Moody not happy with the outcome of the meeting (satire)

Moody was in a serious closed door meeting with his lieutenants. Present were Sue Sharma, Jet Lee, Pyari Kar, Baba Someday, Banka Nadoo, Rajanna King and others.
His agenda was bricks, tons of them including brickbats and he was not happy with the outcome of the meeting.
‘What did I do wrong?’ Moody asked.
‘You just cannot do anything wrong,’ Sue Sharma assured him.
‘Then why did Vlady Putty not scold Na Buzz?’
‘But, he did agree that our neighbors are not following procedures,’ Jet Lee said.

‘I wanted Putty to do much more,’ Moody sighed. ‘I had boosted him sky high when I said that one old friend is an asset and much more than ten new friends.’
‘He did appreciate that,’ Sue Sharma said. ‘I was watching him and I saw him smile.’
‘I know, I also saw that,’ Moody went on. ‘Just to keep him happy, I made him and the others wear my trademark jacket – and they gladly did that.’
‘That was a master stroke,’ Pyari Kar added. ‘It was a memorable photo ops.’
‘I even signed the contract with Putty to buy so many choppers from him,’ Moody said. ‘I wanted him to chide Na Buzz for all the tricks he is playing. His cattle roam into my house, his pigeons fly into my territory. But – Putty found nothing wrong.’
‘Neither did Jean Ping,’ Banka Nadoo complained. ‘He also sidestepped the issue. And we were hoping that he would take our side.’
‘He is probably not pleased with our policy of banning his items this Diwali,’ Baba Someday had his say. ‘He must realize that our products must get a market. I have asked my Pat & Jolie setup to make clay lamps. I will sell them along with a bottle of oil – it will come free. I want my people to light these lamps. Diwali is a festival of lamps, not of flickering bulbs.’
When the world leaders had gathered at the beachside venue to discuss serious matters, Moody was happy. When they agreed to wear jackets like him, he was still more happy. And, when Moody mentioned that an old friend was always an asset compared to ten new friends, and Vlady Putty smiled, Moody’s joys knew no bounds.
But it did not end the way he wanted it to – it left a bad taste in his mouth. (to be continued …)


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Moody’s diktat – send tomatoes underground (satire)

Moody was not his pleasant self. The glass of juice that he took in the morning after his yoga practice tasted different. He asked his man Friday about it and got a shocking reply. The juice was not the original tomato juice but a watered down one – because the reddish vegetable was selling at exorbitant rates. Hence, in keeping with the traditions of austerity, it was diluted with water.
He immediately summoned his core group for a meeting and, at the appointed hour, they trooped into his chamber. There was Jet Lee, Banka Nadoo, Pass One, Sue Sharma and Nitty Gadcurry.
‘Are you aware of what is happening?’ Moody asked.

No one replied because so many things were happening all the time and no one could guess which of these Moody was talking about.
‘I am in contact with our foreign missions,’ Sue Sharma broke the silence. ‘They have designed a system by which I will know immediately if some of our people wants assistance from us. Right now, my team is working on the girl who went missing while returning from a party.’
‘I am not talking on that subject,’ Moody said.
‘I have checked the highway extension plans and they are proceeding as we want them to, where we want them to,’ Nitty Gadcurry chipped in. ‘The benefits will go to those who toe our line.’
‘I am not interested in highways,’ Moody said.
‘I have already working on my next list of Smart Cities,’ Venka Nadoo said. ‘It will be a surprise.’
‘Why is no one talking about the most important topic of today?’
They all exchanged glances and shrugged their shoulders.
‘Do you know that my morning glass of juice tasted horrible?’
Again they all exchanged glances.
‘Tell me, why has the price of a simple item like tomatoes gone so high?’
‘Actually it is a product of Nature,’ Pass One said. ‘No one has any control over it. If there is more rain, the products rot. If there is less rainfall, the yield is less.’
‘Nonsense,’ Moody was not happy with the reply. ‘You should have foreseen the possibility and taken procurement action from other sources.’
‘We are taking action against hoarders,’ Pass One explained. ‘The tomatoes go underground heaping miseries on those above ground.’
Moody grinned.
‘Why don’t you take them underground first?’ he asked.
Pass One gulped as did all the others. How could Moody support such moves?
‘Dear Pass One,’ Moody explained. ‘Let us have underground storage facilities for items like tomatoes and onions. Let us beat the hoarders at their game.’ Then Moody looked at Venka Nadoo. ‘Do not give Smart City tags unless the cities create such provisions.’
‘I think that is a very good idea,’ Venka Nadoo said. ‘I’ll ask my men to recast the new list.’ (to be continued ..)


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Where is my Swatchh Bharat asks Moody (satire)

Moody and his cronies were in a closed door meeting – these meetings are quite common affair but, there is always a veil of secrecy surrounding such meetings and there are strict orders to the media to show a standard video footage where an invariably serious Moody is seen walking in the company of those he trusts most.
This meeting was a very important one because even after 22-months, his programs were not running as he would have wanted to.
‘I hear there is not enough water in many states,’ he looked at Banka Nadoo.
‘You have heard right,’ Banka nodded. ‘It is a perennial problem. People have got used to it.’
‘But non availability of water would spoil the charm of our Swatchh Bharat mission.’

‘The blame lies with the weather,’ Banka replied.
‘Yes,’ Uma-ji supported Banka Nadoo. ‘I am struggling with by huge amount of water and the sudden rains in the mountains are throwing my plans out of gear.’
‘What about our plan to link the rivers?’ Moody looked at Rajiv Rowdy. ‘I thought you would have developed some skills by now in all spheres.’
‘My learning process is on,’ Rajiv flashed his smile. ‘Our engineers are drawing up plans to join the rivers but there are hindrances.’
‘Hindrances?’
‘Yes – there is a body known as the Green body,’ Rajiv explained. ‘They want guarantees for a whole lot of areas like whether floods and droughts will really vanish. Presuming that floods would really vanish, they want us to spell out the disposal action for all the helicopters in the inventory and that are used to carry out aerial surveys of flood affected areas.’
‘That is a good thinking,’ Moody appreciated and looked at Banka. ‘We can constitute a committee to study this in detail.’
‘Yes,’ Banka agreed.
‘By the way, how are the toilets coming up?’
‘My trains will be totally transformed,’ Soo Race Babu said. ‘It will all be converted to bio toilets. No mess anywhere, the train tracks will be clean. My boys are studying with experts of foreign countries on whether we can bring it in the ambit of ‘Make in India’. I have sent teams abroad.’
‘What about public toilets and toilets in schools for girls?’
‘I have added a chapter in all social science books on hygiene,’ Ranee-ji said. ‘It is a compulsory subject and girls are loving the images of toilets in foreign countries. That exposure will make them change their mindsets. I have also asked my ministry to create videos to highlight the advantages of bio toilets and vacuum how to use them.’
‘Wonderful, they will learn to appreciate our efforts,’ Uma-ji added. (to be continued …)


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Moody’s cleanliness drive - free soap for all children (satire)

Moody was on cloud nine – Parliament was in session and, orator that he is and egged on by his own men, he was able to talk down all sections of the opposition.
He now wanted to assess the progress on his pet projects that were to have brought in a sea change in the mindset of his people. Hence his dream projects ‘Skill India’, ‘Digital India’, ‘Swatchh Bharat’, and ‘Namami Gange’.
His backend boys had done a fantastic job by coining sets of words which are impressive no doubt but, how effective were they?
He had called in Banka Nadoo, one of his ministers who is associated with the ‘Swatchh Bharat’ project to get the low down on the latest status.
Moody moved aside the papers on his table and looked at Banka Nadoo.
‘You have already declared the first list of Smart Cities, right?’
‘Yes,’ Banka Nadoo said. ‘The next will also be announced on time.’
‘I believe that our schools now have sufficient toilets?’

Banka Nadoo nodded – actually, he himself was in the dark about how many toilets have sprouted up and who had made them. There was too much overlap of responsibilities. Some of these were to be built by respective municipalities, others by corporate houses.
‘Tell me, we have released a number of animation ads to spread the message of cleanliness. How is the response?’
‘The ads are impressive,’ Banka Nadoo said.
‘How effective are they? Have the children realized that they must wash their hands before taking food?’
‘Yes,’ Banka Nadoo said. ‘Ranee-ji’s ministry has added a compulsory chapter on hand washing in all books. It is made compulsory also.’
‘Good. Have we made enough provision of supplying water?’
‘Water will be no problem. Already we have started action on cleaning the Ganga. Uma-ji is on the job and once Namami Gange is ready, there will be an abundance of water.’
‘Fine,’ Moody appeared to be satisfied. ‘Now you must rope in all the soap companies and ensure that every child gets a monthly quota of soap free of cost to clean their hands before taking food.’
‘But – the soap companies would need some incentive,’ Banka Nadoo said.
‘Talk to our finance men, they will find out some way to compensate them,’ Moody said. ‘We must always keep the health of the Nation uppermost in our mind. The child is the father of the man and its health is our responsibility. I will talk on this subject in my next Monkey Baat.’ (to be continued …)


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Moody wants to see smiling faces all around (satire)

It was a tough job to tackle growing menace of people who should keep their mouths shut but, no matter how he reacted, Moody discovered that there will always be people who spew venom and he had to rein in such rowdy elements. That was his agenda of the day and, in order to assist him in his exercise, he had with him the brains - on top of the list were his trusted lieutenants Jet Lee, Sue Sharma, Banka Nadoo, Nitty Gadcurry and Rajanna King.
‘I pity the young man,’ Moody chuckled to himself. ‘He should know that little knowledge is a dangerous thing.’
‘It is a result of faulty upbringing,’ Banka Nadoo said. ‘Empty vessels make most sound.’
‘Yes,’ Sue Sharma agreed. ‘I felt pity for the kid. He was tying himself up into knots.’

‘Of course he had a purpose,’ Jet Lee sounded serious. ‘He was, no doubt, playing to the galleries but the galleries were empty. He is moving ahead. He has changed over time and will be fun to play around with.’
Moody looked at Rajanna King who was playing the role of a silent spectator.
‘What is your opinion?’ Moody asked him directly.
‘We should take a proper decision,’ he said.’ We must not rush into anything. It may boomerang as we have seen with that other kid.’
‘Don’t worry,’ Moody was calm. ‘That is a passing phase. Our people are there and they know how to tackle such situations. Youngsters will shout their heads off and we, as seniors, can keep a watch on developments. Talking about developments – where has your river linking project come Gadcurry-ji?’
‘Actually Uma-ji is deep into her Ganga cleaning activities and I am waiting for her feedback on how deep the water is. Once I get that feedback, I will plan my routes. Varanasi will, of course, be in the center of activities.’
“And – center of attraction,’ Moody reminded. ‘It will undergo sea change and become a mini Japanese city. Our friends in the land of the rising Sun are excited.’
‘I know,’ Nitty Gadcurry said. ‘Bullet and Varanasi are our trump cards. Folks from behind the bamboo curtain are unhappy but we cannot please everybody, can we?’
‘The black money is a tricky issue,’ Jet Lee admitted. ‘Baba Someday is also unhappy. He had expected that the money would roll in and fill our coffers but, that is not happening.’
Moody became philosophical.
‘We all know that Rome was not built in a day,’ he said. ‘We must have patience. We have many more miles to go. This is not the end of the world. I want to see smiling faces all around me. Let us smile for a selfie.’ (to be continued …)


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‘Make in India’ concept to market Ganga water (satire)

#makeindia When you have a new entity venturing into the world of development and when the top brains from all over the world remains at his beck and call, you can expect to get blasts of slogans like the ‘Make in India.’
‘It is a revolutionary concept,’ Rum Mudda praised its creator. ‘It is curiosity that will attract the manufacturers. We have created the zero and, we were the first to fly in the chariot.’
‘Exactly,’ Banka Nadoo agreed with Rum Mudda. ‘The Pushpak Rath happened millions of years before the Wright brothers saw the light of day.’
‘Yes – Make In India will turn out to be a win-win situation,’ Jet Lee joined the conversation. ‘It is a modified P-P-P module. The foreigners will come here with their expertise, make their products here with our manpower and market them all over the globe.’

‘Actually, I am not depending on foreigners,’ Baba Someday wiped his beard and said. ‘My ‘Pat & Jolie’ outfit is totally Indian. I make in India and sell them all over the world. My trade secret will die with me.’
‘I think the agarbatties could do with some French touch,’ Emma Melaney said. ‘We have our indigenous fragrances but a French connection would add to the charm.’
‘I know,’ Moody spoke at last. ‘I have mentioned it in passing to the French delegation when they had come here for the R-Day.’
‘What about our expertise in dhokla?’ Sue Sharma asked.
‘The Chinese have shown interest,’ Moody clarified. ‘They want to join the food wagon. They want to Make in India and present to the world. They have even plans to send samples to the Space Station.’
‘Good idea,’ Pro Cash gave his charming smile. ‘Stuff like dhokla, idili, dosa are all examples of fermentation. And, proper nurturing of the taste buds can win over any opposition.’
‘But we should not lose track of major industries,’ Rum Mudda reminded.
‘Don’t worry,’ Moody assured. ‘We have our sights on collaboration in the fields that matter.’
‘Yes,’ Nitty Gadcurry said. ‘We will get hold of P-P-P in manufacturing buses, trains, aero planes, ships and even two wheelers. The future belongs to us.’
‘What about cleaning the Ganga?’ Uma-ji wanted to know.
‘That is also in the agenda. But – someone has to explain how to market it?’ Jet Lee explained.
‘Why?’ Uma-ji was hurt. ‘We will market its water as fresh water. If some country can sell fresh air, there will certainly be a market for fresh water.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Moody’s Ministry of Missing Indians (satire)

Moody was in consultation with his close associates Jet Lee, Nitty Gadcurry, Hash Budden, Baba Someday, Pro Cash and Banka Nadoo. The subject was that of setting up a separate ministry to take care of missing Indians. ‘In my opinion, it should be a part and parcel of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs,’ Jet Lee said.
‘I know,’ Moody agreed. ‘That is what we have been doing till now. Sue Sharma has done a good job and we are proud of the fact.’
‘Yes,’ Banka Nadoo nodded. ‘But that girl she brought in has not yet been identified in spite of the media coverage.’ ‘That is her bad luck,’ Hash Budden said. ‘She is disabled, she cannot speak. Still we have tried.’
‘One family claimed that she was their long lost daughter but DNAs did not match,’ Moody was worried. ‘I do not want such things to happen again. I want positive results, not halfhearted attempts.’

It was at this moment that the door opened and Sue Sharma entered – the large bindi glowed bright on her forehead.
‘You sent for me?’ she asked.
‘Yes,’ Moody looked up. ‘That girl you had brought in – has her family been traced?’
‘No – there are several families who have laid claims. My staff are trying their best to ensure that the poor girl gets back her rightful place in society.’
‘And, how many such cases do you have on hand?’ ‘Quite a few. People go to other countries in search of jobs and get lost. Then there are NRIs who come here, get married and vanish. And, people who are already working abroad and suddenly there is no trace of them. Rumors are there that they have been killed in terror activities. My ministry is overloaded with such cases.’
‘Obviously, you have a lot to do,’ Nitty Gadcurry commented.
‘That is why I called you,’ Moody said. ‘I was wondering whether we should have a separate ministry to attend to such cases.’
‘Not a bad idea,’ Sue Sharma murmured. She was the Foreign Minister but, when the Boss grabs all opportunities of foreign travel, she has to be content with smaller countries nearer home.
‘We will call it the Ministry of Missing Indians,’ Moody said.
‘OK,’ Sue Sharma nodded. If she was made in-charge, she could get more chances to travel to follow up those cases.
‘I would like to make a point,’ Jet Lee cleared his throat.
‘Yes?’ Moody looked at him.
‘Modify it to ‘Missing Indians and Money,’ Jet Lee replied. ‘The new department could also pursue the cases of black money.’
‘Good idea,’ Moody agreed. ‘Both are important for us and will endear us to the masses. We must always have their interests uppermost in our mind.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Moody throws light on conversion and smartness (satire)

#SmartCity Ever since he took over office, Moody has wanted to impress people with his visions and there is no denying the fact that he has succeeded in leaving behind his trademark on whatever he has touched. Including conversion. And, the conversion of a dull, lackluster city to a Smart City is one of his brainwaves.
‘Your plan to create Smart Cities is a smart one,’ Banka Nadoo told Moody who had called him to his office.
‘Good. My plans are always smart ones. Tell me, how have the people accepted the first list of 20 cities destined to become Smart Cities?’ he asked Banka Nadoo.
‘There has been mixed reactions,’ Banka said. ‘In fact, many of them do not know how to go about it.’
‘It is so simple,’ Moody said. ‘Varanasi will show them the way. It is not in the list now but it will soon be as smart and likeable as any Japanese city with kimono clad women on the roads.’
‘There had been ideas floating around of making Mumbai into Shanghai and Kolkata to London. Bit – they never pursued them.’

‘That is why they did not get to first base,’ Moody chuckled. ‘Actually, smartness is in our blood. We want to look smart. The girls go in for skin treatments, they follow the style of their heroines. And – the boys copy their filmi heroes or cricket heroes. Why can’t the cities follow suit and copy another city that boats of smartness.’
‘Pardon me, but I think many of the city fathers have no idea of smart cities.’
‘Can they not go on tours to the cities and gather information firsthand?’
‘They are doing it. One team had recently been to Andaman to study how to control flooding in cities,’ Banka Nadoo elaborated. ‘But, critics have bashed them saying that they have spent taxpayer’s money on a useless mission. It is common knowledge that drains are clogged by plastics and thermocol hence the flooding takes place.’
‘They should have gone to some European country to study how to paint the city walls. That way they would have earned bouquets and not brickbats. Anyway – tell me, how would you go about making your city smart?’
‘I will have only the smart looking men and women on the roads during the day. Others can use the roads at night.’
‘Not bad. What about vehicles?’
‘Same logic – only the smart vehicles will ply in the day. The ramshackle buses and more than 15-year-old vehicles will not see the light of day, they’ll do the night shift.’
‘How about the roadside hawkers? They spoil the beauty of any city. How will you eliminate them from the scenery?’
‘They hawk the goods to earn a living. They cannot be wished away because they are an integral part of our culture.’
‘And slums?’
‘They also are a necessary evil,’ Banka Nadoo replied. ‘We have to bear with them.’ (to be continued …)


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