Kartika prepares for Valentine’s Day as Lord Shiva looks on (satire)

It was spring. Lord Shiva was sitting on a hillock with Nandi grazing nearby. Shiva’s obedient disciple Bhringi was feeding Nandi grass.
Shiva was observing his son Kartika dressing up. He appeared to be dressing up for an important occasion because he was wearing bright colored bermudas and black color sleeveless banyans. He had his hair sticking up over his heads, thanks to his newfound fascination for hair gels.
‘Where are you off to?’ Shiva asked him.
‘I want to enjoy V-Day,’ Kartika answered.
‘V-Day? What is that?’
‘Have you not heard of Valentine’s Day?’ Kartika shot back.

He appeared to be in a bad mood. He had ordered the latest brand of Deo Spray that was supposed to make the girls swoon but the product that came to him via the courier was not what he wanted. And, there was no time left to wait for the replacement.
‘I always knew V-Day to be the Victory Day,’ Shiva said.
‘Your ideas are all outdated,’ Kartika said and went to the garage to take out his motorcycle. His peacock followed him but Kartika shooed it away. He did not want any old-fashioned stuff around him when he embarked on his mission. He wanted to mingle with the mortals and get the feel of meeting girls. He wanted to exchange Valentine’s Day greetings. He had already procured gifts for them. These gifts were in his backpack.
Kartika was the symbol of today’s young generation.
Ganesh-ji was also watching the antics of his brother from a distance as was Lakshmi and their mother Durga.
Exception was Saraswati – she was away doing duty among the mortals. It was the day when school children and college going boys and girls join to celebrate her Pujas. It was an annual ritual and they do it to keep Saraswati happy. She was the Goddess of Learning and all the students worshipped her.
She loved this annual event – it was the meeting ground of innumerable landmark events related to boys and girls. It was the occasion when the girls wear the saree in public for the first time. It was the occasion when the shy girls gather up courage to smile at boys – and, tentative seeds of relationships are sown.
Some of these could, over a period of time, mature into more serious relationships – while others could remain as nothing but sweet memories. (to be continued ..)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Lord Ganesha and Kartika discuss the game of cricket (satire)

Lord Ganesha and his brother Kartika were having a heated argument over the game of cricket which is the rage on the day. There was the senior team, the under-19 team, the women’s team and, players kept getting in and out of the team while a selected few continued to remain in the side, come what may.
‘I insist that cricket is a game of fools,’ Kartika said. ‘Remember what a learned person had said about cricket?’ ‘What?’ Lord Ganesha asked.
‘He had said that cricket is a game of fools. One fool throws the ball, another fool hits the ball, eleven fools chase the ball and millions of fools watch the ball?’
Ganesha laughed.
‘That needs to be modified,’ he said.
‘What do you mean?’
‘You forgot to add another three more fools who keep track of the ball.’
‘I don’t understand.’

‘I mean the umpires – there are three of them to keep track of the ball. Two on-field, the third one isolated and sitting in an air-conditioned box with his eyes glued to the TV screen.’
It was at this time that Lord Shiva came into view. He had been in the gym doing the treadmill because Durga had warned him to reduce his weight because a Shiva with a paunch is not a pleasant sight.
He had Bhringi with him, he was carrying towels and Shiva was using it to wipe the perspiration from his body.
‘What are you boys fighting over now?’ he asked.
‘Cricket,’ Kartika said. ‘I said that it is a game of fools but my brother does not agree.’
‘I see,’ Shiva said and occupied a seat on another hillock. ‘In my opinion, cricket is a game of the intelligent.’
‘How come?’ Kartika objected.
‘Those who play the game are experts in geometry,’ Shiva explained.
‘Geometry?’ Kartika was aghast.
’Yes,’ Shiva grinned. ‘Unless you know your geometry, you just cannot guide the ball with the bat through open spaces to avoid the fielders and score runs.’
‘I don’t agree,’ Kartika said. ‘Many of the players have not even graduated, they have no idea of tangents and angles.’
‘That is the beauty of cricket,’ Shiva grinned. ‘With so much cricket being played, let us keep the debate open on whether cricket is a game of chance or needs deep knowledge of the sciences.’
‘Of course it is a game of chance,’ Ganesha gave his opinion. ‘The outcome on any game depends on the toss – and, that is chance.’
‘Unless the coin is doctored, like in Sholay’ Kartika added. (to be continued …)


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Lord Shiva waits for his patisapta (satire)

#patisapta #makarsankranti ‘I smell some goodies,’ Lord Shiva announced as he paced outside his cave. He had his trident with him and he used it to support his weight. He had grown a bit bulky because there was not much running around.
‘Yes,’ Durga smiled. ‘Our girls are preparing the goodies for celebrating Makar Sankranti.’
‘I only hope they think up something new,’ Shiva said. ‘The same coconut stuffing in between a layer of rice paste is to boring.’
‘Don’t worry,’ Durga said. ‘They’ll surprise you with their creation.’

Suddenly Ganesh strolled out of his cave. He seemed to be pleased with himself. Unlike Shiva’s other children, Ganesh was always in demand. Each and every man runs after money and, money means Ganesh. Without his blessings, money does not come.
Of course, Lakshmi also shared Ganesh’s popularity - but, she was more liked by the women. They prayed for her blessings – and it was usually restricted to only Thursdays. The reason was obvious – they had so many other chores to attend to. Therefore, praying to Lakshmi was reserved for one day in the week.
Ganesh held a kite in his hand and his gang of faithful mouse was following him – one of them, the leader, kept tugging at the thread attached to the kite.
‘Where’s is your brother?’ Shiva asked.
‘He is putting finishing touches to his hair,’ Ganesh said. ‘He has got a new gel. It will keep his hair always at an angle. No amount of wind can ruffle it. He is trying it out’
‘Are you not competing in any kite festival?’ Shiva wanted to know.
‘Kartika and I will pit ourselves against Bhringi and his gang,’ Ganesh said.
Shiva slowly walked towards the dining room. The aroma of goodies was floating in the air and drew him to its source. But – Durga shooed him away.
‘Have patience,’ she said. ‘The girls are doing a great job. Don’t disturb them.'
‘I never knew that making patisapta was so complicated,’ Shiva murmured.
Durga grinned.
‘They have got hold of a new recipe from the TV,’ she said. ‘They are putting the finishing touches.’
‘What is so special?’ Shiva demanded to know.
‘The ingredients,’ Durga said. ‘It is going to be a special patisapta. They want to give it a global flavor. With additives that foreigners can recognize. It will be a part of the Make in India initiative. I heard Saraswati wants to patent the recipe.’
‘Well,’ Shiva sighed. ‘To me patisapta is coconut stuffing in a bed of rice paste.’ (to be continued …)


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Kartika wants to become a Bollywood hero (satire)

Kartika, the son of Lord Shiva and Devi Durga, is keen to become a hero and join Bollywood. He is impressed by not only the big hulky heroes and action heroes but also by the young ones who have not yet put of weight.
Kartika watches them dance and imitates their moves and actions as does his peacock – he has downloaded thousands of film songs on his mobile and practices them with his peacocks and the apsaras like Rambha and Menoka who entertain the folks up in Heaven.
As he was trying out the latest hits, his mobile rang. It was Menoka’s sister and she wanted to come down to Kailash. ‘Yes,’ Kartika connected. ‘What is bothering you?’
‘I want to try out the latest song and dance sequence from this Mastani movie,’ she replied. ‘I heard that it is the latest rage. Can I come down?’
‘I don’t know if it is the rage,’ Kartika said, ‘I have seen the video. The heroines are so thin – like sticks. I think they do not eat anything and live on just air and water.’

‘No Kartika-ji,’ Menoka’s sister laughed. ‘They also eat just like anybody else but then they go to the gym, do workouts and shed all the extra kilograms. Otherwise they cannot get the plum roles.’
‘Yes,’ Kartika agreed. ‘Competition is tough and with new faces appearing regularly, the seniors are getting branded as ‘old’ and have to make way for the newbies.’
‘But – they do not disappear from view,’ Menoka’s sister laughed. ‘They become models – old-age models. And they switch over to advertising products like joss-sticks, water purifiers and even noodles.’
‘Or – they enter politics,’ Kartika sighed. ‘And, being new, they say the wrong thing at the wrong time. They keep making mistakes and embarrass their mentors.’
‘Yes,’ Menoka’s sister agreed. ‘When do we meet?’
‘I have plans to go down to one of those Bollywood studios and find out how to get into films.’
‘Do you mind if I come with you?’
‘Well,’ Kartika hesitated, ‘I would have loved your company but, let me survey the situation first. Our visit can wait.’
‘You are jealous,’ Menoka’s sister complained. ‘You are afraid that the filmi folks might fall for my charms and select me instead of you?’
Kartika did not have a ready reply. (to be continued…)

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Make in India (satire)

Lord Shiva was happy that Durga had returned to Kailash with her children - but, he was not happy with all the noise being made about Make in India. A Baba had entered the scene and he had begun to make indigenous versions of popular foods that people had grown up with. Obviously, Lord Shiva wanted to know the background story. So - he summoned his sons Kartika and Ganesha to get the feedback.
'What is this new fashion trend?' a visibly irritated Shiva asked his son Kartika - he was wearing only a pair of jeans and his body was bare.
'This is the Sallu trend,' Kartika replied. 'He loves to showoff his muscles.'

'That is fine when he has fans swooning over him,' Shiva was serious. 'If you ask me, you look like clown. You are dressed up in a fashionable gear that displays your skinny figure. Who will swoon over you?'
Kartika did not bother to reply. Both of them had argued on this aspect on several occasions but Kartika just did not bother - he had Durga-ji on his side and he knew that Shiva cannot fight and win any argument with Durga.
Lord Shiva, therefore, turned to his other Ganesha.
He was a different kettle of fish. He loved his favorite modaks and, nowadays, the modak makers have begun to experiment with exotic additives - like chocolates. He relished these and, even had an occasion to taste the instant noodles long before it was banned because competitors wanted to edge out the foreign hands.
And, that is how Lord Shiva came to now about the Baba.
'Why is a saintly figure interested in manufacturing foodstuffs?' Shiva asked Ganesha.
'It is a part of the Make In India game,' Ganesha replied. 'The Baba is determined to be a game changer.'
'How?' Lord Shiva wanted to know. 'I thought his game was yoga.'
'Yoga has served its purpose. The current trend is Make In India,' Ganesha explained. 'People today have become health conscious. They can read the fine prints on the food packets without magnifying glasses and, in case, the level of dangerous substances are beyond limits, they discard the foods.'
'Oh,' Lord Shiva relaxed. 'Make In India is all about making hay while the Sun shines - right?'
'In a way you are right,' Ganesha grinned. 'I only hope the Baba takes more interest in modaks. I would love to see the modak makers introduce cheese into the delicious modaks. They would taste still better with French cheese.'
'But - you just now said that the Baba wants to drive out foreigners. And - you want foreign cheese in your modaks!!' 'Don't worry Papas,' Ganesha grinned. 'There is always some hidden foreign agenda at work.' (to be continued ...)

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