Moody fires cannons to eliminate mosquitoes (satire)

Moody was basking in the glory of surgical strikes. He had proved to the world at large that his boast of a 56-inch chest was no figment of imagination. He could deliver the goods when required. But – all of a sudden, a couple of unwanted visitors dropped in and he had to use cannons to fight off some measly mosquitoes.
The first man to congratulate him on his achievement was Vladdy Putty.
‘I have loved every moment of your 58-hour episode to eliminate a couple of mosquitoes,’ he said. ‘How many rounds of ammunition have you used up?’
‘Actually my man Pyari Kar will know the exact figures,’ Moody said. ‘And – it was a 57-hour battle, not 58.’ Moody corrected. He wanted to put the records straight.
‘Battle?’ Vladdy Putty was surprised.
‘Of course,’ Moody said. ‘They had holed up in a seven-storied building and it had sixty rooms and sixty bathrooms. It took time to locate them without damaging the items in the rooms. My men have done a wonderful job.’

After Vladdy Putty finished, Angel Miracle came on the line.
‘Congratulations on winning yet another round,’ she complimented Moody. ‘But why did it take so long? Don’t you think that 57-hours was a bit too long to eliminate only two miscreants?’
‘It was a tricky job,’ Moody explained. ‘We had to keep the building surrounded. Time was no problem because it was a sort of practical training for my boys. They have to always be battle ready.’
‘I believe that you had choppers circling overhead?’
‘Yes. We wanted to maintain continuous surveillance. We did not want them to slip away.’
‘But – your expert fighters could have taken the aerial route and dropped from the skies. They could have entered from the roof or through the windows.’
‘They did what was best,’ Moody said. ‘My man Pyari Kar was following their moves.’
‘If you ask me, I would have finished the elimination within a few hours.’
Once Angel Miracle finished, there was Tressa May on the line.
‘You have done a great job,’ she said. ‘But – do you not use tear gas? If I had to do it my way, I would have lobbed in a couple of tear gas shells. That would have brought them out in the open faster.’
‘Actually we tried to starve them,’ Moody explained. ‘We knew they had brought dry food with them and once that finished, they would have to come out.’
‘But, I believe that there was a canteen on the topmost floor. Then how would they starve?’
Moody could feel his overseas friends laughing behind his back.
They had lauded his surgical strikes but could not swallow the fact that it took 57-hours to eliminate two mosquitoes. And, hundreds of bullets were spent in the process as well as manpower plus expenses related to diesel for continuous chopper and drone operations. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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