Moody in silent mode over black money (satire)

The ringing of the phone startled Moody. It was Tressa May on the line – she loves the saree - an Indian attire. So, she loves Indians.
‘My dear fellow, I hear that you have lost your sound box. Is it true?’ she asked.
‘Not really,’ Moody spoke softly. ‘It was a passing phase.’
‘Did it have any link to black money? Don’t get me wrong – but, have you bitten off more than you can chew?’
‘No, nothing of the sort. Black money is not a problem. I have stopped all avenues of generating the evil. I have plugged all loopholes.’

‘I see,’ Tressa May lowered her voice. ‘I read in the media that your people are not happy. Business is in the doldrums. How will your vison take shape?’
‘I think you are misinformed,’ Moody was calm as cucumber. ‘I don’t get rattled easily.’
‘I knew as much,’ Tressa said. ‘I have heard you speak. You are a fine orator. Your decibel levels are fantastic.’
‘I have come up from the ranks,’ Moody said. ‘You know I used to sell tea. And, unless you raise your voice, you just cannot survive as a tea seller.’
‘Yes. I have heard about your humble beginnings. It’s all about selling tea clad in half pants.’
‘And with the fifty six inch chest. That is my trademark.’
‘Then why did you maintain such a silence? I know silence is golden but, it depends on the situation. When the opposition bays for your blood, you must growl if not bark.’
‘My dear lady,’ Moody said. ‘The silence was forced upon me.’
‘Any blackmail in the background?’
‘No, no – nothing black can tarnish my image. I have a clean slate.’
‘Then why did you go on the silent mode?’
‘It was black of another kind – related to coal. It is difficult to explain.’
‘Have a try,’ Tressa coaxed him.
‘It was all because of Baba Someday and his Pat & Jolie outfit.’
‘You mean the Yoga guru? He tripped you?’
‘Yes. I had a toothache and he wanted me to try out his latest toothpaste. I paid the price. It was a coal based affair and left a black mark on my teeth. So, I had to keep my mouth closed.’ (to be contd …)


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Moody hates black money and strikes at midnight (satire)

Moody hates black, especially if it is related to money. This black money is more slippery than an eel dipped in oil. When he first said that he would unearth all the back money stashed away in foreign locations, people laughed.
One of his ardent followers Baba Someday kept reminding him about the black money and, Moody finally decided to act. He confided in his colleague Jet Lee and, together, they drew up the strike plan – it was the midnight strike.

‘I hate anything that is black including blackberries,’ Moody was frank. ‘My beard is white, my jacket is white, and my trousers are white.’
Baba Someday shifted uneasily in his chair. His beard was jet black!
Jet Lee noticed Baba’s discomfort and came to his rescue.
‘Moody-ji – all blacks are not bad. Especially the hair dyes that make one look younger. The jhakas look as is shown in one of the ads.’
Just then Sue Sharma entered.
‘How did Tressa May enjoy the trip?’ Moody asked.
‘She is fascinated by our sarees,’ Sue replied.
‘Did you broach the subject of making them in India under our Make In India scheme?’
‘I talked to her team,’ Sue said. ‘They have made a note of it and will come back to us.’
‘What about the new Uncle Sam? I have already wished him on his victory. He loves us. That’s why he adapted our famous slogan for his successful campaign.’
‘Yes. It is a catchy slogan and strikes the right chord.’
Moody now looked at Jet Lee.
‘Talking about strikes - what about our black money campaign?’
‘I have studied the subject and feel the time is ripe to carry out our plan. We must take everyone by surprise. It will become the new talking point and will drive irritating subjects like surgical strikes out of focus.’
Sue Sharma cleared her throat and coughed.
‘Are you not well?’ Moody enquired.
‘It is the effect of air pollution and smog,’ she replied.
At this moment Nitty Gadcurry came in.
‘I will out an end to smog,’ he said. ‘I want to stop plying of all vehicles on the roads during the day. People will have to go in for alternate modes of transport.’
‘You mean cycling or walking?’ Baba wanted to know.
‘No. They’ll commute by either air or by water. I have talked to a few parties who are keen to start chopper shuttle service. And also run steamers on the Yamuna.’
‘But – if you stop smog what will happen to the new unit of Pat and Jolie that has started to manufacture gas masks and air purifiers?’
‘We will export them,’ Jet Lee said. ‘Nothing will go waste.’
‘Good,’ Moody was relaxed. ‘Our aim is to tackle black money. Let us launch our strike.’ (to be continued ..)


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Moody not happy with the outcome of the meeting (satire)

Moody was in a serious closed door meeting with his lieutenants. Present were Sue Sharma, Jet Lee, Pyari Kar, Baba Someday, Banka Nadoo, Rajanna King and others.
His agenda was bricks, tons of them including brickbats and he was not happy with the outcome of the meeting.
‘What did I do wrong?’ Moody asked.
‘You just cannot do anything wrong,’ Sue Sharma assured him.
‘Then why did Vlady Putty not scold Na Buzz?’
‘But, he did agree that our neighbors are not following procedures,’ Jet Lee said.

‘I wanted Putty to do much more,’ Moody sighed. ‘I had boosted him sky high when I said that one old friend is an asset and much more than ten new friends.’
‘He did appreciate that,’ Sue Sharma said. ‘I was watching him and I saw him smile.’
‘I know, I also saw that,’ Moody went on. ‘Just to keep him happy, I made him and the others wear my trademark jacket – and they gladly did that.’
‘That was a master stroke,’ Pyari Kar added. ‘It was a memorable photo ops.’
‘I even signed the contract with Putty to buy so many choppers from him,’ Moody said. ‘I wanted him to chide Na Buzz for all the tricks he is playing. His cattle roam into my house, his pigeons fly into my territory. But – Putty found nothing wrong.’
‘Neither did Jean Ping,’ Banka Nadoo complained. ‘He also sidestepped the issue. And we were hoping that he would take our side.’
‘He is probably not pleased with our policy of banning his items this Diwali,’ Baba Someday had his say. ‘He must realize that our products must get a market. I have asked my Pat & Jolie setup to make clay lamps. I will sell them along with a bottle of oil – it will come free. I want my people to light these lamps. Diwali is a festival of lamps, not of flickering bulbs.’
When the world leaders had gathered at the beachside venue to discuss serious matters, Moody was happy. When they agreed to wear jackets like him, he was still more happy. And, when Moody mentioned that an old friend was always an asset compared to ten new friends, and Vlady Putty smiled, Moody’s joys knew no bounds.
But it did not end the way he wanted it to – it left a bad taste in his mouth. (to be continued …)


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Moody discusses women’s fashion with Baba Someday (satire)

Moody had been wanting to induct new fasces and, seeing the performances of some of them, he wanted to sidetrack them. Many of his people were first timers and went over the top to please him – and the result had left a bad taste in his mouth.
Therefore, he rang in the changes much to the discomfort for a couple of his people.
That is when Baba Someday made his entry. He was trying his level best to expand his Pat & Jolie Empire and, simultaneously, its reach. The range of his products went from hair oil and cooking oil to honey and energy bars and even toothpaste and handwash.
‘I have come to wish you a happy journey,’ he stroked his black shining beard and said.
‘Thank you,' Moody replied.
‘Hope you will not forget to take some more samples with you,’ Baba reminded.
‘Don’t worry,’ Moody assured. ‘My men have already taken care of your products. There are gift packed boxes that I will distribute to my hosts in Africa. They know us as masters of rope tricks but they don’t know how many tricks I have up my sleeve.’

Baba Someday laughed.
‘Your cabinet reshuffle was a master stroke,’ he chuckled. ‘The poor TV star does not yet know what has hit her.’
Moody did not reply. He followed the famous management policy – never try to justify your actions. While the decision might be right, the reasons could all be wrong.
‘Assigning her to the textile ministry would be good for the industry,’ Baba went in. ‘After all –women know clothes better than men. And – we need to promote our khadi culture.’
Moody was still silent. His mind was wandering to the jungles of Africa and elephant safari. But - he must arrange to get pulses for his people. They were in short supply and the price has hit the roof. It was his responsibility to ensure that the poor get a fair share of dal. Dal with roti is what they pine for. There is even a song devoted to dal. It goes – ‘dal roti khao, prabhu ka goon gao.’
Obviously, dal is a priority item on every housewife’s list and it was his duty to see that dal floods the market. Suddenly he opened his mouth.
‘Tell me Someday-ji, how would it be if the textile ministry tied up with the Fashion Industry? They could organize fashion shows, right?’ Moody asked.
‘That would be a great idea,’ Baba replied. ‘The minister could inspire the girls and women to embrace dresses that match with our age old traditions.’
‘You mean to the Ajanta and Ellora days?’ Moody asked.
Baba Someday smiled and the smile was hidden under his beard. It was a convenient cover. (to be continued …)


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Baba Someday, his yoga and Pat & Jolie face cream (satire)

Baba Someday is always into something or the other that would benefit the masses. His heart bleeds for the misguided folks who gorge on foreign stuff and, he is determined to change their eating habits.
Hence, he was excited to have with him Bhaloo-ji who could be influenced to become Baba’s brand ambassador. As it is, Baba was himself his brand ambassador and he was confident of handling it on his own. But, two heads are better than one, hence his idea to rope in Bhaloo-ji.

‘Bhaloo-ji, I want you to try out mu products,’ he had suggested to Bhaloo-ji when they had met at a gathering.
‘What sort of products?’ Bhaloo-ji had asked. He had recently been out of hospital after some heart problems.
‘My Pat & Jolie setup has developed a face cream,’ Baba said. ‘It is purely ayurvedic and it is made up of readily available herbs from the Himalayas.’
‘What is its advantage?’ Bhaloo-ji asked. ‘My daughters are always trying out the latest products that appear in the TV ads. If it is not available in the local market, they get it online.’
‘My cream will make your skin glow like never before,’ Baba said. ‘It is much more effective compared to the face cream promoted by that King character of Bollywood movies.’
‘Well, I don’t mind trying it out,’ Bhaloo-ji said.
‘Then I will for you in my office,’ Baba said. He knew that an endorsement from a renowned person like Bhaloo-ji could give his product that extra cutting edge.
Bhaloo-ji was famous in his own special way – he loved cows and, it is rumored that all his cows enjoy air conditioned comfort in their cowsheds. His philosophy – look after the cows and they’ll look after you. Of course, he was involved in a fodder scam – but, which leader isn’t?
Baba also had a fondness for cows. His cows gave not only milk but, ghee and butter as well and it was a market that was growing day by day.
Yoga was another weakness of Baba. He has toiled real hard to bring yoga into the limelight and, impressed by his involvement in this ancient method of exercising all your faculties, he succeeded in earning global recognition and acceptance. Yoga was now on everybody’s lips and it has displaced aerobics from many countries.
Suddenly there was a commotion in the crowd. The media persons moved aside to make way for Bhaloo-ji who made his grand entry – the hair on his ears were carefully combed back to give him that extra appeal. (to be continued …)


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Baba Someday’s Pat & Jolie to create an Indian Disneyland (satire)

Moody heard the news of Baba Someday waxing eloquent over his Pat & Jolie outfit that was going great guns and doing a roaring business in products that ranged from noodles and biscuits to tooth paste and face cream with pure cow ghee thrown in for good measure.
Suddenly his hot line rang – the caller was Bee Rack O’Vama.
‘Hey man,’ Bee Rack’s voice came across loud and clear. ‘Why are you hitting below the belt?’
‘I never hit below the belt,’ Moody replied. ‘In fact I never hit anyone. My policy is to win others over with love. If anyone hits me, I offer the other face to him so that he can repeat his actions again.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ Bee Rack said. ‘No one does that. Not in this twenty-first century. I am talking about this Baba character. I believe he wants to take over our businesses and has his eyes on a Disneyland of his own.’

Moody gulped. He has told Baba Someday repeatedly to maintain a low profile but he has gone overboard in his enthusiasm and Moody would now have to pacify Bee Rack O’Vama and others. Baba’s announcements would queer the pitch for Moody’s Make in India initiatives.
‘Do you mean Baba Someday, the yoga expert?’
‘Yes. His Pat & Jolie outfit is into all sorts of products and he seems to be determined to wipe out all foreign competition. He even has zeroed on a site to create his version of our Disneyland! And – you are inviting us to join your Make in India initiative? Does it not amount to a conflict of interests?’
‘My dear Bee Rack, ours is a huge country and there is plenty scope for your business to flourish alongside Baba’s,’ Moody explained.
Bee Rack rang off and this time Moody’s external phone rang. It was a direct line known to only a few selected world leaders.
The caller was Day Weed. He was also apprehensive and, by the time Moody calmed him down, Angel Miracle rang up followed by Fancy Holland and Vladdy Putty. All of them were worried. All of them wanted to be a part of the Make in India projects but if Baba Someday takes over all businesses from foreigners, where would it leave them? What would happen to their biscuits and noodles and face creams and fruit juices? (to be continued …)


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Moody’s train on track – no increase in fares (satire)

It was a Big Day for not only Moody but all his men and women – it was the day when Soo Race Babu would be the center of attraction because he would open his magic box and bring out one after another goodies for the common man.
It was budget day for the railways and Moody had given strict instructions that increase in fares must not be on the agenda. If the minister needed money to run the trains, he would have to arrange it on his own.
Poor Soo Race Babu was confused when he had met Moody before drafting his budget.
‘Unless I can generate the funds, how will the railways survive?’ he had asked.

‘Think up alternate methods,’ Moody was blunt. ‘I do not want to add to the burden of the common man. They have brought us to power and must be respected.’
‘Yes,’ Jet Lee added. He was also present in the meeting. ‘Boss is right. It is better not to talk about any increase right now.’
Nitty Gadcurry smiled. He always had a ready smile on his lips and loved to share it whenever he got the chance.
‘Money is never any problem Babu-ji,’ he said. ‘Very soon bullets will speed through our countryside. The railways we have right now are ancient and once the bullets run, money will roll in.’
Poor Babu was still not convinced.
‘I want to introduce new trains,’ he said. ‘I have also coined new names because that is the tradition.’
‘That is a good idea,’ Moody looked sat him. ‘What names have you thought of?’
‘One of our previous ministers had dreamt up the ‘garib rath’ or the chariot of the poor. Then there was another one who had introduced the ‘duronto’ or wild. I want to do something similar.’
‘No one is stopping you,’ Moody said. ‘But – remember, no increase in fares.’
‘I want to introduce bio-toilets in the coaches and I want to have provision of supply of milk for children.’
‘Not a bad idea,’ Nitty Gadcurry remarked. ‘We could ask Pat & Jolie to supply pure milk from his farm.’
‘Yes, that also is a good idea,’ Moody agreed. ‘But, no increase in fares. I am against that.’
Soo Race Babu threw up his hands in despair.
‘How can my projects go ahead minus funds?’
‘There is a time and place for everything,’ Moody said.
‘What it means is that you can do that exercise after a couple of months,’ Nitty Gadcurry explained under his breath.
Suddenly, Babu’s face lit up. He smiled. (to be continued …)


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Moody & Co to invite Eskimos for the Yoga meet (satire)

Moody was, as always, serious and in a thoughtful mood. He had realized that yoga is the be-all and end-all and it can wow the world as it has already done. But, in order to ensure that the memories and euphoria do not vanish, he had to revive interest in this ancient form of art that is unique to our culture.
Yes, no matter what people may say, yoga is an art.
It had been practiced by the sages of yore – and, since doctors were unheard of in the days of Ramayana and Mahabharata, yoga was the only medicine to cure all ills from indigestion to broken arms.
Suddenly the door opened a fraction of an inch and Hash Budden peeped in – he was a doctor by profession and was responsible for looking after various aspects of health. Along with him was Baba Someday – a very busy man who was adept at balancing his interests in both yoga and business.
Moody waved them in.
‘Have you worked out a strategy?’ he wanted to know.

‘We will make it a bigger affair,’ Baba Someday said. ‘My Pat & Jolie will provide all refreshments right from pure milk to crisp salted biscuits and instant noodles.’
‘Good,’ Moody nodded. ‘We want to project our indigenous products to the world and the yoga meet will be an opportunity.’
‘Who knows, someone might want to import them’ Baba Someday said. ‘After all no one can deny the health benefits of Pat & Jolie foodstuffs.’
‘I think we should invite some dignitary to be the Guest of Honor on the occasion,’ Hash Budden suggested. ‘Like we did in the R-Day.’
‘I also was thinking about it,’ Moody said. ‘Any ideas?’
Before Hash Budden could reply, Sue Sharma entered with Jet Lee. Sue Sharma looked to be excited about something.
‘We have a couple of ideas for the Yoga Meet,’ Jet Lee said. ‘If you can spare a few minutes, the lady can get it off her chest.’
‘Go ahead, I am all attention,’ Moody said.
‘I just now got a call from the land of the Eskimos,’ Sue Sharma began. ‘The lady spoke in broken English and wanted to know when you would go to visit them.’
Moody was taken aback.
‘Why should I go to visit them?’ he asked. ‘What can they offer us except polar bear furs or seal skins or penguins? I don’t think any of those would be useful.’
‘Moody-ji,’ Hash Budden intervened. ‘It is a God-sent opportunity we cannot miss.’
‘Please explain.’
‘Why don’t we invite the Eskimos for the yoga meet? Their leader could be the Guest of Honor.’ (to be continued …)


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Moody’s skill development program (satire)

Moody had been in saddle for more than one year and he was worried about his bunch of eager beavers who were continuously up to something or the other. His critics were there crouching in every corner, ready to corner him and pull him down but, his oratory powers stopped them in their tracks.
Still, Moody was a worried man. There was a weighty problem on his head.
He looked around at his band of trusted lieutenants and cleared his throat.
‘Hope you have come prepared?’ he asked.
All of them nodded. They dare not say that they were not informed about any agenda. Moody would not like that. So, they just nodded and prepared to brave whatever onslaught comes because no one questioned the leader – he is the Boss and the Boss is always right.
There were the usual bunch of Jet Lee, Sue Sharma, Ranee-ji, Uma-ji, Nitty Gadcurry, Hash Budden and Baba Someday. ‘Do you know what I have in my hand?’ Moody asked and waved a sheaf of papers.
There was pin drop silence.
‘It is a weighty issue,’ Moody said.
‘Is our good neighbor playing pranks again?’ Jet Lee wanted to know.
‘No,’ Sue Sharma intervened. ‘He will not dare to do anything. He has got a severe baulking from you-know-who. If he plays mischief, he will not get his fighter plane.’
‘Then?’ Nitty asked no one in particular.

‘I have with me an interesting list,’ Moody said. ‘I want it to be a part of our skill development program. I want your views on it. How should we approach it.’
‘Let us have some more input,’ Jet Lee said. He was a man of finance and depended on inputs.
‘You mentioned about a weighty issue. Is it about the traders? Are they cheating with underweight measures?’ Baba Someday was alert. In his set up in Pat & Jolie, he had installed electronic devices. No manual weighing.
‘No. I think the matter pertains to Hash Budden, the doctor and Baba Someday, the yoga specialist,’ Moody said. ‘They can make useful contribution.’
‘I will certainly do my best,’ Hash Budden replied.
‘So will I,’ Baba wiped his growth of beard and said.
‘This list is about those of you who have put on weight over the last few months and I am disturbed,’ Moody said. ‘It includes the women also,’ and he cast a meaningful glance at Ranee-ji and Uma-ji. ‘I think we must make yoga a habit and not keep it reserved for only the Yoga Day.’
‘I agree with you,’ Baba said. ‘We can meet here every morning and do yoga for an hour.’
‘I want all of you to concentrate on the skill development for weight reduction,’ Moody said. ‘It will pay dividends. We will compile the findings and release a book on ‘Skill Development for weight reduction.’ Ranee-ji can make it compulsory at all levels of education.’ (to be continued …)

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Moody hates to be cowed down by cows (satire)

#cows #gobargas Moody, like everyone else, was fully aware of the importance of cows. He hated to be cowed by cows. But, he was on the horns of the cow dilemma - why did the cow jump over the Moon?
He had, therefore, called a special meeting of people whom he could trust with his life. Prominent among them was Baba Someday, Jet Lee, Hash Budden, Sue Sharma and Nitty Gadcurry.
‘Tell me Baba, why did the cow jump over the Moon? Can a cow really jump that high?’ Moody asked Baba Someday. He, in Moody’s opinion, was an expert on cows.
Baba blinked. He was caught on the wrong foot. He never knew this aspect of the cow. He had been exploiting all the products of the cow. His Pat & Jolie was producing cow milk products. He had also gone in for gobar gas in a big way. He planned to use it to power a future probe to the Red Planet Mars.
But, he had not heard about a cow jumping over the Moon.

‘Are you sure it was a cow?’ he wanted to clarify.
‘Of course,’ Moody said. ‘All the kids know about it. It is in a nursery rhyme and in the school syllabus.’
Baba was stumped.
‘I think it must have been a goat,’ Nitty Gadcurry intervened. ‘They can jump over fences.’
‘Or – sheep,’ Hash Budden suggested. ‘You know – we count sheep jumping over the fence when we are unable to sleep. I have advised many of my patients on this. Counting sheep is good for insomnia.’
Moody glared at his audience.
‘No,’ he said. ‘All of us are discussing cows on every platform but, none of you seem to know that a cow can jump over the Moon. I never expected this from you. How can you convince people with such little knowledge?’
It was now Sue Sharma who spoke.
‘I have also heard about this,’ she gave everyone her trademark smile. ‘We must find out more about this.’
‘How will you go about it?’ Moody asked.
‘We can make it a part of one of our post graduate curriculum,’ she said. ‘We can set up a separate research center to study how high a cow can jump. And – train the animals to keep jumping higher and higher. I am sure if they keep trying, they can jump over the Moon.’
‘Good idea,’ Moody said. ‘But – it will take time. I want something fast.’
‘I have an alternative suggestion,’ Sue Sharma once again flashed her smile.
‘What is that?’ Moody sat forward in his seat.
‘I’ll send a mail to the Google chaps. They must know. They have all the answers.’
Moody heaved a sigh of relief.
‘That’s a wonderful idea,’ he said. ‘But, don’t worry – I’ll send the mail. A mail from me will have greater effect than a mail from someone else. I want them to feel important.’ (to be continued …)


(Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Moody gifts his neighbor a turban on his birthday (satire)

Moody was in a good mood, he had set yet another trend in diplomacy. He has gifted his neighbor a turban on his birthday and has been hailed as a true statesman who does not believe in boundaries between neighbors.
‘Yes,’ Sue Sharma was all praises for her boss. ‘You have shown real courage in dropping by on our neighbor disregarding normal procedures.’
‘I have always wanted to take everyone by surprise. I want to do things in my way,’ Moody said.
‘I know,’ Jet Lee joined in – he had just entered. He was accompanied by Nitty Gadcurry, Pro Cash, Uma-ji and Baba Someday. ‘Formal meetings do not produce desired results. It is the age of short cuts.’
‘Tell me, do they have plans to link up to our Golden Quadrangle?’
‘That did not come up for discussions,’ Moody said. ‘We must not rush our fences. We have to proceed cautiously.’ ‘You must have broached the subject of Pat & Jolie?’

‘It was just a courtesy call,’ Moody reminded. ‘I had gone to wish him on his birthday. And – the turban I always carry with me came in handy. He was so happy.’
‘What was the sequence of events?’ Pro Cash wanted to know.
‘Actually when I was waiting for the flight to take off from Kabul, I checked the list of birthdays stored in my mobile,’ Moody explained. ‘That is when I came across his name. I wanted to send him an SMS but decided against it - SMS is so impersonal’
‘So?’ Jet Lee prompted.
‘I rang him up,’ Moody went on. ‘He was overjoyed. Poor fellow – he does not have any close friends to talk to.’
‘And?’ it was now Sue Sharma’s turn to prompt him.
‘The rest is history,’ Moody said. ‘He invited me over for lunch – just like a good neighbor. I checked and found that I had a turban with me. That would be fine as a gift.’
‘What else do you carry with you on your trips to give as gifts?’ Baba Someday asked.
‘That is my trade secret,’ Moody smiled – which was very seldom.
‘Tell me, how dirty are the rivers there?’ Uma-ji asked. ‘Would I get a chance to clean up their rivers? With my experience, I think I could do a good job.’
‘I don’t think it matters much,’ Moody said. ‘River cleaning was not on my agenda.’ (to be continued ..)

(Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org)

Some more interesting links -

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Terror attacks in Paris makes the US issue global alert for its citizens

Moody’s inner circle and their ‘things to do’ list (satire)

Jet Lee - no relation to Dracula Christopher Lee or cricketer-cum-singer Brett Lee or martial artist Bruce Lee or all-rounder Sir Richard Hadlee – the most important ‘things to do’ for Jet Lee in 2016 is to look for recreation outlets other than bat, ball and wickets. The game if full of pitfalls from fixing to slanging and sledging and one has to be in a position to smile and bear things.
Baba Someday – he has made a name for himself in yoga and, with his Pat & Jolie outfit, had manufactured a huge range of foodstuffs to challenge players entrenched in the field. He should now look for alternate areas to explore. Like oil. This is because it is oil that drives everything in this world right from machinery to administration. Baba’s ‘things to do’ should be to explore possibilities of entering the world of oils.

Nitty Gadcurry – his ‘things to do’ list should be cycling. He should take the initiative to promote non-mechanized transport. That will reduce pollution and allow fresh air to circulate which, in turn, will eliminate a whole lot of diseases like cough and cold and breathing problems. Of course, he may go into the bad books of the doctors and manufacturers of cough syrups. But – it will endear him to the masses.
Sue Sharma – one of her ‘things to do’ is to try and fit into an ordinary sized chair. It is a known fact that when one continues to occupy a chair, he gradually tends to take the shape of the chair. That is not a healthy trend. Her smile is OK, her huge red sign on the forehead is also passe but not her out-of-shape physique.
Ranee-ji – she, unfortunately, yet another example of how to ruin one’s charms and personality. When one is a well-known TV actress, she has to maintain her figure – otherwise, the TV serial in which she is the main attraction loses its TRP rating. If worst comes to worse, she will be shown the door. But – once out of that vicious circle, one indulges in fulfilling all unfulfilled desires – and, begins to add the kilograms. For her, the ‘thing to do’ must include regular visits to the gym and working out on the treadmill.
Uma-ji – she has a tough task assigned by Moody. She has to clean up the holy river and transform it to one of beauty where steamers will transport people from one place to another. It is a thankless job because no matter how much she tries, water will continue to flow over head. If she was more skinny and glamorous, she would have made a better impression wherever she went. Her ‘thing to do’ list must, therefore, have a slot reserved for becoming fashion conscious.’ (to be continued ..)

(Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org)

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Moody wants dhokla to be the National dish (satire)

Moody knows his priorities and never allows anyone to peep into his private affairs and that is what it should be like. It is not good manners to invade anybody’s privacy and encroach upon his private space.
Right now, he had plenty on his mind. And, he needed to get it off his head. So he summoned his close associate Baba Someday.
‘Yes Moody-ji,’ Baba appeared with a huge smile on his face covered with a thick growth of black beard. ‘How was your last trip?’
‘OK,’ Moody replied. ‘These foreigners have their own methods of persuasion. I think we need to cultivate ours.’
‘What sort of persuasion?’ Baba chose his words carefully. He had heard stories of women power influencing decisions. It was quite common during the Cold War times.
‘It is the weakness for food. I want to make dhoklas as the National food. Everywhere I have gone, I missed the dhoklas. How do you like my idea?’

‘Wonderful,’ the Baba replied. ‘No one ever thought on these lines.’
‘Let us begin thinking. I have asked the ladies to join. They’ll be here any moment.’
Before he finished, the door opened and Uma-ji peeped in. She had with her Sue Sharma and Ranee-ji.
Moody looked up at them and smiled.
‘Please come in,’ he said and waved them to the chairs. ‘I want dhoklas to be branded as our National dish. What do you think?’
The ladies looked at each other. They had never expected this. Uma-ji had brought with her the latest status on her Ganga cleaning efforts while Sue Sharma had the dossier on smugglers and gangsters hiding abroad. Ranee-ji also had her papers on higher education with her.
But, Moody as always, caught everyone by surprise.
‘Don’t hesitate,’ he smiled, which was rare. ‘I have our people in Silicon Valley pining for Indian food. Same in London and Paris and even Malaysia and Singapore, China and Japan. They all want Indian food and, in my opinion, dhokla is the real and true Indian food.’
‘Yes,’ Baba Someday said. ‘It is the Indian version of cupcakes.’
‘How soon can you take up production?’ Moody enquired.
‘Immediately,’ Baba replied without batting an eyelid. ‘Your wish is my order.’
Baba knew that people make fun of him and his products and there are stories doing the rounds that that he is determined to uproot anything foreign from the land except the foreign tourists who bring in the dollars.
Well – his Pat & Jolie has diversified from honey to noodles, biscuits and face creams – dhokla would be his next product. It can certainly add an edge to India’s clout and redeem her lost glory. (to be continued …)

Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org)

Lord Shiva learns of Moody’s plans to go to the Moon (satire)

The honey trap of Pat & Jolie (satire)

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The honey trap of Pat & Jolie (satire)

Lord Shiva was polishing his trishul – the trishul or trident was his trademark, the trident, the snake and the tiger skin which was his attire. Nowadays he has difficulties in procuring tiger skins because the animals are under the protected category and killing them is a crime. Therefore, he has to depend on cheap imitations that Goddess Durga procures online.
He looked at Durga – she had the earplugs on and, with eyes half closed, was listening to songs.
Shiva gave a little cough – to draw attention.
Durga opened her eyes and removed the earplugs.
‘What is this I hear about honey?’ he asked.
‘Honey? You mean Honey Singh the singer?’
“No – I mean honey that is good for health.’

‘Oh – our friends Pat & Jolie have their setup. Their honey is cheap as compared to other well-known brands.’
‘Have we tasted it?’ Shiva was curious.
‘Well – they did send across samples. As they did for biscuits and noodles. I have kept them aside. I do not want to fall into any honey trap’
‘Why? Are they not safe?’
‘Don’t be silly – of course they are safe. But, I rely more on tried and trusted products. Newcomers must first gain acceptance. You just cannot bulldoze your way into any venture. Those who are experts in yoga should spread the message of yoga. Not indulge in business ventures.’
Shiva did not argue further. The lady of the house is always choosy and convincing them is not an easy matter.
Durga switched her very own special mobile phone with unlimited memory. She has to cater to millions of her devotees who keep sending her ‘help me’ messages. The mobile phone is a boon for her. Without it, she would not have been able to keep track of who wants what and when.
But – not for Lord Shiva. He has always been a Bohemian character and does not want to lose that mantle. He loves to remain aloof and Durga allows him the freedom – she does not want to face his tandaba dances. Of course, she loves the dances in the Bollywood movies – they are sooo similar to Shiva’s tandaba dances and lovely to watch from a distance. At times she wonders just how the heroes and heroines manage to gyrate so fast. Then she laughs it away as happening in the world of fantasy. (to be continued …)

(Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org)

The 'Pat & Jolie' instant noodles worry Lord Shiva (satire)

Make in India (satire)

Pat & Jolie and their biscuit making (satire)


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Pat & Jolie and their biscuit making (satire)

Lord Shiva was sipping a cup of tea - he hated tea and was more comfortable with ganja and, with Durga around, he had to curb his desires. He looked at her - she was sitting on a tiny mound near him and was munching biscuits along with her tea. Sensing his eyes on her, Durga looked at Shiva.
'Yes?' she asked.
'What is that?' Shiva put a counter question.
'It is a packet of biscuits - a courtesy pack,' Durga explained.
'You brought it back when you went to your mother's place?' Shiva asked.
'No silly. This is courtesy packets distributed by Pat & Jolie - they have taken up making biscuits.'

'I thought they were into instant noodles,' Shiva said.
'This is another venture of theirs,' Durga said. 'They are determined to capture one and all. Their USP is eat healthy, remain healthy.'
'You mean they want to drive the doctors out of business?'
'Well - they want a situation when the need of doctors would be minimum. No one would suffer from simple diseases like cough, cold, joint pains etcetera.'
'By means of biscuits?'
'They are using a secret formula - they are treating the dough with juice of medicinal herbs. Nothing is visible from outside and no one can be satisfied with just one. Lab tests will not reveal these hidden secrets. That is why they are distributing courtesy packs.'
'Do they have plans to enter the export markets?'
'But naturally - this is the age of Make in India and capture the global market.'
'Make in India? I always thought anything produced in India should be Made in India!!'
'Actually - Make in India is a relatively new concept where foreigners are invited to come to India to make the goods and export them.'
'I think is is too complicated,' Lord Shiva yawned and reached for his chillum of ganja. He made it a point to send his trusted follower Bhringi to scout around the Pat & Jolie setup to find out what they were actually up to. (to be continued ...)

(Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org)

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Tourist bus ploughs into pedestrians in Union Square, San Francisco - 20 injured


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24th James Bond movie 'Spectre' earns USD 300 million in less than two weeks


Jihadi John killed by a 1000-mph missile striking his car

Edmund Fitzgerald sank in the Lake Superior 40 years back with 29 on board

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