Moody gets a call from Uncle Sam and takes a trip to Mars (satire)

It was a long time that Moody had not gone abroad and, therefore, he was wondering if the world had forgotten all about him. He remembered the famous saying ‘out of sight, out of mind’ and shook his head. No – he did not want the world to forget him. He had made a name for himself within a very short time knew that he held all the aces.
It was at this moment that his phone rang – it was the direct hotline with Uncle Sam.
‘Hi there,’ Uncle Sam wished him. ‘How are things out there?’
‘Fine,’ Moody said. ‘Everything is just fine. How about you? And, your retirement plans?’
‘It’s all taken care of. Tell me – I heard that you are getting waxing done.’
Moody laughed.
‘It is all for a good cause,’ he explained. ‘They want me in the company of celebrities and, I just cannot refuse them.’

‘You are lucky. You have blazed a trail like no other. With so many selfies to your credit, and so many millions of followers on Twitter, you have an identity. I have a suggestion.’
‘Go ahead, I am all ears.’
‘I think you have plans to send a satellite to Mars?’
‘Of course. My men have the capability. Remember – we have invented the flying machine long before the Wright Brothers. The Demon King Ravana used it to kidnap our beloved Sita-mata.’
‘Yes, I know all about that. Only – it has not been recorded properly in the annals of history. Anyway – what is latest about your Mangalyaan?’
‘It is working fine. You said you wanted to put forth a suggestion?’
‘Yes. I just want to know what items you will send to Mars in the first lot.’
‘My technical team is on the job. I hate to interfere in their workings.’
‘But – you must have given them some broad guidelines.’
‘Of course. Our first batch of items would include ayurvedic roots, barks of medicinal trees, CDs of yoga practices. These would be invaluable to the first batch of Indian astronauts who will land on the Red Planet Mars.’
‘You mean your men would depend on yoga and roots to survive on the distant planet?’
‘Why not? Our sages used to sit under trees and meditate for years. The journey to Mars would be no problem.’
‘What about space suits and zero gravity? How’ll your boys overcome that?’
‘Yoga my friend is the solution. Baba Someday is already on the job training the future astronauts. In a secret cave in the Himalayas he is busy on Mission Mars.’
‘Happy dreams,’ Uncle Sam rang off, Moody woke up with a start and rubbed his eyes. Then he reached for his intercom. He must get the latest on Mangalyaan. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Midnight attack sends Moody into a tizzy (satire)

Moody woke up with a start – it was the hotline and it was Uncle Sam at the other end.
‘Hey man, what is happening? I have come to know that there has been infiltration in your area,’ there was genuine concern in his voice.
‘Nothing extraordinary,’ Moody replied.
‘Don’t hide facts, I have eyes and ears everywhere,’ Uncle Sam said. ‘I presumed that you have resolved the problem with your neighbor once and for all during your recent flying visit.’
‘But, I have,’ Moody replied.
‘Then why did the attack happen?’
‘Attack?’
‘Strange that you do not know about the attack,’ the Big Man switched off.
Immediately, the other hotline rang – it was the man from behind the Iron curtain followed by the one from behind the bamboo curtain to the one from the land of the rising Sun.
All of them talked about infiltration from the neighbor.
Moody was furious – not on his men who failed to keep him updated but on his neighbor. He had gifted him a turban, he had wished him a happy birthday a week back, and he was the man who had promised to be good. How could he, all of a sudden, turn into a villain?
‘What is this you have done my friend?’ he rang him up and asked. ‘Why have you put me in this embarrassing position?’
‘I am sorry,’ his friend apologized. ‘Some naughty boys played some mischief. You know how these youngsters behave. They suffer from over enthusiasm.’
‘I know,’ Moody murmured. ‘But – it has hurt my reputation. Uncle Sam spoke to me just now. He, like everyone else, looks upon me with respect and I have impressed the whole world with my sincerity. This attack was most unexpected.’
‘Moody-ji, I said I am sorry,’ his friend replied. ‘You also have many naughty boys in your setup. They keep instigating others, they make unwanted statements and unwanted incidents keep happening.’
‘But – what your boys have done is unpardonable,’ Moody expressed annoyance. ‘It is winter and freezing cold. Why should they select such an odd time to attack? Do you know that I am losing my sleep? I hardly get to sleep for four hours and tonight, I will lose that also.’
“My dear Moody-ji, I assure you that the boys did not have any bad intentions,’ the friend explained. ‘It was all the fault of the bees.’
‘Bees?’
“Yes – honeybees. A bunch of them flew away from the hive and my boys went after them to get them back. They did not want our bees to sting your men. Obviously, they had to go as quietly as possible otherwise the bees would have flown away still further.’
‘You mean bees from the honey trap?’
‘Not exactly a trap but, yes, a sticky affair,’ his friend laughed. ‘You must know that honey is a sticky affair. Anyway – let us discuss our next step.’
‘My Bosses will not be amused,’ Moody sighed. ‘They do not understand that maintaining strained relationship is a tough task.’
‘Don’t worry, I am confident that you will find a way out,’ his friend said. ‘Next time I go to meet Uncle Sam, I will drop by your place to repay your courtesy visit.’ And, he began to hum the favorite tune – ‘Kuchh to log kahenge logon ka kaam hai kehnaa’ from the movie Amar Prem. …’ (to be continued …)

(Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org)

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Moody and the Humpty Dumpty syndrome (satire)

Moody was pacing in his office and tearing his hairs – the world was curbing around him. He was like Humpty Dumpty who was sitting comfortably on a wall when he fell down. He was still trying to fathom out what caused him to fall – was it that DNA remark or the one about intolerance or was it the steep rise in prices of dal or the withdrawal of subsidy of LPG or increase in cancellation charges of the railways.
Suddenly, his White House hot line rang – it was Uncle Sam.
The phone had been ringing since morning when the news about the debacle broke and Moody was searching for a broad shoulder to cry upon but, Amit-ji was not available. His PA had informed that Amit-ji was bedridden – suffering from a headache. No – not a case of dengue fever but the result of an unknown virus attack fondly known as the Aloo-fever. Anyway, the White House hot line cannot be ignored. So, Moody picked up the receiver.

‘Hi buddy,’ it was the Big Man himself. ‘What is this I am hearing?’
‘I beg your pardon – please speak loudly. I am not able to hear you. The connection is not good,’ Moody squeaked.
The Big Man at the other end smiled.
‘It’s the Humpty Dumpty syndrome,’ he said. ‘It can happen. We must face the realities. Remember what Abe Lincoln had said – ‘you can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.’
‘Well,’ Moody gulped. ‘My doctor has come. I’ll talk later.’
‘By the way – you are headed to meet the Queen. Right?’
‘Yes.’
‘Better to have some more foreign trips lined up – it will help you to unwind and stay away from prying eyes and accusing fingers.’
‘I will.’
‘Take a friendly advice - learn to let down your hair. Don’t be tied down by rules and regulations – break away from the routine once in a while. By the way – do you hip-hop?’
‘No.’
‘Learn it – Silicon Valley knows how to do it. You have plenty of friends there - they will love to share their knowledge.’ (to be continued …)

(Image source wikimediacommons.org)

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