Didi sharpens her weapons to conquer the Hindi belt (satire)

Didi has plans to boost her tribe and feels that she must explore other states for possible wins. Her slogans are aimed at touching the heart strings of the poor and downtrodden and, when she takes the stage, the words keep flowing out, as if by magic.
‘Yes,’ Moo Cool agreed in one of her meetings. ‘You are the new leader of the masses. You can become the No 1 in no time. Only – you must master the language.’
‘I also agree,’ Fear Had nodded. ‘You can converse in Hindi. You do speak in Hindi when visiting Burra Bazar – but, if you have to speak in Hindi nonstop for a long time, you might be handicapped.’
‘I feel you must get a good tutor,’ Dee Wreck said. ‘You still have some time before you embark on your Mission Lucknow and Mission Patna. A couple of hours every day in your chamber in Nabanna will do the trick.’

Didi listened to them and laughed.
‘Don’t underestimate me,’ she said. ‘I listen to the TV news channels and they speak in Hindi. It is the link language of our country. I am able to get my point across to the leaders in Delhi. I can give them back in their own coin.’
‘I know that you can,’ Dee Wreck went on. ‘But – at the grassroots level people love to listen to someone who talks in their lingo. So – my suggestion is that you go fully prepared. We don’t want you to be disappointed. We want our flag to fly high.’
Didi sighed.
‘Well – if all of you want it that way, so be it,’ she said. ‘I believe in the maxim – when in Rome, do as Romans do. I’ll talk like them, I’ll dress like them. I want them to strengthen my hands.’
‘Don’t worry,’ Moo Cool assured. ‘I will take care of all that. Only – it should not be like that Jantar Mantar episode when that old man let us down.’
‘Let us not dwell on the past,’ she said. ‘Let us look at the bright future. Akki Lace has agreed to sit on the dias with me.’
‘The recipe for success is Hindi is a little smattering of Urdu and Bhojpuri,’ Moo Cool said. ‘The land of Nawabs love the pehle-aap lines.’
‘And – the Biharis will be floored by Bhojpuri,’ Dee Wreck added. (to be continued ..)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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Lord Shiva on the collapse of Burrabazar flyover (satire)

It was just after lunch and Lord Shiva was strolling in front of his cave. That is what Durga always insists – he must do some exercise after meals. Not necessarily the dumb-bells and parallel bars and treadmill but simple walking would also help digestion.
Yes – digestion has become a problem for him. It was not so even fifty years back but, the quality of eatables has gone down – there is adulteration galore. Even the fruits are getting a coat of artificial color to make them look attractive.
Suddenly he heard the noise. It sounded as if something had collapsed somewhere.
He peered into the distance and focused his attention in the general direction of Howrah Bridge – the sound came from that area.

Durga had also come out from her kitchen. Like a true housewife, she loved to spend time in her kitchen.
‘Did you hear that?’ Shiva asked.
‘Yes, I thought it is some explosion.’ ‘But – explosions happen during Diwali. Why now?’
‘May be some victory celebration,’ Durga said.
‘Victory? What victory? India lost the WT20 – what is there to make a noise about?’
‘Could be some election victory,’ Durga said.
‘There is time for that. The results will be declared by middle of May.’
Suddenly Ganesh came out of his cave. He was listening to someone on his mobile phone. Lakshmi was with him – she also was listening on her mobile.
‘What’s the matter?’ Shiva wanted to know.
‘Burrabazar is in trouble,’ Ganesh replied. ‘All the traders are worried – the flyover has collapsed. And – their business is in the doldrums. All of them want my advice. They love me and pray to me every morning and also whenever they are in trouble. They expect me to look after their interests.’
‘OK – fine. They offer you your favorite food daily and you have to stand by them. But why did the flyover collapse?’ ‘That is a mystery that Didi and Moody have to sort out,’ Ganesh said. ‘If you ask me, I think it is all the net result of underhand dealings.’
‘Yes, corruption has gone deep into the system.’ Shiva sighed. ‘Look at me. I am unable to get a tiger skin because tigers are a protected species. So, I have to either get it in the black market or wear make-believe tiger skins. Even the ganja that Bhringi gets for me does not have the kick. I think I’ll have to buy it online.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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