Lord Ganesha is not happy with Poila Boishakh (satire)

Lord Ganesha was in a bad mood – it was Poila Boishakh and it should have been a good day with plenty of admirers who would be performing pujas to please him. He would be on call every minute from his devotees. But – the charm usually associated with the occasion was missing.
Lord Shiva watched him from a distance and turned to Durga who was sitting on a nearby hillock on Mount Kailash. ‘Our son appears to have something on his mind,’ he said.
‘Yes,’ Durga agreed. ‘I have been watching him since morning. He is not happy. Today is New Year and everyone connected with business big or small prays to Ganesha to be at their side to help the earnings.’

‘I know, that has been the tradition,’ Shiva said. ‘It is all about loyalty. Those who are in business welcome their customers and would-be customers. They put some money in the donation box and get in return a packet of sweets and a Bengali calendar. Some even offer fresh lime juice.’
‘Those times have gone into the history books,’ Saraswati joined the conversation.
‘You mean people have stopped doing business?’ Shiva asked.
‘No Daddy, they have revolutionized the concept of doing business,’ Saraswati explained. ‘Over the counter sales is making way for online trading. Money does not change hands – cards are swiped.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Plastic money is taking over from those loose coins and dirty soiled and tattered notes.’
“But how do they maintain records of their money? What about those huge book of accounts that they would worship on this auspicious day?’
Saraswati laughed at Shiva’s ignorance.
‘It is the world of IT – accounts are maintained on Excel worksheets.’
Lord Ganesha sauntered into view with his mouse tagging along. Both looked forlorn.
‘The number of people who worship their red colored ledger books has reduced drastically,’ he said. ‘They have forgotten my existence.’
‘My dear brother,’ Sarasawati consoled him. ‘Try to live with the times. When manual account keeping was King, you had millions of followers. But – today’s world is fast paced and automation is taking over.’
‘Then how do they celebrate Poila Boishakh?’
‘They eat out. They book seats in the hotels to enjoy pure Bengali cuisine.’
‘And – pay with credit cards?’ Ganesh asked.
‘Exactly – the account keeping is accurate and foolproof and the figures are always kept updated. No hanky-panky.’ (to be continued …)


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Lord Shiva intrigued by the writing on the walls (satire)

Lord Shiva was deep in thought and Durga noticed the expression on his face and knew that he was intrigued by something – she had to find out what it was.
‘Did you sleep well?’ she asked.
The Lord grunted something and nodded his head.
‘Was the ganja not up to the mark?’ she asked the next question. ‘Did Bhringi give you stale ganja?’
‘No, it is not that. I am seeing the writing on the walls and am worried.’
‘What writing? Which wall?’
‘All the walls are crowded with colorful writings – artists are toiling day and night to display their artistic skills.’
‘It’s all a part of their Skill India initiative,’ Durga explained. ‘This is election time and West Bengal is probably the only state in the country where people let loose their imagination through beautiful slogans and equally beautiful wall paintings and writings.’
Yes,’ Saraswati joined the conversation. ‘Come election time, the walls become public property and artists descend with their buckets of paints and scores of brushes to make mincemeat out of political party leaders.

‘How are the artists faring?’
‘These boys and girls are experts with their brushes and also have a flair for playing with words,’ Saraswati said. ‘They can dream up rhymes that will leave you spellbound.’
‘That is the trouble with Bengalis,’ Durga sighed. ‘They are poets and artists at heart. It has been going on for ages and has become an integral part of their culture. That is why they are not interested in industries.’
‘Yes,’ Ganesh had also joined the group. ‘Even if industries did come to Bengal, the boys may not want to join them as employees. You can take a horse to the pond but you cannot force it to drink water.’
‘If you ask me, I’ll say let them be happy with their poetry and dreams,’ Saraswati said. ‘Heavy industries need strong and sturdy men. These boys would be misfits. That is why they should explore possibilities of pursing other industries.’
‘Wall paintings during election time is a tradition that has been going on for ages,’ Durga said. ‘I see it as a vent for pent up passions and anger that are released via artistic mediums like paintings and rhymes.’
‘Intellectuals may swear by poems that do not believe in rhymes, but, when it comes to slogans, rhymes are a must,’ Saraswati now said. ‘Otherwise, how can one express ones innermost thoughts and take swipes at the position?’
‘Anyway – the writing on the walls add to the excitement of elections,’ Durga went on. ‘The artists have to think out the words – they must be specific, humorous and must drive home the point. The words must leave a deep mark and must be selected with care so that they can form attractive jingles and slogans.’
‘But – these jobs are not full time jobs,’ Lord Shiva was puzzled. ‘What do they do for a living?’
‘They do odd jobs,’ Ganesh replied. ‘They have their own syndicates.’ (to be continued …)


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Lord Shiva does the treadmill as Sarasawti advises students (satire)

Lord Shiva was on the treadmill working hard to shed those unwanted kilograms that kept gathering around his waist. His wife kept taunting him about the paunch and she had made it mandatory that he does the treadmill every morning before breakfast. He ha argued that he would do sit-ups or parallel bars but Durga insisted that it must be the treadmill and, treadmill it was. She had purchased it online and kept a tab on its usage.
Shiva looked at the Sun and understood that he had done enough for the day – he could now safely switch off the machine. But, Durga was watching from her kitchen window.
‘OK for today,’ she said. ‘You are five minutes short. Tomorrow you must make it up.’
Shiva wiped the perspiration from his neck and signaled to his trusted disciple Bhringi who was hiding behind a clump of bushes. He knew what his master wanted and was ready with the chillum of Shiva’s favorite mood setter.
Suddenly Lakshmi and Saraswati emerged from their rooms. While Lakshmi had been on her laptop trying to solve the complicated problems of finance, her sister Saraswati had plenty on her mind because board exams were on and she was getting desperate pleas for help from distant corners. The callers were the students.
The ringing of the mobile phone broke the silence. It was for Saraswati from one of her millions of fans.
‘Yes,’ Saraswati responded.

‘I am in trouble,’ the girl at the other end was in tears.
‘What happened?’ Saraswati asked.
‘Today it is English exams as per schedule and I have come prepared for that. I have mugged off all the latest suggestions.’
‘So – what is your problem?’
‘I have mixed up the dates.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Today is Monday, right?’
‘Yes.’
‘The actual exams today is for Bengali. English is next Monday.’
‘You mean you mixed up the week?’
‘Yes – what do I do now?’
‘Well – answer the Bengali paper.’
‘But – I have not come prepared. You must help me.’
‘I just don’t understand why a Bengali girl cannot answer questions in Bengali. Concentrate and put pen to paper. Something will come out.’
‘Oh dear God,’ the girl cried. ‘How can you let me down like this? I always pray to you, I have your photo on my table, I fasted on the Puja day. You can’t let me down.’
Saraswati disconnected and the phone rang again. It was another student. (to be continued …)


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Kartika prepares for Valentine’s Day as Lord Shiva looks on (satire)

It was spring. Lord Shiva was sitting on a hillock with Nandi grazing nearby. Shiva’s obedient disciple Bhringi was feeding Nandi grass.
Shiva was observing his son Kartika dressing up. He appeared to be dressing up for an important occasion because he was wearing bright colored bermudas and black color sleeveless banyans. He had his hair sticking up over his heads, thanks to his newfound fascination for hair gels.
‘Where are you off to?’ Shiva asked him.
‘I want to enjoy V-Day,’ Kartika answered.
‘V-Day? What is that?’
‘Have you not heard of Valentine’s Day?’ Kartika shot back.

He appeared to be in a bad mood. He had ordered the latest brand of Deo Spray that was supposed to make the girls swoon but the product that came to him via the courier was not what he wanted. And, there was no time left to wait for the replacement.
‘I always knew V-Day to be the Victory Day,’ Shiva said.
‘Your ideas are all outdated,’ Kartika said and went to the garage to take out his motorcycle. His peacock followed him but Kartika shooed it away. He did not want any old-fashioned stuff around him when he embarked on his mission. He wanted to mingle with the mortals and get the feel of meeting girls. He wanted to exchange Valentine’s Day greetings. He had already procured gifts for them. These gifts were in his backpack.
Kartika was the symbol of today’s young generation.
Ganesh-ji was also watching the antics of his brother from a distance as was Lakshmi and their mother Durga.
Exception was Saraswati – she was away doing duty among the mortals. It was the day when school children and college going boys and girls join to celebrate her Pujas. It was an annual ritual and they do it to keep Saraswati happy. She was the Goddess of Learning and all the students worshipped her.
She loved this annual event – it was the meeting ground of innumerable landmark events related to boys and girls. It was the occasion when the girls wear the saree in public for the first time. It was the occasion when the shy girls gather up courage to smile at boys – and, tentative seeds of relationships are sown.
Some of these could, over a period of time, mature into more serious relationships – while others could remain as nothing but sweet memories. (to be continued ..)


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Lord Shiva waits for his patisapta (satire)

#patisapta #makarsankranti ‘I smell some goodies,’ Lord Shiva announced as he paced outside his cave. He had his trident with him and he used it to support his weight. He had grown a bit bulky because there was not much running around.
‘Yes,’ Durga smiled. ‘Our girls are preparing the goodies for celebrating Makar Sankranti.’
‘I only hope they think up something new,’ Shiva said. ‘The same coconut stuffing in between a layer of rice paste is to boring.’
‘Don’t worry,’ Durga said. ‘They’ll surprise you with their creation.’

Suddenly Ganesh strolled out of his cave. He seemed to be pleased with himself. Unlike Shiva’s other children, Ganesh was always in demand. Each and every man runs after money and, money means Ganesh. Without his blessings, money does not come.
Of course, Lakshmi also shared Ganesh’s popularity - but, she was more liked by the women. They prayed for her blessings – and it was usually restricted to only Thursdays. The reason was obvious – they had so many other chores to attend to. Therefore, praying to Lakshmi was reserved for one day in the week.
Ganesh held a kite in his hand and his gang of faithful mouse was following him – one of them, the leader, kept tugging at the thread attached to the kite.
‘Where’s is your brother?’ Shiva asked.
‘He is putting finishing touches to his hair,’ Ganesh said. ‘He has got a new gel. It will keep his hair always at an angle. No amount of wind can ruffle it. He is trying it out’
‘Are you not competing in any kite festival?’ Shiva wanted to know.
‘Kartika and I will pit ourselves against Bhringi and his gang,’ Ganesh said.
Shiva slowly walked towards the dining room. The aroma of goodies was floating in the air and drew him to its source. But – Durga shooed him away.
‘Have patience,’ she said. ‘The girls are doing a great job. Don’t disturb them.'
‘I never knew that making patisapta was so complicated,’ Shiva murmured.
Durga grinned.
‘They have got hold of a new recipe from the TV,’ she said. ‘They are putting the finishing touches.’
‘What is so special?’ Shiva demanded to know.
‘The ingredients,’ Durga said. ‘It is going to be a special patisapta. They want to give it a global flavor. With additives that foreigners can recognize. It will be a part of the Make in India initiative. I heard Saraswati wants to patent the recipe.’
‘Well,’ Shiva sighed. ‘To me patisapta is coconut stuffing in a bed of rice paste.’ (to be continued …)


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Lord Shiva and TV Reality shows (satire)

#realityshows #TV They were all seated beside the TV set watching the latest edition of a popular reality show. It was in the cave of Lord Shiva and, even though Durga had a separate TV set in her cave as did her daughters Lakshmi and Saraswati, she walked over to Shiva’s cave for the shows. Her daughters accompanied her.
‘I was just wondering,’ Durga mused. ‘When do the wives get time to concentrate on their domestic chores?’
‘Why?’ Shiva asked. ‘There is a favorite saying - she who cooks also combs her hair.’
‘Not any longer,’ Lakshmi quipped. ‘Times have changed. The housewives have domestic helps who do the cooking. And – the housewives go to the local beautician for getting the hair done.’
‘But – I see many of them cook delicious meals in the TV shows,’ Shiva looked at his daughter. ‘That means they can cook. Then, why depend on outsiders?’
Lakshmi laughed.
‘Papa, don’t you know that the housewives today are very busy.’

‘Looking after the studies of their kids?’
‘No. They have private tutors for that.’
‘Oh – you mean they go for jobs? To augment the family income?’
‘Some of them do. But – most of them are always running for other reasons.’
‘Why? If they don’t cook or look after the studies of their kids, what keeps them busy?’
‘I’ll tell you,’ Saraswati joined the discussion. ‘All of them want to appear on TV. That is the latest fad. The hottest topic in any kitty party. Its all about participation.’
‘Participation is good,’ Shiva said. ‘It helps bonding.’
‘This is a different kind of participation,’ Sarasawati explained. ‘Here it is all about bringing home goodies like refrigerators, ovens, utensils, kitchenware carpets, dressing tables. And, becoming celebrities in their own circle.’
‘You mean shopping?’
‘No – winning prizes for guessing the weight of a pumpkin or answering puzzles or singing songs. The days of pallu wearing bahus have gone. Today’s bahus are all get setters. They love to narrate their real life love stories, how they had eloped to get married.’
‘You mean they do not have any time to spare?’ Shiva was surprised.
‘How can they?’ Saraswati shot back. ‘There are so many TV channels and umpteen number of reality shows. They have to learn the basics before they go for auditions. And, to learn the basics they have to attend grooming schools.’
‘Good,’ Shiva nodded. ‘I am glad to see that they have shed inhibitions. Long live women power.’ (to be continued …)

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Lord Shiva’s solution for global warming – go under water (satire)

Lord Shiva was feeling uneasy – it was supposed to be winter but in a city like Kolkata, there was hardly anyone wearing pullovers. Instead of room heaters, people had switched on air conditioners. Instead of hot tea and coffee, ice creams and cold drinks were vanishing from the shops. And – Lord Shiva did not like the signs.
‘I hear the footsteps of proloy in the distance,’ he said.
‘I know,’ Durga agreed. ‘I am equally disturbed. I have woven pullovers for Lakshmi and Saraswati, but they are roaming about and do not even wear even the old sweaters or wrap the shawls to ward off the cold.’
‘Where has the cold vanished?’ Shiva asked. ‘Have you seen the bears? They are restless - this is the time for them to go into hibernation and they just do not know what to do.’
‘It is called global warming,’ Durga explained.

‘I know,’ Shiva was irritated. ‘I can feel the heat. I can see people losing their tempers because of the heat. Winter is the season for different fairs, for picnics. But, I don’t see any enthusiasm.’
‘It is all due to loss of trees. Population is increasing and they have got to live. They need houses and houses need land. So – cut down the trees and build high rise buildings.’
Lord Shiva was puzzled.
‘Why do they need on land?’ he asked.
‘Have you had an overdose of your ganja?’ Durga appeared to be annoyed.
Shiva smiled – he is never angry, he does not bear any grudge against anybody.
‘My dear wife,’ he looked at Durga. ‘Why don’t they go underwater?’
‘Underwater?’ Durga looked puzzled. ‘Do you mean underground?’
‘No – I mean underwater,’ Shiva said and grinned. ‘They are sending rockets to the Moon and Mars and plan to have human settlements there. Right?’
‘Yes – they do have such ideas.’
‘Well – why do they not explore possibilities of human settlements under the oceans?’ Durga nodded her had. Yes – that could be another solution to the global crisis. She would have to get her message across. She will pass it on to Moody via a dream. He will surely action on it. He has contacts in all the right places. Only the other day, he got a call from Big Brother – he will not let Moody down, he will certainly rise to the occasion. (to be continued …)

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Talks at breakfast table of Lord Shiva in Kailash (satire)

Lord Shiva was sipping his morning cup of tea when Laksmi entered with Saraswati in tow. Durga had already occupied the seat beside Shiva and the girls sat opposite them. Both of them appeared to be off color.
‘What’s biting you?’ Shiva asked. Normally he never interfered in anyone’s activities. His philosophy was to live and let live.
‘Education has gone to dogs,’ Saraswati said. ‘Students of today hate books. Wonder how they will survive in the tough competition.’
‘Why?’ Durga asked. ‘I hear that coaching classes are there to teach them.’
‘That’s the whole trouble,’Saraswati said. ‘They learn things off by heart and score high marks. Even 100 out of 100 in some papers.’
‘That is good for them,’ Durga smiled. ‘Their parents cannot complain.’
‘The trouble is just that,’ Saraswati sighed. ‘With so many students scoring so high marks, there are not enough seats in colleges to accommodate them.’
‘That is not your problem,’ Shiva said. ‘The schools can expand. Build new rooms. Recruit more teachers. It will mean development.’
‘Oh Daddy,’ Saraswati said. ‘I am not bothered about that.’
‘Then what is your worry?’

‘They have forgotten all about me,’ she was on the verge of crying. ‘They do not pray to me to help them out any more. They rely on their computers.’
Lakshmi had, till now, been a silent spectator. She now opened up.
‘No one is bothered about me either,’ she complained. ‘They make too much noise but have forgotten that unless I am on their side, they cannot be happy.’
‘I don’t understand,’ Shiva looked at his daughter. ‘They celebrate your Puja. During Diwali, they welcome you to their houses with rangoli and lights.’
‘I know,’ Lakshmi said. ‘But – I have to go from one skyscraper to another. And – it is tiring. By the time it all ends, I am famished.’
Shiva grinned.
‘That is the price you have to pay for your popularity,’ he said. ‘You are one of the most sought after Goddesses.’
‘But – today no one offers gold coins or even silver coins. They use credit cards and donate via those cards. I have lost the feel of coins!’
‘The days of hoarding coins is outdated, it is now history,’ Shiva said. ‘You must change with the times.’ (to be continued …)

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School days – celebrating Saraswati Pujas to get better marks

Goddess Saraswati is the Goddess of learning and school kids as well as collegians are her devoted followers because she is the one who can bless you with knowledge. Obviously, practically all schools in Bengal worship her sincerely.

She has a majestic swan for company and a musical instrument also with her apart from a pile of books – these are the symbols of her reach. Not just books but students, especially, the girls must also be experts in music.
The day is known as Basant Panchami and students keep fast till the pujas are over – then only they break their fast by taking a bite of a mango flower called ‘mukul’ and taste the green plum called ‘kul’ for the first time in the season. Interestingly, the Saraswati puja is a family affair because practically every household performs its own puja even though the schools arrange their own.

Moreover, the day has a special significance because on this day, it is forbidden to touch and pen or pencil or even open any book because these are placed at the feet of the goddess to get her blessings. The ultimate objective was to please the Goddess so that she would ensure that her devotee gets good marks in exams. (to be continued …)