Moody and University degrees (satire)

Moody was in discussion with people who mattered to him – he had Ranee-ji, Jet Lee, Sue Sharma, Banka Nadoo and Nitty Gadcurry. The problem at hand revolved around a University degree and the media had gone to town on the sensitive subject.
‘What does it matter if a leader has a degree or not?’ Moody looked at Ranee-ji who had proved her worth in handling several issues in universities and the student community.
‘If you ask me, what matters is whether the leader knows important facts like the location of New York and London and Paris and Moscow,’ she answered. ‘And, once there, he should be able to impress the foreigners with the great heritage that we have.’

‘It is knowledge that matters,’ Sue Sharma had her say.
‘Then why such a fuss?’ Moody appeared annoyed. ‘There are thousands of instances where kids worked in chai shops and later became important personalities.’
‘You are absolutely right,’ Jet Lee said. ‘And not just here in India but abroad also. I had seen a report of a school boy studying under the light reflected from a pizza joint.’
‘I think we must introduce some sort of legislation about degrees and leaders,’ Moody murmured. ‘They must be delinked. Those who have degrees can go in for teaching in schools and colleges and leave non-degree holders to look after the well-being of the country and its people.’
‘You do have a point,’ Ranee-ji agreed. ‘Just imagine – did the bright men and women of IITs ever think about ideas like Skill India, Digital India, Make in India, Smart Cities and Clean Ganga Mission? No – those were brainwaves of a common man like you.’
‘I agree with Ranee-ji,’ Nitty Gadcurry said. ‘No one needs any fancy degree to think big. It comes from experience.’
‘Like the free LPG to women,’ Banka Nadoo joined in. ‘It was a master stroke. First ask people to surrender their subsidies and then look after the welfare of the poor souls who live below poverty level. My heart bleeds for them when I see them huddled up in roadside shacks trying to escape from the rains. I think we should initiate some projects to house these poor souls – otherwise where will they keep their LPG cylinders?’
‘You have raised a very valid point,’ Moody appreciated the idea. ‘We could do it in the PPP model. Do you know of anyone who could agree to undertake this?’
‘It will depend on whether you want to go to China or Japan.’
‘I think we can identify parties nearer home – they have expertise in low cost housing. China and Japan will prefer to go for nothing lesser than skyscrapers.’ (to be continued …)


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Sujjo Kanto and Ritu Bruto on free LPG connections (satire)

It was a closed door meeting of the new kids on the block. They were excited because they could feel the wind blowing in their favor. It was getting clear from the way Didi was ranting and pacing the dais of her meeting with the masses. There was anger in her pose and voice.
The venue was jam-packed with women and children but, from the expression on their faces, it looked as if they were not much interested in the figures that Didi was belting out.
‘I think we need to draw up some strategies that will pay rich dividends,’ Sujjo Kanto said.

‘Yes,’ Audi Choudy agreed. ‘Our ideas must be to generate employment for the masses. And, invite industries to return.’
‘We could consider going solar,’ Ritu Bruto said. ‘That is the latest craze. The e-boats launched in Varanasi is the best example. They are pollution free, safe and clean. And – the new generation of boatmen can remain connected to their smart phones and tabs.’
Momad Sulley smiled.
‘That Moody character is real smart,’ he said. ‘He is winning over the people who matter. His free LPG to the poor women is another beauty. He has handed out cardboard replicas and the real stuff will follow.’
‘I agree with you,’ Sujjo Kanto said. ‘But – many of these poor women do not have any roof over their heads. They do not have any permanent address. How will the gas company maintain records?’
‘They will develop the skills via Skill India programs,’ Ritu Bruto said.
‘These women usually toil throughout the day and engage in menial jobs to earn money and augment the family income,’ Sujjo Kanto went on. ‘They are used to fuels like dry sticks, wood and cow dung cakes. Now, they will cook their meals on LPG stoves.’
‘Yes, these are the forerunners of Achhe Din,’ Momad Sulley added. ‘Where there is a will, there is a way. We must not under estimate the women who would get the free LPG connection. They will have to cultivate the habit of protecting the gas stove from rains. They will have to ensure that rats do not gnaw way the rubber tube.’
‘I heard that Moody’s boys are organizing special classes to train the new entrants into the world of cooking on gas,’ Audi Choudy sad. ‘His minister Ranee-ji has taken the task on her shoulders. And – she plans to reach out to all new users through weekly radio programs.’ (to be continued …)


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Lord Shiva intrigued by the writing on the walls (satire)

Lord Shiva was deep in thought and Durga noticed the expression on his face and knew that he was intrigued by something – she had to find out what it was.
‘Did you sleep well?’ she asked.
The Lord grunted something and nodded his head.
‘Was the ganja not up to the mark?’ she asked the next question. ‘Did Bhringi give you stale ganja?’
‘No, it is not that. I am seeing the writing on the walls and am worried.’
‘What writing? Which wall?’
‘All the walls are crowded with colorful writings – artists are toiling day and night to display their artistic skills.’
‘It’s all a part of their Skill India initiative,’ Durga explained. ‘This is election time and West Bengal is probably the only state in the country where people let loose their imagination through beautiful slogans and equally beautiful wall paintings and writings.’
Yes,’ Saraswati joined the conversation. ‘Come election time, the walls become public property and artists descend with their buckets of paints and scores of brushes to make mincemeat out of political party leaders.

‘How are the artists faring?’
‘These boys and girls are experts with their brushes and also have a flair for playing with words,’ Saraswati said. ‘They can dream up rhymes that will leave you spellbound.’
‘That is the trouble with Bengalis,’ Durga sighed. ‘They are poets and artists at heart. It has been going on for ages and has become an integral part of their culture. That is why they are not interested in industries.’
‘Yes,’ Ganesh had also joined the group. ‘Even if industries did come to Bengal, the boys may not want to join them as employees. You can take a horse to the pond but you cannot force it to drink water.’
‘If you ask me, I’ll say let them be happy with their poetry and dreams,’ Saraswati said. ‘Heavy industries need strong and sturdy men. These boys would be misfits. That is why they should explore possibilities of pursing other industries.’
‘Wall paintings during election time is a tradition that has been going on for ages,’ Durga said. ‘I see it as a vent for pent up passions and anger that are released via artistic mediums like paintings and rhymes.’
‘Intellectuals may swear by poems that do not believe in rhymes, but, when it comes to slogans, rhymes are a must,’ Saraswati now said. ‘Otherwise, how can one express ones innermost thoughts and take swipes at the position?’
‘Anyway – the writing on the walls add to the excitement of elections,’ Durga went on. ‘The artists have to think out the words – they must be specific, humorous and must drive home the point. The words must leave a deep mark and must be selected with care so that they can form attractive jingles and slogans.’
‘But – these jobs are not full time jobs,’ Lord Shiva was puzzled. ‘What do they do for a living?’
‘They do odd jobs,’ Ganesh replied. ‘They have their own syndicates.’ (to be continued …)


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Moody’s cleanliness drive - free soap for all children (satire)

Moody was on cloud nine – Parliament was in session and, orator that he is and egged on by his own men, he was able to talk down all sections of the opposition.
He now wanted to assess the progress on his pet projects that were to have brought in a sea change in the mindset of his people. Hence his dream projects ‘Skill India’, ‘Digital India’, ‘Swatchh Bharat’, and ‘Namami Gange’.
His backend boys had done a fantastic job by coining sets of words which are impressive no doubt but, how effective were they?
He had called in Banka Nadoo, one of his ministers who is associated with the ‘Swatchh Bharat’ project to get the low down on the latest status.
Moody moved aside the papers on his table and looked at Banka Nadoo.
‘You have already declared the first list of Smart Cities, right?’
‘Yes,’ Banka Nadoo said. ‘The next will also be announced on time.’
‘I believe that our schools now have sufficient toilets?’

Banka Nadoo nodded – actually, he himself was in the dark about how many toilets have sprouted up and who had made them. There was too much overlap of responsibilities. Some of these were to be built by respective municipalities, others by corporate houses.
‘Tell me, we have released a number of animation ads to spread the message of cleanliness. How is the response?’
‘The ads are impressive,’ Banka Nadoo said.
‘How effective are they? Have the children realized that they must wash their hands before taking food?’
‘Yes,’ Banka Nadoo said. ‘Ranee-ji’s ministry has added a compulsory chapter on hand washing in all books. It is made compulsory also.’
‘Good. Have we made enough provision of supplying water?’
‘Water will be no problem. Already we have started action on cleaning the Ganga. Uma-ji is on the job and once Namami Gange is ready, there will be an abundance of water.’
‘Fine,’ Moody appeared to be satisfied. ‘Now you must rope in all the soap companies and ensure that every child gets a monthly quota of soap free of cost to clean their hands before taking food.’
‘But – the soap companies would need some incentive,’ Banka Nadoo said.
‘Talk to our finance men, they will find out some way to compensate them,’ Moody said. ‘We must always keep the health of the Nation uppermost in our mind. The child is the father of the man and its health is our responsibility. I will talk on this subject in my next Monkey Baat.’ (to be continued …)


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