Moody & Co to invite Eskimos for the Yoga meet (satire)

Moody was, as always, serious and in a thoughtful mood. He had realized that yoga is the be-all and end-all and it can wow the world as it has already done. But, in order to ensure that the memories and euphoria do not vanish, he had to revive interest in this ancient form of art that is unique to our culture.
Yes, no matter what people may say, yoga is an art.
It had been practiced by the sages of yore – and, since doctors were unheard of in the days of Ramayana and Mahabharata, yoga was the only medicine to cure all ills from indigestion to broken arms.
Suddenly the door opened a fraction of an inch and Hash Budden peeped in – he was a doctor by profession and was responsible for looking after various aspects of health. Along with him was Baba Someday – a very busy man who was adept at balancing his interests in both yoga and business.
Moody waved them in.
‘Have you worked out a strategy?’ he wanted to know.

‘We will make it a bigger affair,’ Baba Someday said. ‘My Pat & Jolie will provide all refreshments right from pure milk to crisp salted biscuits and instant noodles.’
‘Good,’ Moody nodded. ‘We want to project our indigenous products to the world and the yoga meet will be an opportunity.’
‘Who knows, someone might want to import them’ Baba Someday said. ‘After all no one can deny the health benefits of Pat & Jolie foodstuffs.’
‘I think we should invite some dignitary to be the Guest of Honor on the occasion,’ Hash Budden suggested. ‘Like we did in the R-Day.’
‘I also was thinking about it,’ Moody said. ‘Any ideas?’
Before Hash Budden could reply, Sue Sharma entered with Jet Lee. Sue Sharma looked to be excited about something.
‘We have a couple of ideas for the Yoga Meet,’ Jet Lee said. ‘If you can spare a few minutes, the lady can get it off her chest.’
‘Go ahead, I am all attention,’ Moody said.
‘I just now got a call from the land of the Eskimos,’ Sue Sharma began. ‘The lady spoke in broken English and wanted to know when you would go to visit them.’
Moody was taken aback.
‘Why should I go to visit them?’ he asked. ‘What can they offer us except polar bear furs or seal skins or penguins? I don’t think any of those would be useful.’
‘Moody-ji,’ Hash Budden intervened. ‘It is a God-sent opportunity we cannot miss.’
‘Please explain.’
‘Why don’t we invite the Eskimos for the yoga meet? Their leader could be the Guest of Honor.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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The honey trap of Pat & Jolie (satire)

Lord Shiva was polishing his trishul – the trishul or trident was his trademark, the trident, the snake and the tiger skin which was his attire. Nowadays he has difficulties in procuring tiger skins because the animals are under the protected category and killing them is a crime. Therefore, he has to depend on cheap imitations that Goddess Durga procures online.
He looked at Durga – she had the earplugs on and, with eyes half closed, was listening to songs.
Shiva gave a little cough – to draw attention.
Durga opened her eyes and removed the earplugs.
‘What is this I hear about honey?’ he asked.
‘Honey? You mean Honey Singh the singer?’
“No – I mean honey that is good for health.’

‘Oh – our friends Pat & Jolie have their setup. Their honey is cheap as compared to other well-known brands.’
‘Have we tasted it?’ Shiva was curious.
‘Well – they did send across samples. As they did for biscuits and noodles. I have kept them aside. I do not want to fall into any honey trap’
‘Why? Are they not safe?’
‘Don’t be silly – of course they are safe. But, I rely more on tried and trusted products. Newcomers must first gain acceptance. You just cannot bulldoze your way into any venture. Those who are experts in yoga should spread the message of yoga. Not indulge in business ventures.’
Shiva did not argue further. The lady of the house is always choosy and convincing them is not an easy matter.
Durga switched her very own special mobile phone with unlimited memory. She has to cater to millions of her devotees who keep sending her ‘help me’ messages. The mobile phone is a boon for her. Without it, she would not have been able to keep track of who wants what and when.
But – not for Lord Shiva. He has always been a Bohemian character and does not want to lose that mantle. He loves to remain aloof and Durga allows him the freedom – she does not want to face his tandaba dances. Of course, she loves the dances in the Bollywood movies – they are sooo similar to Shiva’s tandaba dances and lovely to watch from a distance. At times she wonders just how the heroes and heroines manage to gyrate so fast. Then she laughs it away as happening in the world of fantasy. (to be continued …)

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Pat & Jolie and their biscuit making (satire)

Lord Shiva was sipping a cup of tea - he hated tea and was more comfortable with ganja and, with Durga around, he had to curb his desires. He looked at her - she was sitting on a tiny mound near him and was munching biscuits along with her tea. Sensing his eyes on her, Durga looked at Shiva.
'Yes?' she asked.
'What is that?' Shiva put a counter question.
'It is a packet of biscuits - a courtesy pack,' Durga explained.
'You brought it back when you went to your mother's place?' Shiva asked.
'No silly. This is courtesy packets distributed by Pat & Jolie - they have taken up making biscuits.'

'I thought they were into instant noodles,' Shiva said.
'This is another venture of theirs,' Durga said. 'They are determined to capture one and all. Their USP is eat healthy, remain healthy.'
'You mean they want to drive the doctors out of business?'
'Well - they want a situation when the need of doctors would be minimum. No one would suffer from simple diseases like cough, cold, joint pains etcetera.'
'By means of biscuits?'
'They are using a secret formula - they are treating the dough with juice of medicinal herbs. Nothing is visible from outside and no one can be satisfied with just one. Lab tests will not reveal these hidden secrets. That is why they are distributing courtesy packs.'
'Do they have plans to enter the export markets?'
'But naturally - this is the age of Make in India and capture the global market.'
'Make in India? I always thought anything produced in India should be Made in India!!'
'Actually - Make in India is a relatively new concept where foreigners are invited to come to India to make the goods and export them.'
'I think is is too complicated,' Lord Shiva yawned and reached for his chillum of ganja. He made it a point to send his trusted follower Bhringi to scout around the Pat & Jolie setup to find out what they were actually up to. (to be continued ...)

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The 'Pat & Jolie' instant noodles worry Lord Shiva (satire)

Lord Shiva sniffed the air, stared into the distance and saw the range of mountains in his very own Kailash. His wife Durga sat beside him - she was engrossed in the memories of her mother's home and tried to piece together those fond memories in her mind.
'What is that smell?' Lord Shiva asked.
Durga also sniffed and became serious.
'That is the smell of instant noodles drying in the open,' she said.
'Instant noodles? Drying in the open?' Shiva was stunned.
'Yes - it is that new noodle factory that Pat & Jolie have set up,' Durga replied.
'Unbelievable!!' Shiva was surprised no end. 'Just imagine a noodle factory in this part of the world! Wonders will never cease! Where is this factory?'
'In Haridwar.'

'And - they are being dried in the open?'
'Yes - that is to ensure that the stuff absorbs the UV rays from the Sun,' Durga said. 'These noodles are not just safe but also much more healthy than what is available in the market.'
'That is good news,' Shiva said.' But - what are these UV rays?'
'UV rays means ultra violet rays. These are good for health. Actually - instant noodles available in the market had impurities like MSG in them. They are not safe for consumption. That is what prompted the new venture.'
'MSG?' again Lord Shiva appeared stumped.
'MSG is a chemical known as Monosodium Glutamate (MSG).'
'I thought MSG was the abbreviation you used in SMSs - short form of 'message'!' the Lord was satisfied. But - he had some other doubts.
'You said that Pat & Jolie have started this setup. Why should foreigners enter into a joint venture and interfere in our domestic affairs?'
Durga sighed.
'My dear husband - there are no foreigners in this. The name might sound to be imported but it is a totally Indian affair. Of course, Pat & Jolie does have an eye on taking over the international brands.'
'That would be great,' Shiva agreed. 'What is their USP?'
'Instant noodles - no MSG but with loads of UV rays added.'(to be continued ...)

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