Mahalaya is here and Durga is set for her annual trip (satire)

At last it was Mahalaya. The much awaited day had arrived and Goddess Durga was as excited as a child – waiting to go to her mother’s place for a few days of rest away from the humdrum of routine life. Suddenly Lakshmi came up to her.
‘Mummy,’ she looked worried. ‘I heard that mosquitoes are killing people down there. What should I do? I don’t want to get bitten by those pests and catch dengue.’
‘I know,’ Durga said. ‘It is a problem for not only you but for all of us. We will not die or fall sick but we can be bitten and that will hurt.’
‘Shall I get in touch with that yogi baba who creates magic potions?’
‘You mean Baba Someday?’
‘Yes. He can give us some sort of paste to rub on our body so that it acts as a shield against mosquito attack.’

Just then Lord Shiva came up to them.
‘That is why I feel you should stop this annual visit,’ he said. ‘The people down there do not bother about us. They have become selfish and are showoffs.’
‘I beg to differ,’ Durga objected. ‘You look at the women on Ashtami day. They fast and come to pray and get my blessings.’
Shiva smiled.
‘Actually they come to display their sarees and jewelry. There is no sincerity. They fast all right but, come for Anjali after booking a table at the restaurant.’
‘I agree with you,’ Ganesh said. He had also sauntered over to hear what was being discussed. ‘These people are so hungry. Immediately the anjali is over, they rush to enjoy the five course meal. Sorry – not five but it is a much longer meal.’
‘A twelve course meal,’ Shiva said. ‘It starts with begun bhaja, luchi and chholar dal and ends with rasogolla and mishti doi. In between comes the pulao, topshey fry, murgir theng, dab chingri, kasha mangsho, aloo bakhra chutney. That adds up to a twelve course meal, right?’
Durga nodded as did Ganesh.
‘Moreover the so-called devotees are more devoted to setting fashion trends,’ Shiva went on. ‘The puja is supposed to start on Saptami but, pujas ae inaugurated much before that. Do you know why?'
‘Yes, I know,’ she replied. ‘It is because celebrities are overworked. They have to inaugurate so many big budget pujas and they can’t do that in one day. So – they have to spread it out over a period of time.’
Shiva grinned.
‘I will not criticize your beloved devotees,' he said. ‘Have a happy journey and be careful of the potholes.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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Didi’s version of ABCD - cycle to work to bypass potholes (satire)

Didi loves bicycles – she keeps gifting these to school children to teach them that going green is the mantra of today. Those who use these human propelled two wheelers never complain of potholes. They learn to circumvent such terror of the roads early in life and that strengthens their resolve to conquer any obstacle.
Moreover, bicycle industry does not require much land!
She called in Moo Cool, her Jack of all trades, and he came running into her office.
‘I just now had a fantastic idea,’ she said. ‘I am sure no one can ever think about it.’
‘Is it about Durga Puja inauguration schedule?’ Moo Cool asked cautiously. He had drawn up a schedule keeping in mind innumerable points so that she did not have any complaint. If she changed it now, his efforts would have gone waste and he would have to struggle because time was running out.
‘No. It is about cycles,’ Didi smiled. ‘Bicycles. They will solve plenty of problems related to the roads riddled with potholes.’
‘I have already dispatched 10,000 bicycles for the school children,’ Moo Cool said. ‘They will be there for distribution before you reach the venue.’

‘I know about that,’ Didi said. ‘I am thinking about manufacturing bicycles under the head of industry. We can borrow expertise from Punjab. My friend Cage Reball will help us out. He has promised to help me.’
‘That is good news,’ Moo Cool heaved a sigh of relief. ‘But – you mentioned potholes. And, they are not good news. We want foreigners to come here but the condition of roads are bad.’
‘Don’t lose heart,’ Didi assured. ‘We will provide them with palkis and horse drawn carriages. Such attention will win them over. It will help us to prove our commitment to have a clean, pollution free environment.’
‘But, how are bicycles and potholes related?’
‘Don’t you understand - their combination would generate employment,’ Didi sounded excited.
Moo Cool scratched his head.
‘Arrey bhai, potholes mean broken axles of cars and buses and trucks and damage to vehicles, right?’
Moo Cool nodded.
‘To take care of them, thousands of repair shops have already sprouted up all over the cities. And – self-employment has increased, right?'
Again Moo Cool nodded.
‘We will make cycling to work compulsory for all employees who live within a five kilometer radius of his or her office. That will generate still more self-employed people. They will man cycle repair shops.’
‘Didi,’ Moo Cool smiled. ‘You are a real genius.’
‘I know,’ she smiled. ‘We will also identify our ABCD and give an increment to those who cycle to work. For those who do not do so, we will penalize them by imposing a fine. We will change the work culture. We will promote the green concept.’
‘By the way, what exactly is this ABCD?’ Moo Cool appeared to be stumped.
‘All Bengal Cycling Day,’ Didi said. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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Didi and her BMW dreams (satire)

On the journey back home to Kolkata, our beloved Didi was trying to evaluate her gains on this trip to Germany. She seldom went out of the country and this was her third outing in search of industries. She had been to Singapore, then to London and now Germany. She had received assurances but nothing worth talking about had emerged.
Suddenly her mobile rang –it was her trusted lieutenant Moo Cool.
‘How did it all go?’ he asked.
‘Difficult to assess,’ she admitted. ‘I want to show the world that BMW is our watchword.’

‘Have they given any hints?’
‘I don’t want hints,’ Didi sounded hurt. ‘When I want something, I get it – by hook or by crook. I know how to bend my fingers. Tell me – how are things shaping up? How many have deserted their parties and joined ours?’
Moo Cool laughed.
‘They keep coming,’ he said. ‘Very soon, there won’t be any opposition.’
‘That is what I want,’ Didi said. ‘Opposition means interference and delays. I want things to go smoothly. Already I have controlled the bandhs and brought back good work culture among the employees. That is what foreign investors want.’
‘But – the potholes are an eyesore,’ Moo Cool reminded.
‘Don’t worry,’ Didi assured. ‘We will ferry them by choppers. They need not fear the bumps and jumps. Those are for the local people and the media – they also need some topics to talk about to raise storms in teacups. There are so many TV channels and so many reporters, especially the girls – they have to earn their living.’
‘Really Didi, you have a remarkable eye for details,’ Moo Cool was all praises. ‘You know all the tricks of the trade. Your road to Delhi is going to be a smooth one.’
‘Remember – the message is BMW.’
‘You mean BMW has agreed to set up a factory here?’
‘Don’t be so naïve, Rome was not built in a day. Everything needs a gestation period.’
‘It should not go into cold storage.’
‘BMW will always be in the news. BMW – Bangla Means Womanpower.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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