Lord Shiva and his tandav dance (satire)

Lord Shiva is, as we all know, a bohemian character – and he was unhappy. No, it was not a marital tiff – he worshipped the ground that Durga walked on and, Durga also knew that her husband was in a special league because he was a bohemian. She also guessed that he was worried.
‘Want to share your thoughts?’ she asked him.
‘My life is miserable,’ he lamented.
‘Why?’ Durga asked.
‘Killing of tigers is banned and my stock of tiger skins is running out,’ Shiva said.
‘Artificial tiger skins are available online. I have shown you how to order online.’
‘What about ash? Burning ghats are vanishing, where do I get the ash to smear on my body?’
Durga laughed.

‘There are thousands of body powder in the market,’ she said. ‘Take your pick.’
‘And the bel pata, leaves of the bel tree? They also are not seen – the trees have been cut down to make space for multi storied buildings. Ganja is banned, no one dares to cultivate poppy anymore. My devotees have changed their outlook,’ Shiva sighed.
‘It is but natural,’ Durga said. ‘They now live in a world of make believe and want to grab more than they can digest. That results in indigestion.’
‘What about me? No one celebrates Shivaratri any more. Staying up all night watching movies is a thing of the past.’ ‘You are mistaken. They do watch movies throughout the night. They watch it on their smartphones.’
‘You mean movies depicting me and my lifestyle?’
‘Well – they live in a world of their own and have their own idea of Shiva.’
‘Yes, they only love my tandav dance,’ he said. ‘Both the boys and the girls shake their bodies in a way that I could never have imagined.’
‘Always look at the bright side,’ Durga smiled.
The Lord sighed.
He does live in a world of his own. He loves to smear his body with ash instead of sprinkling talcum powder. He loves to smoke ganja even though people look down upon drugs which have ruined many lives. He loves to stay in the burning ghat which is more attractive to him than the banks of the Ganges. And, he loves the company of bulls that follow him as does Bhringi, his man-of-all-seasons. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Lord Shiva cannot relate to today’s Shivaratri (satire)

It was spring time and sudden bursts of rain does dampen the spirits, especially the festivals like Shivaratri. It has gone out of fashion and everyone treats it just another day to enjoy.
Durga had been observing her husband from a distance and could guess that there was something on his mind. So, she sidled up to him.
‘What’s bothering you now?’ she asked.
‘Shivaratri is approaching and there is not much noise,’ Shiva murmured. ‘Why such a lack of seriousness?’
‘It is the social media,’ Durga explained.

‘Why do you all blame the social media for all evils?’
‘Because they have taken control of everyone’s lives.’
‘But what has that got to do with Shivaratri?’
‘Plenty,’ Durga said and occupied the hillock next to her husband.
‘Please clarify,’ Shiva leaned on his trishul (trident) and said.
‘You see in the good old days, Shivaratri was a must for all girls – at least till their marriage. Because every girl wanted to get a husband like Lord Shiva.’
‘Really? What is so special about him?’
‘Everything,’ Durga smiled. ‘He is a non-interfering individual and loves to roam about in his own dream world where he keeps aloof from the day to day problems. His demands are minimum and he is easy to satisfy.’
‘I see,’ Shiva sighed. ‘You mean I was their idol. They worshipped me in the fond hope of bagging a husband like me and I have ceased to be an idol.’
‘Sort of,’ Durga said. ‘Today they have a new concept. They do not wait for their perfect man to come along but searches on the net and zeroes in on him. Thanks to FB, there is no shortage of eligible men.’
‘FB? What is that?’
‘It is Face Book – a book in cyberspace where millions of girls are on the lookout for their dream boy to come along. They don’t ride bulls as you do but they zoom about on the latest motorcycles.’
‘And, their parents have no role to play?’
‘Well – they enter the scene at the last moment to finance the celebrations and be a part of the photo ops.’
‘Hmm – then what do they do on Shivaratri? Don’t they remain awake all night and fast?’
‘No - to them it is just another holiday. And, nights are for chatting. With packets of chips. Fasting is old-fashioned.’
‘Chatting? Why they have to chat at night?’
‘My dear hubby, the mobile phone rates at night are low and they take advantage of that.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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