Moody’s diktat – send tomatoes underground (satire)

Moody was not his pleasant self. The glass of juice that he took in the morning after his yoga practice tasted different. He asked his man Friday about it and got a shocking reply. The juice was not the original tomato juice but a watered down one – because the reddish vegetable was selling at exorbitant rates. Hence, in keeping with the traditions of austerity, it was diluted with water.
He immediately summoned his core group for a meeting and, at the appointed hour, they trooped into his chamber. There was Jet Lee, Banka Nadoo, Pass One, Sue Sharma and Nitty Gadcurry.
‘Are you aware of what is happening?’ Moody asked.

No one replied because so many things were happening all the time and no one could guess which of these Moody was talking about.
‘I am in contact with our foreign missions,’ Sue Sharma broke the silence. ‘They have designed a system by which I will know immediately if some of our people wants assistance from us. Right now, my team is working on the girl who went missing while returning from a party.’
‘I am not talking on that subject,’ Moody said.
‘I have checked the highway extension plans and they are proceeding as we want them to, where we want them to,’ Nitty Gadcurry chipped in. ‘The benefits will go to those who toe our line.’
‘I am not interested in highways,’ Moody said.
‘I have already working on my next list of Smart Cities,’ Venka Nadoo said. ‘It will be a surprise.’
‘Why is no one talking about the most important topic of today?’
They all exchanged glances and shrugged their shoulders.
‘Do you know that my morning glass of juice tasted horrible?’
Again they all exchanged glances.
‘Tell me, why has the price of a simple item like tomatoes gone so high?’
‘Actually it is a product of Nature,’ Pass One said. ‘No one has any control over it. If there is more rain, the products rot. If there is less rainfall, the yield is less.’
‘Nonsense,’ Moody was not happy with the reply. ‘You should have foreseen the possibility and taken procurement action from other sources.’
‘We are taking action against hoarders,’ Pass One explained. ‘The tomatoes go underground heaping miseries on those above ground.’
Moody grinned.
‘Why don’t you take them underground first?’ he asked.
Pass One gulped as did all the others. How could Moody support such moves?
‘Dear Pass One,’ Moody explained. ‘Let us have underground storage facilities for items like tomatoes and onions. Let us beat the hoarders at their game.’ Then Moody looked at Venka Nadoo. ‘Do not give Smart City tags unless the cities create such provisions.’
‘I think that is a very good idea,’ Venka Nadoo said. ‘I’ll ask my men to recast the new list.’ (to be continued ..)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Moody’s cleanliness drive - free soap for all children (satire)

Moody was on cloud nine – Parliament was in session and, orator that he is and egged on by his own men, he was able to talk down all sections of the opposition.
He now wanted to assess the progress on his pet projects that were to have brought in a sea change in the mindset of his people. Hence his dream projects ‘Skill India’, ‘Digital India’, ‘Swatchh Bharat’, and ‘Namami Gange’.
His backend boys had done a fantastic job by coining sets of words which are impressive no doubt but, how effective were they?
He had called in Banka Nadoo, one of his ministers who is associated with the ‘Swatchh Bharat’ project to get the low down on the latest status.
Moody moved aside the papers on his table and looked at Banka Nadoo.
‘You have already declared the first list of Smart Cities, right?’
‘Yes,’ Banka Nadoo said. ‘The next will also be announced on time.’
‘I believe that our schools now have sufficient toilets?’

Banka Nadoo nodded – actually, he himself was in the dark about how many toilets have sprouted up and who had made them. There was too much overlap of responsibilities. Some of these were to be built by respective municipalities, others by corporate houses.
‘Tell me, we have released a number of animation ads to spread the message of cleanliness. How is the response?’
‘The ads are impressive,’ Banka Nadoo said.
‘How effective are they? Have the children realized that they must wash their hands before taking food?’
‘Yes,’ Banka Nadoo said. ‘Ranee-ji’s ministry has added a compulsory chapter on hand washing in all books. It is made compulsory also.’
‘Good. Have we made enough provision of supplying water?’
‘Water will be no problem. Already we have started action on cleaning the Ganga. Uma-ji is on the job and once Namami Gange is ready, there will be an abundance of water.’
‘Fine,’ Moody appeared to be satisfied. ‘Now you must rope in all the soap companies and ensure that every child gets a monthly quota of soap free of cost to clean their hands before taking food.’
‘But – the soap companies would need some incentive,’ Banka Nadoo said.
‘Talk to our finance men, they will find out some way to compensate them,’ Moody said. ‘We must always keep the health of the Nation uppermost in our mind. The child is the father of the man and its health is our responsibility. I will talk on this subject in my next Monkey Baat.’ (to be continued …)


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Moody throws light on conversion and smartness (satire)

#SmartCity Ever since he took over office, Moody has wanted to impress people with his visions and there is no denying the fact that he has succeeded in leaving behind his trademark on whatever he has touched. Including conversion. And, the conversion of a dull, lackluster city to a Smart City is one of his brainwaves.
‘Your plan to create Smart Cities is a smart one,’ Banka Nadoo told Moody who had called him to his office.
‘Good. My plans are always smart ones. Tell me, how have the people accepted the first list of 20 cities destined to become Smart Cities?’ he asked Banka Nadoo.
‘There has been mixed reactions,’ Banka said. ‘In fact, many of them do not know how to go about it.’
‘It is so simple,’ Moody said. ‘Varanasi will show them the way. It is not in the list now but it will soon be as smart and likeable as any Japanese city with kimono clad women on the roads.’
‘There had been ideas floating around of making Mumbai into Shanghai and Kolkata to London. Bit – they never pursued them.’

‘That is why they did not get to first base,’ Moody chuckled. ‘Actually, smartness is in our blood. We want to look smart. The girls go in for skin treatments, they follow the style of their heroines. And – the boys copy their filmi heroes or cricket heroes. Why can’t the cities follow suit and copy another city that boats of smartness.’
‘Pardon me, but I think many of the city fathers have no idea of smart cities.’
‘Can they not go on tours to the cities and gather information firsthand?’
‘They are doing it. One team had recently been to Andaman to study how to control flooding in cities,’ Banka Nadoo elaborated. ‘But, critics have bashed them saying that they have spent taxpayer’s money on a useless mission. It is common knowledge that drains are clogged by plastics and thermocol hence the flooding takes place.’
‘They should have gone to some European country to study how to paint the city walls. That way they would have earned bouquets and not brickbats. Anyway – tell me, how would you go about making your city smart?’
‘I will have only the smart looking men and women on the roads during the day. Others can use the roads at night.’
‘Not bad. What about vehicles?’
‘Same logic – only the smart vehicles will ply in the day. The ramshackle buses and more than 15-year-old vehicles will not see the light of day, they’ll do the night shift.’
‘How about the roadside hawkers? They spoil the beauty of any city. How will you eliminate them from the scenery?’
‘They hawk the goods to earn a living. They cannot be wished away because they are an integral part of our culture.’
‘And slums?’
‘They also are a necessary evil,’ Banka Nadoo replied. ‘We have to bear with them.’ (to be continued …)


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