Saturday, July 30, 2016

Lord Shiva loves and enjoys dancing (satire)


It was time for the telly and Lord Shiva, like any other addict of the idiot box, was watching a dance program of children. He loves dancing – not only his tandaba dance but other dances as well. Durga sat beside him. ‘It is nice to see kids learn dancing so early in life,’ Shiva said. ‘Some of these kids are hardly five or six year old.’
‘Yes,’ Durga sighed. ‘They are getting trained on how to make others dance to their tunes. When they come of age, they’ll turn into stars of the big screen.’
‘Catch them young seems to be the message,’ Shiva said.
‘Yes,’ Durga agreed. ‘The world is tough and early grooming ensures for them a better future. Their parents go to any length to see their kids appear on these shows.’
‘What about their studies?’
‘Who worries about studies if they can mint money by virtue of their skills in dancing?’
‘You must not forget singing also,’ Shiva reminded. ‘If you ask me, the kids should go in for singing or mimicry rather than dancing.’
‘Why?’
‘Well – a dancer minus beauty would not get any place,’ Shiva said.
‘But –they are so sweet and beautiful.’
‘Will that last for another twenty years?’
Durga laughed.
‘My dear Lord,’ she said. ‘Keeping them beautiful is the work of experts. And – there is no shortage of beauticians and stylists. Once these kids make the grade on this platform, they need not look back.’
‘But they may put on weight and become ugly. They will then lose their market value.’
Durga laughed again.
‘That will never happen,’ she said. ‘They will have sponsors running after them with teams of beauticians and stylists and, loads of offers.’
‘Fine,’ Shiva was not convinced. ‘How many dancers can climb on the bandwagon?’
‘Plenty. The number of movies being made runs into thousands if you consider the number of languages. And – dance is a common factor. The really good dancers become stars, the others become the crowds.’
‘Do you think RUM could teach them a thing or two?’
‘Ram?’ Durga was surprised. ‘He was no dancer.’
‘I know. I am talking about RUM – the combination of Rambha, Urvashi and Menoka.’
‘Oh,’ Durga grinned. ‘Why don’t you ask them yourself?’
‘I will – when they come next time.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

Efforts on by Odisha to get UNESCO Heritage tag for Bhitarkanika national park

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Lord Shiva stumped by the sea of humanity on 21st (satire)

Moody embraces yoga, his medics could embrace poverty (satire)

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Irrfan Khan meets Arvind Kejriwal before release of his film 'Madaari'

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Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Didi to gift pepper spray to all girls (satire)


Didi convened a hurried meeting before leaving for Delhi on a very important mission – it was mission 19. Yes – she has enough foresight to chalk out plans for a major upset in the New Delhi power equation come year 2019.
‘Don’t you think it is too early?’ Moo Cool, her Man Friday asked.
Didi grinned.
‘Remember – the early bird catches the worm,’ she said.
Just then two of her women members entered her chamber. They were Golla Sen and Chandi Ma. They worshipped the ground Didi walked on and could do anything to see her happy.
Didi waved them to the chairs and Moo Col got up to leave but Didi signaled him to remain.
‘I am worried about the safety of women in our state,’ she said. ‘I keep hearing of atrocities on school girls, college girls, working women and even housewives. That must stop.’
‘It is all propaganda of the opposition,’ Golla Sen replied. ‘They are jealous of our rising clout and want to discredit us. I have never faced any such situation.’
‘I agree with Golla,’ Chandi Ma said. ‘I also have never faced any such situation. And, I know, neither have you. They are afraid of our size.’
‘Forget all that. I believe in the saying – prevention is better than cure. I want all school and college girls to be given pepper sprays,’ Didi said.
‘But – that will run into millions,’ Golla said.
‘So let us set up industries to manufacture them,’ Didi said. ‘It will give jobs to many unemployed and also create a market for producing real hot chilies. The women can grow the chilies and dry them while the men can powder and package them.’
‘Wonderful idea,’ Chandi Ma agreed. ‘We can have a major event and distribute the pepper sprays to the girls, as we did for bicycles. The sprays should be in packets of a dozen each.’
‘Why a dozen?’ Golla asked.
‘These sprays cannot be reused. So – the girls will always have some stock with them.’
‘Let us plan accordingly,’ Didi said. ‘Our ‘pepper spray’ initiative. Moo Cool – I want you to locate industrialists who are willing to invest. And – ask Dee Wreck to get cracking on the social media network to promote the idea. I want our girls to always have the upper hand.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

Efforts on by Odisha to get UNESCO Heritage tag for Bhitarkanika national park

Alitalia pilot refused to fly from Beirut to Rome because he was tired - passengers stuck for 16 hours at Beirut

Wildfire in California spreads over 11,000 acres - residents evacuated


Didi not happy seeing urchins in Howrah Station (satire)

Lord Shiva stumped by the sea of humanity on 21st (satire)

Moody embraces yoga, his medics could embrace poverty (satire)

Lone wolf attack in Munich mall kills 10 including the attacker

Youth attacks train commuters with an axe - leaves more than 20 injured, some seriously

ISIS carries out suicide attack in Kabul - 80 killed, death toll could rise


Sir Michael Caine forced to change his name because of ISIS

Irrfan Khan meets Arvind Kejriwal before release of his film 'Madaari'

Kissing scenes in movies – why this fad has never caught on in Bollywood

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Moody’s solution for dental care – eat drumsticks (satire)


Moody normally gets very little time to watch TV programs but, suddenly one day, he chanced to see a commercial for a brand of toothpaste. In the ad, the heroine clad in jeans, literally, dropped from heaven, suggested a toothpaste which had neem and charcoal in it and vanished up in the air.
Moody also remembered a discussion by a panel of doctors who suggested that children should eat more of stuff like drumsticks and sugar cane to strengthen their teeth.
He, therefore, summoned his ministers to his office. One was Jaypee Gadda, health minister, the other was Pro Cash, minster of human resource development.
‘Have you noticed that dental care is an important part of our lives?’ Moody asked.
Both his ministers nodded. They did not know which way the discussion would turn.
‘And, there are too many brands of toothpaste in the market,’ Moody went on.
‘Teeth are an asset that must be taken care of,’ Gadda said cautiously. ‘Good teeth adds an aura to any face. Especially for the women and girls.’
Moody shook his head.
‘My dear Gadda-ji, I now that,’ he said. ‘My worry is for the children. Their parents are not giving them proper guidance on are of their teeth.’
Gadda and Pro Cash exchanged glances.
‘Parents ensure that the kids get up and brush their teeth,’ Gadda said. ‘They have small size tooth brushes and use tooth paste that have good flavor. The result is sparkling white teeth.’
My dear friend,’ Moody sighed. ‘That is not the point I am making. I am looking into the future. Unless we act today, our future generation will become toothless soon. Yes – they will lose their teeth because they are not eating drumsticks.’
Gadda gulped as did Pro Cash.
‘Have you seen any child of today chewing drumsticks? Or- sugar cane? Those are food items that strengthen the teeth. But – alas – they do not find any importance in our menu. We must rectify that.’
‘We will make it compulsory in our midday meal scheme for schools,’ Pro Cash said.
‘Yes – and we will coin a slogan ‘Drumstick khao, daant bachao,’ Gadda added. ‘We will also rope a celebrity to promote it. I know of an old man who will seize another opportunity to showcase his talents.’
‘We must also plant drumstick trees everywhere,’ Moody said. ‘That will increase the green cover, will be eco-friendly and, we might even begin exporting the sticks.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

Efforts on by Odisha to get UNESCO Heritage tag for Bhitarkanika national park

Alitalia pilot refused to fly from Beirut to Rome because he was tired - passengers stuck for 16 hours at Beirut

Wildfire in California spreads over 11,000 acres - residents evacuated


Didi not happy seeing urchins in Howrah Station (satire)

Lord Shiva stumped by the sea of humanity on 21st (satire)

Moody embraces yoga, his medics could embrace poverty (satire)

Lone wolf attack in Munich mall kills 10 including the attacker

Youth attacks train commuters with an axe - leaves more than 20 injured, some seriously

ISIS carries out suicide attack in Kabul - 80 killed, death toll could rise


Sir Michael Caine forced to change his name because of ISIS

Irrfan Khan meets Arvind Kejriwal before release of his film 'Madaari'

Kissing scenes in movies – why this fad has never caught on in Bollywood

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Lord Shiva stumped by the sea of humanity on 21st (satire)


Lord Shiva, sitting on top of Mount Kailash, was peering through his binoculars and watching the sea of humanity in the city as it made its way to the central place – the reason: it was the 21st. It was an undeclared holiday for many and a day of rejoicing.
The city used to witness bandhs when there would be a total breakdown of transport and a forced holiday. Nowadays there are no bandhs as such but calls for assembling in a central place has the same effect as a bandh.
Durga had come out of her kitchen. She was wiping her wet hands on the pallu of her saree and observing the Lord.
‘Things are always happening down there,’ she said. ‘What is it now?’
‘I don’t know. Is there any festival that I am not aware of?’ Shiva asked.
‘Yes,’ Durga replied. ‘It is a festival of free meals.’
‘How come?’
‘The leader wants to talk to her subjects and has called them to the city,’ Durga explained.
‘What does she want to talk about?’
‘About her vision,’ Durga said. ‘She is a visionary and loves her Hawaii chappal and the plain white saree. And - she does cover her head on certain occasions to impress certain groups.’
‘That is nothing new,’ Shiva muttered. ‘All political leaders do it – they love to get themselves photographed in the dress of other cultures. Leaders are like chameleons. But – tell me. How did she get the villages to come to the city all together? What is the magic?’
‘It is the magic of free food,’ Durga said. ‘They have arrived in the night and had dinner. Next morning it was breakfast followed by lunch.’
‘But they were supposed to listen to her messages.’
‘It is all a one-woman show,’ Durga sighed. ‘She loves to hear her own voice. She allows her imagination to run wild and build castles in the air. She is not bothered about who has heard her and who has not.’
‘She is no exception. That is what all politicians do.’
‘Moreover, our lady is an accomplished artist,’ Durga reminded. ‘Her canvases sell for lakhs of rupees. She can paint real rosy pictures.’
‘Yes,’ Shiva said and placed the binoculars on the hillock. ‘She is an asset.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Yoga and khadi gel with Baba and Moody (satire)

Didi wants to promote small scale industries (satire)

Lord Shiva feels rains are the best option for cleaning (satire)


80 killed and over 100 injured in Nice as truck rams into revelers celebrating Bastille Day

Failed coup attempt in Turkey - 161 people killed and 1,440 wounded

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Shah Rukh Khan could make a movie on tennis star Sania Mirza

Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr rejoin to bring back the era of The Beatles

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Didi’s naughty boys tie her up in knots (satire)


Didi had to do a lot of cleanup of her house to put it in order because her naughty boys had tied her in knots. It was in a bad condition and she was frantically searching for the proper broom or should she go in for vacuum cleaners? She therefore called up Moo Cool, her favorite assistant who doubled up as her Man Friday.
‘I want brooms,’ she said.
‘Should I get in touch with Cage Reeball in Delhi?’ Moo Cool asked. ‘He is the only leader with brooms, a broom master.’
‘No, I want brooms to clean up a whole lot of mess in my house. I don’t want any tie up with the broom party of Delhi. Not at the moment, that is.’
‘Oh, you mean local dirt?’
‘Yes, the naughty boys are raising a stink. And are spoiling the beauty of my garden.’
‘You have to handle them with care,’ Moo Cool said.‘They have been our assets.’
‘Today, they have become liabilities. I agree that syndicates are useful because they are a source of income for many,’ Didi said. ‘They work in groups and reduce the unemployment issue.’
‘Yes, they pool their efforts to help house construction business,’ Moo Cool added. ‘The problem happens when some of them become adventurous, become greedy and fall victim to easy money by virtue of links with us.’
‘They are the naughty boys,’ Didi said. ‘Why don’t you scold them? You are like their big brother and have every right to punish them.’
‘I’ll do that,’ Moo Cool said. ‘Shall I ask the hospitals to keep ready some more VIP cabins?’ Moo Cool asked.
‘Yes, you can do that,’ Didi replied. ‘Once in police custody, they’ll all be complaining of chest pain and breathlessness. So, they can be in the ICUs’.
‘And – shall I get the cabins furnished with AC, TV and sofa sets?’
‘But of course,’ Didi said. ‘They cannot be put in solitary confinement. They’ll need to relax. By the way - ask Dee Wreck to paint a rosy picture of all this in the social media. That counts a lot today and is a surefire method to wipe out the bad picture and paint a new one.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

Boost to religious tourism - 2.3-Km permanent bridge planned from Beyt Dwarka to Okha mainland

Boeing celebrates 100-years of manufacturing aircraft

Spanish Talgo trying to impress the lovers of Bullet trains with its peformance


Yoga and khadi gel with Baba and Moody (satire)

Didi wants to promote small scale industries (satire)

Lord Shiva feels rains are the best option for cleaning (satire)


80 killed and over 100 injured in Nice as truck rams into revelers celebrating Bastille Day

Failed coup attempt in Turkey - 161 people killed and 1,440 wounded

Synthetic marijuana sees 33 people collapse simultaneously on the streets of New York


Leonardo DiCaprio to donate USD 15.7 million to help solve environmental issues

Shah Rukh Khan could make a movie on tennis star Sania Mirza

Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr rejoin to bring back the era of The Beatles

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Moody has too many women around (satire)


Moody was proud of his 56-inch chest but, the world around him was falling apart and women were forcing their way into the male bastion. As a result, the ever-so-smart Moody, who loved to coin new words and phrases was in a dither.
Women were fine in the kitchen and in the maternity wards, but why barge into the predominantly male domain of politics.
The ringing of the phone brought him back to reality. The caller was Vladdy Putty.
‘Our friend Day Weed has gone,’ Putty said. ‘It was sad to see him leave. Poor man – he had to pack his own belongings.’
‘I know,’ Moody said. ‘Here we do it differently.’
‘How?’
‘We just do not leave our bungalows,’ Moody said. ‘Actually, I want to change all that.’
‘Can you really do it?’ Putty asked. ‘Will your people like it?’
‘Don’t worry,’ Moody said. ‘I have my methods. I have made people give up their LPG subsidy. I can make leaders to vacate their accommodations also. But – that is not likely to happen in the near future.’
‘Anyway – that is your headache,’ Putty went on. ‘I actually called you on another subject.’
‘What is that?’
‘Day Weed has gone, Bee Rack O’Vama is also on the way out. We already have Angel Miracle and Tressa May and there could be Clean Ton to follow. There will now be some more women in our sights.’
‘Yes. I am not worried. I can handle women,’ Moody replied.
‘Remember, these women wield enough power to keep their men in check,’ Putty said. ‘They have funny ideas and can play spoilsport at will. It is difficult to trust them.’
‘I don’t trust anybody,’ Moody said. ‘Not even my wife.’
Putty laughed.
‘We men are all alike,’ he said. ‘But – invariably, they get the better of us. And – in international politics that can be disastrous.’
‘I can put in place any woman who becomes too big for her boots. I have done it recently. The poor woman does not know what has hit her,’ Moody said. ‘My policy is - Men must tower, women must cower.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

Boost to religious tourism - 2.3-Km permanent bridge planned from Beyt Dwarka to Okha mainland

Boeing celebrates 100-years of manufacturing aircraft

Spanish Talgo trying to impress the lovers of Bullet trains with its peformance


Yoga and khadi gel with Baba and Moody (satire)

Didi wants to promote small scale industries (satire)

Lord Shiva feels rains are the best option for cleaning (satire)


80 killed and over 100 injured in Nice as truck rams into revelers celebrating Bastille Day

Failed coup attempt in Turkey - 161 people killed and 1,440 wounded

Synthetic marijuana sees 33 people collapse simultaneously on the streets of New York


Leonardo DiCaprio to donate USD 15.7 million to help solve environmental issues

Shah Rukh Khan could make a movie on tennis star Sania Mirza

Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr rejoin to bring back the era of The Beatles

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Lord Shiva feels rains are the best option for cleaning (satire)


Lord Shiva had a huge smile on his face because it was the monsoon season and it was raining cats and dogs. The cities were flooded and most of the rivers were in spate. People ventured out only if really necessary – otherwise, they remained indoors to enjoy the beautiful sight and sound of the gushing waters. Either through the drainpipes or the roadside nullahs or the rivers.
Rain meant water and water meant life. That is why man was intensifying search for water on other planets.
Suddenly Durga came out of her kitchen.
‘Is the khichudi ready?’ Shiva asked.
‘Nearly,’ she said.
‘And what is the menu?’
‘Khichudi with an assorted set of fries like begun bhaja, aloor chop and papad.’
‘Good,’ Shiva said. ‘These are what make the monsoons memorable. By the way – the rains are a blessing in disguise for those who are crying themselves hoarse over Swatchh Bharat. The rain waters are washing away the dirt and muck from the rivers.’
‘Yes – it is lovely to see all those water hyacinths floating away downstream.’
‘I heard that there is a separate ministry set up to clean the Ganga.’
‘Yes, it is actually to keep the people engaged,’ Durga explained. ‘The Ganga has not become dirty all of a sudden. It has been a gradual affair and a result of not just ignorance but also of a couldn’t-care-less attitude of politicians who are patrons of industries.’
‘I know,’ Durga agreed. ‘Industrial waste goes into the waters just like all the wastes from cities that line the banks of the river.’
‘And the funds go down the drain,’ Durga added. ‘No amount of money can really clean all that dirt. To me, it is all eyewash.’
‘They have coined some nice sounding slogans like Namami Gange,’ Shiva smiled. ‘It sounds better than Ganga Action Plan but I doubt if they can go beyond slogans. The minister who is in charge now may suddenly be replaced by someone more near to the bosses.’
‘That is the saddest part,’ Durga sighed. ‘No one is serious. They all believe in cosmetic changes.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Sunday, July 10, 2016

Didi hates to have blood on her hands (satire)


Didi was in a brainstorming session with her core group consisting of her Man Friday in the form of Moo Cool and Abhi Shake, Dee Wreck, Omit Misra, Patro Chatto and Show Van.
‘Why don’t we put a stop to these road accidents on the flyovers? I don’t want blood on my hands. It is sad when young lives are lost due to these accidents,’ she said.
‘It is the fault of age,’ Abhi Shake remarked. ‘The two wheelers are powerful and these youngsters want to show off to their friends.’
‘And heap miseries on their families?’ Didi asked. ‘Is it fair?’
Just then the police Chief Soor O’Jeet entered with a group of his officers, all of them were serious. Didi looked up and waved them to the chairs.
‘I have called you to discuss how to prevent road accidents involving two wheelers,’ she said. ‘Rash driving is a dangerous trend and it must be stopped. What do you suggest?’
‘Actually, these boys love to race on empty roads,’ Soor O’Jeet said. ‘They want to follow their counterparts of Delhi and Mumbai.’
‘I don’t want their blood on my hands,’ Didi repeated. She was firm.
‘Most of them are from influential families. They love to mix their drinks with sped and zoom about at night. Especially when the roads are empty. They love to have fun.’
‘And get killed,’ Didi said. ‘No – I will not tolerate this. You must end this madness. Make flyovers out of bounds after 10pm.’
Soor O’Jeet was at a loss for words. He must say something that would please Didi.
‘Actually, to monitor that aspect, I could have checks at the entry points,’ he said. ‘For that I will need more men.’
‘There is no shortage of manpower,’ Didi said. ‘Give the responsibility to the local clubs. Thy will gladly accept it. After all, I am giving them donations. That problem is solved. Any more problem?’
‘I want speed guns,’ Soor O’Jeet said. ‘Those guns will help identify overspeeders.’
‘Give your request to Omit-ji,’ Didi said. ‘He will arrange necessary finance. Anything else?’
‘Breath analyzers,’ Soor O’Jeet said. ‘Most of the youngsters drink too much. Breath analyzer would catch them immediately.’
Didi looked at Omit Misra.
‘Omit-ji,’ she said. ‘Please sanction necessary funds to Soor O’Jeet. Remember, I do not want blood on my hands.’
Omit Misra nodded, removed his glasses, wiped them and put them back. Didi feels he is a magician and can do miracles, he can create something from nothing. And, he cannot disappoint her. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Thursday, July 7, 2016

Moody discusses women’s fashion with Baba Someday (satire)


Moody had been wanting to induct new fasces and, seeing the performances of some of them, he wanted to sidetrack them. Many of his people were first timers and went over the top to please him – and the result had left a bad taste in his mouth.
Therefore, he rang in the changes much to the discomfort for a couple of his people.
That is when Baba Someday made his entry. He was trying his level best to expand his Pat & Jolie Empire and, simultaneously, its reach. The range of his products went from hair oil and cooking oil to honey and energy bars and even toothpaste and handwash.
‘I have come to wish you a happy journey,’ he stroked his black shining beard and said.
‘Thank you,' Moody replied.
‘Hope you will not forget to take some more samples with you,’ Baba reminded.
‘Don’t worry,’ Moody assured. ‘My men have already taken care of your products. There are gift packed boxes that I will distribute to my hosts in Africa. They know us as masters of rope tricks but they don’t know how many tricks I have up my sleeve.’
Baba Someday laughed.
‘Your cabinet reshuffle was a master stroke,’ he chuckled. ‘The poor TV star does not yet know what has hit her.’
Moody did not reply. He followed the famous management policy – never try to justify your actions. While the decision might be right, the reasons could all be wrong.
‘Assigning her to the textile ministry would be good for the industry,’ Baba went in. ‘After all –women know clothes better than men. And – we need to promote our khadi culture.’
Moody was still silent. His mind was wandering to the jungles of Africa and elephant safari. But - he must arrange to get pulses for his people. They were in short supply and the price has hit the roof. It was his responsibility to ensure that the poor get a fair share of dal. Dal with roti is what they pine for. There is even a song devoted to dal. It goes – ‘dal roti khao, prabhu ka goon gao.’
Obviously, dal is a priority item on every housewife’s list and it was his duty to see that dal floods the market. Suddenly he opened his mouth.
‘Tell me Someday-ji, how would it be if the textile ministry tied up with the Fashion Industry? They could organize fashion shows, right?’ Moody asked.
‘That would be a great idea,’ Baba replied. ‘The minister could inspire the girls and women to embrace dresses that match with our age old traditions.’
‘You mean to the Ajanta and Ellora days?’ Moody asked.
Baba Someday smiled and the smile was hidden under his beard. It was a convenient cover. (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Meryl Streep, Freida Pinto and Michelle Obama in Morocco to promote education among girls

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Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Didi not happy seeing urchins in Howrah Station (satire)


Didi loves meetings and tours because both of these bring her closer to her people. But some of her own were putting obstacles in her path and she was getting irritated.
‘Moo Cool,’ she looked at her Man Friday. ‘I am fed up of these syndicate boys. Why don’t you find a solution?’ ‘At times I feel like taking the law into my own hands and hammering the daylight out of these characters,’ Moo Cool ground his teeth in anger. ‘They are spoiling our image.’
‘I know,’ Didi agreed. ‘But – I check the urge. I have warned them in my meetings but they are not bothered.’
‘We have to live with them,’ Abhi Shake said. ‘They are Frankensteins and we have created them to further our own agenda. We must learn to control them.’
'I think I'll hold some classes,' Didi murmured.
Suddenly Dee Wreck rang up.
‘The train is on time,’ he said. ‘The delegates want you to be there to meet them.’
‘Yes, I know,’ she sighed. ‘They are from the jungle and must be kept happy.’
‘I have arranged a dress for you,’ Dee Wreck said. ‘If you wear it, it will create a better impression. Everyone does it – no one minds. In fact they love such variety.’
‘OK,’ Didi said.
And so it came to pass that Didi dressed up as a tribal woman and went to Howrah Station. She loved trains. She had, once, been the railway minister and, agitations around trains was not new to her. Local trains carry people from far off places to the city proper and it can be a huge lever to make those in authority wake up and listen.
Moo Cool and Abhi Shake accompanied Didi while Dee Wreck remained with her vehicle.
Suddenly Didi stopped.
‘Why is the platform so dirty?’ she asked Moo Cool. ‘We must maintain cleanliness and follow the principle of Swatchh Bharat. Let us make the surroundings hawker free.’
Just then a bunch of kids ran past her. They were urchins.
‘These kids should be in school,’ she said. ‘I have given them books, shoes, bicycles, and dresses. I want them to study and become engineers and doctors. Then why are they running about on the platform?’
No one had any ready reply. (to be continued ...)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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Prince Harry joins Coldplay on the stage in Kensington Palace in aid of charity

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Lord Shiva bamboozled by the storylines of TV serials (satire)


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Friday, July 1, 2016

Lord Shiva and the mystery of haunted houses (satire)


It was another bright sunny morning. Normally, it should have been cloudy because it was monsoon time and, as a rule, skies are supposed to be overcast and rains are supposed to be the order of the day. And – the lady of the house should be busy preparing for khichudi, begun bhaja and other such mouthwatering items. But – that has not been happening. Hence, Goddess Durga had to dream up some other equally attractive dishes and browse the net for ideas.
She saw Lord Shiva with the day’s newspapers and came over to him.
‘You have had already seen the important news on the TV news channels, right?’ she asked.
‘Yes,’ Lord Shiva nodded his head. ‘That keeps ones mind active.’
‘How?’
‘TV news is an exercise in keeping your senses alert - you have to correlate the audio and the video and, simultaneously, decipher what the news anchor is saying. At times they speak so fast that you just cannot make out what they are saying.’
‘I think they have a quota to fulfill,’ Durga explained. ‘Probably they are rated by the number of words they can speak in a minute. And – how many words they can utter without taking a breath. At times it sounds as if they are being chased by a mad dog and must finish their lines before being bitten!’
‘You do have a point,’ Shiva agreed. ‘Competition is tough and news anchors have to have that ability. Their job is glamourous and dangerous.’
‘OK, fine,’ Durga now said. ‘After seeing so many TV news, why do you need the newspaper?’
‘Because newspapers pick up juicy news items that never get to the TV audience, Shiva said.
‘For example?’ Durga prodded.
‘Haunted houses,’ Shiva said.
Durga laughed.
‘There is no such thing,’ she said. ‘Those are optical illusions.’
‘No my dear,’ Shiva replied. ‘People have seen shadows flitting through the houses. They have heard nasal voices crying at night. They have woken up from sleep after hearing rattling of utensils. And – dogs keep whining.’
‘And – all of these happen only at night, right?’
‘Of course. That is the tradition of ghosts. They wake up at night.’
Durga sighed.
‘You shouldn’t have seen the movie ‘Night at the Museum.’
‘But – the newspapers have given a full report on ghosts.’>br> ‘That is all a strategy to get the occupants to leave the house. Probably the owner wants to sell it off to some promoter.’ (to be continued …)


Image courtesy wikimediacommons.org

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