,’ Moody said. ‘We must always keep the health of the Nation uppermost in our mind. The child is the father of the man and its health is our responsibility. I will talk on this subject in my next Monkey Baat.’ (to be continued …)


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