Didi to UP on a selling mission (satire)

Didi was in her chamber and the easel was on one side of the room. The huge glass window showed a view of the Howrah Bridge and the canvas on the easel was still untouched. She wanted to draw a bicycle and a hand – her dilemma was which should she draw first? Should the hand push the bicycle or should the bicycle be controlled by the hand?
‘I think you are worried?’ he asked.
‘Yes,’ Didi nodded. ‘I always so many problems on my head and so many worries in my mind.’
‘Did you get a good night’s sleep?’
‘That is no problem. I don’t count sheep but count goats. There are so many of them around.’
‘Are you worried about Shoe Deep and Paposh Pal?’
Both Shoe Deep and Paposh Pal were behind bars. That too away from home. Paposh had tried to avoid the bars by using his acting skills – but did not succeed.
She brushed aside the question.
‘I want to go to Lucknow,’ she said.

‘To attend the rally?’
‘That will come automatically. I want to go with a specific mission.’
‘You mean you want to influence the voters?’
‘I want to spread the message of sweetness. Get it all arranged.’
‘Who will come with you?’
‘Those who make madur, shitalpati and shalpata. These have earned UNESCO recognition and I want to sell them to the people of Lucknow. Along with our unique brand of sweets – the sitabhog and mihidana, the Joynagarer moah, the nalen gurer sandesh. Charter a plane and send them with me.’
‘But where will you put up the stall?’
‘No separate stall. My people will remain in the plane and the items will be sold from the plane which will follow the venue of the rallies. Beginning with Lucknow it will go to Varanasi, Rae Bareilly, and Allahabad etcetera.’
‘And – you will be with them?’
‘Of course. It will give me time to assess the situation in preparation of 2019. And also to pen some more poetry. After all, I too need a break once in a while. ’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Lord Shiva and achhe din through Gangajal (satire)

Lord Shiva was not happy. He had just got the news that people are drawing up plans to make money out of something that is nature’s gift.
Durga saw him pacing up and down in front of his cave in the Himalayas with his disciples Nandi and Bhringi crouching behind a clump of bushes and could guess that Lord Shiva worried.
‘What is the problem now?’ she asked. ‘Did you not sleep well?’
Shiva stopped his pacing and stood in front of Durga.
‘This is not good,’ he said.
‘What is not good?’

‘Those people down there want to make money by selling that which comes for free.’
‘What is it they want to sell?’
‘Water from the River Ganges – they want to package it and sell it to the people. They have taken up the task of cleaning the River and, I think their funds have run dry. So they want to sell its waters to generate funds.’
Durga laughed.
‘I think you forgot that some other country is already selling fresh air. It’s a seller’s world and the demands of people keep changing.’
It was at this time that Ganesh joined them.
‘If you ask me, it’s a good business proposition,’ he said. ‘The demand for the holy water is tremendous. There is a ready market not only here but abroad also. And – I hear that they will market it online. And, the project will also help boost the morale of postmen.’
‘Postmen?’ both Shiva and Durga said together.
‘Yes. Right now all post offices are dying. No one sends letters or telegrams or money orders and the morale of the staff have reached rock bottom. Hence they need a morale booster.’
‘You mean to say that the morale booster will come from Gangajal?’
‘Yes because it will be sold and distributed through post offices. Moreover, it will spawn a new range of products for packaging. The delivery process could be subcontracted to drone operators. The possibilities are unlimited.’
‘You mean acche din through Gangajal?’’ Lord Shiva asked.
‘Yes,’ Ganesh said. ‘And – there could be foreign experts involved in the process. That is today’s tradition.’
‘By the way – where are they setting up the water purification plant?’
‘In Varanasi,’ Ganesh said with a smile.
‘I knew,’ Lord Shiva threw up his hands in despair. ‘They can’t see beyond their noses.’
‘And – they will be going solar,’ Ganesh added. ‘The distilling plants will run on solar and gobar – the pair of alternate energy.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Sujjo Kanto and Ritu Bruto on free LPG connections (satire)

It was a closed door meeting of the new kids on the block. They were excited because they could feel the wind blowing in their favor. It was getting clear from the way Didi was ranting and pacing the dais of her meeting with the masses. There was anger in her pose and voice.
The venue was jam-packed with women and children but, from the expression on their faces, it looked as if they were not much interested in the figures that Didi was belting out.
‘I think we need to draw up some strategies that will pay rich dividends,’ Sujjo Kanto said.

‘Yes,’ Audi Choudy agreed. ‘Our ideas must be to generate employment for the masses. And, invite industries to return.’
‘We could consider going solar,’ Ritu Bruto said. ‘That is the latest craze. The e-boats launched in Varanasi is the best example. They are pollution free, safe and clean. And – the new generation of boatmen can remain connected to their smart phones and tabs.’
Momad Sulley smiled.
‘That Moody character is real smart,’ he said. ‘He is winning over the people who matter. His free LPG to the poor women is another beauty. He has handed out cardboard replicas and the real stuff will follow.’
‘I agree with you,’ Sujjo Kanto said. ‘But – many of these poor women do not have any roof over their heads. They do not have any permanent address. How will the gas company maintain records?’
‘They will develop the skills via Skill India programs,’ Ritu Bruto said.
‘These women usually toil throughout the day and engage in menial jobs to earn money and augment the family income,’ Sujjo Kanto went on. ‘They are used to fuels like dry sticks, wood and cow dung cakes. Now, they will cook their meals on LPG stoves.’
‘Yes, these are the forerunners of Achhe Din,’ Momad Sulley added. ‘Where there is a will, there is a way. We must not under estimate the women who would get the free LPG connection. They will have to cultivate the habit of protecting the gas stove from rains. They will have to ensure that rats do not gnaw way the rubber tube.’
‘I heard that Moody’s boys are organizing special classes to train the new entrants into the world of cooking on gas,’ Audi Choudy sad. ‘His minister Ranee-ji has taken the task on her shoulders. And – she plans to reach out to all new users through weekly radio programs.’ (to be continued …)


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