Lord Shiva and the mystery of haunted houses (satire)

It was another bright sunny morning. Normally, it should have been cloudy because it was monsoon time and, as a rule, skies are supposed to be overcast and rains are supposed to be the order of the day. And – the lady of the house should be busy preparing for khichudi, begun bhaja and other such mouthwatering items. But – that has not been happening. Hence, Goddess Durga had to dream up some other equally attractive dishes and browse the net for ideas.
She saw Lord Shiva with the day’s newspapers and came over to him.
‘You have had already seen the important news on the TV news channels, right?’ she asked.
‘Yes,’ Lord Shiva nodded his head. ‘That keeps ones mind active.’
‘How?’
‘TV news is an exercise in keeping your senses alert - you have to correlate the audio and the video and, simultaneously, decipher what the news anchor is saying. At times they speak so fast that you just cannot make out what they are saying.’

‘I think they have a quota to fulfill,’ Durga explained. ‘Probably they are rated by the number of words they can speak in a minute. And – how many words they can utter without taking a breath. At times it sounds as if they are being chased by a mad dog and must finish their lines before being bitten!’
‘You do have a point,’ Shiva agreed. ‘Competition is tough and news anchors have to have that ability. Their job is glamourous and dangerous.’
‘OK, fine,’ Durga now said. ‘After seeing so many TV news, why do you need the newspaper?’
‘Because newspapers pick up juicy news items that never get to the TV audience, Shiva said.
‘For example?’ Durga prodded.
‘Haunted houses,’ Shiva said.
Durga laughed.
‘There is no such thing,’ she said. ‘Those are optical illusions.’
‘No my dear,’ Shiva replied. ‘People have seen shadows flitting through the houses. They have heard nasal voices crying at night. They have woken up from sleep after hearing rattling of utensils. And – dogs keep whining.’
‘And – all of these happen only at night, right?’
‘Of course. That is the tradition of ghosts. They wake up at night.’
Durga sighed.
‘You shouldn’t have seen the movie ‘Night at the Museum.’
‘But – the newspapers have given a full report on ghosts.’>br> ‘That is all a strategy to get the occupants to leave the house. Probably the owner wants to sell it off to some promoter.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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