Rice on rooftops – a masterplan (satire)

Bengal is known for its intellectuals, its coffee house culture, its Ilish, its corner tea-shops, its power of speech, its ability to cope with innumerable road blocks and traffic jams – and, the wonderful ability of Bengalis to tolerate nonsenses.
Therefore, when Didi brought up the subject of growing paddy on rooftops, her disciples looked at one another. It was a Sunday and they were all there, closeted in her hut. The empty tea cups strewn about on the center table was proof that they had been there for quite a while.
‘Paddy on the roof?’ Abhi Shake tried to suppress a grin.
‘Well – many people grow tomatoes and chili on balconies,’ Patro Chatto said. ‘So – paddy on rooftops may not be impossible.’
‘Nothing is impossible,’ Moo Cool added. ‘Where there is will, there is a way.’

‘What about the cost effectiveness’ Omit Misra the economist was serious. He was having a hard time trying to balance the scales. When expenses go beyond earnings, anyone dealing in money matters will age before time.
‘I have seen photos of people who have planted mango trees on the roof,’ Show Van added.
‘Yes,’ Dee Wreck joined in. ‘I had seen it on TV – some place near Nagpur.’
‘Have you all finished your side talks?’ Didi asked.
There was pin drop silence – when she opens her mouth, others have to play dumb and follow the golden rule of ‘speak when you are spleen to’.
‘When I look at the skyscrapers in the city, I feel sad,’ she said. ‘The roofs are not fully exploited. They remain barren with only TV antennas and hoardings of ads. No one goes there to fly kites. I want to change all that, I want them to grow their own paddy.’
‘But – all of them do not eat rice,’ Show Van said.
‘Let them grow both rice and wheat,’ she gave the solution.
‘You mean the people who live in those high rise buildings will agree? They know nothing about farming,’ Show Van said.
‘Why should they know farming?’ Didi asked. ‘Regular farmers will do that. I will ferry them to the spots every morning and bring them back. I’ll use choppers. And – I’ll announce that skyscrapers who agree will get tax rebate.’
Poor Omit Misra sighed – more headaches for him.
‘Then we must draw up plans to first transport soil on to the rooftops,’ Mo Cool, the practical man said. ‘For that we will need huge helicopters.’
‘I will borrow them from the air force fellows. Their machines are idling and they will not mind. Moreover, I’ll ensure employment for the farmers.’
‘Don’t worry Didi, you will succeed,’ Dee Wreck grinned. ‘I’ll prepare my write-up for the Facebook – ‘Rice on Rooftops – a masterplan.’ It just cannot fail.’ (to be continued …)

(Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org)

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