Moody and the cow syndrome (satire)

It had been taught in schools that the cow is a sacred animal – it gives milk and its solid and liquid wastes have tremendous market value. The solid waste known also as gobar is used to produce electricity to bring light to many villages.
Moody was worried because a certain of people were using the cow to settle scores and it was not a good trend. It was sending the wrong signals to the outside world and he wanted to check that.
Suddenly his phone rang. It was his good friend Vladdy Putty.
‘Your national animal is the tiger, is it not?’ he asked.
‘Yes. Everyone knows it. We have launched a program to save the tiger.’
‘And – I believe that one of your political parties have the tiger as an emblem?’
‘Yes. That also is true. Only – it does not roar any more, neither does it bite.’
‘I see,’ Putty lowered his voice. ‘I hear you want to change your national animal and go on for some other animal.’ Moody laughed.
‘Why should we?’ he asked. ‘The tiger remains our national animal.’
‘What about the cow?’
‘Well – there is a nursery rhyme about the cow jumping over the Moon. Do you mean that or do you mean our Moon launch plans.’
‘Are you interested in cowsheds? We could consider a joint venture under your Make in India category.’
‘Thanks for the offer. We don’t want foreign interference in our goshalas.’

Putty disconnected and, immediately, Tressa May came on the line. She was excited.
‘My dear fellow,’ she began. ‘I have come to know that you have patented the DD Fuel?’
‘DD fuel?’ Moody blinked.
‘Yes – the Dry Dung fuel,’ Tressa said. ‘A modified version of the cow dung cake that is a popular fuel for many. Gems Pond has informed that it is being made in a secret location in the Himalayas under the guidance of one Baba Someday.’
Moody scratched his head. Baba was always up to some thing or the other. And – he always springing surprises. If Gems Pond knew about it, why did Baba not keep him in the loop?
‘I think I will discuss this matter with you in person,’ Moody said and hung up. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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Lord Shiva is a confused man of Mount Kailash (satire)

Lord Shiva, sitting in Mount Kailash, was a confused individual. He had his own worries about getting a new set of clothes but tigers were at a premium, as were their skins. He was, therefore, forced to don imitation tiger skins.
Durga did not miss the signs. She knew that the Lord was annoyed. So, she sidled up to him, humming a popular tune under her breath.
Lord Shiva looked up and moved aside to make room for her to sit down.
‘What’s biting you now?’ Durga asked.
‘I am confused,’ he said.
‘We all are,’ Durga said. ‘Unless there is confusion, no one gets noticed.’
‘Tell me – our friend Moody is inviting foreigners to come here and set up business. His buzzword is ‘Make in India’, right?’
‘Yes.’
‘And – side by side, the Pat & Jolie outfit of Baba Someday is promoting his own products. He says foreign goods are no good, go for my brands. He started with honey and is now rolling in money. His beard has got a new shine.’

‘He is doing it for charity,’ Lord Shiva said. ‘At least that is what he keeps harping on in each of his advertisements.’
‘He is making it clear that he is not benefiting at all. He is doing it for a good a noble cause – to promote homemade products.’
‘Then there is that woman Ranee-ji – she wants women to wear khadi sarees. Tell me – how many women wear sarees today. All I see are girls and women in jeans and skirts. Some even in swim suits. That has become today’s dress code.’
‘Don’t lose your sleep over such trifles. All of them are right in their own ways,’ Durga said.
‘You mean the British will come here and weave khadi, make designer clothes out of that and sell them? And, the Swiss will come here to make chocolates and export them?’
‘Very possible,’ Durga said. ‘And – I believe people will come from Zimbabwe to make artificial tiger skins. You will then get a better quality of substitute.’
Lord Shiva did not have a ready answer to that one. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


Some more interesting links -

Theresa May to pay upto £13,000 to families who stay on sources of shale gas

Vadodara museum bans entry of Pokemon GO players in its premises

India in 2016 Rio Olympics - both Sania Mirza and Leander Paes bow out in first stage itself


Moody’s solution for dental care – eat drumsticks (satire)

Lord Shiva stumped by the sea of humanity on 21st (satire)

Didi to gift pepper spray to all girls (satire)


Syrian city of Aleppo falls into hands of rebels and jihadists

North Korea plans to conquer the Moon in 10-year's time

One ISIS suicide bomber of Brussels attack was a cleaner at the European Parliament


Rajinikanth’s Kabali sets a box office record with Rs 600-crore collection

Edinburgh Festival 2016 will have programs on current politics from Brexit to Trump

Shah Rukh Khan could make a movie on tennis star Sania Mirza

Didi to search for the stolen gold medallion (satire)

Didi suddenly decided to turn detective and search for the stolen gold medallion which is a part of history – it had been stolen nearly 12-years back and, in spite of efforts by various agencies, it continues to remain missing.
So she called for a top secret meeting of her trusted men headed by Moo Cool, Dee Wreck, Abhi Shake, Patro Chatto and a few others.
‘I want the gold medallion,’ she announced.

Abhi Shake looked at Moo Cool and shrugged his shoulders. Didi never competed in any sort of race – why then should she want the gold medallion? Of course, she would have got a gold for her stamina and ability to walk for miles wearing a pair of flipflops.
‘Which gold medallion?’ Moo Cool asked.
‘The one that was stolen,’ Didi said.
‘There are many stolen items still not recovered,’ Patro Chatto said. ‘The police and CID are following up clues. I think they can locate such items.’
‘They have not done anything for 12 years,’ Didi fumed. ‘I now want to take over the task. I know I can bring it back and restore it to its rightful owner.’
‘It has been missing for 12 years?’ Dee Wreck was surprised. ‘And you want to become a detective like Miss Marple and search for it? Have you got inspiration from the small screen heroine of the popular TV serial that portrays a lady detective?’
‘My inspiration is to get at the truth,’ Didi said. ‘I believe in the saying – set a thief to catch a thief. I am confident that the missing gold medallion can be found. I want a plan. Who can you put on the job?’
‘Well – we can look at options like Arra Bull and Money Rule,’ Moo Cool suggested. ‘They have good contacts.’
‘Arra Bull came to see me the other day,’ Didi said. ‘I did not meet him. He is creating trouble. I am getting a bad name due to him.’
‘But –he is useful,’ Patro said. ‘And – he has contacts in the neighboring country. Thieves can easily cross the border and go into hiding and he can play an important role.’
‘Who you put on the job is your business,’ Didi said. ‘I want the gold medallion back. Let us get cracking – check out all the thieves who were active 12 years back.’
‘And – alive today,’ Dee Wreck added. ‘I’ll tap the social media to get clues. Someone somewhere may be of help.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org


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North Korea plans to conquer the Moon in 10-year's time

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Moody’s monkeys and the saree episode (satire)

Moody was a bit surprised to hear a female voice at the other end of the line. He was used to receiving calls from Sue Sharma and Emma Melanie and Uma-ji and, of course, Ranee-ji who had gone into hibernation. But this voice had an un-Indian accent and it was not Angel Miracle.
‘Yes,’ he cleared his throat. ‘Who is this?’
‘I am Tressa May,’ she introduced herself. ‘We have not met formally as yet but I know a lot about you. I know that you like monkeys.’
‘Well – we do worship the monkey. He is one of our Gods. He helped Lord Rama to get back his Sita who had been kidnapped by evil Ravana.’
‘Yes. I have heard all about it. Then I believe you keep a set of three monkeys on your table.’
‘That I have. It acts as an inspiration. It reminds me to refrain from the three evils. Do not talk evil, do not speak evil, and do not hear evil.’
‘And then your own creation of the monkey baat every month,’ Tressa said. ‘I hear you have run out of ideas and want others to help you out.’
‘Nothing of the sort,’ Moody said. ‘I never run out of ideas. I am always brimming with them. Actually, there is one Cage Reball who has copied my style – only, his is a two-way affair. He allows others to interact with him directly. I also want to show my people that I listen to them.’
‘What about the monkey in your Parliament? Do you allow them such freedom?’
‘That was a stray case’ Moody said. ‘It wandered into the library.’
‘Oh – and which books did it take out to study?’
‘Monkeys cannot read books.’
‘I thought your monkeys are of a different brand,’ Tressa laughed. ‘Anyway – I have learnt how to wear a saree. My action has floored many people.’

‘That is good,’ Moody said. ‘It will improve our bonding.’
‘I have received offers from big names in the trade to model their sarees,’ Tressa went on. ‘I plan to rope in Angel Miracle and Clean Ton. The three of us will revolutionize the world. Models for sarees should be slim, don’t you think so?’
‘Well – slim models are attractive.’
‘Then why do overweight women wear sarees? Especially when they have to go broad.’
Moody did not have a ready answer. (to be continued …)


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