Didi invited to Poland and Russia (satire)

There was once a time when Didi had never ventured out of her familiar surroundings but, then, she visited Singapore followed by London and even Italy and Germany – in her search for the elusive industries. Now she has been invited by Poland and Russia.

‘You will need new dresses for your visit,’ Omit Misra said. He was happy that the future could see real investment from these countries. Installing a duplicate of the Big Ben was fine but unless real industries arrived, it was difficult to convince the people.
‘Shall I ask some dress designers to drop in?’ Moo Cool asked. ‘They can show you samples and you can have your choice.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ Didi chided him. ‘I am not attending any fashion show. It is going to be a business trip. They came to our program, now I will go to their program. I want to build bridges.’
‘That is a good idea,’ Patro Chatto joined in. ‘There are hundreds of bridges that have outlived their lifespan and must be replaced. We must replace them.’
‘I know just the right person,’ Show Van spoke. ‘I handle all those contractors and know them like the back of my hand.’
Didi listened and it was clear that there was something on her mind. Normally, she would be pacing up and down the chamber. Probably, she is allergic to remain standing at one place. Or it could be linked to her health – she has to keep pacing up and down to maintain the circulation of blood in her limbs. Or - a stationary Didi might not be an effective orator or a leader who can command respect.
Suddenly the door opened and Dee Wreck entered. He looked after the publicity aspects.
‘Is your homework over?’ Didi asked.
‘Yes,’ Dee Wreck said and took his seat opposite her. ‘You can carry samples of chanachur – it is a product that they would love. I’ll ensure that they are packed in attractive packaging and, to promote it, there’ll be a music video. I’ve talked it with singers on that TV reality show and they’ll do it for a pittance’
‘Good,’ Didi said. ‘It will be a change from the pickles, amsatta and nalen gur that I keep carrying. Upload the video on the net and let people know that I mean business.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi to UP on a selling mission (satire)

Didi was in her chamber and the easel was on one side of the room. The huge glass window showed a view of the Howrah Bridge and the canvas on the easel was still untouched. She wanted to draw a bicycle and a hand – her dilemma was which should she draw first? Should the hand push the bicycle or should the bicycle be controlled by the hand?
‘I think you are worried?’ he asked.
‘Yes,’ Didi nodded. ‘I always so many problems on my head and so many worries in my mind.’
‘Did you get a good night’s sleep?’
‘That is no problem. I don’t count sheep but count goats. There are so many of them around.’
‘Are you worried about Shoe Deep and Paposh Pal?’
Both Shoe Deep and Paposh Pal were behind bars. That too away from home. Paposh had tried to avoid the bars by using his acting skills – but did not succeed.
She brushed aside the question.
‘I want to go to Lucknow,’ she said.

‘To attend the rally?’
‘That will come automatically. I want to go with a specific mission.’
‘You mean you want to influence the voters?’
‘I want to spread the message of sweetness. Get it all arranged.’
‘Who will come with you?’
‘Those who make madur, shitalpati and shalpata. These have earned UNESCO recognition and I want to sell them to the people of Lucknow. Along with our unique brand of sweets – the sitabhog and mihidana, the Joynagarer moah, the nalen gurer sandesh. Charter a plane and send them with me.’
‘But where will you put up the stall?’
‘No separate stall. My people will remain in the plane and the items will be sold from the plane which will follow the venue of the rallies. Beginning with Lucknow it will go to Varanasi, Rae Bareilly, and Allahabad etcetera.’
‘And – you will be with them?’
‘Of course. It will give me time to assess the situation in preparation of 2019. And also to pen some more poetry. After all, I too need a break once in a while. ’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi visualizes industrial revival via nalen gur (satire)

The day had arrived and Didi was on tenterhooks.
She was in her cabin and, on the easel in front of her was a painting – it was a design for the cover of her latest book of poems which she would release in the Kolkata Book Fair.
But, her mind was elsewhere.
Will her vision of an industrial revival really become a reality? She was not one to venture out in search of willing investors – still, she had been to Singapore, to London to Italy and even to Berlin. She had invited everyone to come and, they have obliged.
It was now her turn to ensure that they invested in industries and help her erase the memories of driving out what would have been a major industry today.
Suddenly Moo Cool entered – he was excited.
‘Any good news?’ Didi asked.
‘One party from Germany is interested in importing nalen gur,’ Moo Cool said. ‘They want to use it for fishing.’

‘Fishing?’
‘Yes. They want to use it in their baits,’ he explained. ‘They feel the beautiful fragrance would attract more fish.’
‘But how much would they import?’ Didi asked.
‘Initially they’ll take back some samples with them. Once they return to Berlin, they’ll get them tested in their labs. If they are satisfied, they’ll negotiate terms.’
‘When can I get a feedback?’
‘If you want, I can make a trip to Berlin to hasten up the issue.’
‘That is an idea,’ Didi agreed but did not give Moo Cool any indication that she would release him. ‘I hope nalen gurer sandesh is there in the dessert?’
‘Of course,’ Moo Cool relied. ‘It is a product that is unique to us and we must explore all possible avenues to promote it and export it to foreign countries. By the way, one of my close relatives is experimenting to make cakes with nalen gur.’
‘That will be wonderful. Ask him to patent it. I have a feeling that nalen gur will be the answer to the revival of industries here.’ (to be contd …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Lord Shiva wants winter favorites, Durga raises her hands (satire)

Lord Shiva was sulking. Winter had arrived in Mount Kailash and the Lord wanted to taste the winter favorites like nalen gurer sandesh and joynagarer moah. But, Durga had raised her hands in surrender. The will was there but not the means.
‘I just do not understand why you are refusing,’ he said. ‘Has my blood sugar level gone up?’
‘No,’ Durga replied. ‘It is not that. I know that your BP and blood sugar are in control.’
‘Then why can I not have the sweets?’
‘The basic ingredients required to make the delicacies are not there.’
‘Nonsense. I can see the palm trees and, if the trees are there, the saps also must be there.’

‘Times have changed,’ Durga sighed. ‘People are not there to tap the sap, neither are there dedicated men like Amitabh who can make the delicious gur.’
‘But nalen gur is sold in the shops,’ Shiva said. ‘Who makes them?’
‘There are factories to make gur – it is a part of the resurgence of industries in the state.’
‘I see,’ Shiva mumbled. ‘The old timers are bent with age and the young ones are more interested in moving out to cities to study and look around for jobs. So, whatever little gets created are from factories for sale over the internet to earn dollars, right?’
‘Yes, sort of.’
‘If the youth hanker after jobs, it means there are innumerable jobs in the market?’
‘Of course. Jobs are aplenty – may not be the regular 9 to 5 jobs but some job that pays money. As people say – money is flying in the wind, you must know how to lay hands on them.’
‘What is the nature of these jobs?’
‘One is muscle power – it pays good money so long as he can deliver.’
‘Any other options?’
‘The tinsel world. With so many TV channels, the need for actors is huge. Once he gets a toehold, he wriggles his way in.’
Lord Shiva sighed.
‘Then what about my winter favorites?’
‘I could make some green pea kachuri – I have got ghee made from cow milk and supplied by our Yoga guru. The kachuri fried in pure desi ghee would taste great.’
‘OK,’ Shiva shrugged his shoulders. ‘I’ll go for that.’
Durga smiled.
‘You will then have to shell the peas,’ she said. ‘I am going to watch the next episode of Cooking for Fun.’(to be continued ..)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Didi upbeat about Christmas tourism (satire)

It was time for another festival and, our Didi knew that she must do something special for those sing Christmas Carols and wait for Santa Claus to come around on his sleigh drawn by Rudolf, the red nosed reindeer.
Dee Wreck was by her side as she watched out of her window overlooking the majestic Howrah Bridge – it was symbolic with the City of Joy with its hand pulled rickshaws.
‘This year let us have the festival on a grand scale,’ Didi said.

‘Yes, I agree with you,’ Dee Wreck agreed. ‘The areas like the Park Street, the New Market and surrounding places are well known. Let us venture beyond these territories.’
‘You mean to cater to the foreign tourists?’ Didi asked.
‘Yes. We already have the Chappal Chopper Service at our disposal,’ Dee Wreck explained. ‘It will take the tourists to watch the sights from up in the air. The tickets will be in dollars.’
‘That is a good idea,’ Didi nodded. Then she turned towards Omit Misra, her financial wizard. He had mastered the art of making money from nowhere and had never failed when there was a need for finance – be it for purchasing bicycles for the schoolgirls or shoes or clothes for the boys.
Or even paying out donation to the sports clubs. Sports are a must for healthy youth and donations to these clubs were a means to the end. Hence, investment in the youth was a stepping stone to becoming a successful leader.
You could always rely on their loyalty.
‘But how will the esteemed foreign tourists enter New Market? How will they enjoy the fragrance of freshly baked cakes?’
Dee Wreck grinned.
‘You can leave it to me,’ he assured. ‘Cakes will be available for sale in the choppers.’
‘Then why don’t you add our unique winter favorites like nalen gurer sandesh, joynagarer moah and kadaishutir kachuri?'
‘Don’t worry – that will also be there. I will make it a package deal. Cost of snacks will be inbuilt into the basic fare.’
‘Let us do it,’ Didi said. ‘Santa Claus will provide an opportunity to the poor bakers and sweetmeat makers to make some more money.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org
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Lord Shiva and long ATM queues - bullock carts and ATM don't gel (satire)

Winter had arrived and Lord Shiva loved winter – it was the season of everything that is good right from sweets made of nalen gur to picnics and exhibitions and fairs. But, suddenly, he was stumped as he watched people in ATM queues, people who normally loved chaos and hated anything orderly were suddenly queuing up outside those cubicles that dispensed money at any time of the day.

Suddenly Durga appeared with a cup of hot steaming tea – the aroma was great, pure handpicked leaves of Darjeeling tea.
‘Anything interesting in your sights?’ she asked.
‘Yes,’ Shiva replied lowering his binoculars. ‘There are queues in front of every ATM.’
‘ATMs dispense money 24X7 – why should be there any queue?’
‘I don’t know. That is why I am surprised.’
‘I think our Ganesh might know,’ Durga said and rang him up on the smartphone.
‘Yes mummy – what is the problem?’
‘Do you know about queues in ATMs?’
‘They are playing a new game,’ Ganesh said. ‘ATMs are not giving money any longer and people are waiting to be the first in line to collect whatever comes out.’
‘This is a very strange game,’ Shiva said. ‘I have been seeing people in jogging suits make a beeline to be the first in queue. Don’t they have to go to work?’
‘They must first have money to buy food,’ Ganesh said. ‘And – banknotes have become dud. Markets are down because there are hardly any customers. Even the online shopping has come to a standstill because they are withdrawing the COD option.’
‘I fail to understand why ATMs do not have money?’ Durga wanted to know.
‘Mummy, it is all a question of size,’ Ganesh explained. ‘New notes have been released but ATMs don’t have trays to accept them.’
‘Oh!’ Shiva was surprised. ‘When you mentioned size I thought that you were referring to the 56-inch size.’ Ganesh laughed.
‘That is now after the bullet train,’ he said.
Shiva also laughed.
‘I’d love to see bullet trains compete with bullock carts,’ he said. ‘It’d be a fantastic sight. In our part of the world, bullets are no competition against bullocks.’
'If you ask me, bullock carts and ATm somehow don't gel,' Durga added. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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Didi’s plans go awry – black money rears its head (satire)

Didi woke up to a new day after the wonderful evening spent in the company of celebrities of the silver screen. She personally handed over to them her paintings that are high value items – she had sold them to arrange finances for the historic campaign that brought to power.
But – there was gloom around her because there was a sea of housewives outside her house. They were badly affected by the sudden decision of scrapping old bank notes.
It was a real shock to these housewives because they had accumulated quite a lot of money in their secret piggy banks by diversion of funds allotted to them by their hubbies to take care of family expenses.

The amounts in these piggy banks came in handy for extra expenses and, keeping it secret was a sort of game that they played with their hubbies. It was an expression of saying in their way that ‘I too care’.
They were now at a loss of how to keep their treasure trove a secret.
Didi gave them a patient hearing and assured them that she would take up the matter with Delhi.
By the time they dispersed, there was another delegation that had arrived at her doorstep.
They were small time traders who dealt in the goodies of winter – goodies like nalen gur and joynagarer moah. All of a sudden they were stranded because there were no buyers. They wanted Didi to buy off their items and help them out. They suggested that she could store the products and sell them off through her well-oiled machinery as she did for potatoes.
Once again Didi assured them to look into the matter and explore possibilities of helping them out of this predicament.
By the time they left, there was a third group of people. They were the organizers of the exhibitions that are held during winter.
And – behind them were members of various syndicates. They did not know how to take care of the accumulated black money. They wanted her advice.
Didi immediately called an emergency meeting of her confidantes and, within no time, they arrived. There was Moo Cool, Patro Chatto, Show Van, Omit Misra, Dee Wreck, Golla Sen and, Chandi Ma. All of them appeared to be off mood. They had missed their Sunday special lunch of mutton dishes. None of the shops accepted Rs 2000 notes as payment towards of 1-Kg of mutton worth Rs 500 – they just did not have the change to give back! (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


Some more interesting links -

British Prime Minister Theresa May's visit to India - mango and visa on the agenda

Air India Express to provide improved air connectivity between Kolkata and Singapore

Mamata Banerjee to visit the United States in 2017 to woo industries


Lord Shiva’s views on Kalighat and marriages (satire)

Moody and the half pant brigade (satire)

Didi’s idea - deflate tyres to punish unruly drivers (satire)


Iraq special forces advanced into Mosul while ISIS militants killed 20

British police have foiled 12 terror plots against Britain in the last three years

No-fly zones to be imposed over jails to prevent drones from being used to smuggle drugs into prisons


Michael Fassbender says no to next James Bond - will a woman take over?

Second trailer of Wonder Woman released- will be in the cinemas in July 2017

Kolkata International Film Festival (KIFF) begins 11 November