Moody on climate change – promote bullock carts and tonga (satire)

#Climatechange On his return from yet another of his foreign trips, Moody called in his men to draw up a strategy on how to contribute towards reduction of greenhouse gas effect. That was a hot topic of the day and was displayed on the notice board outside his chamber.
Present were Jet Lee, Sue Sharma, Nitty Gadcurry, Hash Budden, Baba Someday, Vicky Singh and Ranee-ji.
‘Tell me,’ Moody opened the discussions.’ How do we reduce this bad effect of greenhouse gases that are emitted by vehicles?’
‘We have to go in for alternate fuels,’ Nitty Gadcurry said. ‘We have already taken a step in that direction. We have begun work on alternate modes of transport like river transport. Once the Ganga is cleaned, there will steamers to ferry people from one place to another.’
Moody gave him a hard stare.
‘Steamers need diesel and that produces carbon dioxide gases. We must have something that does not need such fuels.’ ‘Well – we could have sailing boats,’ Sue Sharma suggested.
‘Yes. That is a solution,’ Moody said. ‘That is for water transport. How about road transport?’
‘We could reinvent the tongas and bullock carts,’ Nitty Gadcurry gave his solution. ‘They are totally pollution free.’

‘Hmm,’ Moody drew doodles on the paper in front of him. In the course of his interaction with world leaders, he had seen them doodle and he liked the idea. ‘Now – how do we go about introducing the change?’
‘Let us give them incentive,’ Jet Lee spoke for the first time. He knew all about incentives – if you want to get any job done, announce incentives.
‘What sort of incentive?’ Moody was all ears.
‘Let us announce that anyone who opts to ride to work on a horse will get an advance increment,’ Jet Lee gave an idea. Baba Someday wiped his beard and grinned.
‘If you ask me, I will say that when a group wants to come to work on a bullock cart or a tonga, they will get a paid holiday to a yoga resort in the Andaman islands.’ ‘Moreover, we can set up factories to construct tongas and bullock carts,’ Nitty Gadcurry added – ‘we can have these facilities in backward states – they will generate employment opportunities and people will see the face of acche din.’>br> ‘Yes Nitty-ji, let us begin work. I think we can get expertise to make these from abroad. Check out where these would be suitable and let me now. I’ll make my next trip there.’
Nitty Gadcurry was crestfallen. He had expected that Moody would ask him to go to that country to have discussions. (to be continued …)

Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org)

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Lord Shiva and his take on climate change (satire)

#climatechange As is well known, Lord Shiva is a simple man with a distinct Bohemian trend – he does not worry about his dress codes, neither does he worry about food. He always has with him his trusted valet Bhringi and pet bull Nandi.
Lord Shiva is easy to please but, if annoyed, he can become a terror.
Right now, he appeared to be off mood. Bhringi stood before him with his head bowed down in shame - he could not get the dose of ganja for his master.
‘You mean to say they do not cultivate ganja anymore?’ Shiva asked.
‘They do it in a very low scale. But – the crops have withered.’
‘Why? Don’t they water the plants?’
‘They do. But – there is not enough water.’
‘What do you mean?’ Shiva banged his trishul three times on the rock.
Immediately Durga came out of the cave wiping her hands on the pallu of her saree. She was busy in the kitchen trying out a new recipe that she had seen on TV and Shiva’s summons irritated her.
‘What is this I hear?’ Shiva demanded to know. ‘I sent Bhringi to get me some ganja and he has returned empty handed. He says the ganja plants have withered due to shortage of water.’
Goddess Durga sighed.
‘It is all due to climate change,’ she said. ‘The world is turning topsy-turvy and the future looks bleak.’

‘Climate change?’ Shiva asked. ‘But – that is normal. Spring, summer, autumn and winter – there are rains and summer heats and winter colds. They have been there always. So – what is new?’
‘My dear Lord. Have you not heard the news? The meeting that world leaders held to tackle climate change? It was in all he TV channels.’
‘Sorry. I did not see the news. I was watching the promotion of those latest movies at that time. So – what is this climate change?’
‘It is to prevent global warming because the heat will melt the ice and human beings will be submerged. They must take action to ensure that such a situation does not arise. They must do away with petrol powered vehicles.’
‘How will they move about?’
‘They can walk or use cycle or use solar energy to propel their vehicles.’
‘I am relieved,’ Shiva grinned. ‘I will once again see those Pushpak raths in the air – horse drawn carriages that Ravan had used to kidnap Sita. And bullock carts on the road. I must inform Noah to keep his ark ready. In case worst comes to worst and the world is flooded, he will have to get into action. Do you have his mobile number?’ (to be continued …)

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